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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How often to you talk to your SO?
Everyday 64 48.12%
2-3 times per week 40 30.08%
Once a week 19 14.29%
Once a month or less 10 7.52%
Voters: 133. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 01-27-2015, 12:44 PM
missingmoots missingmoots is offline
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Default The nights I don't hear from her

They suck, case and point. It is such bullshit that the entire yard has to suffer and not get access to the phones because of a few dipshits that get them put on restriction. I don't get angry with my wife when she is not able to call but it is so frustrating when I'm sitting at home waiting on a phone call that never comes. What are some ways the rest of you cope when this happens? Usually I will write her just as an outlet, but the anxiety really gets to me sometimes. There have been periods where they have been on restriction for almost a week at a time. She always calls me as soon as she has access to a phone, but it really sucks because there is no way to call the jail to find out if they are on restriction or anything, it is just a waiting game... Stupid D.O.'s it really pisses me off.
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Old 01-27-2015, 05:28 PM
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Unfortunately, you almost get used to it. I write a lot to my Wife, I blog, and I write in a journal. Hey, it could be worse, my Wife is in receiving and there are NO phone calls until she gets "classified". 1-4 months. It hurts my kids the most.
Hang in there.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:11 PM
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I agree with Rise. You can't write enough. Inmates never get tired of mail. Me and my boyfriend play tic-tac-toe and hangman through the mail too. I print interesting pics and articles off the internet for him to read and our favorite pastime through the mail is answering questions about love, beliefs, morals, what if's, and many other topics. You can find a lot of questionnaires on lovespanky.com or just google intimate relationship get-to-know you questions. He has made me laugh so hard with his answers. A real ray of sunshine on a cloudy day for both of us ☀️
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Old 01-27-2015, 09:49 PM
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Thank you for the responses. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this world. This forum has really helped me sort out my thoughts when I have been down during this tumultuous time. I do agree J's Girl that you definitely can not write enough. My wife is so happy at all the mail that she gets from me she brags that everyone else is jealous at how many postcards she gets (The stupid jail she is in only allows postcards). I do like the fact that it makes her feel good, but it is also a great outlet for me because of how little time we get to actually talk to one another. I too like to play little games through the mail. One I came up with was creating a sentence 2 words at a time. I started off with two words then she adds two words then I do, so on and so on. Just recently we have both been coming up with intimate questions to ask one another. I think I might write her a little bit of a quiz tonight so she will have plenty to write back about. She has a little over two months left. I miss her so much and can imagine how glorious the day is going to be when she gets out. This woman is my soulmate, before she went in I couldn't imagine life without her and now that I don't have her by my side I still do whatever it takes to feel close to her.

Again, thanks for responding it is good to hear from people that are going through something similar.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:59 AM
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My son and I don't write like we used to, he calls every weekend and at least 2 times during the week, it still is not enough for me, but it is crowded where he is and only one phone on each side of the dorm. He calls when he can and I have to respect that and tell him not to get in a fight over the phone, it is not worth it to me to have him loose any gain time as he does not have long to go. Hang tough all.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:02 PM
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I guess that I am getting used to the periods without hearing from her. I still stress especially when she tells me about some of the shit going on. She was so happy when getting my emails that I make sure to write at least once a day and sometime nice long emails to keep her amused. She is better at just chattering away when I visit her once a week for three hours. I just sit there and enjoy her sparkling eyes as she goes on and on about anything. As pissed as I am over the hwy robbery of JPay, it is the only game in town.

And I started a count down calendar so each email starts off with 82 days and counting.

If it makes her smile or laugh, then I'm up for it.

There just is no fast way to get to her release.. just gotta take it one day at a time.
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Old 02-05-2015, 11:52 AM
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My Wife has been in receiving for 3 weeks and we have received 2 letters from her. Hoping for another this week. It has been very difficult. There are NO phone calls from receiving and no visits. It has been especially tough on our kids. But, we keep our heads up and know that it's not forever. Receiving can take 1-3 months to get out and onto prison. But, once out of receiving, it will get better.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:30 PM
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I guess that I am getting used to the periods without hearing from her. I still stress especially when she tells me about some of the shit going on. She was so happy when getting my emails that I make sure to write at least once a day and sometime nice long emails to keep her amused. She is better at just chattering away when I visit her once a week for three hours. I just sit there and enjoy her sparkling eyes as she goes on and on about anything. As pissed as I am over the hwy robbery of JPay, it is the only game in town.

