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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #76  
Old 12-26-2007, 01:08 PM
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Default It wasn't supposed to be like this....

I thought that when Columbo came home that we would start our lives together. Well, he's been home a week and I've only seen him for a total of 14.5 hours. His mother has seen him more than I have, yet I'm supposed to be his fiancee.
Between trying to catch up with his fam and do what he has to for parole, I'm not getting even half the time I thought or expected.

He's asked me for time and patience and I'm trying to give it to him, but it's HARD! I've never been as emotional as I have been in these last 7 days. It's bananas, but for now I'm holding on. We'll see what happens, though, cause I can't guarantee how long I can wait on the side lines.

I have to admit, that I didn't think I'd need to be on PTO once Columbo was released, but with things the way they are PTO is the only place I feel comfortable. I know only you all know what it is I'm feeling.

Thanks for this thread...I need it, right now.
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  #77  
Old 12-28-2007, 04:37 PM
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Babycuz,

PTO is here for you doing the good and bad; when he's home and when he's away. There are forums for every need.

Hope things will work out the way you desire.

Best wishes.
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  #78  
Old 01-16-2008, 09:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyCuz
I thought that when Columbo came home that we would start our lives together. Well, he's been home a week and I've only seen him for a total of 14.5 hours. His mother has seen him more than I have, yet I'm supposed to be his fiancee.
Between trying to catch up with his fam and do what he has to for parole, I'm not getting even half the time I thought or expected.

He's asked me for time and patience and I'm trying to give it to him, but it's HARD! I've never been as emotional as I have been in these last 7 days. It's bananas, but for now I'm holding on. We'll see what happens, though, cause I can't guarantee how long I can wait on the side lines.

I have to admit, that I didn't think I'd need to be on PTO once Columbo was released, but with things the way they are PTO is the only place I feel comfortable. I know only you all know what it is I'm feeling.

Thanks for this thread...I need it, right now.

I hope things work out for the better once time goes on. I haven't posted for awhile as i didn't exactly get the support I thought i needed at the time but things have been getting better as time wears on. Just know that he is probably not aware of him not spending time with you. The first nite Juston was out everyone wanted something from him....he was overwhelmed!!!!!!Almost to much stimulation. It wasn't till we flew home and I went back to work that he had time to focus on things.so hang in there.....
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  #79  
Old 01-17-2008, 08:21 PM
DonnalovesTim DonnalovesTim is offline
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I use to think that my relationship would not be like everyone else's. We would be the example by which all others are measured. He's been home since June 2007. I ve watched him go through every stage and yet I feel left out. Nothing came out the way that we planned. I realize that he was in for 17 years and the world will take some getting use to. But deep down in my heart, I feel that before long... OUR relationship will be over. I have been studying the post since least year and have found that when they come home---we are no longer needed. And the strangest thing is that I've grown close to his Mom and I wonder how this will play out in the end! I am just venting I guess. There is really no one to talk to but each other because everyone else told us not to get involved with them in the first place. I am happy for him and I wish only the very best for him. I am just happy that he's not in there any longer and that his life is his own now. Now that's LOVE!
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  #80  
Old 01-20-2008, 11:12 PM
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"I have been studying the post since least year and have found that when they come home---we are no longer needed."


This is exactly the issue as I see it in my situation. It's a big adjustment to go from being the ONLY person running around for them, sending them what they need or bringing it...being the ONLY person going on visits and accepting the phone calls. They have all the time in the world to write and tell you how you are their everything in those moments in time, and for that time it's the truth, but it won't necessarily always be that way. A lot of people seem to have happy endings, but there seem to be so many more who have rough times once these guys are released. Right now, I'm one of those people. Like you've said Donna, things have not turned out the way we've discussed/planned them. It's really disappointing. I hope to get to the point where I'm big enough to let him go and wish him well. Right now, I'm still trying to hang in there, albeit by a thread, without killing him and still hoping and praying for the best.
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  #81  
Old 04-01-2008, 01:04 PM
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Wow its been over 2months since columbos girl posted this.
I just want to say good luck to you and do whats best for you. Unfortunately things do change I have seen it with other sisters I know who were in MWI relationships or either stuck by thier man before during and after. Once he comes home things are different and you are right you become no longer this important person. However take that as a blessing dont be afraid to share him with his family and friends.
It will take some stress off you as far as all the things you had to do and let you come down for a minute. If its not meant walk away sweetie and take it with stride and know that you were a good woman and did something good by helping another person out.

