Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-01-2020, 06:15 PM
blueocean777 blueocean777 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: CA, US
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default When you reach out and wonder if they will care

I have recently reached out to an ex that I loved dearly who is in jail, looking at a long sentence. I feel he either will ignore me or respond. He has changed alot so I dont know which version of him I am going to get.. We were together for 7 years.. part of the reason hes down now is due to some love triangle with some girl he was dating that is like 10 years his junior. His friends have told me they arent together for obvious reasons but I still wonder where his head will be at when he sees my letter.

Anyone have luck reaching out to someone you had a long history with and unsure how they will react? I dont know if this is the right place for this but I cant stop overthinking this now.. I hope my emotions didnt get the best of me ..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to blueocean777 For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (05-02-2020)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 05-01-2020, 06:33 PM
Bangers19 Bangers19 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Austin
Posts: 54
Thanks: 25
Thanked 21 Times in 16 Posts
Default

Are you hoping to start something with him and or just be a friend for him?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-01-2020, 09:22 PM
blueocean777 blueocean777 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: CA, US
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Although I loved him very much I made it clear in my letter I want to just be friends and that Ive moved on. We had a weird break up and only had one convo about it so no real closure and I felt I always had feelings that lingered. I feel at ease now so I just want to be there for him
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-02-2020, 05:48 AM
Born's Avatar
Born Born is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: N/A
Posts: 709
Thanks: 365
Thanked 532 Times in 341 Posts
Default

The funny thing about prison is that you don't know how it changes people. Some will re evaluate their past life and relationship with you. They will reflect back to how things were, and will see how things are now and try to better themselves and their relationships. Especially when they realize that everyone else in their lives has turned their backs on them except for you. Some won't care because they've moved on. while others yet again try to forget the past and look forward to the future and re establish an old relationship. Only time will tell in which direction your relationship will go. Hopefully it'll be mutual trust and love.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-02-2020, 09:35 AM
maytayah's Avatar
maytayah maytayah is offline
Lil British Site Moderator on Leave
 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England Uk
Posts: 9,452
Thanks: 9,465
Thanked 12,077 Times in 5,044 Posts
Default

The only way to know is to reach out and see what happens. Be clear about what you are offering and stick to it.Its important you and he are in the same place with no unrealistic expectations.

If he does not respond you now he has moved on.
__________________
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." Nelson Mandela.

Who cares what they say about us? Because when I am with you I am standing with an army.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-02-2020, 10:24 AM
ambermarshall11 ambermarshall11 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: United states
Posts: 651
Thanks: 9
Thanked 196 Times in 143 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born View Post
The funny thing about prison is that you don't know how it changes people. Some will re evaluate their past life and relationship with you. They will reflect back to how things were, and will see how things are now and try to better themselves and their relationships. Especially when they realize that everyone else in their lives has turned their backs on them except for you. Some won't care because they've moved on. while others yet again try to forget the past and look forward to the future and re establish an old relationship. Only time will tell in which direction your relationship will go. Hopefully it'll be mutual trust and love.
But even when they don't have anyone but you sometimes they still don't care and are selfish it's sad but true guess that's just how they are
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-02-2020, 01:42 PM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Panama City, Panama
Posts: 4,557
Thanks: 4,638
Thanked 5,354 Times in 2,212 Posts
Default

You will find out. It's impossible to be in his head. It's all speculation at this point.
Are you sure you only want to be friends? You seem to (over-)think too much about it already... just thinking out loud...
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-02-2020, 01:55 PM
blueocean777 blueocean777 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: CA, US
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
You will find out. It's impossible to be in his head. It's all speculation at this point.
Are you sure you only want to be friends? You seem to (over-)think too much about it already... just thinking out loud...

I do want to be his friend but I guess hes changed so much that I still seek closure and there is something unresolved within me. I thought time and therapy did the trick but here I am again over him. I know it would never work between us ever but I do want to I guess reestablish contact
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-02-2020, 02:01 PM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Panama City, Panama
Posts: 4,557
Thanks: 4,638
Thanked 5,354 Times in 2,212 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueocean777 View Post
I do want to be his friend but I guess hes changed so much that I still seek closure and there is something unresolved within me. I thought time and therapy did the trick but here I am again over him. I know it would never work between us ever but I do want to I guess reestablish contact
I understand that but also recognize that he might be really vulnerable and looking for more than just friendship. Prison makes one lonely and maybe longing for love... Just be careful - for your sake and his. My gut tells me it's a little selfish on your part and cruising for bruising (I might be off but just writing it down). Maybe check your motives one more time...
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
LifeTraveler (05-02-2020), onedayatatime13 (05-02-2020)
  #10  
Old 05-04-2020, 11:53 PM
Revenwyn Revenwyn is offline
Married May 27, 2017!
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California, USA- Husband in Colorado
Posts: 955
Thanks: 831
Thanked 758 Times in 380 Posts
Default

I did this. While we had not exactly been romantically involved (only because we hadn't been allowed to by our parents) I had still been interested by the time I was an adult and had asked his parents about how he was, what he was up to, etc. He had moved away 3 years prior. They told me he was dead.

