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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #26  
Old 02-10-2007, 02:46 PM
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Wow, so glad that this thread is here! My fiance just came home a little over a week ago, and things have been going pretty good so far. I mean we have had a few little fights, but nothing major. He was in before and the last time he got out, I hadn't found PTO yet, so I was so frustrated with his behavior. This time I was better prepared, it's so good to hear other couples' stories. I really needed to hear that other people are going through the same things. Thanks for sharing your stories ladies!
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  #27  
Old 02-10-2007, 02:51 PM
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Tish ~ I feel as you do about the support that comes from being a member of PTO and I'm glad to see it is working for you. Best of luck to you and yours...

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  #28  
Old 02-27-2007, 06:31 PM
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Question this isn't what i thought it was going to be

Hi everyone,

i really need help with this one so please tell me what you can

well that day i had been waiting for finally came, he walked out the prison gates, and we went home together.

now it's been six years since he was last out, we met three years ago while he was in and i've been waiting like a mess of nerves ever since and then there he was.

now this is a weird one and it's really hard to talk about but he just doesn't want to touch me. he's not a very affectionate person much at all and we do some touching but in a lot of ways he feels like a roommate

can anyone help me with this its so hard to talk about..he doesn't even want sex at all..and i feel horrible...
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  #29  
Old 02-27-2007, 08:27 PM
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I wish I knew what to say.

Have you been able to share your feelings w/ him?

Give him time, he might need re-adjusting.

Wishing you the best.
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  #30  
Old 03-13-2007, 06:03 PM
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Default Home ... Now What

Yeah, I trying hard to adjust to 6 years living on my own to having him here. I love him to death and wouldn't give him up for anything.
So I'm learning to be patient and try to share him with his friends and family on a moment's notice. Learning to mesh with his lifestyle of staying out later than I could last...
There is no saving with him home b/c even with no collect calls and canteen, there are now more groceries... cell phone bill and spending money for him.... LOL
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  #31  
Old 03-14-2007, 11:48 AM
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okay i must say first thing first i think this thread is such a good idea too...well it's been todays since he's been home and i am learnin to deal with my patience f'realz........he's on house arrest so he wants this and that....and him with this job thing e'er thing is moving slow...but he wants it, like yesterday.......so i'm tryin to keep my head....lol....but i looove him we've been thru alot in the past years and i just pray that he nevers leaves me and goes back to that place.......
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  #32  
Old 03-28-2007, 09:34 AM
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I can't believe I missed this thread for so long! For those who don't know... My husband has been out for 18 months, I wasn's sure if we were going to be able to work things out because of so much hurt and bitterness, I did not visit him but once the 9 months he was away on a PV. When I picked him up from the facility, my heart just swelled, I was still in love with him and thought that I might give it another shot. He did not immediately move in with me, instead with a friend to give himself time to get his affairs in order, job, car, etc. on his own. You see, every other time when he was released it was me who ran around trying to get him set up, I didn't want to repeat the pattern and now I know that I did the right thing. We did see one another about every other day while he was "living" with a friend. When he had gotten everything accomplished on his won, we discussed our relationship and he moved back in with me and our kids. He hit one bump in the road back in May 2006, hung around his estranged brother (meth dealer), and I knew things were headed south. We immediately went to counseling, NA and re-evaluated our relationship and options. The counseling SAVED our marriage!
Since then, things have been wonderful. He is the man I always knew he could be. He works hard, comes home every evening and wants to be involved in every aspect of the kids and household. Coaches our son's sports teams, attends church, helps the elderly.
He said he now knows what is important to him. He understands that he cannot have any drug and it not control him, He has to stay away from any and all people who use including his family in order to ensure he wont relapse.
FINALLY! after 13 years he gets it and I am the happiest I have ever been. Now, I havent completely exhaled yet, but with each passing day, the breath I hold gets smaller and smaller. I would like to instill in others that there is hope out there, that SOME people really do change.
Peace to all
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  #33  
Old 03-30-2007, 01:17 PM
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I'm happy that you are happy. It's a beautiful feeling when you are at peace with your man. Any relationship takes time and patience. I just read my post from November. Reading that old post boosted my spirits. Yes people do change especially with enough prayer.
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  #34  
Old 03-31-2007, 02:33 AM
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WELL MY HUSBAND IS DUE TO BE RELEASED IN 92 DAYS, AND I AM EXCITED... WELL THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT, TO BE EXACT... I MUST ADMIT I REALLY NERVOUS, HAPPY , NERVOUS ANXIOUS, AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT... BUT I GUESS MY QUESTION IS ANY SUGGESTIONS TO EASE ALL THESE MIXED UP EMOTIONS?? AND I AM NOT SAYING I AM HAVING 2ND THOUGHTS AT ALL. I LOVE HIM , WE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20 PLUS YRS, BUT THIS OUR 1ST RODEO ON BEING SEPERATED, AND NOW HE IS COMING HOME , I WANT TO PINCH MYSELF IS THIS REAL??? TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING READY, I GUESS YOU CAN NOT GET IT ALL TOGETHER?? RT?? ANY LADIES??
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Old 03-31-2007, 10:23 AM
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Default I need some advice too...

