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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 07-14-2017, 11:02 PM
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Default My heart hurts today

6 years down and 14 to go...and I have cried every day this week. Nothing is new or different, I am just having a hard time with our distance. For years, I thought nothing of driving hours (up to 15) to see him, and now he's at the other end of the country. I just miss him so much. I really feel like a part of me is missing. It's been a year now, and we are praying he can transfer anywhere closer in the next few months, but this week has just hit me hard
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Old 07-15-2017, 02:34 AM
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Oh hon, I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine. I have no personal point of reference for the length of his sentence, but info for the distance.

It's hard when your other half is so far that you aren't able to visit. I went three years without seeing my husband. When he was arrested, I had to return to my hometown in Illinois. He was in Arizona. It's hard not to be able to share special days because he is just too far away. There are times when a phone call just doesn't do it...

My heart goes out to you and I will say a prayer that he can be moved closer to you. My inbox is always open anytime you need to talk.
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Old 07-15-2017, 09:15 AM
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Thank you for the kind words and prayers
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Old 07-15-2017, 09:17 AM
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Thank you for the kind words and prayers
Oh hon, you're welcome. As I said before... Anytime you need an ear...
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Old 07-15-2017, 10:56 AM
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Ugh that must be horrible I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see my husband. But being close to him and not having him home hurts my heart everyday. I hate this.
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:11 AM
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I get to visit 4 times a year. So, we make it work. But it's still hard nonetheless :/
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Old 07-19-2017, 06:15 PM
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My heart breaks for you. It really does. I hope that he is able to transfer to a facility that makes visiting more of a possibility for you guys. Even with phone calls and letters, going without seeing your partner is so incredibly difficult.
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Old 07-19-2017, 06:20 PM
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I'm so sorry I can't imagine is there any way you can try to move closer to him? Maybe apply online for jobs near him.
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Old 07-19-2017, 06:33 PM
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Thank you. Kind words always lift your spirits. It is difficult to go so long without seeing him. We had planned for me to move out there, but then he went to team and they said he could put in to transfer in the fall. So, we've been trying to ride it out.
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Old 07-19-2017, 06:45 PM
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Thank you. Kind words always lift your spirits. It is difficult to go so long without seeing him. We had planned for me to move out there, but then he went to team and they said he could put in to transfer in the fall. So, we've been trying to ride it out.
Well that's great, I'm glad a transfer is in the works. Hang in there.
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Old 07-20-2017, 12:13 AM
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We spent three years with 4-5 visits per year. I understand. Now that I'm close and visit twice a month, I'm going to be honest and say they are drawbacks to both situations.

I miss the buildup and specialness of those infrequent visits. I miss the clear memories of what we said and the funny things that happened. Now, our visits are routine and it's all starting to blur together. That's not a reflection on our marriage or commitment, just a fact.

Of course there are pluses-- I can make a surprise visit if I get the itch and have the money. I don't have to wait three months to see his funny tanline from the watch he bought. I get to hug him more often.

It's definitely hard being so far. But when you're closer and you're visiting more frequently, I promise you'll look back at this time and have feelings of gratitude and nostalgia. Hang tight, hun. Things change when they're supposed to.
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Old 07-20-2017, 12:36 AM
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Originally Posted by His_Queen13 View Post
6 years down and 14 to go...and I have cried every day this week. Nothing is new or different, I am just having a hard time with our distance. For years, I thought nothing of driving hours (up to 15) to see him, and now he's at the other end of the country. I just miss him so much. I really feel like a part of me is missing. It's been a year now, and we are praying he can transfer anywhere closer in the next few months, but this week has just hit me hard
Sorry to hear about your dilemma, I'm in the same boat. I'm in Africa and it's just so hard to be so far away from my husband. It's been almost a year since I last saw him. I pray that your husbands transfer will be successful and I pray that the Almighty strengthens you.
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Old 07-20-2017, 07:03 PM
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It's definitely hard being so far. But when you're closer and you're visiting more frequently, I promise you'll look back at this time and have feelings of gratitude and nostalgia. Hang tight, hun. Things change when they're supposed to.

Thank you. I definitely do appreciate our visits more. I agree, I think it's the separation and not being able to go when I want to. He means the world & I'll keep hanging on. it's nice to hear I'm not always alone in this.
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Old 07-20-2017, 07:04 PM
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Sorry to hear about your dilemma, I'm in the same boat. I'm in Africa and it's just so hard to be so far away from my husband. It's been almost a year since I last saw him. I pray that your husbands transfer will be successful and I pray that the Almighty strengthens you.


