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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is He just using you?
Yes, I feel that way! Ughhh! 67 6.99%
No, he would never do that to me! 572 59.65%
Maybe, I would hurt to find that out! 269 28.05%
I wouldn't care because I'm just pasting time anyway! 13 1.36%
Both 3 & 4 38 3.96%
Voters: 959. You may not vote on this poll

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  #276  
Old 06-07-2015, 05:15 PM
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That kinda happened to me. When he got out, he got caught up in some stuff with his father whom he had paroled too and ended up kicking me to the curb - after 3.5 years. Then, he violated his parole and got new charges - though I didn't know that until he called me six months later - from the county jail. He asked me to forgive him. I told him "of course I forgive you, I love you". But, while I will always and forever love him - I was not sure about taking him back into my heart. Fast forward three years later. We are stronger than ever. He's totally turned around. He has let everyone go that was in his life because they never have come through for him. In fact he told me "I will never turn my back on what's proven again". I'm glad that I gave him another chance. He's still in prison. Up for the half way house two months ago, but his case manager is totally dragging his feet. He's up for parole in November and the plan is he paroles to me.

My guy always told me to "follow my heart" and its never steered me wrong - where he is concerned. Whether your story will have a happy ending no one knows - only God. You have to follow your heart. Go with your gut.
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  #277  
Old 06-07-2015, 08:16 PM
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A week ago, I would have been like the majority of you who voted, "no, he would never do that to me." However, today, I voted, "yes, I feel that way. Ugh!" Because I do feel used and abused

Long story short... I fell in love with my (soon to be ex boyfrind if... I can get the courage to leave) Brandon. We've been together for 9 months, known each other over a year, but the connection I thought we had was like a once-in-a-lifetime thing! I cannot explain it, but I felt he was my one from the very beginning. From day 1, I poured myself into him. I didn't realize or give much importance to how much I invested. I invested all of my love, time and money. He would ask me for money all the time and I'd give it without question. Some weeks it would be $200 here then another $200 then a $50 money order, etc. He wanted newspaper subscriptions, magazines, books. He'd have me buy packages then it turned into me buying packages for him and other people (each package is about $230). We would talk often and so I always had money on my phone then he'd want money on his own pin. There are tons of examples I can still give, but I'll get to why I feel used because I realize in relationships people give and are supportive. I've always been generous with boyfriends and yet have never felt used like I do in this relationship. Even when the relationship was over with my exes, I never regreted the money I spent or the time and energy I put into what we had.

The whole time we, Brandon and I, have been together, I didn't realize he was starting and maintaining other relationships with girls. He's been writing letters, emails, making calls, video visits, in person visits. I just recently found this all out! The thing is he's been lying to me. Completely decieving me! I confronted him... He says he was leading them on, using them for things like when he recently had a female "friend" visit him with his mom because his mom couldn't afford the trip by herself and he wanted to see his mom. There is soooooo much I've been told recently and I don't know what to believe

What I do know is this sickening feeling has been consuming me lately! I feel he's been using me, playing me, pretending he loves me to get things from me. It's the worst feeling in the world!!! The crazy thing is I would have still been generous and helped him without all the emotional and mind games. He didn't have to tell me he wants to be my boyfriend, my husband, he loves me and wants a life with me. He didn't have to play me. All the letters I have, the drawings, the gifts, the weekend we just spent together for 12 hours. None of that should have happened unless he was genuine. He tells me he is... that he's sorry... that he will do whatever it takes to fix what he's done... that he wants me forever... that he cannot live without me.. blah, blah, blah.

Idk... I'm sorry for writing right now... I'm so torn because I'm in love with this man, I'm bonded, I don't want to end it and yet, I don't want to be that girl that sells herself short and wakes up one day, alone and miserable...