My good buddy george is home now, however we are not a couple and I am so glad we are just good friends. I look at all the pressure he is under having to find work and having the stigma of a ex con(and in his case)13yrs of prison over his head honestly he needs to be by himself and work on george. I feel after long term incarceration they need to find themselves it is just not in everyones best intrest to jump into a relationship with a man after serving that kind of time. You have to respect peoples history and the nature of thier situation.
Give columbo time maybe friendship is all you need, you dont have to be his girl right now. Sometimes its best to really take the back burner.
Its good for your mind and your soul, and you dont have to worry about being devastated. Take care and again GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

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  #82  
Old 04-01-2008, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimi06
Give columbo time maybe friendship is all you need, you dont have to be his girl right now. Sometimes its best to really take the back burner.
This can be EXTREMELY difficult...imagine you've been there for a person for a period of time...basically taking care of all their business and/or playing the wifey role...to expect them to switch it up once they come home is unfair...why not just be friends while they're incarcerated than????
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  #83  
Old 04-01-2008, 02:16 PM
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RAG4LIFE You are right with about being friends while incarcerated.
or just be friends when getting to know someone period.
I think many times us as women get to emotionally involved and we get burned out. I know it would be hard for her to do that I got a brother serving life and his woman was with him for 14years, and you know what that is what she has done now for my brother. She had to fall back because it was burning her out and I am not mad at her at all.
I say this because why allow yourself to crack all up behind his irrational behavoir I am only looking out for health wise feel me. I dont mean any harm cause I give yall ladies mad respect with your man on lock.
My brother in there for life and I get to tripping cause I miss him so much, however as much as I love him if something hurting me and got me on the verge of snap, believe me I am going to fall back life to short to be on stress mode feel me. He got to make up in his mind to do right by her not the other way around.

Peace to you.
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  #84  
Old 05-01-2008, 10:01 AM
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Hey All My Man Has Been Home 2 Years As Of Today!!!! Horray!!!!!!
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  #85  
Old 05-01-2008, 11:16 AM
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mine has been home a month and a half. all seems to be well but we are now encountering the stressful situations that i have been used to dealing with by myself. i seem to be the one that is having trouble communicating and he is the one with all the openness that we long for. we are both adjusting but in different ways
no solid answers to anything, so we all just move forward
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  #86  
Old 05-05-2008, 08:06 PM
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glad i found this. my boyfriend comes home in 14 days. they can not go by fast enough.
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  #87  
Old 05-05-2008, 10:05 PM
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my fiance comes home in 74 days. and he has been in for a year. he went back in for drinking. we have been together for 3 yrs and 8 months and he has been in jail for the 3 years. he was out from 3-6-06 till 9-6-06 in a halfway house then went to jail on 7-13-07 for drinking.. and im kinda scared he is gonna come home and drink again and go back to jail. if he does then i have no choice but to leave him. any suggestions
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Old 05-06-2008, 11:06 AM
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my fiance comes home in 74 days. and he has been in for a year. he went back in for drinking. we have been together for 3 yrs and 8 months and he has been in jail for the 3 years. he was out from 3-6-06 till 9-6-06 in a halfway house then went to jail on 7-13-07 for drinking.. and im kinda scared he is gonna come home and drink again and go back to jail. if he does then i have no choice but to leave him. any suggestions

Briansgirl, you have to do whats best for you because @ the end of the day it is still your decision I know for me any kind of stress that consumes me will be out the door. Life is hard as it is paying bills just surviving and making ends meet. It really takes 2 strong people to stay focus and concentrate on thier love and relationship and if he cant meet your needs in that form in fashion then sit down and really ask and think to your self what you can or cannot handle and go from there. Continue giving him that support thru letters and true concern tho it can make a world of difference between him coming home and wanting to do right by you or not.

Good luck sweetie
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  #89  
Old 05-06-2008, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RAG4LIFE View Post
This can be EXTREMELY difficult...imagine you've been there for a person for a period of time...basically taking care of all their business and/or playing the wifey role...to expect them to switch it up once they come home is unfair...why not just be friends while they're incarcerated than????
Thats very unfortunate.....that someone u love turns around on you..Wish you lots of luck and i guess we live & learn........
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  #90  
Old 05-27-2008, 08:14 PM
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Hello ladies,

It's been a minute since I've posted, but I wanted to thank everyone for the support and to update ya. Basically, things have gotten worse with the lack of time being spent together. We rarely speak on the phone anymore and it's just not good. So, I let him go last Monday. His whole thing is still "give me time..." I don't know how much more time I should be expected to wait. As far as I'm concerned and like I told that man, our relationship was left on Queensboro's visiting room floor, cause since then I don't know who he is anymore. He was a very different person even before he got locked up...so attentive and needing to speak to me daily. Now, puhlease! He's talking about preparing to start school, which will free up time....I'm fed up, though. If he don't want to be bothered, which is the way it's coming across, there's another man, who will.
It makes no sense to me that he proposed to me on 7/1/07, asked my mother to visit him, which she did YET his mother still has no clue that he proposed, cause he was waiting on the right time! WHAT THE F^%$ EVER! It's a wrap on that one.

