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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

View Poll Results: MWI and...
still together? 134 81.71%
no longer together? 30 18.29%
Voters: 164. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-10-2008, 02:31 PM
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Default After the homecoming/ MWI ONLY info search

Hi friends I have a favor to ask...

Regardless of how our members met their significant other some do not continue posting good bad or otherwise once the homecoming arrives/is over. This makes it more difficult to get a feel for what may or may not have happened.


In order for us to get a better understanding of why this may occur, please take a moment to participate in the following survey:

How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?


Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?


If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.


If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.

Please participate only after you have had some time home together, at least a year would be preferable.
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  #2  
Old 05-10-2008, 05:50 PM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
He had been in for 10 months when I met him, he served an additional 14 months with me by his side.

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
Yes by our terms we are successful, we have had two homecomings together, the MWI one, he was home for 16 months then returned to prison for 6 months and has been home almost 2 yrs now. Like any other couple we've had our share of ups and downs but we love one another and the journey continues. The fact that we met during his incarceration is part of our history together, however at this point would not be a factor were we to end the relationship.

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We have been together almost 5 years. I feel that in OUR case the attention we paid to communication BEFORE he came home was significant. We knew so much about one another, our hopes and dreams deal breakers etc both as indivduals and as a couple before living together in the free world. I feel it built a strong foundation for us to fall back on in difficult times.

If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.
This does not apply to our relationship.
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  #3  
Old 05-12-2008, 06:38 AM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
He had been in 6 years when we met. I walked the last 10 years of them down with him.

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
YES! We feel like we own the world! We are very happy together. In the last nine months we have purchased a new truck, a new home and we are expecting our fist baby in October. Oh Yeah...... we have also adopted 4 dogs and 2 cats.

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We have been friends for 10 years and a "couple" for 5 years. I also feel that communication and honesty with one another played a significant role. We knew what we wanted from one another and from the relationship......EVERYDAY we thrive to give that to each other. At one point in our relationship..... *** I *** messed up BAD! I thought that it was over for sure...... we talked it through and he is an incredible man. He forgave me and we DO NOT reflect on that situation. Period!

If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.
This does not apply to our relationship.
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  #4  
Old 05-12-2008, 08:19 AM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
He had been in prison almost 10 years when I started writing him. After writing for 6 months I went to visit, we fell for each other and became a "couple" in May of 2004. He got out in late June 2007... so he served about 3 1/2 years after we got to know each other.

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?

Yes, it's successful. We've been through a lot of hard times since he got out but so far we have managed to work through the problems so we're still here and still together. Every problem we have faced and worked through has made us stronger individuals. We have learned a lot about each other in the process which has made us a stronger team. I also consider us successful because we are against all odds with this... still in a long distance relationship, English isn't my first language, we grew up in different cultures, I have problems that can (and have) gotten in the way of "us", he has problems that can (and have) gotten in the way of "us". But despite all that we are still doing this because the good things definitely outweigh the bad.

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We had our 4 year anniversary just a few days ago as we became exclusive in May 2004.
Strengths:
We are best friends and we know each other inside out.
We have learned to communicate better since he got out and the misunderstandings we had in the beginning (after he got out) are getting fewer and fewer. After him being out almost 11 months things have "mellowed" slowly but surely.
We have deep love, affection and respect for one another.
Neither one of us had any idea that we had such a HUGE amount of persistence.
I think another strength we have is that we haven't moved in together yet (it can also be a weakness if people have trust issues).
My strength is that I have read a lot about the effects of long term imprisonment on people so I "kind of" understand what he's going through although I can never completely "get it" since I've never been there myself.
His strength is his analytical thinking, intelligence and his ability to really SEE himself objectively. It has helped him immensely to deal with the outside after 13 years in prison. I have learned a lot from this quality of his and he has learned a lot from what I've read. It's simplifying things a little but we sometimes feed off each other's strengths in a way.
Weaknessess:
Some of them have a lot to do with the fact that we are MWI. Especially in the beginning (after he got out) we had to learn to communicate in a totally different way and we had to get to know each other all over again. We thought we were communicating and preparing pretty well before he got out but there is only so much information you can get across by only writing. So phonecalls and visiting is VERY important. This applies more to overseas MWI's than those who have the chance of visiting on a regular basis.
Language/culture differences are a big thing as they can create a BUNCH of misunderstandings and if people aren't careful, animosity. These differences can also be a beautiful thing but they are a two edged sword for sure.
Problems from my past is definitely a weakness. It's the same with these kinds of relationships and the "normal" kind.... if you haven't dealt with your old demons (whether you were in an abusive relationship, had someone die on you, cheat on you or anything like that) you will drag all that into this relationship and they will fester there if you don't deal with them. It's not fair to make your partner responsible for problems you had before you even met him. I had to learn that the hard way. He has helped me with a lot of it but in the end it's all on me to solve it within myself.
His prison problems are another weakness. I use the term "prison problems" loosely. It can be an attitude that is acceptible in prison but not out here, behaviour that's acceptible in there but not out here, PICS (post incarceration syndrome), anxiety, not being comfortable around other people.... just all kinds of little things that can become a huge mountain of tiny little issues.