First off let me start by saying this is a great thread.

Second, I need some advice about Rico. He will be here in about an month. Good right?? I dont know about that. Dont get me wrong Im happy that he is coming home but the things that he wants to do...
Like he wants to go kick it w/his "friends" WHAT FRIENDS??? YOU MEAN THE ONES THAT LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WENT TO PRISON?THAT DIDNT WRITE OR EVEN ASK HOW YOU ARE DOING!!!!!
he wants to LIVE w/his "family" WHAT FAMILY?? THE ONES WHO CANT WRITE AND LIE ABOUT THE PAROLE OFFICER?? HUH? WHAT?? Am i missing here?? I just dont get it. I do all the work, i drive all the way to see you but yet Im getting put on the back burner.
I guess after all my rambling i just want to know how do i tell him how i feel? When I talk to him about it at visits we end up arguing b/c I cant get it all out and we only have 2 hrs. Seems like a long time but not long enough.

**HELP ME PLEASE**
He tells me at the visits that he will show me better then he can tell me that things arent going to be the way that it seems that they are. How can he say that. Ive seen first hand how is family is. He knows it.

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH can someone please help me before I lose it.

THANKS...

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  #36  
Old 03-31-2007, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes 2001
WELL MY HUSBAND IS DUE TO BE RELEASED IN 92 DAYS, AND I AM EXCITED... WELL THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT, TO BE EXACT... I MUST ADMIT I REALLY NERVOUS, HAPPY , NERVOUS ANXIOUS, AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT... BUT I GUESS MY QUESTION IS ANY SUGGESTIONS TO EASE ALL THESE MIXED UP EMOTIONS?? AND I AM NOT SAYING I AM HAVING 2ND THOUGHTS AT ALL. I LOVE HIM , WE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20 PLUS YRS, BUT THIS OUR 1ST RODEO ON BEING SEPERATED, AND NOW HE IS COMING HOME , I WANT TO PINCH MYSELF IS THIS REAL??? TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING READY, I GUESS YOU CAN NOT GET IT ALL TOGETHER?? RT?? ANY LADIES??
Hey greeneyes ~ ya just do what you can and trust me I'm sure it will be more than enough. He is not likely to move the refrigerator to see if you swept behind it, feel me? Enjoy your homecoming together and let us know how things are going.

All the best,
Patty
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  #37  
Old 03-31-2007, 10:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FREE RICO D
First off let me start by saying this is a great thread.

Second, I need some advice about Rico. He will be here in about an month. Good right?? I dont know about that. Dont get me wrong Im happy that he is coming home but the things that he wants to do...
Like he wants to go kick it w/his "friends" WHAT FRIENDS??? YOU MEAN THE ONES THAT LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WENT TO PRISON?THAT DIDNT WRITE OR EVEN ASK HOW YOU ARE DOING!!!!!
he wants to LIVE w/his "family" WHAT FAMILY?? THE ONES WHO CANT WRITE AND LIE ABOUT THE PAROLE OFFICER?? HUH? WHAT?? Am i missing here?? I just dont get it. I do all the work, i drive all the way to see you but yet Im getting put on the back burner.
I guess after all my rambling i just want to know how do i tell him how i feel? When I talk to him about it at visits we end up arguing b/c I cant get it all out and we only have 2 hrs. Seems like a long time but not long enough.