I hope and pray that everyone else waiting on a man has better luck than I did. And it's unfortunate but to me this is the reason dudes get f^%$ed over when they're locked up with their women either walking away from them altogether or screwing other men. Cause I'll be damned if I do this sh%$ again for another man!
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  #91  
Old 05-29-2008, 08:01 AM
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Hello ladies,



It's been a minute since I've posted, but I wanted to thank everyone for the support and to update ya. Basically, things have gotten worse with the lack of time being spent together. We rarely speak on the phone anymore and it's just not good. So, I let him go last Monday. His whole thing is still "give me time..." I don't know how much more time I should be expected to wait. As far as I'm concerned and like I told that man, our relationship was left on Queensboro's visiting room floor, cause since then I don't know who he is anymore. He was a very different person even before he got locked up...so attentive and needing to speak to me daily. Now, puhlease! He's talking about preparing to start school, which will free up time....I'm fed up, though. If he don't want to be bothered, which is the way it's coming across, there's another man, who will.
It makes no sense to me that he proposed to me on 7/1/07, asked my mother to visit him, which she did YET his mother still has no clue that he proposed, cause he was waiting on the right time! WHAT THE F^%$ EVER! It's a wrap on that one.

I hope and pray that everyone else waiting on a man has better luck than I did. And it's unfortunate but to me this is the reason dudes get f^%$ed over when they're locked up with their women either walking away from them altogether or screwing other men. Cause I'll be damned if I do this sh%$ again for another man!

Wow I hate that you had to even go thru all of this just to find out that he wasn't the one but like I told another young lady on here who also had a break up with her man after incarceration ' life goes on. Our blessings are always in disguise.
Sometimes we hold on to things GOD wants us to let go I will tell any woman dealing with a incarcerated love, you really have to wait & see what kind of person your man is when he is actually home. People change after prison they are no longer needy and the real THEM comes out. I will say to you be so blessed you were able to see this now before you all got married and really serious, because that would have been a major set back for you so look @ this as a blessing and dont have no regrets @ you tried.

Good luck babycuz you are a good sister there is something better waiting for you in your future.

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  #92  
Old 06-05-2008, 07:49 AM
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As always, thanks to Patty for another great post. Unfortunately I don't think I can share anything right now, as things are in an uneasy state PLUS the fact that there is a member following me around the boards and (I suspect) trying to cause major turmoil in my life. So I will sit back and quietly offer words of encouragement or advice if I have some... but as for me... all I can say is things are definitely NOT how I would have expected OR hoped they would be!
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Old 06-08-2008, 08:31 AM
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As always, thanks to Patty for another great post. Unfortunately I don't think I can share anything right now, as things are in an uneasy state PLUS the fact that there is a member following me around the boards and (I suspect) trying to cause major turmoil in my life. So I will sit back and quietly offer words of encouragement or advice if I have some... but as for me... all I can say is things are definitely NOT how I would have expected OR hoped they would be!
Seems like the stalking syndrome is quite common around here... I have seen that too many times... thankfully haven't had to deal with it myself as of yet.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:11 AM
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Well DJ is home now and we have been doing good. It's so nice to have him home. He has even started looking for a job. I am trying to be supportive towards him and keep him motivated because finding a job is not easy for him. He is even looking into getting some type of training. I will keep you all posted.

Thanks for the support ... specially Patty, Jen, Spooky, and all my chat buddies!
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Old 09-01-2008, 07:37 AM
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KS ~ Welcome home to DJ and welcome to you to the Now That Your Loved One Is Home Forum!!!

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  #96  
Old 09-18-2008, 05:48 PM
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We made it thru our 1st month! He's doing ok! Things are not perfect but each day is getting better.

Thnx Patty! I miss you
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Old 09-18-2008, 06:05 PM
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congrats and good luck
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  #98  
Old 09-22-2008, 04:59 AM
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Congratulations!
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Old 09-23-2008, 02:12 PM
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okay my loved one came into my life on september 9th of this year 2008 he was really unkind but i love him no matter what i lost it to him but i have no regret now hes back in there and it makes me feel used by him but once again what if im wrong i need some help i try my best to keep this together =/
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Old 10-07-2008, 04:37 PM
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Quote:
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Wow I hate that you had to even go thru all of this just to find out that he wasn't the one but like I told another young lady on here who also had a break up with her man after incarceration ' life goes on. Our blessings are always in disguise.
Sometimes we hold on to things GOD wants us to let go I will tell any woman dealing with a incarcerated love, you really have to wait & see what kind of person your man is when he is actually home. People change after prison they are no longer needy and the real THEM comes out. I will say to you be so blessed you were able to see this now before you all got married and really serious, because that would have been a major set back for you so look @ this as a blessing and dont have no regrets @ you tried.

Good luck babycuz you are a good sister there is something better waiting for you in your future.

I am kicking my own butt because boy it has been a week and you talking about hectic and stressful. I was so stupid to marry this man not knowing the real side of him before he was incarcerated. He was the promise maker and that is all too. He layed some serious lies on me. I have been taking care of this man for three years and I don't think I can take it much longer. Pray for me and I will keep you all updated on the status.
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