And I started a count down calendar so each email starts off with 82 days and counting.

If it makes her smile or laugh, then I'm up for it.

There just is no fast way to get to her release.. just gotta take it one day at a time.
I know the feeling. I wish I could get a 3 hour visit with her... They stopped in person visitation completely now, 20 minute video visits are all that we can do now... She will be out in 58 days. The wait is killing me. I also try to keep my notes to her light hearted, anything that can put a smile on her face in that shitty place is a good thing. I'm not a poet but have found myself writing her poetry too. Just letting her know that she is loved and to not lose hope while she is in there is all I can do. I hate only having video visits, I would love for the chance to stare into her beautiful blue eyes. It really makes you notice how deeply you love, appreciate and miss a person when they are locked up. So I do try to look at it in the most positive light possible that this experience has strengthened my love for her. I look back and regret any of the times that I took getting to spend time with her for granted. When she gets out she will have my undivided attention 24/7...
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Rise21 View Post
My Wife has been in receiving for 3 weeks and we have received 2 letters from her. Hoping for another this week. It has been very difficult. There are NO phone calls from receiving and no visits. It has been especially tough on our kids. But, we keep our heads up and know that it's not forever. Receiving can take 1-3 months to get out and onto prison. But, once out of receiving, it will get better.
I hope you get to hear from her soon, especially for your kid's sake. I know how rough it is not being able to speak to the one you love. Hang in there, I'm sure she is thinking of all of you as much as you guys think of her.
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Old 02-05-2015, 09:37 PM
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Rise.....just keep on hanging on.
I can imagine its very hard on everyone.
especially the kids.
It will get better and each day is one day closer to getting out.

yes. Phone calls are gems. Priceless and they really do help.
But letters are good (ok not as good but still) as well.
All the Best to you all.
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Old 10-13-2015, 01:57 AM
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My husband has this (stupid) philosophy that if we just go ahead and get it over with we won't stress at the end of the month. So I quit hounding him about it because he'd only think I dont want to talk to him. He will call up to 3 times a day at times and then when the minutes run out (in the first week) he gets depressed and starts thinking rediculous thoughts about what I'm doing, I get pissed off at him for blowing through the minutes again.
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Old 10-21-2015, 05:11 PM
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My husband has this (stupid) philosophy that if we just go ahead and get it over with we won't stress at the end of the month. So I quit hounding him about it because he'd only think I dont want to talk to him. He will call up to 3 times a day at times and then when the minutes run out (in the first week) he gets depressed and starts thinking rediculous thoughts about what I'm doing, I get pissed off at him for blowing through the minutes again.
Sounds reasonable to me. I can relate. ;-) Be patient. I know about "thinking" ridiculous thoughts and whatnot. Our minds are very powerful but we mostly use them to get ourselves into trouble.

By the way...thank you for being a medic. I had one of your "sisters" pick me up off the street one time after a motorcycle accident. I never got a chance to thank her so I'm thanking you. Thank you for being there and doing what you do.
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Old 11-09-2015, 09:38 PM
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I talk to my lady every day if possible. I didn't hear from her yesterday, and it drove me crazy. Once I went 4 days without being able to take her call. Just hearing her voice does wonders for me.

Shogun.
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Old 11-09-2015, 09:42 PM
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They suck, case and point. It is such bullshit that the entire yard has to suffer and not get access to the phones because of a few dipshits that get them put on restriction. I don't get angry with my wife when she is not able to call but it is so frustrating when I'm sitting at home waiting on a phone call that never comes. What are some ways the rest of you cope when this happens? Usually I will write her just as an outlet, but the anxiety really gets to me sometimes. There have been periods where they have been on restriction for almost a week at a time. She always calls me as soon as she has access to a phone, but it really sucks because there is no way to call the jail to find out if they are on restriction or anything, it is just a waiting game... Stupid D.O.'s it really pisses me off.
I used to get all stressed out when I did not hear from my LO, especially when the calls were scheduled. As time went on, I realized that it is prison and they are not there to be pampered and anything can happen.