I've always found this website helpful, I've spent countless hours reading posts, but have never really posted and yet here I am, broken, devestated, hoping someone's words might bring some comfort...
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  #278  
Old 06-07-2015, 08:18 PM
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That kinda happened to me. When he got out, he got caught up in some stuff with his father whom he had paroled too and ended up kicking me to the curb - after 3.5 years. Then, he violated his parole and got new charges - though I didn't know that until he called me six months later - from the county jail. He asked me to forgive him. I told him "of course I forgive you, I love you". But, while I will always and forever love him - I was not sure about taking him back into my heart. Fast forward three years later. We are stronger than ever. He's totally turned around. He has let everyone go that was in his life because they never have come through for him. In fact he told me "I will never turn my back on what's proven again". I'm glad that I gave him another chance. He's still in prison. Up for the half way house two months ago, but his case manager is totally dragging his feet. He's up for parole in November and the plan is he paroles to me.

My guy always told me to "follow my heart" and its never steered me wrong - where he is concerned. Whether your story will have a happy ending no one knows - only God. You have to follow your heart. Go with your gut.
What if your gut feeling conflicts with your heart's desire???
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  #279  
Old 06-08-2015, 07:00 PM
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A week ago, I would have been like the majority of you who voted, "no, he would never do that to me." However, today, I voted, "yes, I feel that way. Ugh!" Because I do feel used and abused

Long story short... I fell in love with my (soon to be ex boyfrind if... I can get the courage to leave) Brandon. We've been together for 9 months, known each other over a year, but the connection I thought we had was like a once-in-a-lifetime thing! I cannot explain it, but I felt he was my one from the very beginning. From day 1, I poured myself into him. I didn't realize or give much importance to how much I invested. I invested all of my love, time and money. He would ask me for money all the time and I'd give it without question. Some weeks it would be $200 here then another $200 then a $50 money order, etc. He wanted newspaper subscriptions, magazines, books. He'd have me buy packages then it turned into me buying packages for him and other people (each package is about $230). We would talk often and so I always had money on my phone then he'd want money on his own pin. There are tons of examples I can still give, but I'll get to why I feel used because I realize in relationships people give and are supportive. I've always been generous with boyfriends and yet have never felt used like I do in this relationship. Even when the relationship was over with my exes, I never regreted the money I spent or the time and energy I put into what we had.

The whole time we, Brandon and I, have been together, I didn't realize he was starting and maintaining other relationships with girls. He's been writing letters, emails, making calls, video visits, in person visits. I just recently found this all out! The thing is he's been lying to me. Completely decieving me! I confronted him... He says he was leading them on, using them for things like when he recently had a female "friend" visit him with his mom because his mom couldn't afford the trip by herself and he wanted to see his mom. There is soooooo much I've been told recently and I don't know what to believe

What I do know is this sickening feeling has been consuming me lately! I feel he's been using me, playing me, pretending he loves me to get things from me. It's the worst feeling in the world!!! The crazy thing is I would have still been generous and helped him without all the emotional and mind games. He didn't have to tell me he wants to be my boyfriend, my husband, he loves me and wants a life with me. He didn't have to play me. All the letters I have, the drawings, the gifts, the weekend we just spent together for 12 hours. None of that should have happened unless he was genuine. He tells me he is... that he's sorry... that he will do whatever it takes to fix what he's done... that he wants me forever... that he cannot live without me.. blah, blah, blah.

Idk... I'm sorry for writing right now... I'm so torn because I'm in love with this man, I'm bonded, I don't want to end it and yet, I don't want to be that girl that sells herself short and wakes up one day, alone and miserable...

I've always found this website helpful, I've spent countless hours reading posts, but have never really posted and yet here I am, broken, devestated, hoping someone's words might bring some comfort...
I'm truly sorry and can imagine how devastating this is for you. Although mine not be quite as bad, I have yet to come to grips with how I feel or what I should do about the situation. I have written several letters to try to get answers, but as you know, a liar lies so I have no way of even knowing the truth.
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  #280  
Old 06-08-2015, 09:06 PM
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I'm truly sorry and can imagine how devastating this is for you. Although mine not be quite as bad, I have yet to come to grips with how I feel or what I should do about the situation. I have written several letters to try to get answers, but as you know, a liar lies so I have no way of even knowing the truth.
Yeah, it's hard to wrap my brain around it I think I'm still in denial. I feel a little... Okay A LOT crazy because one minute I'm crying my eyes out, the next minute I'm laughing because I dodged a bullet, the next I'm angry and want to hurt him back. I'm all over the place He's been calling nonstop, but I haven't answered because like you said, "a liar lies." Honestly, I'm terrified if I answer the phone I won't be able to end it... Though I know I should. I know I won't be able to trust him... Things cannot go back to normal. I'm too hurt. These wounds are too deep. Idk... How are you doing??? If you don't mind me asking... What's going on in your situation? You can send me a private message if you prefer...

