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  #76  
Old 05-07-2013, 03:53 AM
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For us communication is very important we have to be on the same page and know where each other is coming from. We write each other every day and have started talking on the phone. We both want this relationship to work.
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  #77  
Old 07-02-2013, 08:27 PM
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Default Communication is saving us

I agree with this post 100%. At first I admit I was on edge of giving up hope, reason being so much I was keeping from my husband. Issues with so called friends, and even family. I would just push unknown anger as he calls it on him. Once I finally let everything out on the table. It brought us closer than we ever have been. Its best to be able to communicate it fuels the relationship in my opinion!
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  #78  
Old 07-07-2013, 07:54 PM
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Thank you! Communication is so damn important in this type of relationship. Especially when phone calls, visits and letters aren't as timely as you'd like them to be. We don't really do anything too special...we just tell each other every little thing. I tell him about my daily life out here, and he tells me about his daily life in there. I'm sure he spares me some details, which is fine. I'm sure some would just make me worry more, but I do not spare a single detail about what's going on out here. I think it makes him feel like he's home to know every little thing that's going on out here. We discuss important pressing issues on the phone, for the first few minutes, then we just talk about whatever. How my day was, how his day was...so on and so forth. And when we run out of time, it all goes in letters. A lot of times we will discuss stuff on the phone and have the same topic for letters...sometimes I feel like I cut out half of what I wanted to say because the phone calls are so short. So I'll go back and expand it in letter form and say exactly what I wanted to say. I love our relationship...so open and honest with each other. He's my bestfriend, I tell him everything.
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  #79  
Old 07-12-2013, 02:12 PM
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Good communication has always been key for us both. However it did take a little while for him to open up to me. He needed to be able to trust me. It wasn't too long before he realized I wasn't going anywhere. I must say I have earned his trust.

There was a time when on a visit, he would wait until the end of the visit to bring up something that he perceived to be a potential problem, but he learned this wasn't working too well for us because we didn't have enough time to discuss it. So he changed and now he actually brings those things up first and gets them out of the way.

I actually have prided myself on being a good communicator, however I have found out I communicate better with men than women. I have found that out this past year when I have been faced with different facets of life with women (who supposedly) are good communicators and yet I don't seem to be able to get my point across. So I guess my communication skills with women needs some improvement.

Good communication is definitely the key, so may we all comminicate well.
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  #80  
Old 07-23-2013, 11:12 AM
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Default communicate or jail talk

my relationship hasn't always been the best but it hasn't been a nightmare mostly because neither was all in til 2 years and miles away from the people keeping us half out.

this is his 2 time that hes been in since we got together in 06. I love him so much and feel he does to, but am a little unsure what parts are prison talk and what is heart felt feelings. I know he talks more about coming home and it being our second chance at a real life. this time he hasn't talked much about drinking which is great since he loves it so much infact it almost cost us our relationship


so how do you really know. how do i tell? I love him and pray that its from the heart. he has started talking more about the home coming. making up for lost time with me. so unsure. how do i communicate my fears without messing things up. how do i ask him to not need so much so i can get us a place i only have 2 months and its not as easy as i like this place there is regs to it that are so unknown till he comes home cause Im not his paper wife just the one whose been with him, supporting him, habits, and now his reform
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  #81  
Old 07-23-2013, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by an23 View Post
Thank you! Communication is so damn important in this type of relationship. Especially when phone calls, visits and letters aren't as timely as you'd like them to be. We don't really do anything too special...we just tell each other every little thing. I tell him about my daily life out here, and he tells me about his daily life in there. I'm sure he spares me some details, which is fine. I'm sure some would just make me worry more, but I do not spare a single detail about what's going on out here. I think it makes him feel like he's home to know every little thing that's going on out here. We discuss important pressing issues on the phone, for the first few minutes, then we just talk about whatever. How my day was, how his day was...so on and so forth. And when we run out of time, it all goes in letters. A lot of times we will discuss stuff on the phone and have the same topic for letters...sometimes I feel like I cut out half of what I wanted to say because the phone calls are so short. So I'll go back and expand it in letter form and say exactly what I wanted to say. I love our relationship...so open and honest with each other. He's my bestfriend, I tell him everything.
so how do you let him know the bad, financial struggles, worries about him getting out without making things worse for him. I just dont know how to without making it so much harder in there for him.
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  #82  
Old 08-17-2013, 05:37 AM
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Default Communication....