Now, I know that whenever I do not get a call, I know there is something going on and I will hear from them at some point.

Maybe get a treadmill and walk on it when you are waiting for a call and its not happening..lol something to get your mind off of it. The more we try to figure out why they have not called, the more psycho we become...not worth it.
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Old 12-03-2015, 08:14 PM
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I used to get all stressed out when I did not hear from my LO, especially when the calls were scheduled. As time went on, I realized that it is prison and they are not there to be pampered and anything can happen.

Now, I know that whenever I do not get a call, I know there is something going on and I will hear from them at some point.

Maybe get a treadmill and walk on it when you are waiting for a call and its not happening..lol something to get your mind off of it. The more we try to figure out why they have not called, the more psycho we become...not worth it.
I have gone psycho a couple times. I am not yet approved for phone calls. So when letters got scarce or very impersonal, my imagination got me into trouble. I paid for that...a couple times. Part of that is because I've only known her for 5 months so far and with only letters going back and forth...and the delays involved...we have further to go to "really" know each other. Sooooo, that is how I got into trouble. I said something I should have swallowed...and ended up eating those words. The good thing about it is when she was setting me straight, I learned a lot about her in a few very hot sentences and I have no doubt that I've learned more about her and I won't be having brain cramps any more. I'm glad she didn't tell me to get lost. It would have been a big loss for me so I'm glad she decided to set me straight instead. Bottom line is this...write nice things...get on the treadmill or the elliptical and work your frustrations out there. Send a letter asking a question about why they didn't call or what they really meant in that last letter, but leave out any accusations. Trust me, they come back to bite you, hard. ;-) I have the bite marks to prove it.
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Old 12-09-2015, 07:17 AM
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I have gone psycho a couple times. I am not yet approved for phone calls. So when letters got scarce or very impersonal, my imagination got me into trouble. I paid for that...a couple times. Part of that is because I've only known her for 5 months so far and with only letters going back and forth...and the delays involved...we have further to go to "really" know each other. Sooooo, that is how I got into trouble. I said something I should have swallowed...and ended up eating those words. The good thing about it is when she was setting me straight, I learned a lot about her in a few very hot sentences and I have no doubt that I've learned more about her and I won't be having brain cramps any more. I'm glad she didn't tell me to get lost. It would have been a big loss for me so I'm glad she decided to set me straight instead. Bottom line is this...write nice things...get on the treadmill or the elliptical and work your frustrations out there. Send a letter asking a question about why they didn't call or what they really meant in that last letter, but leave out any accusations. Trust me, they come back to bite you, hard. ;-) I have the bite marks to prove it.
I have found that in those moments is when we truly get to see the person we are with, how they deal with situations and disagreements and work with you towards promoting a cohesive relationship vs. writing off the relationship. These types of relationships are work. It is hard to not hear from them for long periods of time. I myself am in an MWI relationship and we haven't spoken on the phone in months. It has been extremely difficult. You work together and do the best you can to promote success. In these times it shows me how powerful our love or relationship can truly be to overcome the barriers placed in front of us.
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Old 12-09-2015, 01:01 PM
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You get used to the routine. And you get used to the routine changing. Sometimes the calls come daily. Other times I won't hear anything for up to a month. I used to worry but now I know better. I know if something is really wrong that one of the other girls will let me know. God knows my number and PO Box have floated around there long enough. Thankfully I've never used my actual home address or work address as a return address....a few have tried to exploit that information, but my wallet stays closed when that happens.

You can't stop living life just because she's locked up. As hard as it is...use the nights you don't hear from her to do something. Go to a movie. Get to the gym. Go back to school. Meet up with some friends. You can't control what goes on in there, so take control of the things that you can.