It helps to know I am not alone. The hardest part is our visit was last weekend (May 30 and 31st) and I felt like for the first time I was sure of his love and desire for me. It was magical. We seriously gazed into each other for 6 hours straight. We just looked and laughed and were in love. It's sooooooo hard to believe it's all been a lie... Idk I'm babbling. I'll stop
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  #281  
Old 06-09-2015, 03:10 PM
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I believe with understanding between the two there shouldn't be a question that comes to this point, Even tho I was with my Boo before he got sentenced they are more at a time of needing and wanting to know they are not forgotten about. Me and boo touch on this conversation atleast once evey other month due to our relationship being questioned he was given min of 20yrs and he's been down 10 yrs now I have been there and always will no matter if we make it till the end of times as we discussed are just become friends we have an understanding either way. As for now we are very much still in love and have goals we will work on when he comes home. I don't feel used but he should! I use him for his love letters and intimate thoughts and his comforting words to help me sleep at night he has helped me thru school also helped me get in tune with my healthly side and e.t.c so I ask him all the time do he feel used and he expresses no he feels loved and involved he thanks me everyday for keeping him included. But I'm sure there is someone that is having those thought of being used but with high hopes and the love emotions are not gonna let them believe they are.
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  #282  
Old 06-16-2015, 08:33 AM
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No he isnt using me. He asks for nothing....he knows what I own and how much I have in the bank but he still asks for nothing. He could be using me for my time and some awesome phone sex but he could get that and money from some of the women who want to be with him because of who he is.
As somebody who has never asked anyone for anything it would make me wonder right away if some guy/girl started expecting me to support them while they were in prison. Off course Im talking from the MWI point of view if we were together before this it would be natural to do it.
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  #283  
Old 06-18-2015, 02:24 AM
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Originally Posted by lovecrystal View Post
A week ago, I would have been like the majority of you who voted, "no, he would never do that to me." However, today, I voted, "yes, I feel that way. Ugh!" Because I do feel used and abused

Long story short... I fell in love with my (soon to be ex boyfrind if... I can get the courage to leave) Brandon. We've been together for 9 months, known each other over a year, but the connection I thought we had was like a once-in-a-lifetime thing! I cannot explain it, but I felt he was my one from the very beginning. From day 1, I poured myself into him. I didn't realize or give much importance to how much I invested. I invested all of my love, time and money. He would ask me for money all the time and I'd give it without question. Some weeks it would be $200 here then another $200 then a $50 money order, etc. He wanted newspaper subscriptions, magazines, books. He'd have me buy packages then it turned into me buying packages for him and other people (each package is about $230). We would talk often and so I always had money on my phone then he'd want money on his own pin. There are tons of examples I can still give, but I'll get to why I feel used because I realize in relationships people give and are supportive. I've always been generous with boyfriends and yet have never felt used like I do in this relationship. Even when the relationship was over with my exes, I never regreted the money I spent or the time and energy I put into what we had.