It took me 7 years and I was already married when I found out I had been lied to. But he had been my only friend at one point in my life and I decided to write him just in case he was in the same spot. In a way I was seeking closure- I had been fairly newly married having thought he was dead all that time, and I found out that wasn't true. I felt like I needed to know that he was too different from me for us to have been together.

He didn't write back. So I wrote him again a couple more times. Eventually, he wrote back. Apparently his family had told him I was dead too before abandoning him to his fate in prison! He hadn't been visited in 7 years, or even been able to talk to his family. And that solidified my decision to continue to write him. I couldn't let him be friendless.

I changed his life. We wrote for 6 years before my first husband passed away from his chronic illness and honestly we already knew that we would be getting together.

But that's just me and I wouldn't have written if my late husband hadn't been chronically ill or wouldn't have let me.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Revenwyn For This Useful Post:
Born (05-05-2020), fbopnomore (05-05-2020)
  #11  
Old 05-05-2020, 01:06 AM
Born's Avatar
Born Born is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: N/A
Posts: 709
Thanks: 365
Thanked 532 Times in 341 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Revenwyn View Post
I did this. While we had not exactly been romantically involved (only because we hadn't been allowed to by our parents) I had still been interested by the time I was an adult and had asked his parents about how he was, what he was up to, etc. He had moved away 3 years prior. They told me he was dead.

It took me 7 years and I was already married when I found out I had been lied to. But he had been my only friend at one point in my life and I decided to write him just in case he was in the same spot. In a way I was seeking closure- I had been fairly newly married having thought he was dead all that time, and I found out that wasn't true. I felt like I needed to know that he was too different from me for us to have been together.

He didn't write back. So I wrote him again a couple more times. Eventually, he wrote back. Apparently his family had told him I was dead too before abandoning him to his fate in prison! He hadn't been visited in 7 years, or even been able to talk to his family. And that solidified my decision to continue to write him. I couldn't let him be friendless.

I changed his life. We wrote for 6 years before my first husband passed away from his chronic illness and honestly we already knew that we would be getting together.

But that's just me and I wouldn't have written if my late husband hadn't been chronically ill or wouldn't have let me.

Wow Reven, Your story is so touching and powerful. Your LO's family had no right in telling you both that you were dead to each-other. What a cruel and unforgiving thing to do. I'm so glad that against all odds you both found one-another again.


I love these kind of stories because they express how true love always defies and conquers all boundaries.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Born For This Useful Post:
Revenwyn (05-07-2020)
  #12  
Old 06-15-2020, 11:52 PM
AngelBabyy AngelBabyy is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: San antonio
Posts: 4
Thanks: 2
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

I’m going through something similar right now. I decided to write him after 1.5years of him being locked up- I just sent the letter out a few days ago so I’m waiting to see if I hear back. He did a year and I held him down, when he got out he was out for 4 months before he violated parole and had to go back in. We got into a huge fight a week before he went back in. It’s crazy. We were highschool sweethearts and have 7 years of history too so I’ll def let you know what happens.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-16-2020, 08:12 PM
Lola777's Avatar
Lola777 Lola777 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MN
Posts: 58
Thanks: 3
Thanked 14 Times in 11 Posts
Default

Mine is a bit different but I had just turned 23 when my man was locked up. His case went federal and at that time I’ll be honest I was not in any place to support him as a strong partner in the outside. Also, he didn’t want me hanging out with friends or having a life which was hard for me at that age. I needed to grow up and figure out life. I loved him so much but made the gut wrenching decision to break up. Years later I was still thinking about him still loved him and just didn’t like living life without him in it. He was my best friend. So I reached out to him with no specific intention other than to tell him how I was feeling. He wrote back a few months later when I was just giving up hope. I told myself I would leave him alone if that’s what he wanted. Fast forward to now since I wrote him we’ve now been together 4 years and he will be coming home early 2023 if we are lucky. I don’t regret it, and I don’t think you will either even if friendship is all you’re looking for. I missed my best friend and now he’s mine again. Best of luck!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Columbia Care Center- Nursing care for inmates sdmichelle General Health Care 1 01-12-2009 09:03 PM
Out of reach!!! lilman&marcel Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 8 07-15-2005 09:27 PM
Wrongful deaths. Inadequate care. Questionable doctors. Health care in Ohio's 33 pris horsegal Ohio Prison & Legal News, Info & Events 0 05-30-2005 07:19 PM
EMS class, prison-care, pharmacy programs seek to improve care (article) JJT Washington General Prison Talk, News, Introductions & Chit Chat 0 04-26-2004 01:04 AM
Reach out for help. katmat1995 PTO Lounge 0 04-17-2004 08:15 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:36 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2019 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics