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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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Old 06-21-2012, 12:24 PM
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Thumbs up If and ONLY if you feel good and can deal...

... then this thread is for you. This is my answer to all the PMs asking for me to thread again for the positivity seekers. Sorry, time gets in the way and the needs of this community can be overwhelming for staff. But here goes for all those that are seeking a drama-free thread.

I don't get down with all that oh me oh my he's in prison, whatever shall I do, "stuff"? It's just not me. We don't allow the DOC to dictate the terms of our relationship because the ONLY thing they can do is put physical distance between us.

He's not in prison because he doesn't love me enough. For me, (keywords: For me) the alleged crime and our relationship are separate. This man puts joy and love up on me every single, dingle day whether he's sittin' on the couch next to me or anywhere else, yes including the joint.

Once in a great while he is unable to call me at the usual time. Never once has that been by his own accord. Shtuff happens in prison, I get that. If he can call me he will call me and knowing that I never feel the need to become paranoid about what it means. FYI - it usually means nothing in the larger scheme of things, really, truly, I swear.

There are decisions to be made that ultimately affect both of us. In some regards I must bare the "actualness" of that on my own but fortunately I am not without his shared confidences, opinions, desires. We are close and we make it a priority to stay relevant as individuals and as a couple.

I suppose the bottom line is that he attends to ALL of my needs and as much as I wish he were home with me right this second, his actual physical presence is truly the only thing I am lacking for and we can deal with that through phone dates because we are so in sync.

My life is rich because I make the effort. My life is richer because he makes the effort. Our lives are richest because we choose to enrich ourselves and one another. Wallowing in self pity is not a party we choose to attend.

So if you are NOT caught up in when he may or may not call or write or how he acts at visits or some facebook drama or issues with his child's mother ("babymama" to the less enlightened) talk to us. If you are not contemplating having sex with someone else because he will be gone for so long or you already messed up and if life's little tragedies are just obstacles that become opportunities for growth tell us about it.

Listen, we've got plenty of threads filled with negativity - if you empathize with those who are dealing with difficult issues but do not share the same problems and don't always feel free to post about the joy that your relationship brings you - then this is the thread for you. No negativity!

Share the positivity that is your relationship....
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Old 06-21-2012, 12:48 PM
jadejonez jadejonez is offline
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Default NEW BUT Oh so hopeful!

I wanted to say this ordeal has brought us closer, made us know each other in ways that otherwise, we may not have in the first place. He is not forced to tell me how he feels, to love me or keep the relationship alive, but he does because he WANTS to. And that's even given the circumstances that led him there.

Sure I wish things were different, I get a upset at stuff but this is only 5 months in. I enjoy coming here, and SEEING positive messages and even the worries and the woahs. I am thankful for this site and the women I get to share with.

My LO wasn't so sure about what this site was about, he though perhaps it was negative bs. I reassured him, that though I am not a joiner per say, I really needed to find a place to come to where I could have a positive experience and people who could relate and give me good or bad feedback, as well as their own experiences.

I am happy I have had the chance to help a few others out on occasion myself.

SO thanks Patty for all you do and for posting this. It's not ALL bad, there is something to be said for the true trials and tribulations of a prison relationship. I wouldn't be me without it!
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Old 06-21-2012, 12:50 PM
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It's not ALL bad, there is something to be said for the true trials and tribulations of a prison relationship. I wouldn't be me without it!
And that is why I truly believe that everything really does happen for a reason. Bless you and your relationship.
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  #4  
Old 06-21-2012, 12:52 PM
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I was having a bad day and this thread just what I needed. Every twist or turn these days, he's got my back, inside them walls or not and I smile to myself in some tough situations just because I know when I speak to him again. . . he'll get it when no one else does, he'll FEEL everything I'm saying, and we are a FORCE when we put our heads together. He's brought a whole new joy and expectation to my life I had given up on. Do I miss him. . . yeah, more than anything and yeah sometimes I get down in the dumps about it but I found "THE ONE" and I'm a lucky girl to have a man so supportive, understanding, compassionate, that knows how to be tough and "hard", but so soft and gentle with me. I'd travel any journey with him. . . and I know he'd travel any journey with me. No matter how much distance they put between us, we still are hand in hand, seeing eye to eye, always. For the first time in my life, with my 30th birthday approaching I can finally say I'm head over heels IN LOVE!! (and now I'm sitting here smiling ear to ear like I'm crazy over it, hahaha!)
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Old 06-21-2012, 12:56 PM
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he'll get it when no one else does
You said a mouthful, girl. Having a partner you can tell anything to without fear of being judged is priceless! Happy Birthday...
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  #6  
Old 06-21-2012, 01:01 PM
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Thanks for the birthday wishes!!
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:09 PM
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We are not a perfect couple but we get each other. We understand each other even when there are no words to be said. He knows what I want without me telling him, he sees my strengths, my weaknesses, my fears and he always knows the right thing to say. He knows me like no one has ever taken the time to know me and I love him for that.