We focused the MOST on the last weakness and prepared the most for it. It's definitely important but it's also important not to get lost in all that. It's not very easy to find the middle ground dealing with all the problems and trying to maintain a loving relationship.

If I was a person looking in and had to give an objective opinion I would say that men (and of course women) who have been in prison for a long time have no business being in relationships at all right after they get out. You know how they say alcoholics/drug addicts in recovery should get a plant after one year being sober.... a dog after the second year etc.? I think the same applies to ex-inmates who have been in for a long time. It's important for everyone to prove to themselves that they can take care of themselves as individuals FIRST and then prove they can take care of someone else.... it's a self esteem issue first and foremost. Which is one of the reasons *I* think not moving in together yet is a strength instead of a weakness.

If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.
We did break up at one point (it only lasted 12 hours though ). It was after he had been out for 5 months. Without going into too much detail it was because we didn't have a solid, long term plan and we didn't communicate very well at that point. As a result we behaved a certain way that hurt both of us. Us being MWI had maybe a little to do with it but not as much as one would think. Us being in a long distance relationship was definitely a factor.... but looking at the big picture and some years ahead I still think the long distance thing will benefit us in the long run.
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  #5  
Old 05-15-2008, 04:52 AM
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thanks, patty, for starting this thread! thanks to everyone who has shared so far. i hope more come to offer insight. SOOOOOO helpful, useful & important for MWIs still waiting for loved ones to come home and wondering what to expect and/or trying to prepare for life after homecoming. i wish you all the best! ~peace, noor
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  #6  
Old 05-15-2008, 09:50 PM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?

7 years


Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?

Yes, we are working together to build a life, We just brought a truck, planning to move into a new place come next year


If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.

Total 8 years, been married almost 3 years
Our biggest strength is that we were friends first and we continue to be friends even though we are married, We have fun, enjoy the little things

I think our weakness is that with us both being Cancers we are very moody , Our moods sometime change with the wind, but we both understand each others moods so well that we can adjust well with it.
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Old 05-22-2008, 10:30 PM
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Well so far we are 6 for 6 still together in the poll...
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Old 05-23-2008, 06:20 AM
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Default Spend my Life with You Eric Benet & Tamia

Thanks for the posters so far. This is good news to know that anyone can survive.
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Old 05-23-2008, 11:44 AM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
He had been in for almost 1 year and he served about 4 years after we met

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?

yes I think so for its a sussess. We both work we are having a baby soon. We also have bought a new car together and we are making our marriage work

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We have been together almost 5 years. I dont know what makes our marriage work I think some of it has to do with that I was lucky enough to have family visits with him when he was locked up so we had some alone time. I cant really pin point what the "secret to our success" I know I can say that sometimes I feel its easier when they are locked up but I would not change things for anything. I love having my husband home..

If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.

N/A
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Old 05-27-2008, 09:19 AM
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Ty Patty for this thread! It's great seeing so many wonderful success stories!
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Old 06-09-2008, 03:09 PM
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Wow, this really gives us something to look forward to !!
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Old 06-13-2008, 05:17 PM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?

12 years.


Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?