The whole time we, Brandon and I, have been together, I didn't realize he was starting and maintaining other relationships with girls. He's been writing letters, emails, making calls, video visits, in person visits. I just recently found this all out! The thing is he's been lying to me. Completely decieving me! I confronted him... He says he was leading them on, using them for things like when he recently had a female "friend" visit him with his mom because his mom couldn't afford the trip by herself and he wanted to see his mom. There is soooooo much I've been told recently and I don't know what to believe

What I do know is this sickening feeling has been consuming me lately! I feel he's been using me, playing me, pretending he loves me to get things from me. It's the worst feeling in the world!!! The crazy thing is I would have still been generous and helped him without all the emotional and mind games. He didn't have to tell me he wants to be my boyfriend, my husband, he loves me and wants a life with me. He didn't have to play me. All the letters I have, the drawings, the gifts, the weekend we just spent together for 12 hours. None of that should have happened unless he was genuine. He tells me he is... that he's sorry... that he will do whatever it takes to fix what he's done... that he wants me forever... that he cannot live without me.. blah, blah, blah.

Idk... I'm sorry for writing right now... I'm so torn because I'm in love with this man, I'm bonded, I don't want to end it and yet, I don't want to be that girl that sells herself short and wakes up one day, alone and miserable...

I've always found this website helpful, I've spent countless hours reading posts, bYiuut have never really posted and yet here I am, broken, devestated, hoping someone's words might bring some comfort...
I'm so sorry. I too am feeling this way a Lil bit. You all know our story. How we overcame every obstacle in our path. Overcame all the doubters and synics. We overcame everything that was thrown to block our path. I too gave and loved from the heart. So much so that the brain constantly was playing catch up. I gave and gave. Loved him more than life itself. Sacrificed everything and everyone for him. Why? Because I truly believed god brought us together. I could go into detail about the dollar amount but honestly it was never about the money. Never cared about dollar amounts. What mattered was that I had finally found my soulmate. But now I'm having these thoughts and I know that they aren't true. Or are they? Was I being played the entire time? Honestly I know I wasn't

So with that said why would he just make a huge decision without even discussing how he felt? Maybe if he told me that I was doing something wrong I could have fixed it? But I know I wasn't doing anything wrong . so what could be the reason?
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  #284  
Old 06-22-2015, 12:20 PM
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To be honest I have my insecurities about this topic. We split up the early part of March 2015. He moved out but still has most of his stuff at my place. Obviously we were having issues. Then toward the end of April 2015 I get a text from his phone saying he is in jail and wanted me to visit. This made me angry bc I felt like he didn't want me while he was free so why now? We did try going on two dates before this happened to the movies but the first time was a fiasco and the second was better but it felt awkward to me. I told him not to contact me anymore after the second movie date bc the feelings I had were too much to deal with. About two weeks later was when I found out he had been locked up on a PV. We have been back together since the first visit. He was local then but they moved him 160 miles away. Calls and commissary are more expensive there so I have only visited once. I do worry that he just wanted someone on the outside to have his back or he didn't want to do his time alone. I bring it up to him sometimes but he assures me he loves me and wants to marry me. He is a hustler, in and out, and I worry I'm being hustled.
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  #285  
Old 06-23-2015, 11:53 AM
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You sound like a responsible adult. Why would you accept less from your significant other? Leopards don't change their spots. Cut your losses and be happy you dodged this bullet. He is dishonest, irresponsible, and not worthy of your time.
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  #286  
Old 06-25-2015, 09:15 AM
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To be honest I have my insecurities about this topic. We split up the early part of March 2015. He moved out but still has most of his stuff at my place. Obviously we were having issues. Then toward the end of April 2015 I get a text from his phone saying he is in jail and wanted me to visit. This made me angry bc I felt like he didn't want me while he was free so why now? We did try going on two dates before this happened to the movies but the first time was a fiasco and the second was better but it felt awkward to me. I told him not to contact me anymore after the second movie date bc the feelings I had were too much to deal with. About two weeks later was when I found out he had been locked up on a PV. We have been back together since the first visit. He was local then but they moved him 160 miles away. Calls and commissary are more expensive there so I have only visited once. I do worry that he just wanted someone on the outside to have his back or he didn't want to do his time alone. I bring it up to him sometimes but he assures me he loves me and wants to marry me. He is a hustler, in and out, and I worry I'm being hustled.
I had someone like that before i met my husband i use to go visit an drive 5hr.put money his account he got out of prison an turn his bck an lie to me since day one had a his gf all along that hurt my heart. i was being played why he was in prison an he was out in the real world but now he asking people about me i was used by him an that's a hurting feeling u need to run an found better he will do it again.
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  #287  
Old 06-25-2015, 11:56 AM
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No he isn't using me, unless he has a raging "now a later" addiction as that's all he asks me for. He was down along time before I met him and between family, work and hustle he doesn't ask me to do anything but to come and see him as often as I can. And even then he tells me he knows it's selfish because he can't pay for the whole thing but he wants to spend time with me