One thing my man and i have come a long way in over the years is communication. Initially,we both would get defensive and have an interest only in getting our own viewpoint and opinion across. That did not go well. Over time we have come to respect the other's opinions,(even if we disagree),and really take the time to listen. I believe 95% if not 100% of a healthy,successful relationship is based on honest,respectful communication. I have found that for me,having a healthy,loving relationship is far more important than having to be right all the time. Healthy communication i believe will be a huge asset to us,esp now as he is back in temporarily. I have really no major point to this thread other than to say,healthy,respectful communication i believe has the power to turn most any relationship around. *disclaimer* this does NOT apply to abusive relationships. If you are suffering in an abusive relationship the best thing to do is put you and your children's needs above everything,no matter what because respect must be a 2 way street.
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  #83  
Old 08-17-2013, 05:40 AM
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In this type of relationship communication is a must. I know in someways prison made my relationship with my husband stronger. We learned how to tall to each other vs fight
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  #84  
Old 08-17-2013, 05:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Mcox'sbabygirl View Post
In this type of relationship communication is a must. I know in someways prison made my relationship with my husband stronger. We learned how to tall to each other vs fight
I believe you. I think the words, "communicating" and "talking" mean 2 different things. All the best to you!
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  #85  
Old 08-17-2013, 09:17 AM
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even thou we are MWI we have learned to communicate with each other. We have been 2gether for 4yrs this Oct. And we have had our difference . . But we learn to listen to one another . COMMUNICATION IS KEY :-)
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  #86  
Old 08-17-2013, 10:07 AM
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Communication is so important. I'm grateful that we can tell and ask each other anything. Recently some strange things were going on, rather than letting my head spin and imagine run wild I just asked him and told him my concerns and why. We were able to address it like adults and resolve it. We don't always agree. But we do always talk (write) about it, whatever it may be.
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  #87  
Old 08-17-2013, 11:15 AM
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Neither of us have been good communicators in past relationships with partners. This time round we both make the effort to communicate our feelings no matter what they are bad or good it makes it so much easier and we have no arguments.
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  #88  
Old 08-30-2013, 05:04 PM
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Communication is so important.Me and my boyfriend talk about everything and anything which is the best way to be.I know I can tell him anything and he can also tell me anything
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  #89  
Old 09-14-2013, 11:10 PM
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Originally Posted by ImJustMe123 View Post
Communication is so important. I'm grateful that we can tell and ask each other anything. Recently some strange things were going on, rather than letting my head spin and imagine run wild I just asked him and told him my concerns and why. We were able to address it like adults and resolve it. We don't always agree. But we do always talk (write) about it, whatever it may be.
Hello ImJustMe123,
So how do y be honest without hurting him? Seems I do that a lot lately. Im really overwhelmed and way over worked and have gonna way way way passes exhausted weeks ago. we only have 12 days left


thanks Jen
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  #90  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:13 PM
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Communication is so important.Me and my boyfriend talk about everything and anything which is the best way to be.I know I can tell him anything and he can also tell me anything
I'm new to the prison wife seen. What's the best way to communicate with him? Besides a phone. I work a lot. Hard to answer his calls. I heard something about emailing, but his prison doesn't have it there. I would appreciate a direction to head in. Thank you!
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  #91  
Old 10-19-2013, 07:57 PM
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I'm new to the prison wife seen. What's the best way to communicate with him? Besides a phone. I work a lot. Hard to answer his calls. I heard something about emailing, but his prison doesn't have it there. I would appreciate a direction to head in. Thank you!

Communication is key to any successful relationship. Between phone calls it is good to keep in touch by writing. When Sebastian was incarcerated I would start a letter to him first thing in the morning, add things throughout the day and finish it up just before I went to bed each night. It was not only good for him to hear from me daily but it also was good for me, a way to feel closer even from afar. It helped to keep us involved with one another and that is a strong foundation that has carried us over as he is now home with me. Write, I can't say it enough, and keep notecards and postcards on hand for days you are extremely busy. Sebastian used to say, "Just scribble I love you on a card and I will treat it like a ten page love letter." I'm sure your guy would feel the same. Try it.
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  #92  
Old 11-10-2013, 02:29 PM
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I was in an abusive relationship before this one, and I find it hard to say what is on my mind in fear of the reaction or response. I know that eventually this will become a problem how do I start to fix it?
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Old 11-15-2013, 07:52 PM
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My fiance and I have a no contact for the 2yrs he's in prison. But I am going to be his wifey, and I won't give up on him. No way. I have found a way to write him letters. I also recently started sending him 1 card per week. I have found a way to get someone to put money on his books, as well as someone to order books off amazon and send them to him. I'm ordering the same books to read right along with him. I do believe "absence makes the heart grow fonder." because things were not as smooth the last few months leading up to the arrest. But he's taking relationship classes, and I'm in drug treatment. We're working on ourselves and still supporting each other "long distance style". We will be there for each other, to the extent that we can. I'm not leaving him. Not a chance. I even found a way to see what he looks like (with his new hair cut) - I stalked up on his telmate account online and saw his photo. (He's been working out).