He is a great dad, friend, husband, boyfriend, all of the above and although he's not here with me I wait for him every single day...I love him not only for who he is but for who I am when I am with him. When we are together as a family it just lets me know that my place is nowhere but with him, in prison or out of prison we are the same... I love him and as I grow older I thank God for answering my prayer of letting me grow old with my man
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:11 PM
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Awesome post!

I truly believe in the powerful and crrrrrrrrrrazy love between my man and I... and it hasn't changed a BIT despite his current whereabouts. RIGHT ON.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:17 PM
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We never met us without prison and we both think it is destiny. And I agree with patty; everything has a reason.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:19 PM
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This thread,this thread=AWESOME!!! I've posted soooo many positive things&even after my Guy got sentenced to 114 months,I had someone on here tell me "you seem very positive!" I DONT HAVE a Choice, I chose to accept this life,his flaws&FORGIVE!!! haaaaaa. This post is amazing because, the DOC can't make the clocks stop..time is STILL ticking FORWARD!!!! we're soooooo winning!! thanks for this positive energy!
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:20 PM
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Patty I love this thread, its brilliant. It made me realise that sometimes you have stop sweating over the small stuff and concentrate on the bigger picture. Love is all we need to make any situation bearable
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:56 PM
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This thread caught my eye today Patty! I was thinking about how I feel so at peace with where we're at right now and it had me wondering if I was crazy-lol-All you see (most of the time) on here are posts where women are crying at night cause their men are gone, they don't know if they can wait, etc and since that is not me, I have been wondering if I should feel differently than I do. But then I remembered something my love once told me. He said that I could only feel the way I feel and that I should never let anyone or anything try to change that. I'm with you on this. The only thing that is missing for us right now is his presence at home and I know he's coming home. That's not changing and it's coming up quick! After three years I worry a hell of a lot less-lol-I know he'll call me when he can. I know when to expect his letters and if they are late, I simply ask him. But I don't wonder if he's angry or leaving me or if he's talking to other women.

We have a great relationship! Our personalities click so well! Despite the bars, we manage very well. He hasn't been home yet, so I can't say our relationship won't change, but that's also not a big worry for me anymore. Things are good and I am so grateful to have him in my life everyday!
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:22 PM
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Thank for this thread because we all need a place to share the good things about our relationships. I have known this man all my life and I have loved him for most of that time. I won't lie and say this life is easy because it's not but being secure in our relationship makes it doable. We share everything joys, sorrows, fears. And no it's not perfect because Dee's a grump and his girl is a firecracker :-) but we treat each other with love and respect at all times. No one can make me angrier than Dee but no one can calm me like Dee. I have never felt more loved and cherished than I do when he looks at me. The way he speaks to me and of me shows how important I am in his life. We meet each other's needs so we don't need to turn to anyone else. He is truly my best friend because I can share every part of me with him without fear of judgment. I never have to fear asking him any question and he never takes me for granted. We trust each other and never assume the worse. I believe he would never purposely hurt me and he has the same belief. We don't play the blame game and I don't believe he owes me because I CHOSE to finish this bid with him. We realize we are both blessed to have each other. When we reunited he already knew me better than anyone else but because he is in prison we have had the opportunity to learn each other on a deeper level. Of course I wish he wasn't in prison but I believe it worked for our good. We love each other but sometimes love is not enough there has to be a foundation. I believe if we can make it through this we can make it through whatever the outside world has for us. Through the years he's always been there whether we were a couple or not, one phone call and he was there. We have stood beside each other through fights, illnesses, deaths, and now prison. We're unbreakable. I tell him all the time, it's us against the world just like it's always been. I wake up everyday wishing he was physically here, even though he's not, I'm still filled with joy because what we have is real.

Thank you Patty
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:30 PM
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This thread = fabulousness!!! A thread without negativity and drama....almost too good to be true!

My husband and I are best friends and soulmates. We don't fight or argue and we haven't since he has been gone. He is my biggest support and I am his. There is enough negativity when they are "inside" that he definitely doesn't need it from me. We have never played the insecurity card, even when we were dating - it's all about trust and loving someone unconditionally. We talk on the phone every single day and tell each other about our day, we write letters to each other everyday (I know, what in the world could we have to talk about....you would be surprised), and I visit him almost every weekend. We were together and married before he was incarcerated, I knew what I was getting into before he left and I wouldn't change a thing. Everything happens for a reason. If anything, this bid has made us have an even greater appreciation for each other, made us stronger as a couple and made us realize not to take anything or anyone for granted. He makes me laugh, he gives me butterflies, he makes me smile, he is my other half.