I don't understand in these relationships that you feel your being used why would you let someone make you feel like that? And don't they do things for you instead of asking for things?
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  #288  
Old 06-28-2015, 02:22 PM
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No because I hardly send him anything (his parents handle his books) anyway and he doesn't ask! I just send extra money when I have it and he is more than pleased. And using me for my time...we've been together 7 years...he's probably wasted more of my time out of prison than in prison lol but thats not a big deal
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  #289  
Old 07-08-2015, 04:43 AM
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I was with my husband two years before he got out but I met him as a pen-pal while he was locked up. When he got out we got married and pregnant with in weeks of each other. We just celebrated (or not) 10 years together yesterday. The question have I felt used. YES...I feel very used. He hasn't had a job in three years got me in so much debt so bad. I have bought him everything done everything and for that he cheated on me 4 months ago with his ex boss while she was living in my house and they both shared a meth addiction I knew nothing about and out of that she got pregnant and aborted the 5 month old fetus because she didn't want it anyway because she was on the pipe the whole time. (her own words) I feel like I never knew him. I have finally had enough after all this and am going to move on as best as I can but always feeling sad that someone could be so mean and self centered. I should have walked away years ago and most might say well it is your own fault for staying and to them.....yes you are probably right.
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  #290  
Old 07-08-2015, 07:29 AM
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What if your gut feeling conflicts with your heart's desire???
Love you more than you love any person who would ever do this to you. No man who loved and respected you would use other women..unless that's all he knows and all he's been taught. Even then it would mean he has no respect for women and uses them for his own gain. I would take a long moment and pause...I would ask myself questions like "How am I feeling right now, and do I want to continually feel this way after finding out each time that he is doing this yet again?" Yes, your heart and your gut may be conflicted...but its up to you to provide logic and control your emotions. It is up to you now knowing what you know to make a decision. To be honest...if you get back with him knowing this information you cannot complain if it happens again. You can choose to walk away now with a smile on your face knowing you were a kindhearted person who get hurt and deceived or you can continue to walk down a path of deception with someone who you will never know when and if they are lying to you. It's truly and honestly up to you, but again I would think very hard about what you are feeling right now and what type of relationship you truly want and how you truly want to be treated. Is this it? Hugs. I am so sorry. Things will get better and if you do leave there is someone out there that will love and respect you immensely. Take pride in that.
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  #291  
Old 07-08-2015, 07:35 AM
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I was with my husband two years before he got out but I met him as a pen-pal while he was locked up. When he got out we got married and pregnant with in weeks of each other. We just celebrated (or not) 10 years together yesterday. The question have I felt used. YES...I feel very used. He hasn't had a job in three years got me in so much debt so bad. I have bought him everything done everything and for that he cheated on me 4 months ago with his ex boss while she was living in my house and they both shared a meth addiction I knew nothing about and out of that she got pregnant and aborted the 5 month old fetus because she didn't want it anyway because she was on the pipe the whole time. (her own words) I feel like I never knew him. I have finally had enough after all this and am going to move on as best as I can but always feeling sad that someone could be so mean and self centered. I should have walked away years ago and most might say well it is your own fault for staying and to them.....yes you are probably right.
Don't listen to what other people say. I'm sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine the pain you've endured. I'm glad you are walking away now. I stayed in a terrible relationship for 15 years. 15. That is an incredibly long time. That is nearly half my life. It's not worth staying in misery, pain, or whatever else reason for the excuses we give ourselves. I was a broken shell of the women I used to be. I finally have gained back a little of what was broken, but it will forever hold cracks that may break at any time depending on the trigger or situation. It's sad to hear. I am sorry you went through this. Hugs.
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  #292  
Old 07-10-2015, 09:21 PM