**HELP ME PLEASE**
He tells me at the visits that he will show me better then he can tell me that things arent going to be the way that it seems that they are. How can he say that. Ive seen first hand how is family is. He knows it.

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH can someone please help me before I lose it.

THANKS...
It is hard that so many of our men run right back to the people and situations that got them into trouble in the first place or at least to "kick it" with those that can't be bothered with them while they are incarcerated.

I have to tell you from personal experience that you cannot tell him who to spend his time with, that NEVER works and he's just gonna have to find out on his own in his own time what he should be doing. The only thing you can do is look out for yourself and that includes talking to him BEFORE he gets home about YOUR needs, expectations, desires and deal breakers. This will set up the foundation for your relationship when he gets out. It will give you a place to go back to and say, "hey we talked about and agreed to this or that..." instead of just coming off like you are unhappy without just cause. Communication is key to any successful relationship and the time is now to put your feelings out there to him.

I wish you both the best of luck,
Patty
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  #38  
Old 03-31-2007, 11:03 AM
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right now he is running himself in the ground thinking he has to take care of everything all at once.

wanting me to be miss chaffeur at his beck & call. saying if i dont he'll drive illegaly.

still holding alot of anger towards me from over 2 years ago, yet his "friends" who called the cops on him & got him in for 2 years, he is forgiving & quite friendly with.

its been 3 weeks, a strange 3 weeks.
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:12 AM
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flamered ~ sorry this is a trying time for you. You may recall that Sebastian and I on this our second homecoming had some struggles to deal with immediately upon his release and it was one of the most difficult times in my life. We made it through though and I'm wishing all the best for you and yours. We're definitely here for you...

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Old 03-31-2007, 11:19 AM
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cool thanks.

i feel like im living 2 different lives.

& like i said he still goes off on me about things that happened over 2 years ago.
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:25 AM
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flamered ~ he's got stuff he needs to work out for himself. I am NOT by any means making excuses for him (because if I'm being completely honest it pisses me off) but want to remind you that you are so capable of taking care of you and he has to come to terms with whatever is going on his mind and environment while you carry on strongly for you and your child.

Hang in there,
Patty
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  #42  
Old 03-31-2007, 11:35 AM
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Wow, another month has passed by just that quick
Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
It is hard that so many of our men run right back to the people and situations that got them into trouble in the first place or at least to "kick it" with those that can't be bothered with them while they are incarcerated.

I have to tell you from personal experience that you cannot tell him who to spend his time with, that NEVER works and he's just gonna have to find out on his own in his own time what he should be doing. The only thing you can do is look out for yourself and that includes talking to him BEFORE he gets home about YOUR needs, expectations, desires and deal breakers. This will set up the foundation for your relationship when he gets out. It will give you a place to go back to and say, "hey we talked about and agreed to this or that..." instead of just coming off like you are unhappy without just cause. Communication is key to any successful relationship and the time is now to put your feelings out there to him.

I wish you both the best of luck,
Patty
I agree with Patty on this one.... even if his friends didnt do all the things you listed, it wont necessarily cause him to just leave them alone. Think about how we are with family...no matter what they do to us, they're still your family...This may be how your man looks at it.

I would suggest that you make sure you still have a life when he comes home. Dont expect him to want to spend EVERY waking moment with you. You wont be put on the back burner, but you (probably) wont be his EVERYTHING like you probably are right now because he has alot more freedom to do the things he couldnt do.

Best wishes to a happy & peaceful homecoming!
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flamered
cool thanks.

i feel like im living 2 different lives.

& like i said he still goes off on me about things that happened over 2 years ago.
now this is one of the worst, when the past keeps being brought up! I hope hes able to forgive and come to terms with whatever happened back then...

Hang in there.
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:39 AM
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Thanks for patty for responding. I feel like the more I talk to him about this we dont get anywhere.
I feel like Im nagging and I dont want to do that. Im not going to tell him who to hang out w/... Im not his mom. like you said he will have to figure that out on his own.
W/the whole family thing... I forgive my family too but man I refuse to run into a brick wall time and time again.
Whats crazy is me and rico talk about everything but some things are so touchy and 2 hrs is a limited amount of time to talk... BOY I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN HE IS HOME.
Who knows... maybe things will work it self out by the time he comes home. I just gotta continue to think positive. Again thanks for responding.
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FREE RICO D
I just gotta continue to think positive. Again thanks for responding.
You just gave yourself the best advice!