Remember. You might love her with all your heart. And she might love you with all of her's. But chances are that she made some decisions that got in the way of happily ever after, or at least delayed it a while. You can make the decision to live your life without deciding to cut her out.
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Old 02-07-2016, 10:12 AM
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I have found that in those moments is when we truly get to see the person we are with, how they deal with situations and disagreements and work with you towards promoting a cohesive relationship vs. writing off the relationship. These types of relationships are work. It is hard to not hear from them for long periods of time. I myself am in an MWI relationship and we haven't spoken on the phone in months. It has been extremely difficult. You work together and do the best you can to promote success. In these times it shows me how powerful our love or relationship can truly be to overcome the barriers placed in front of us.
You are so right CutePixie. Since I wrote about going psycho a couple times we've had only one more argument via letters and then she called me a yelled some. It's been good since then. What you said about these MWI relationships being work is true. What I've learned from our arguments is this: She's been in jail/prison since she was 17, so her young adult life is all in prison. Life there is much different that what I'm used to. Our arguments have all been about me pushing to get to know her and her retaining control of that information or that part of her life that I want to share. So...what have I learned? I've learned to move more slowly. I now know that there are areas of her life I need to tread a bit lightly. Too many question too quickly will be seen as intrusive and pushy. She has 5 more years so we have the time to develop our relationship. I need to learn more patience. It's hard for me. I don't understand the dynamic of prison but I'm learning. She's willing to let me step on my....own toes...now and then and not cast me to the wayside. I appreciate that. I have also given her the latitude of lashing out at me for something seemingly benign to me...but important to her...as I learn about her life there and her demons from the past. Bottom line is I need to move a bit more slowly to get to know her because she's not as open about her life as I am about mine. That comes from prison life. If you're too open to the wrong person there...they'll use it against you, or that possibility certainly exists. It takes much longer to build trust with my MWI than it would with someone outside the fences I think. My lady has 5 years left and I now know that I will still have much to learn about her after her release. I'm learning patience...but it's a bit painful...or has been up to this point. I'm smarter now and we're more on an "even keel" since our latest little argument. Instead of pushing...or asking a LOT of questions that didn't get answered...I've asked her how we can get to know one another a little better as we go along. I've offered a couple options for her to think about and hopefully she'll think about it and let me know what she's comfy with. We continue to learn more about one another and the best thing I've learned is to not push too fast. She has no control in her life right now other than what she allows me to know, her meals, showers, what she reads, etc. Her life other than that is completely controlled. So, I have to give her more control of the questions...getting to know one another dynamic. Patience is hard when you don't hear from your MWI. Sometimes it's because of being put into jail...isolation...other times because one of the phones is broken, she's sick, etc. Best thing is for me to learn patience and to trust that she'll eventually communicate with me in her own time. You're right Cutepixie...these relationships DO take work.
Al
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Old 02-11-2016, 06:27 AM
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Althebiker I appreciate you sharing your perspective and offering realistically what you are going through right now. As a woman who has experienced trauma many times in my life I can agree with you that moving slow and allowing her to open up when comfortable is for the best. Prison is a different world, and I'm sure there are triggers in her environment every day from her past. It is hard to be vulnerable and trust. It is even harder to do so in an environment that encourages the complete opposite. It can be difficult or can seem as if she is pushing you away, but I am so glad to hear in that you are seeing it as a means of control in her environment and giving her the freedom to express when necessary. I believe that is the healthiest way, is just being there and saying, "Look you can trust me and when you are ready to open up about certain things I am here." This relationships are hard, but not impossible. Like any relationship time and effort is needed to form and build a trusting and loving relationship. It just seems we have quite a few more obstacles due to our loved ones environment. I am big on positive motivational quotes. Maybe something that will bring you both closer is sharing those and what they mean to both of you. It can help open up a conversation in a more positive light.
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Old 02-12-2016, 07:25 PM
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It's really easy to let your imagine run wild when they go quiet for a while, especially if they miss a scheduled meeting/call.

Luckily all the ones I talk with are very forth coming about everything about themselves. But even then I try to let them lead.