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We were together before he got locked up but he chose drugs over me. Now that he's inside and clean, he tells me that he's ok if I move on and he just wants me to be happy. I'm happy standing by him but I have days where I cry myself to sleep too. He says he hates that he's putting me through this and will understand if I move on. I tell him I love him and this is my choice cause I don't abandon someone I love. He's refused bail hearings because he hasn't been inside and clean long enough and now has a job inside.
He never asks for anything except once he asked for underwear, socks and deodorant. He swears he will try his best to stay clean but I guess it's too soon to guarantee. I believe he will try once he's free and that he isn't using me but I guess I won't know until his time is served!
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  #293  
Old 08-10-2015, 06:59 AM
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bethanieb bethanieb is offline
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Not at all. Honestly in the beginning of our relationship my family and friends would say, " oh becareful about that jail talk".. I have had doubts, but our love for each other is enough to put the foolishness aside. His buddies tell him the same thing about me .. "Oh you know she cheating on you"... Haters are going to hate...
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  #294  
Old 08-13-2015, 11:32 PM
Hopeful88 Hopeful88 is offline
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Not sure I get the feeling he does he asks for too much.
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  #295  
Old 08-27-2015, 02:12 PM
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Benjaminsbaby Benjaminsbaby is offline
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Question Is he using you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CupCakeLove View Post
I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.
I asked my husband of 16 years the very same question, and he said no, but then he got really pissy and said I don't need anything from you, other then he wanted to be just a friend. Friend? So I sent another letter to him and asked if he just wanted to be a friend does that mean he wants a divorce? I told him me & the kids were here for him, we understand somewhat of what he is going through. He said in his letter the last one I got that he committed his crimes because he was frustrated with me. I don't buy it. Not for a second. I think with his usage of Meth helped him do the things he did, because he needed that extra cash while he was out here to support his drug addiction. So all we can do now is just sit on the side lines and wait for either a call or a letter. And I will continue to take care of our children while he is on this term....
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  #296  
Old 08-28-2015, 01:41 AM
maniacswifey619 maniacswifey619 is offline
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I agree about being Damn good. My love and I make 5 years on 9/30/2010. So no he ain't
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  #297  
Old 08-29-2015, 08:41 AM
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darkbrowneyes darkbrowneyes is offline
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Well i use to go visit my husband in the USP-ATL GA. Before he got transfer i use to see this dude in there with a different woman every got dam time an i knew he was using them they go to church in there play with god an they turn around using on of them woman get close to them my husband use to tell me to mind my dam business what going on in this visiting room i use to hate to see that but no im not being use by my husband he knows he have a good woman.
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  #298  
Old 09-03-2015, 07:09 AM
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RobertsHeart801 RobertsHeart801 is offline
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I don't think my man is using me at all. We've been together for a little over a year now and were together before he went in. He never expects anything from me. The only thing he ever asks for is help with his hygiene items once a month, since they are not provided for him. He would never put me in a situation where I have to struggle though. I take care of him the best that I can and he appreciates it very much.
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  #299  
Old 09-16-2015, 12:50 PM
JCPorVida JCPorVida is offline
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I guess it's a possibility. It's a possibility that one can be used by their man (in or out), BUT... no, I don't believe that I'm being used in any way. The only Money I spend on him (if that's even the way to describe it) is when i fund our phone acct. and when "we" eat at visits. But I don't put money is his account for his spending. I only fund the acct for our calls and pay for food that we eat together. I don't believe he would use me at all, He has never seemed like the type of man that would use anyone really since i met him almost eleven years ago... But sure, it's a possibility that everyone could be using someone for something....
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  #300  
Old 09-16-2015, 01:10 PM
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4orSmilez 4orSmilez is offline
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In 12 years... I was flat out asked once. So, I don't think I'm being used in a derogatory way at all.
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