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View Poll Results: Did you want to fall in love?
I was looking for love! 4 3.92%
I wasn't looking for love but wasn't opposed to it 34 33.33%
I did NOT want to fall in love (just wanted friends) 50 49.02%
I'm not in love 14 13.73%
Voters: 102. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 02-22-2014, 12:24 PM
Rachel011 Rachel011 is offline
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Question Who else didn't want to fall in love?

I didn't know where else to put this thread as my feelings are not just "pen-pal" material, but I'm not in a relationship with this man. I kind of wanted to rant about emotions. They can be so overwhelming and deceiving. I wanted to know how many other women didn't want to fall in love? Is this common when writing an inmate? Do these emotions pass?

I'm not "in love" with this man but it feels very similar (I honestly don't want to be in love, I think about how hard it would be! He has 20+ years). I don't want to feel this. I wrote looking for friendship and I have 3 pen-pals but this one guy just blew me away. My emotions are irrational as I've only known him for several months, but we talk on the phone about 3 times a week, get 3-4 letters a week, and have video chatted once. I'm planning on visiting him in the summer and I guess depending on how that goes I can tell if these feelings are real or not...Its just very frustrating to feel this. Overall I know my emotions are silly and I'm not going to rush into any kind of relationship (I don't even know if I could given the situation) but I was wondering if anyone could relate?

Thanks Ladies!
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Old 02-22-2014, 03:58 PM
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Yes I can. I didn't even think it was really possible to fall in love with someone through letters but it did happen.

Over the years of writing to L there were many time I would think, that is what I'm looking for. It wasn't just that he could say the 'right' things but, if he thought I was caught up in drama he would pull me up on it. He would notice inconsistencies and say something, and he has a spiritual side that I haven't met before.

7 years of being pen pals and I finally admitted I am in love. I read some of his old letters and he had been dropping hints about his feelings and I hadn't picked up on it. He told me he didn't want to push me away if I didn't feel the same. I think if we had had video visits and phone calls I would have fallen a lot faster.

So now we are MWI and I have no idea how this is going to work out. All I can do is take the steps I can take to prepare to move (I'm overseas) and let the rest unfold. We are both realistic, we know it's not going to be easy but we will work it out together.

Your pal has a long time ahead of him so there is a lot to consider. 20 years could mean you won't have the opportunity to have kids so if that is important to you you need to think about pursuing a relationship.

Maybe read through the MWI and loving a long term offender forums too.
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Old 02-22-2014, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by tracys View Post
Yes I can. I didn't even think it was really possible to fall in love with someone through letters but it did happen.

Over the years of writing to L there were many time I would think, that is what I'm looking for. It wasn't just that he could say the 'right' things but, if he thought I was caught up in drama he would pull me up on it. He would notice inconsistencies and say something, and he has a spiritual side that I haven't met before.

7 years of being pen pals and I finally admitted I am in love. I read some of his old letters and he had been dropping hints about his feelings and I hadn't picked up on it. He told me he didn't want to push me away if I didn't feel the same. I think if we had had video visits and phone calls I would have fallen a lot faster.

So now we are MWI and I have no idea how this is going to work out. All I can do is take the steps I can take to prepare to move (I'm overseas) and let the rest unfold. We are both realistic, we know it's not going to be easy but we will work it out together.

Your pal has a long time ahead of him so there is a lot to consider. 20 years could mean you won't have the opportunity to have kids so if that is important to you you need to think about pursuing a relationship.

Maybe read through the MWI and loving a long term offender forums too.
Thanks Tracy for your meaningful reply. It is crazy to think someone could fall in love through letters isn't it? Yet once you do it doesn't seem so far fetched after all. You being overseas must be very hard so I admire your dedication, especially after 7 years.
I also think of myself as realistic and which is why its odd for me to have my emotions over power my logical thinking. Realistically, if I ever decided to have a relationship with K, it would be unbelievably hard, yet I can understand if someone loved a person so much that there wasn't a way to live without them , that they'd go through all those hardships to be with that one person. I'm definitely not at that point in the relationship.
As for kids I actually have never wanted any and have no plans to, but then again Im only 23 and I don't know what 30 year old me will think. But that is something big I'd have to consider, thanks for that thought. I hope everything goes smoothly for your move!:]
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Old 02-22-2014, 04:35 PM
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You're welcome. Message me if you like.