As both you and Cutepixie point out, letting her know that you are a safe place is so very important. I also find that asking a periphery question usually gets them going to the real question on their own and they are much more comfortable when it comes from that angle. Finding a way to bring up the topic without direct questions opens doors too.

I just had a situation one of my penpals where I thought one thing was going on and then after a head-to-head she made herself clear on what she wanted. since then I've had to keep reminding myself that they way we are doing things is how she wants it and it's all about her.

Just keep working at it and it'll be great in the end.

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Old 03-05-2016, 03:07 PM
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You are so right CutePixie. Since I wrote about going psycho a couple times we've had only one more argument via letters and then she called me a yelled some. It's been good since then. What you said about these MWI relationships being work is true. What I've learned from our arguments is this: She's been in jail/prison since she was 17, so her young adult life is all in prison. Life there is much different that what I'm used to. Our arguments have all been about me pushing to get to know her and her retaining control of that information or that part of her life that I want to share. So...what have I learned? I've learned to move more slowly. I now know that there are areas of her life I need to tread a bit lightly. Too many question too quickly will be seen as intrusive and pushy. She has 5 more years so we have the time to develop our relationship. I need to learn more patience. It's hard for me. I don't understand the dynamic of prison but I'm learning. She's willing to let me step on my....own toes...now and then and not cast me to the wayside. I appreciate that. I have also given her the latitude of lashing out at me for something seemingly benign to me...but important to her...as I learn about her life there and her demons from the past. Bottom line is I need to move a bit more slowly to get to know her because she's not as open about her life as I am about mine. That comes from prison life. If you're too open to the wrong person there...they'll use it against you, or that possibility certainly exists. It takes much longer to build trust with my MWI than it would with someone outside the fences I think. My lady has 5 years left and I now know that I will still have much to learn about her after her release. I'm learning patience...but it's a bit painful...or has been up to this point. I'm smarter now and we're more on an "even keel" since our latest little argument. Instead of pushing...or asking a LOT of questions that didn't get answered...I've asked her how we can get to know one another a little better as we go along. I've offered a couple options for her to think about and hopefully she'll think about it and let me know what she's comfy with. We continue to learn more about one another and the best thing I've learned is to not push too fast. She has no control in her life right now other than what she allows me to know, her meals, showers, what she reads, etc. Her life other than that is completely controlled. So, I have to give her more control of the questions...getting to know one another dynamic. Patience is hard when you don't hear from your MWI. Sometimes it's because of being put into jail...isolation...other times because one of the phones is broken, she's sick, etc. Best thing is for me to learn patience and to trust that she'll eventually communicate with me in her own time. You're right Cutepixie...these relationships DO take work.
Al
I thought I'd submit a small follow-up to my relationship with my MWI(My girl is incarcerated). We have had a few arguments while getting to know one another and as we fell in love. We are both passionate and of the jealous type. I've been learning about her life and what stresses she has in prison and she's been teaching me. She was VERY private to begin with and completely kept me out of her family's life info. We got into an argument when I was pushing too much to try to get to know her and she gave me both barrels. She felt somewhat cornered by me. I've since backed off and sent a letter explaining what I intended and that I wanted to get to know her better. I asked HER to offer something...some way for me to get to know her. She came back with this: I will submit a number of questions for her at the end of one letter a week. She'll answer those questions. Any other letters I send will be lighter and less probing. I agreed wholeheartedly and have sent my first such letter with questions. I will receive my first reply in a matter of days. No more arguments. I said something stupid during a phone call recently and she was gearing up for a good yell at me...I could sense it in her voice. I quickly said I was sorry and that we should put that behind us and continue with our conversation...and we did. I wrote to her afterwards and explained how I have "asshole" tendencies when overly tired or sick and I apologized. I will try to watch for that in the future. The next phone call after my explanation...I apologized for me getting off on the wrong foot during the phone call before and she said we all have our bad days. Then she asked me how I was feeling. I started laughing and told her I'm fine and I won't bite her head off this time. She's learning about my idiosyncrasies and I'm learning hers and we are dealing with them as we move forward. I will have my 2nd visit in the next few weeks. She had initially told me "one" visit per year. I said that our first visit wasn't what I'd call "good" and we needed to have more visits to work on issues that only face to face can fix. A few letters back and forth and she agreed with me but I'm sure I won't get a lot of visits...but 3 or 4 a year will work for me...for now. She's also opening up with the family stuff a little. Even though she had told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay out of family "stuff"...I haven't. If you love someone, their family is an extension of her so even though I risked the possible kick to the curb...I asked about me sending her father some flowers from her but with me obviously taking care of everything. She gave me his address and told me what to put on the note from her. I'm pretty certain her dad is scratching his head wondering how his incarcerated daughter was able to send him flowers. But...to me, this was a major breakthrough in trust for her. She's never had a man she could trust in her life and since she's pretty much grown up in prison since age 17...her experiences have supported distrust. So, I'm happy to report that (crossing fingers) all is well and we're finally becoming more of what I'd call a 'couple'. I guess I lied a bit at the beginning of this post telling you it would be short...and I should know better...I know I'm verbose. Anyway...so far so good. I wish the best for all here.