Thank you for the prayers. They are always welcomed. I pray you get to see your husband soon as well.
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Old 07-21-2017, 08:20 PM
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No sweetie you are not alone. That's what's nice about this site. First time post and new to this. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through. It makes me feel selfish mine is 2.5 hrs away and can only visit 1x or 2x a month. Im in 2 yrs now and we have hopefully only 1 to go. Now he's in the hole because an Sgt "felt" he was high. Tho my husband asked many times the day if and everyday since for a drug test to prove that he wasn't high at all. He is suppose to go to treatment next month and we are praying this doesn't kick him out. He completes treatment, he comes him August 2018. But iv e fought so much and there are just no rights for them in there. They are treated inhumanely and unfairly. Yes it's prison not a joy. They are there for a reason but everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Prisons have more issues with their own staff than they do our men and women!! I hare this!!!
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Old 07-21-2017, 08:54 PM
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I haven't been able to visit mine in 10 months. Money is tight and my old car well ya know. I miss him terrible. I understand and have a melt down a lot of times...
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Old 07-22-2017, 04:55 PM
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Oh hon, I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine. I have no personal point of reference for the length of his sentence, but info for the distance.

It's hard when your other half is so far that you aren't able to visit. I went three years without seeing my husband. When he was arrested, I had to return to my hometown in Illinois. He was in Arizona. It's hard not to be able to share special days because he is just too far away. There are times when a phone call just doesn't do it...

My heart goes out to you and I will say a prayer that he can be moved closer to you. My inbox is always open anytime you need to talk.
Mrs. B, I don't understand. Why are your loved ones incarcerated so far away ? Do I have to worry about my son Zach being sent out of state ? I didn't know they could do this .... I'm confused. Thanks for any info on this.
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Old 07-22-2017, 05:06 PM
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For us; he's in Federal custody. The BOP can house inmates anywhere in the U.S. So we had no choice where he went.
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Old 07-22-2017, 05:29 PM
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No sweetie you are not alone. That's what's nice about this site. First time post and new to this. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through. It makes me feel selfish mine is 2.5 hrs away and can only visit 1x or 2x a month. Im in 2 yrs now and we have hopefully only 1 to go. Now he's in the hole because an Sgt "felt" he was high. Tho my husband asked many times the day if and everyday since for a drug test to prove that he wasn't high at all. He is suppose to go to treatment next month and we are praying this doesn't kick him out. He completes treatment, he comes him August 2018. But iv e fought so much and there are just no rights for them in there. They are treated inhumanely and unfairly. Yes it's prison not a joy. They are there for a reason but everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Prisons have more issues with their own staff than they do our men and women!! I hare this!!!
Prayers sent up for you both ! Many hugs too.
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Old 07-22-2017, 06:19 PM
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Usually, I would have no way to relate to that kind of pain/distance. My husband and I are accustomed to visits every 3 to 4 weeks. I had foot surgery at the beginning of February. My husband wouldn't let me come until I could walk without assistance. When I could finally come in May after healing, I ended up getting another FALSE positive on that stupid Ion Scanner. So I waited the 30 days and tried again in June. Guess what? Another FALSE positive! Now, I am on a 90-day suspension (well that and I am dealing with the healing period of my OTHER foot surgery)! Boy, it's been a horrible year! I can totally relate to what you're feeling now! It's been 5.5 months and by the end of all this madness, it will be probably 10 months! I am going batsh*# crazy! And yes! Lots of teary moments/days! I am so sorry you are going through this! It doesn't make it better to know others are going through something similar, but at least you know you have people who can listen and relate!
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Old 07-22-2017, 07:26 PM
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Now, I am on a 90-day suspension (well that and I am dealing with the healing period of my OTHER foot surgery)! Boy, it's been a horrible year!
Oh how I despise those machines! Do they allow you a non-contact visit option? I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. :/
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Old 07-22-2017, 11:47 PM
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Oh how I despise those machines! Do they allow you a non-contact visit option? I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. :/
I tried. No. They refused to search me too! They've allowed these concessions for some, just not for ME! I am convinced they just don't want me there. I, honestly, believe my FALSE positives are a result of retaliation because I wrote staff up for harassment and discrimination. I hate to say it, but I am now regretting standing up for myself! Why are they allowed to do whatever they want???
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Old 07-23-2017, 04:29 AM
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For us; he's in Federal custody. The BOP can house inmates anywhere in the U.S. So we had no choice where he went.
Keeping you and your husband in my thoughts, I'm in a similar situation with having my fiance moved to the west coast when I'm on the east coast. Wish they could switch our guys lol but unfortunately the BOP is very inconsiderate when it comes to keeping guys close to family.....and then they wonder why a lot of these guys have such limited support when they get out, you isolate them and put strains on relationships....ugh.
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Old 07-23-2017, 09:50 AM
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Keeping you and your husband in my thoughts, I'm in a similar situation with having my fiance moved to the west coast when I'm on the east coast. Wish they could switch our guys lol but unfortunately the BOP is very inconsiderate when it comes to keeping guys close to family.....and then they wonder why a lot of these guys have such limited support when they get out, you isolate them and put strains on relationships....ugh.


I'll trade!!! I'll trade!!!! yes, I think that's the biggest thing I am having issues accepting; CDCR was all about rehabilitation and the family unit, BOP you're on your own, just do your time.
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