I didn't want kids when I was 23 either, that changed around 25. I am at a point where I'm happy if I do and I'm ok if I don't. I think it's a good place to be regardless how you meet someone. I am now 34 and L is 43 this year and still in prison so it's something that may not happen for us.
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Old 02-23-2014, 04:01 AM
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Default i didnt want to fall

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel011 View Post
I didn't know where else to put this thread as my feelings are not just "pen-pal" material, but I'm not in a relationship with this man. I kind of wanted to rant about emotions. They can be so overwhelming and deceiving. I wanted to know how many other women didn't want to fall in love? Is this common when writing an inmate? Do these emotions pass?

I'm not "in love" with this man but it feels very similar (I honestly don't want to be in love, I think about how hard it would be! He has 20+ years). I don't want to feel this. I wrote looking for friendship and I have 3 pen-pals but this one guy just blew me away. My emotions are irrational as I've only known him for several months, but we talk on the phone about 3 times a week, get 3-4 letters a week, and have video chatted once. I'm planning on visiting him in the summer and I guess depending on how that goes I can tell if these feelings are real or not...Its just very frustrating to feel this. Overall I know my emotions are silly and I'm not going to rush into any kind of relationship (I don't even know if I could given the situation) but I was wondering if anyone could relate?

Thanks Ladies!

hi I can relate almost 100%
I've known this guy for almost nine years. we stopped talking due to the fact he got locked up and we just stopped talking and plus I had gotten a bf. sometime late December of 2013 he wrote me from jail asking how I was doing. the next week I went to go visit him. I was so scared...I haven't stopped talking to him once and I seen him every weekend since. I have these strong feelings for him and I'm scared its the L word. when ever I talk to him, see him, or get one of his letters I get so happy. I feel like he almost always knows what to say. He's looking at max four years, or so I hope. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him. all I wanted was a good friend. So you not the only one with those feelings because I didn't attend to start fall for this guy.
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Old 02-23-2014, 04:33 PM
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I voted not in love.

Did my research on here and made the decision to write to the total opposite of me so there would be no mix-ups!! So I'm a gay woman and I write to a straight man. I'm in a long-standing relationship and the last thing I wanted was a pal getting anything close to the wrong idea.

My pal is like my second big bro.
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:08 PM
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Originally Posted by mooshy View Post
I voted not in love.

Did my research on here and made the decision to write to the total opposite of me so there would be no mix-ups!! So I'm a gay woman and I write to a straight man. I'm in a long-standing relationship and the last thing I wanted was a pal getting anything close to the wrong idea.

My pal is like my second big bro.
Thats a smart move Mooshy!
I probably should have done the same, but in my defense there are a lot more male prison pen pals than females. Thats not a good excuse though xD... Anyhow now Im stuck with these feelings and they seem to be growing everyday, can't deny they make me feel very nice inside.
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by est93 View Post
hi I can relate almost 100%
I've known this guy for almost nine years. we stopped talking due to the fact he got locked up and we just stopped talking and plus I had gotten a bf. sometime late December of 2013 he wrote me from jail asking how I was doing. the next week I went to go visit him. I was so scared...I haven't stopped talking to him once and I seen him every weekend since. I have these strong feelings for him and I'm scared its the L word. when ever I talk to him, see him, or get one of his letters I get so happy. I feel like he almost always knows what to say. He's looking at max four years, or so I hope. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him. all I wanted was a good friend. So you not the only one with those feelings because I didn't attend to start fall for this guy.
Thanks. I'm on the same boat I believe its the "L word", but that would just change my life so much it's something I would have preferred not to feel. You can't help who you fall in love with... or so they say ;P I wish you good luck in your relationship, wherever it may take you!
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:43 AM
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I'm not MWI, but hell no!!! Love was the LAST thing I was looking for. But like they say, play with fire and your likely to get burned.
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Old 03-10-2014, 05:22 AM
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Finding love in a prison was the last thing on my mind. I just started writing a few guys to maybe spread a little hope and friendship. Just happened to find my soulmate.
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Old 03-15-2014, 08:47 PM
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Being with him wasn't my intention. My intention was to get a friend to write to. My brothers always told me getting a letter brightens a persons day in there. So I am like wth wth why not. He is the first pen pal I have ever had. He said when they called him for mail call he was super happy. Over time emotions on both ends developed and here we are me states away loving a man who gets me and gives me a reason to smile and laugh.
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Old 03-16-2014, 12:00 AM
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I definitely wasn't looking to start up a relationship with my pen-pal, let alone fall madly in love. And once I stopped denying my feelings & accepted that I had indeed "fallen", our beautiful journey together truly began. And now we are married!!

