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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 08-16-2010, 10:28 AM
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Default He's coming home soon

Hi all,
My husband is being released soon, for that I am so happy. BUT, he is an alcoholic, he knows it, I know it. He has agreed to not drink, except for the one big party he wants when he gets home.
How do I tell him how wrong I think that is? My husband can not just drink a little. He drinks until he passes out, or there is nothing left to drink. Then, depending on how much he's already had, he goes to get more.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother, I thank God, am not an alcoholic. I can take it or leave it.
I thought, with him being in prison for 2 years BECAUSE OF HIS DRINKING, he wouldn't have a problem coming home and not drinking. He's already gone through the withdrawals and such.
I have been trying to get away with not saying anything, but I really need to talk to him.
How do I talk to him about it, without it sounding like I am telling him what to do? I hate people telling me what to do, and I hate doing that to others.
I love him, I love his clear, shiny, blue eyes when he's not drinking.
I just don't want to make him feel like I'm telling him what to do, or giving him ultimatums.

Any suggestions?? Thanks!
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Old 08-16-2010, 10:39 AM
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Many you could send him some literature on AA or something else recovery-related?

Alternatively, you could say to him that he can do whatever he wants, but that you are not going to participate in his drinking in any way -- even if that means skipping the homecoming party. You can tell him to choose -- drinking at the party or spending time with you at the party.
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Old 08-16-2010, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by ohsweetmaryjane View Post
Many you could send him some literature on AA or something else recovery-related?

Alternatively, you could say to him that he can do whatever he wants, but that you are not going to participate in his drinking in any way -- even if that means skipping the homecoming party. You can tell him to choose -- drinking at the party or spending time with you at the party.
Thank you, that might just do it, not participating in his drinking in anyway. thank you
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:09 PM
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I agree I would not be going to that party either.
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  #5  
Old 09-02-2010, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heathendot View Post
hi all,
my husband is being released soon, for that i am so happy. But, he is an alcoholic, he knows it, i know it. He has agreed to not drink, except for the one big party he wants when he gets home.
How do i tell him how wrong i think that is? My husband can not just drink a little. He drinks until he passes out, or there is nothing left to drink. Then, depending on how much he's already had, he goes to get more.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother, i thank god, am not an alcoholic. I can take it or leave it.
I thought, with him being in prison for 2 years because of his drinking, he wouldn't have a problem coming home and not drinking. He's already gone through the withdrawals and such.
I have been trying to get away with not saying anything, but i really need to talk to him.
How do i talk to him about it, without it sounding like i am telling him what to do? I hate people telling me what to do, and i hate doing that to others.
I love him, i love his clear, shiny, blue eyes when he's not drinking.
I just don't want to make him feel like i'm telling him what to do, or giving him ultimatums.

Any suggestions?? Thanks!
i understand your fear but i dont have to worry for another 3yrs so i still let him no how scared i am when they do release him for my sweety he has a problem with crack which when he got out of rehab he thought by drinking his self into a stuper that would stop him from smoking of course he didnt listen to me when i told him that just dont work an for his drinking while driving he could have killed himself an others but god protected him threw it all an he only injured himself an 2 people an thank god not badly so i always talk to him about his addictive personality an u are his woman an u love him an only want whats best an nobody no there man like the woman he is with so you should talk to him about it an be blunt an let him no your concerns you dont wanna go threw this locked up shit again so talk about it an see where his head is because its like caging an monkey an my god when they let it loose its like im free i wanna do it all so i wish u the best an i will keep your man in prayer to get that out of his life good luck an god bless
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Old 09-02-2010, 07:06 PM
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My husband is an alcoholic too.

I know just how you feel.

When he is sober, he is my husband...I love him so much.

When he is drunk, he is not my husband...I hate him so much.

It is like having a relationship with 2 different husbands.

As the time for him to come home gets closer, I will feel just like you feel.
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:24 PM
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Tell him now that you will not have a relationship with him when he gets out if he chooses to have a relationship with alcohol.
That simple.
Its you or the bottle...he cant have both.
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Old 09-02-2010, 09:31 PM
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Also this...my aunt just came down for the weekend and she is a recovering alcoholic like myself.
When her son and his wife were pregnant with their first child they told her,"Mom if you want a relationship with your grandchild you can not drink."
THAT woke her up. She stopped.
Your guy seems to be in denial of his disease...throwing a party for his homecoming is tantamount to throwing a party for his re-entry back in.
Insanity. And thats just what it is...insanity.
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  #9  
Old 09-19-2010, 10:03 PM
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Your guy seems to be in denial of his disease...throwing a party for his homecoming is tantamount to throwing a party for his re-entry back in.
Insanity. And thats just what it is...insanity.
Truer words have never been spoken, I wrote him a letter and told him I do not want him to drink, not even one sip when he gets home. He got mad. His step mom sent him 15 pages of literature on alcohol and the effects it has on the body. He got even more mad.
I told him I will not drink with him, and if he wants to drink, he can go elsewhere. I think he thinks I'm kidding. He keeps insisting just one party to welcome him home. I told him I won't be there.
I've got 29 days till I go pick him up. As excited and happy as I am to go get him, I'm just as nervous and anxious and scared. I pray our first day together is not a huge argument, all this time waiting for him, just to have him come home and get drunk. I pray he doesn't do it. I pray he is stronger than the alcohol and that he loves himself enough.
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Old 09-20-2010, 09:07 AM
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I pray he doesn't do it. I pray he is stronger than the alcohol and that he loves himself enough.
He isnt stronger than the alcohol, he is powerless over it, thats where he is in denial.
I so feel for you... as long as he thinks he can just have one or two and get away with it, he will think he does not have a problem.
What are you doing to take care of you??
I think you know in your heart where this is heading...and im sorry.
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  #11  
Old 09-25-2010, 04:03 PM
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I have to say, if he starts out going to a big party and just has a few drinks... It's not likely to end there. I would be honest with him and tell him you don't want him drinking at all. If he chooses to drink and once again falls into his alcoholic patterns, he should know that that is something you don't want to put up with again. Tell him how you feel and if he gets mad about it then he probably is not serious about cleaning up his act. Best of luck though. I hope it all works out well.
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Old 09-25-2010, 04:54 PM
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You really don't have many choices - you either accept his alcoholism and all the chaos that comes with it, or you tell him that loving him as an alcoholic is much too painful and you will have to end the relationship.

That's it. There are no other options. And get yourself to an AlAnon meeting, fast!
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