I would have to say it would be based upon my definition of successful. But to answer the question - at times I think we are successful and at times, I think we aren't. When we are successful, it's when we are in agreement and he goes along w/ my plan. When we aren't it's when I can't get him to stop beating up on himself and to allow me to be the help mate that I am suppose to be,


If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.

We have been together as a couple for 4 years. Strengths - we like each other and try our darnest to make the other content. Weaknesses - sometimes when he gets frustrated when things don't work out. For some reason, I try to shield him from bad things, b/c I know that at times, he has a hard time processing it. He feels that when you do right, things should always fall into place. Try to get him to see/realize - this is not always the case.


If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.

There was a time when we did break up. His pride got in the way and it was too much to handle. When he's not working, his self-esteem is so low. He feels that he suppose to take care of me. Wish I could get him to realize that he needs to focus on himself first.

I must admit, there are times when I am frustrated as hell and want to walk. I like and love him but at times, it's too much to bare when he beats up on himself.

Patty, great post and as always, thought provoking.
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Old 06-14-2008, 09:16 AM
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Thanks for your response thunder and to all of you that have participated thus far.

Patty
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Old 06-29-2008, 01:35 PM
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I see there have been several homecomings lately hopefully some are MWI and we will hear from them as well at some point.

Patty
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:48 PM
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Just lookin' around to see if we've missed any recent MWI homecomings...
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Old 11-02-2008, 02:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U View Post
How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
We did 4 years together before he came home

Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U View Post
Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
No
Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U View Post
If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
Not together
Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U View Post
If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have occurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.
He mistook my being in control as being a controlling person. On top of that he had been in prison so long that he while he wanted a family he also wanted the independence that a single person would have. I also think that when you are in prison for such a long time you dont learn the skills needed to survive in varies types of relationships. Example-For me trust is a huge thing in a relationship, but where he spend most of his adult life trust is not even a word used. You dont trust anyone in prison so you have no idea the importance of the word and the meaning.

Last edited by TNC; 11-02-2008 at 02:13 PM..
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Old 12-10-2008, 09:03 AM
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Smile Still together

How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?

I met him, and we did '15' years together. Now won't get me wrong, We were friends first.I had boyfriends. However, after a time we fell in love. After 4 years, I realized I couldn't be 'faithful' to him. I k now many women can, but I was depressed, anxious and not a happy camper. I told him if I did not meet anyone else and get serious, that was ok. But I needed to date, and to live life on the outside.

Well, I dated, and met people, but no one was 'the one'. Thats because he was! (and is!)



Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?

Yes. We are your average, boring, normal couple. We cook together, go to work, argue, love each other, go out to dinner and do sightseeing. We attend concerts and go to family dinners.

If you were to ask me what makes it work, I would say that we have something special. He's a good man, and I am a good woman. We like each other as people. I like that people like him. I like that he's kind to animals, children, and my family.


If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.

Gosh, it's scary, but we have been together for 16 years!

I think we appreciate each other. We know there are problems and we work on them. We talk...communication is the key.

I think that he went in for a 'serious' offense, and it was the only offense he ever had was part of why he is a 'success'. Let me try and explain that. My guy was a basically good guy who made a bad, stupid mistake that in many ways he'll live with all his life. But he didnt' do drugs. He drank socially. He wasn't a shyster nor did he rob or steal.

I think also, that he was away for so long, he now appreciates life out here alot. We don't take anything for granted.

We don't 'fight'. We have arguments sometimes, and always make up shortly after. He is so good natured. He is someone with a great sense of humor.

We're both Virgos. that helps alot!

We take t hings in stride, and try and take them one day at a time.

I hope this helps!
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Old 12-15-2008, 01:12 PM
hisRyda hisRyda is offline
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Im really glad that this post was started cause it has answered some of my own questions about my MWI relationship. it shows that it can last so hopefully i will be happy like so many of you ladies are.
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Old 01-10-2009, 10:23 AM
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
8 months

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
Well definately so, we were just married on Dec. 29, 2008

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We have been together in the free world since May 07, with a short break last summer to reassess our long term goals and plans. Our strengths come from all we've been through since his release. However I doubt I'd have put up with some things that I did had we not been "together" for all those months while he was still locked up. I look at what all we've been through this last year and a half though and realize that there are very few of these type relationships that will actually make it, because it takes 2 very strong willed, strong minded, determined individuals to do this. But we've been through this battlefield and we are still standing strong, maybe with a few battle scars from along the way but what doen't kill you makes you stronger, and that has truly been our situation. We've been through a lot and come out this side stronger and closer than ever.