I didn't think it was possible...to fall in love via the U.S. Postal Service with a man doing time. WOW, was I wrong
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Old 05-26-2014, 04:51 AM
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well it's official, I'm pretty much head over heels for this man and you know what? It's pretty amazing.
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Old 07-05-2014, 11:44 AM
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I'm not alone then, however it took 20 years of writing and a friendship before we both realise there was something more going on! I was scared as hell at first thinking what the hell am I doing? But then you know what! He is set to die at some point by the state and my time could come a any point; who knowns? So I'm going to live my life how I want as its not hurting anyone else. If people don't like it, they can go and grumble about it on a pro death penally forum and leave me alone.

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Old 09-14-2014, 06:42 PM
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I am not in love YET! I am getting attached to my pen pal. From the first time I saw him on tv, I knew I liked him. I like him more every day. :-)
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Old 09-15-2014, 06:58 AM
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Nightlight your post truly moved me...
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Old 09-20-2014, 07:54 AM
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Yep, same here. Good news for me is that it was a short road for me. She had a 4 yr sentence and I have only been along for the ride for the last year.

At the time I was juggling 15 pen pals because I was unemployed and needed something positive to look fwd to. She would have made 16. I left her on my Jpay debating whether or not I wanted to write, and she wrote me a month later because my name showed up on her list of contacts. The rest is history.

I have already met her mom, father, step father, brother, and children as well.

P.S. I no longer juggle 15. I think I had a temporary case of insanity. Its a huge responsibility.
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Old 09-26-2014, 11:58 AM
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I think I am still trying to fight falling in love with him. I catch myself wanting to say I love you but then stop and say something foolish like... You are pretty cool. Derp. Haha.

It's crazy because we connect in a way I didn't think was possible. I meet many men everyday and it's so strange that in all these years none have made me feel like this man does. It's as though my dream man, who I never expected to exist, has come walking out of my mind into reality... Except he is incarcerated. Oh cruel fate!
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Old 09-26-2014, 12:38 PM
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We have been writing few months now and I am surprised at how quickly and easily feelings appear, I didnt expect this. But, tragically, he is due to die in February of next year...
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Old 10-07-2014, 07:49 AM
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I started to write a few women in prison as I was written to when I was locked up. But one woman stood out from the other and I soon found myself writing to her exclusively. We connected in so many ways from our views and beliefs to what we wanted in life. Oh we had our share of disagreements but we could always agree to disagree as they say.
Lisa and I have been writing, emailing and talking on the phone for over three months now. At first I steered clear of any talk of growing feelings and it was on a call with her that we both at the same time came out and said the "I am liking" you words. From then on we started to explore our feelings for each other.
Now here we are in love with each other. We are still growing together and are using the balance of her time to become as close as we can as we are planning for her to come out here when she is released.
Now some will say...how can you really know her. Well having been in prison has given me a "test it out" attitude. What I mean is that I have checked her out in background checks, talking with the prison and other sources. Nothing she has ever told me or shared with me has ever contradicted what I have found. If anything, she has been very open and honest about all things, even the dark stuff.
So, yes...I have fallen in love without really looking for it. I am thankful I did as she is a very special woman and is my soul mate. Looking forward to our coming visits and some time together.
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Old 10-08-2014, 09:28 PM
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I dont know if its love, but im really crushing like 2 guys. I want to talk to one of them on the phone, but im scared I love you will slip out.
One of them said he wanted to visit me after he gets out. <3 <3 <3

Im also surprised at how easy it was. It only took two months of writing letters!
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Old 10-11-2014, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
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We have been writing few months now and I am surprised at how quickly and easily feelings appear, I didnt expect this. But, tragically, he is due to die in February of next year...
Red, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through - if my PP was on DR and I was feeling what I'm feeling for him now...I wouldn't know what to do

I hope your PP's situation changes before February - never lose hope ! My hat's off to you for being there for him
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Old 11-16-2014, 01:19 AM
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I already loved him...but we were just friends...he secretly felt the same way...eventually I just told him...I felt he was looking at a lot of time so I would have plenty of time to deal with the rejection... But instead he said I was afraid of you rejecting me...so I was just secretly loving you...now the secrets out and we're sooo in love lol
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Old 12-02-2014, 04:55 PM
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I wrote not in love although there are strong feelings on both side which we discussed after writing to each other for over a year.

Given that my PP is on DR and I am living on a different continent, there is zero chance anything would ever come of it . We joke about it now but we both know it's not funny. I have promised him I would be there when his last day on earth approaches and I have every intention of keeping that promise. He means too much to me to back away when the going gets tough.

We call each other pet names and jokes around what it would be like if we actually met but that's as far as it goes.
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Old 11-07-2017, 09:04 AM
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I was looking for friends, not romance. Till I found this guy who stole my heart without even trying.
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