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Loving a Violent Offender Discuss the issues of having a violent offender as part of your life. Please keep in mind that some of us are married to violent offenders. Please remember that these offenders are human, and as such, can change... just like anyone else.

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Old 01-10-2011, 11:05 AM
tillygirls tillygirls is offline
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yea.. hes never really had a family. im really the only one that writes or anything. everyone else says theyre there for him, but really theyre not.. im even the only one that went to his court (although i did trick his sister into coming). they say theyll write him and they told me theyd be at court. but they werent. its hard and it makes me so sad for him..
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Old 01-10-2011, 12:32 PM
saulsmom saulsmom is offline
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Wishing to chat with other parents or people who have someone that is labeled SO maybe I could do more if knowing someone who has been thru this or is going thru this also.
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Old 02-03-2011, 01:55 AM
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Tina Tina is offline
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His moms side of the family pretty much acts like he doesn't exist with the exception of his Grandmother. Although, his mother is finally making an effort to get to know my step daughter after 10 years. His dads side of the family does what they can when they can. They are not in touch with him all that often, but he its better than nothing.
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Old 12-15-2011, 09:18 AM
skittles2016 skittles2016 is offline
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Originally Posted by Jillian View Post
I am the only one who is going thru this with him.. his parents *adopted* half the time could give 2 rats ass about what he is going thru.. His birth parents .. no one knows what happened to his birth father .. and his birth mother left them in and his brother and sister in an apt when they were 3,2,1 and kept in touch only to make them feel bad about themselves.. she had 3 more kids and sent a pic to them wehn they were about 6,5,4 saying that her new kids were better than them and the only one she would ever claim. When my sis in law got preg she went to find her birth mom and the birth mom told her she should have an abortion cuz all the baby would do is ruin her life like she ruined hers.. so i pretty much dont even consider her ..

I am the only one that does anything for him .. my family prays for him all the time ..
Any woman who would say that to her own flesh and blood should have her uterus snátched out. But atleast there are people like you to help make it a little better. All the best... BTW, love the name. My name is Jillian too. :-D
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Old 12-15-2011, 09:23 AM
skittles2016 skittles2016 is offline
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I feel like I abandoned him so long aGo. He has had a rough life. And this is his third time being in prison. Around the time he left and got into all the trouble that got him locked up, my mother had just passed. I couldnt handle both at the same time. And the next time he tried to contact me, i was pregnant and involved with the father. He is still "around", but I couldnt continue not being a part of my VO's life. His mother has custody of his 2 sons and none of them keep in contact wíth him. I understand the reasoning behind it, but it still hurts. So I will just do What Í can to make up for all of the loss and lost time.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:15 AM
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mrsharper17 mrsharper17 is offline
til the wheels fall off

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ya i am the only one and whats funny is im the victim. His family are all assholes. He can do good and stay out of trouble but gets no credit from them but if he screws up they are the first ones to talk shit to him. My family,other than one sister,have never met him but my mother doesnt like him due to his incarceration and this charge especially. My baby sister has never met him but she loves him as a big brother. She would always call me to talk to him about boy issues to get a guys perspective. But she doesnt write him now cuz my mother wouldnt approve and may not give her her letters. She is 17 next month so still a minor. my other sister was sending him money and will send him postcards from her deployment but they come to my house so he will get them when he gets home.
When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between your fingers, remember that in those spaces you can see my fingers locked with yours forever.

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Old 12-15-2011, 11:41 AM
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cHaMpS` GiiRL cHaMpS` GiiRL is offline
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Yup he's been locked up 6years and in those 6years me and our daughtr are the only ones approved to visit we tried to get his family approved but they never even filled in the paper I'm the only one to put money in his books to send him packages to accept his collect calls and its a shame cuz he has A LOT of family all of them hit me up on facebook saying they miss him can't wait for him to get out and wtvrs but none of them can even pick up a pen to write him only letter he's ever really gotten from his mom was when she was locked up and I was putting money in her books for him my parents can't stand him because he got arrested right after I had our daughter leaving me to raise her alone but still they talk to him more than his fam they bought clothes for when he gets out and everything my brothers and sisters love him though they write him and send him cards for his birthday and christmas they all want to go visit when I go but my parents won't notarize the letters because they're too young so they not be able to help me financially but but besides them noone else has ever been there for him
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Old 12-15-2011, 06:42 PM
Ilovemyviking Ilovemyviking is offline