Al
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Old 03-06-2016, 08:51 AM
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That's the hardest part for me, as far as communication. My boyfriend and I write, but I almost NEED his phone calls. I need to HEAR he is alright. When he doesn't call, I worry. I've grown a lot, being in this relationship, I've become a lot more understanding. I know a lot of the time things are beyond his control , but he has a lot of people he of close enough with in there, and we decided that if anything happened he would have someone contact me and let me know what's going on. That was the best we could do. It's when he doesn't call at night that bothers me the most. It's nice to see that it's not just is women with our men locked up that feel these emotions! Thank you for being so open! Good luck!
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Old 03-06-2016, 07:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AltheBiker View Post
I thought I'd submit a small follow-up to my relationship with my MWI(My girl is incarcerated). We have had a few arguments while getting to know one another and as we fell in love. We are both passionate and of the jealous type. I've been learning about her life and what stresses she has in prison and she's been teaching me. She was VERY private to begin with and completely kept me out of her family's life info. We got into an argument when I was pushing too much to try to get to know her and she gave me both barrels. She felt somewhat cornered by me. I've since backed off and sent a letter explaining what I intended and that I wanted to get to know her better. I asked HER to offer something...some way for me to get to know her. She came back with this: I will submit a number of questions for her at the end of one letter a week. She'll answer those questions. Any other letters I send will be lighter and less probing. I agreed wholeheartedly and have sent my first such letter with questions. I will receive my first reply in a matter of days. No more arguments. I said something stupid during a phone call recently and she was gearing up for a good yell at me...I could sense it in her voice. I quickly said I was sorry and that we should put that behind us and continue with our conversation...and we did. I wrote to her afterwards and explained how I have "asshole" tendencies when overly tired or sick and I apologized. I will try to watch for that in the future. The next phone call after my explanation...I apologized for me getting off on the wrong foot during the phone call before and she said we all have our bad days. Then she asked me how I was feeling. I started laughing and told her I'm fine and I won't bite her head off this time. She's learning about my idiosyncrasies and I'm learning hers and we are dealing with them as we move forward. I will have my 2nd visit in the next few weeks. She had initially told me "one" visit per year. I said that our first visit wasn't what I'd call "good" and we needed to have more visits to work on issues that only face to face can fix. A few letters back and forth and she agreed with me but I'm sure I won't get a lot of visits...but 3 or 4 a year will work for me...for now. She's also opening up with the family stuff a little. Even though she had told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay out of family "stuff"...I haven't. If you love someone, their family is an extension of her so even though I risked the possible kick to the curb...I asked about me sending her father some flowers from her but with me obviously taking care of everything. She gave me his address and told me what to put on the note from her. I'm pretty certain her dad is scratching his head wondering how his incarcerated daughter was able to send him flowers. But...to me, this was a major breakthrough in trust for her. She's never had a man she could trust in her life and since she's pretty much grown up in prison since age 17...her experiences have supported distrust. So, I'm happy to report that (crossing fingers) all is well and we're finally becoming more of what I'd call a 'couple'. I guess I lied a bit at the beginning of this post telling you it would be short...and I should know better...I know I'm verbose. Anyway...so far so good. I wish the best for all here.

Al
Hey Al

I've following along with your situation for a while. You're an amazing man, you're doing a great job of sticking in there and findings ways for the two of you to find the balance. That's not an easy task.

I've gone back and forth on making this post, as I don't want seem insensitive to your situation and all the effort you're putting in.

But I thought I'd relay that I've had an entirely different response.

I communicate with 3 MWIs.
The first started to develop in to a romance, but we didn't have the same goals, so that has reverted back to friendship. In fact, she was just paroled and we still communicate regularly.
The second is just a friend and will always be such.
The last is the MWI girlfriend.

All three of these women have freely given any and all information. From the onset they were very forward in telling me why they were incarcerated and offered that they would answer any questions I wanted to ask. I was very careful about what I asked, as the friendships I was trying to develop were about who they are today.

And as time went, and the friendship developed, they started offering all kind of things. I eventually started asking a few questions, generally about things not related to their crime, and they would freely answer and sometimes more than what I asked!

I know more about these women than some women I dated in person for 6 months! LOL

Anyway, keep up the great work you are doing. Each day of trust brings her out more from behind her wall.

D
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  #24  
Old 03-06-2016, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by PenPalD View Post
Hey Al

I've following along with your situation for a while. You're an amazing man, you're doing a great job of sticking in there and findings ways for the two of you to find the balance. That's not an easy task.

I've gone back and forth on making this post, as I don't want seem insensitive to your situation and all the effort you're putting in.

But I thought I'd relay that I've had an entirely different response.

I communicate with 3 MWIs.
The first started to develop in to a romance, but we didn't have the same goals, so that has reverted back to friendship. In fact, she was just paroled and we still communicate regularly.
The second is just a friend and will always be such.
The last is the MWI girlfriend.

All three of these women have freely given any and all information. From the onset they were very forward in telling me why they were incarcerated and offered that they would answer any questions I wanted to ask. I was very careful about what I asked, as the friendships I was trying to develop were about who they are today.

And as time went, and the friendship developed, they started offering all kind of things. I eventually started asking a few questions, generally about things not related to their crime, and they would freely answer and sometimes more than what I asked!

I know more about these women than some women I dated in person for 6 months! LOL

Anyway, keep up the great work you are doing. Each day of trust brings her out more from behind her wall.

D
One thing I should mention about her dad and the flowers that I seemed to leave out in my post earlier...he had a heart attack and had triple bypass surgery. I sent him the flowers while he's in rehab.
The thing about this woman...even though she's very guarded about family and all...we both have very similar values and philosophies of life. So in that way...we are both on the same sheet of music. She's been in prison for almost 9 years with 4 to go.

I would say that if you're finding friends while writing these ladies, that's not a bad thing. I never expected to fall in love with my MWI but her early letters drew me in. When she wrote about what she believed in and how she treats people...it was as though I was writing it. And she wrote her beliefs first...she was not parlaying off something I had written. You are right though that finding the balance isn't always easy. Because of her early letters though...I know she's worth being patient for and taking the time to get to know her. Sometimes it may not be there...like with you and one of your pen pals. But you were able to stay as friends. That is a good thing. I wish you luck and thank you for your kind note.

Al
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  #25  
Old 03-08-2016, 05:31 AM
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My MWI SO is an amazing person. There are days I don't understand why she is still incarcerated.

I'm going through a rough period. My ex-wife turned good friend died unexpectedly about 3 weeks ago. My dad has terminal cancer and only months to live. Other family members terminally sick or recently passed. Along with some other minor headaches.

We had a video call last night. I had had a particularly rough day and she too had had a long stressful day. She tosses her day aside and starts doing things to make me feel better and make me laugh and we had a great visit.

She is a wonderful woman and I can't believe we found each other.
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