Wishing you and yours all the best,
Patty
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:42 AM
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I understand that he has to work things out for himself & get his head clear.

Though its almost like i go into mother mode when im around him.

I am just irritated.

He told me the other day that i am now high maintance & that when he met me i wasnt. Meaning that i rely on him for things now.

I have been almost completely relying on myself to take of things, people & animals myself. Unless it is beyond my means than i would ask for help, like if my car needs repairs or something.

Heck, kiddo & i have spent nearly $1000 to save one of our cats & it was her college money!

I take care of our little family. If he wants to be part of it, he needs to get himself straight & i already told him that.

Sorry for being long winded, still irritated.

Thanks.



Quote:
Originally Posted by HotLatinaMILF4U
flamered ~ he's got stuff he needs to work out for himself. I am NOT by any means making excuses for him (because if I'm being completely honest it pisses me off) but want to remind you that you are so capable of taking care of you and he has to come to terms with whatever is going on his mind and environment while you carry on strongly for you and your child.

Hang in there,
Patty
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RAG4LIFE
Wow, another month has passed by just that quick
I agree with Patty on this one.... even if his friends didnt do all the things you listed, it wont necessarily cause him to just leave them alone. Think about how we are with family...no matter what they do to us, they're still your family...This may be how your man looks at it.

I would suggest that you make sure you still have a life when he comes home. Dont expect him to want to spend EVERY waking moment with you. You wont be put on the back burner, but you (probably) wont be his EVERYTHING like you probably are right now because he has alot more freedom to do the things he couldnt do.

Best wishes to a happy & peaceful homecoming!
I dont want to be his everything. I want him to do all the things he would do just like if he hasnt been to prison. But this is nothing new to rico. he knows that the things he does will get him in trouble. This friends that im talking about are known... if you know what I mean. I just dont want to see him back where he is now.
I will always have a life. No matter what. Nothing stops me from being me. That means I would change for the worse and I cant allow that to happen.
Thanks for responding and the well wishes. Pray the best but except the worst. thats all I can do.
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flamered

I take care of our little family. If he wants to be part of it, he needs to get himself straight & i already told him that.

Sorry for being long winded, still irritated.

Thanks.
You are a good mother. You are strong and you know what you want and need. These are all good nooooo GREAT things, now if only HE can get it together and be a part of all of that, yanno? Sorry you are irritated, you have every right to that and any other emotion that comes up. Don't apologize though cuz this is what we're here for, honey.

Hugggz,
Patty
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Old 03-31-2007, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FREE RICO D
I dont want to be his everything. I want him to do all the things he would do just like if he hasnt been to prison. But this is nothing new to rico. he knows that the things he does will get him in trouble. This friends that im talking about are known... if you know what I mean. I just dont want to see him back where he is now.
I will always have a life. No matter what. Nothing stops me from being me. That means I would change for the worse and I cant allow that to happen.
Thanks for responding and the well wishes. Pray the best but except the worst. thats all I can do.
Truthfully, I never liked that saying..lol...cuz it seems like why pray for the best if you dont expect to get the best, you feel me?
Anyway, I know you dont WANT to be his everything, but alot of times thats what happens when guys are in jail/prison...Their woman ends up being everything to them...the only person who handles the appeals, phone calls, letter writing, etc...thats what I meant about being his everything.

And when I stated to make sure you still have a life, I was speaking from my own experience because I know I became so wrapped up in making sure his business was taken care of and wanting to always be around him, that when he wanted to do something outside of me, I was looking like, ooookkk, what can I do in the meantime besides watch tv and PTO (lol).... and I really couldnt think of too much lol

Keep us updated
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Old 03-31-2007, 06:28 PM
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I will. Thank you for giving me your advice. I wish I could talk to him about him but thats ok. Women to women we know how we feel and we can relate. I hope that made sense. -lol-
I will defintely keep everyone updated.
Thanks again!!!
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