Thank you for the thread Patty!
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:31 PM
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This thread made me smile. True enough he's gone physically but he's still 100% emotionally and I can talk to him about whatever and hell make it all better
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:38 PM
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I love this.......Keeping it positive, well said.
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Old 06-21-2012, 02:53 PM
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I had a visit with my man today and yesterday, I drove 8 hours for my love. We are closer now than when he was on the street. Only you can choose to be apart of the relationship instead of apart from the relationship. Ps. Our visit was fantastic.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:04 PM
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THANK YOU PATTY FOR THIS THREAD!!!..I feel so much closer to my Husband than I ever have, before he went in we seemed to jus pass by eachother in the day to day chaos, 4 kids and workin different shifts, we missed out on what is Most important...I've learned so much about myself, and learned how much my Husband really did do for me/us!...we talk, instead of argue, we laugh, instead of me crying, its now WE instead of me or I...This bid was truly a blessing (if you know what I mean) I've taken the steps to get myself right same for my Husband...he truly does Love me, he cares about me, I've never felt so at Home than when I'm in his arms.
I'm Happy, that's a first!!..we went thru something I thought was goin to ruin us but he truly amazed me wit how it was handled!!..
Thank you for this positive thread, I want to scream at the top of my Lungs for everyone to hear I LOVE YOU BABY, MY BEST FRIEND, MY SOUL MATE, MY HUSBAND!!
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:14 PM
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Patty you said it ALL!!! Thank you for this thread

I promised my husband till death do us part and I meant every single word of that! I can't say that this situation is part of the worst in better or worse BECAUSE I know that everything happens for a reason and I don't have any intentions of questioning the reason. Things could definitely be worse!

I would like to give thanks to ALL the women/men who stand by their LO's and come on PTO to help support, strengthen and inspire others...we have to stand tall and just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition such as lifting weights, we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity. I refuse to dwell on anything negative!!!

I will leave you all with this...

All the adversity I've had in my life, all the troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
~Walt Disney~
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:36 PM
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This thread really turned my day and attitude around. I myself am guilty of getting down on the whole ohh he's not here with me I miss him blah blah. But looking at the bigger picture, we've grown SO much closer than I think we would have, not having gone through this. I've grown as a stronger independent woman, he's grown to learn that letting your guard down for the one you love is a safe place. We are so insync with each other, he knows what to say to make me feel better, he is appreciative of EVERYTHING I do for him, even if its as simple as sending a sudoku book from the dollar store. A day doesn't go by that he doesn't thank me for being me, for supporting me and make us feel whole. There isn't anything we wouldn't tell each other, good, bad, happy, sad, silly ... doesn't matter, time and life isn't stopping just because he isn't here to take the garbage out!

I love him to the moon and back, and am thankful I've gotten to have the unique opportunity to be romanced by a handwritten snail mail letter. Who doesn't love to get that rather than a bill!!

Keep smiling ... hugs to everyone!
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:41 PM
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Thank You Patty for giving us an opportunity to brag on how happy we are with our men and the love and respect we share. I believe that everything does happen for a reason. and i believe that we both had to go thru what we went thru when younger and previous relationships to really appreciate and love one another!! We are not perfect but we are perfect for one another! i often think it took us 30 years to be ready for one another' but it is so worth it. i feel happy with him. i dont have other drama's that others may have' but thats only cause i passed that stage so i feel so very very happy!!! yes i lived and learned!
Yes!! im so happy that i can shout in this thread' my man is good to me! I KNOW he loves me!
To all the ladies that know they have a great man in spite of his current address'
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:25 PM
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I am pretty private about us so I cant share too much. But this is a good thread. He always made me happy before incarceration and he continues to do so now. Thus is just another chapter in our lives and it is just as filled with detail as the ones that were written pre -incarceration and as as exciting as those yet to bewritten. I have a very full life and most days, doing this timereally isn't all that hard. Its nice to have a post where I cansay that and not seem to be offending someone.

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Old 06-21-2012, 05:02 PM
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Prison saved my husband's life. If he didn't get arrested I truly believe something horrible would have happened to him. So I keep that in mind and I count our blessings. With him gone I turned my life around as well. I got myself together and I continue to work on becoming the woman I was meant to be. I strive to set a positive example for him in hopes I will inspire him to make positive changes for himself. God seperated us for a reason and now I know why. Inspite of everything our love remains rock solid.
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:03 PM
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i am so grateful for my husband - he is the perfect man for me and i cant believe that god trusts me with him. he is so patient with me even when i am acting crazy, trippin or pmsing... he listens to me and tries to understand my brain - he is the best father even though space is between them. he prays for us and trusts me. he can make me laugh until i pee lol and is compassionate empathetic and cares about others. he has not let prison take his "self" he is exactly who god created him to be - kind, sweet, strong, confident and so smart and -wonderfully latino - i love that man!!
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:25 PM
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Thank you, Patty, this thread is awesome!
I often feel like an oddity on the boards because we DON'T have the drama and strife...
We always have good visits, we appreciate and adore each other, and his current address has absolutely zero bearing on how our relationship is.
So cheers to all the happy, non-miserable couples, proving that this CAN be done successfully!
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