I Love You Baby! To Infinity
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  #94  
Old 12-02-2013, 04:58 PM
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He has helped me with this part and I was getting better but now he is in the shu and I'm a little frustrated cuz he is the one I want to share every thing with... I miss my bear, my best friend, my Man!!!
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  #95  
Old 12-10-2013, 04:29 AM
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Quote:
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He's a really good man who treats me with the utmost care, love, and respect. Havin' money, bein' broke, the highest highs, the lowest lows, ain't nothing changed that. Prison hasn't changed that. We owe much of our success to communication....

They say the more things change the more things stay the same. We haven't struggled. Don't hate me because we got it like that. Now when I say struggle you have to understand that I do not mean that we haven't faced difficult times but simply that we do not approach those times in a manner with which they could defeat us. Communication is key...

I want to say that it is because we originally met while he was incarcerated that we were forced to put communication at the head of the table and to be certain it leveled the playing field, but mainly because we both excel in this area. The truth is, communicators are a large part of who we are, separately and together, whether he's at home with me or miles and miles away, and for us this has made a huge difference and the reason why I shout loud and proud, "Communication is key to any successful relationship."

So tell us how communication before/during incarceration works for you or share your concerns about improving communication.
Thanks Patty, sry for my last post, yeah you are right communication is the key to a successful relationship, I communicate everything to my man, and he does the same. That is why I feel so good when I speak to him. He knows what I been through and what I have and he accepts me for that. That always brings my dimple out. He really is a gem. It was rough in the beginning but we know alot about each other.
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  #96  
Old 12-17-2013, 08:40 AM
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Default The Outmate

See the next post. I hit send too soon.

Last edited by KatLady678; 12-17-2013 at 08:43 AM..
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Old 12-17-2013, 08:41 AM
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Excellent read and it is a true fantasy that we all have for our loved ones who are incarcerated.
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  #98  
Old 01-19-2014, 08:27 AM
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My partner hasnt even gone in yet and we're already having trouble communicating. Im worried that this is a sign of things to come and im so frustrated by it! Everytime i try to talk to him about it he just brushes me off or says "i dont want to talk about that right now." There is always an excuse for not talking about it, he wanted to go o holiday with me and not ruin it with talk of prison, he wanted to get Christmas, then New Year out of the way without having to think about it. Now that hos next police interview isnt until March he doesnt want to talk about it right now...
The thing is, i need to talk about it! We need to discuss what will happen and how it will affect us. I need to know what the hell is going on because he's burried his head in the sand for so long and i'm not that sort of person. How can i make him communicate with me when every time i try it leads to an argument?
He says he doesnt want to ruin the remaining time he has with me which i can understand, but at the same time... I cant just go on as we are
Does anyone have any advice??
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:52 PM
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Question A little worried!!

My boyfriend and I always proud that we communicated very well , mine you we had some really bad fights. He's been in for about a week now , looking at maybe another 40 days , but could be a total of 79. Then being shipped to another province to complete a possible federal sentence. We don't communicate now at all. He calls and there's a awkward silence , like we don't know what to do talk about . Having our first visit tomorrow and so scared . I'm so afraid that we are just going to waste the 20 mins we have to see each other.

I'm afraid our love has been lost. I actually had to revoke his bail bond because he was getting to uncontrollable with the drugs , he hadn't used in years , got into trouble with the law and downhill from there. He was to go in on the 31st , but the last two weeks , he's done some really hurtful , scary he things. he's pretty upset that I revoked him , said I was really sneaky . every time I want to try to explain to him he says he doesn't want to talk about it , wants to wait til his home. So question I have what do we talk about , I cant tell him that now his in I'm gonna struggle with bills, or that his mom has down a 360 where I was the best daughter in law to being the worst person alive . I don't want to upset him , but I feel like we have nothing to talk about , or im to afraid to actually tell him what's going on , I don't want to make things worst on him.

First visit tomorrow, tried on Friday but he never told me had court, haven't heard from him last night so im hoping the jails not in lockdown.
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:58 PM
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My boyfriend was the same, never wanted to talk about it. And what little he did , didn't help me at all. He went in , unplanned , and now im sitting stuck . Try to get mentally , and pyschial prepared. It took about a week for him to call me , because he shipped me to my moms til he comes home ( we don't live in the best neighbourhood) . I wished we would have had more time to deal with the issues , now its harder cuz you don't want to tell them everything because you don't want them to make it harder on them , so then you burry everything up and you feel worst.

Try to talk as much as you can
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