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Yup its just me not one other person ever stuck by his side.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:49 AM
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Mommy2Aubrie Mommy2Aubrie is offline
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Sadly I am the only one that has stuck by my man the whole time and never left him. His mom and grandma are there off and on but never on at the same time. I love him so that's all that matters

Sept. 26 2012 can't come soon enough!
My life is amazing!
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:26 PM
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lilmomma8287 lilmomma8287 is offline
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Essentially its primarily just me. He has never had a visit in 16 years he has been in prison. The visitation SGT denied my visit application because I have a felony and said I have to wait until 2 years from my release date to re-apply to see him. My fiancé wrote an appeal to Headquarters to Department of Corrections and I wrote an appeal to the Prison Superintendent but have not heard anything back yet.

His sister and dad lives in California and he was telling me it took 14 years just to get them to get him a magazine subscription. He loves his family very much but his other brothers and mother refuses to have anything to do with him. One of his brothers is in law enforcement and the others im not to sure. He tells me he writes letters at least twice a year to his mom and in the past 16 years she has never written him back EVER!!! In the past 4 months he told me he almost has a full box of all the letters ive sent him.

When he does get released more than likely ill be the only one out here for him as well but as long as we are together that's all that matters anyways.
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Old 10-04-2014, 04:19 AM
WSAZbella WSAZbella is offline
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Default the only 1 there for my LO

I'm the only one there for mine, even tho he has two older bros and a father that lives across the US..but one of his older bros takes care of his 2 kids since his bm turned to the streets..and his mom passed last year. When one of my tios got sentenced and he was sent to the same unit as he was in and I just happened to luk him up 2 c he was there as well and started writing him.. and I've been here for him ever since..but we went to HS 2gethr and he wanted to b with me b4 he went back in and I didn't.. and now this is what brought us 2gether and I'm here for him to the fullest... and if Kristen Shepard ever reads this, take my advice and stay TFA...bcuz he has a true 100,down latina, por vida.
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Old 11-22-2014, 07:04 PM
janeswaiting66 janeswaiting66 is offline
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Smile The only one

Originally Posted by MurphyGirl View Post
I have for the most part, been the only one to consistantly stand by my husband for the last 20 years. He's had family members/friends come back into his life only to leave again when they are tired of dealing with the prison system.
I was wondering if any of you have help with supporting your VO? Or are you the only one to consistantly be there for them?

I am the only one standing by him. No one but me visits, he may get a letter from his sister, but not often nor supportative. I am proud of my man, & will be there for him, always!

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Old 06-04-2015, 11:30 AM
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superpowers superpowers is offline
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His parents abandoned him, but his aunt has stuck by him for the past 9 years. He also talks to two of his brothers somewhat regularly, but that's pretty much it.
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Old 06-07-2015, 10:36 AM
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Psychocandy Psychocandy is offline
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No he has his parents his brother uncles aunts cousins friends and me.
Mrs Mroch
Just like the sunshine after rain
I'll come
To be with you will save the day
'Cos I know
When I'm with you again
You just steal my heart away

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Old 07-20-2018, 09:29 AM
Iárnvidia Iárnvidia is offline
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I'm the only one standing by my VO as well. He never had a supportive family in any way. None of his family members, including children, sister, or parents, will have anything to do with him now and no one from the outside has talked to him for years. He has been totally alone in prison for 20 years until I came into his life. The fact that I actually love and care for him has come as a huge shock to him... A welcome one, I'm sure, but I think it's been a real challenge for him to wrap his head around the idea that there is someone who loves him, cares for him, even needs him. I try not to be too needy, but you know what I mean.
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