If you broke up when did this happen and what factors do you feel contributed to ending the relationship? In addition to any specific problems that may have ocurred please share your thoughts as to whether or not you feel that being MWI was a consideration.
We did split up for a month last summer, it was because we both felt we were "just there" in our relationship, not contributing, growing or taking anything from the other. It took this split for us to see that we really did need each other, and teach us where we need to work to stay strong. Since we got back together, things have been 110% different and better for us. We talk about EVERYTHING now, which is what we should have been doing to begin with, and we don't allow ourselves to get to a place where we feel we are "just there" because we are communicating with each other now to prevent it.
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Old 01-29-2009, 08:39 PM
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Marseille Marseille is offline
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We're a pretty recent homecoming but I received an invitation to answer this so here goes!

How long did he/she serve AFTER you met? We did about a year together. He did 2 years before that, but all told he was in prison for 11 of the last 14 years.



Would you consider your relationship successful? How so? YES, I consider it a success! We've been really enjoying each other and keep finding out how much we really do have in common. We've made some big decisions and had some tough choices to make and I've been stunned at how easy it has been to communicate through these little tests.


If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.

I think we are still going strong because we really learned how to communicate. Out in the real world there are so many other things that get in the way.... sex, money, families... we got this incredible chance to get to know each other without anything else in the way. We really got to practice and fine-tune our communication skills and we aren't afraid to talk over the tough stuff. I would say this is the NUMBER ONE reason why we are making it. There are other reasons, of course... a natural chemistry and we just plain like each other's company but the communication is major.

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Old 02-07-2009, 03:28 PM
LeeLee's Lady LeeLee's Lady is offline
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How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
We met half way through his bid.... he served about five years after we'd met.

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
We're still together, so yes!!! We aren't together for superficial reasons.... though we may have met as employee/inmate I think we've proved over and over again that it was more than that. We have a solid core of compatability with one another.

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We have been together for about 6 years now I think and married for 2.
I think that MWI made us stronger. It was a struggle to stay together after we got "caught"... they made our lives hell for 5 years by keeping us apart.... yet we never quit. Now when things get hard I think back to the way it was and think "damn, we can't quit now if we didn't quit then." It also made us focus on the important things like getting to know and understand one another....now I can read him like a book ((and vice versa)).... it's amazing how much we communicate without words, which we learned to do while he was locked up.
The weakness is that his being locked away for so long, and our relationship being mostly phone/mail after awhile, we suck at resolving conflict. We can't figure out how to do it still... we fight and then we still let it sit out in the air like an unresolved issue. We used to hang up on one another and not call for days... now we just don't talk until the next day and then ignore the fight!!! So that needs to be changed of course (if you know how please fill me in on the secret!!!).

Hope that helps!!!
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Came home September 2008....
A beautiful baby boy June 2010....
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:58 PM
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mellomoods2000 mellomoods2000 is offline
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Thanks ladies. You continue to give me strength and hope. God Bless you all.
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  #23  
Old 04-15-2009, 10:50 AM
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I just found this .. my MWI is coming home in June so I can't wait to come here and share our experiences. I also look forward to hearing more of yours ... great thread Patty and to everyone that posted, good, bad or indifferent, thanks !
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:02 AM
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we are still together........... Its been hard sometimes.
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:58 AM
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Default Very early update !!!

How long did he/she serve AFTER you met?
About 8 mths

Would you consider your relationship successful? How so?
We're still together, so yes!!! It's still very early and there's alot to figure out .. but I think no matter what happens I will consider this a success story ~

If you are still together how long have you been together? Describe any strengths or weaknesses you feel may be contributed to the fact that you are/were a MWI couple if you feel that applies.
We are together ... weaknesses would be that he moved to a new state with people he doesn't know. He's completely out of his comfort zone and dependent on me ... Strengths, we believe it can work, we communicate well and we know how to write it out if we cant express it verbally !
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