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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Loving a prisoner. Is it different than loving someone that isn't
Yes 690 61.55%
No 365 32.56%
Not really sure 66 5.89%
Voters: 1121. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-12-2013, 01:31 PM
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It's different in all ways...positive and negative. I still wouldn't trade him for the world!!
"Love knows not it's own depth until the hour of separation"

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Old 03-13-2013, 02:17 PM
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Yes it is different. I believe it's stronger.

We go without things that many "normal" relationships take for granted - privacy and free communication being big ones. We learn to deal with those things together.

We appreciate the small things. My man and I make sure we say I love you at the end of every call, visit and letter - because we honestly don't know when we will get to say it next.

Also, you really get to know your significant other. We don't get all the physical contact and shallow ego boosts that will keep many relationships together. We get to talk - and that's about it. We are on a deeper level.

Of course there is always the negative - where much of the relationship seems to be one sided. They aren't here to make a lot of the day - to - day decisions, they aren't here to help with bills and kids etc. We are the ones that have to take the time out of our day(s) to go visit them. They contribute what they can - but many things they simply can't do.

But strength comes out of the negative too.

We strengthen our trust and our patience.
For me, I have learned how to make decisions - I used to be (and still am sometimes) VERY indecisive.
I'm currently getting a crash course in time and money management.
The men learn to deal with the women taking care of business (which I know was/is tough for D specifically).

It's not that I would love him less if he had never gotten locked up, but our relationship may or may not have gotten to this point - it definitely wouldn't have gotten here this fast.
I may not know what you're going through
But time is the space between me and you
There is a light through that window
Hold on say yes, while people say no

Last edited by kocha79; 03-13-2013 at 02:19 PM..
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Old 03-14-2013, 11:08 AM
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If you're the type to stay abstinent before marriage, then dating an inmate is the way to go.
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Old 03-14-2013, 09:24 PM
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well being with an inmate is way different from a guy on the outside both good and bad but its like u can get to know eachother n express eachothers feels from within and grow without the sex n once u start to feel strongly bout someone and u haven't had sex wit them then i feel that's deep but see then after awhile u too want to have sex lol then that's hard to want to hold the person n u cant call or see him the way u want to theres days u wish he was right next to u theres a lot running thru ur mind n and it can get stressful
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Old 03-16-2013, 05:29 PM
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So much more intense!!! But so worth it!!!
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:50 PM
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Originally Posted by MonalovesMiguel
So much more intense!!! But so worth it!!!
I agree!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:41 AM
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i think it's as mona said, 'so much more intense,and so worth it'. the OP also added in her post about the people that look down on MWI's. i think that is because of the type of women that the media uses in it's shows on prison wives,of course some of the posts by MWI women don't help in getting rid of the stigma. just sayin'...

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Old 04-29-2013, 08:46 PM
frankiebaby frankiebaby is offline
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Unconditional love is the same regardless of location. The ways in which it manifests itself may be different but love never is.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:35 PM
MizFormaldehyde MizFormaldehyde is offline
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While the circumstances are certainly drastically different at times, I don't think the emotional aspect of love changes.
"It's always the darkest before the sun rises."-Tupac Shakur

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Old 04-30-2013, 07:00 AM
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No difference: the relationship feels just as wonderful when its good, and just as awful when its bad.
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:19 AM
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My fiance recently got incarcerated in Utah and I feel like this situation is making our relationship stronger than ever! If we get through this we can overcome any obstacle that comes our way, that's how I see it. Sadly situations like these show you how much love there is between a couple.
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Old 08-02-2013, 02:42 PM
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well i voted for not sure only because iv only been in on Real relationship with my ex . I was 13 when i was with .him til 24 . . But my relationship now is the best everything thats ever happened to me :-) .... Its a strong friendship partnership companionship . .
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:13 PM
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Love is love it does not make any difference if he is on the inside or the outside. It is a lot like any other long distance relationship, instead of going places together you share your lives by mail and phone calls and if you are lucky enough to live close enough to visit frequently you get to talk face to face.
It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:32 PM
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I think it is different in that there are different challenges with an inmate verses a free person.

I think the depth of love can be the same, I just feel we have more challenges. We also have to be more independant while we are involved with someone locked up.

Just my thoughts.
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Old 08-05-2013, 11:00 PM
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I don't feel that the love is different, love is love. However depending on how committed the two involved are two each other is where a persons character will truly tell all. I say this because you have some men that may be incarcerated and feel that the woman he treated badly while he was out is obligated to be there for him, my hubby tells me how he hears some of the guys talking about their girls, which is sad because this is taking away time from the person who is waiting on them. Now if the two involved is truly committed to each other than the bond that grows will be one that no outside person or situation could ever come between. During this time you begin to reflect on things that you once thought was important and when you look back at it now it seems so foolish. I have family and friends who take their love ones for granted, argue about things of little importance and take for granted that they have the person that they love right next to them. I can tell you that during this journey we have both learned so much about ourselves as individuals as well as a couple, during this time I have learned patience, communication, to listen and most important the difference between love, lust and intimacy. A lot of times we say that we love a person but honestly have become lost in the sexual emotions that once they fade realize that you really don't like that person at all. And that's where the difference is, when you're in love with an inmate the first lesson we as women learn is forgiveness, because the second thing you feel is anger after the first feeling you have of heartache upon realizing that you have to be away from the man you're in love with. But we as strong women know what needs to be done if we decide to stick with our man. This is also a time of reflection for that man as well, everyday that he is in there he is constantly reminded of what he did to be taken away from his family, and I will tell you this if that man has a strong relationship with his children then it is a double stab in the heart for them. But one thing I believe we all can agree upon is when that man see how "truly" supportive that we are then he would have finally experienced what a true love is, so if you can make it through this then why would you ever sweat the small stuff.

I wanna share something that my hubby shared with me it was a passage from a book that he was reading that struck a cord.

Love is a mystery. We embrace it where we can. Mostly, we do not choose whom we love. I just happens. A voice speaks to us in ways the ear cannot hear. We recognize a beauty that the eye do not see. We experience a change in our hearts that no voice can describe. There is no evil in love...

When a man can honestly tell you that the way he feels for you is indescribable and saying I love you doesn't seem enough that is when you will find peace in your heart about your decision to stick with that man during this dark time.. There is nothing but light towards the end of this journey.
Time does NOT exist, therefore it does NOT affect me.
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Old 08-07-2013, 03:40 PM
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I don't think the "love" is any different but the dynamics of the relationship are different. I think I posted in a different thread, our love and commitment is no different but the luxuries and options that exist in relationships with people in the free world just don't exist in our relationship.

For me it doesn't make it bad or good, it just makes it different.

I agree with optimistic the Love is not different, but the dynamics of the relationship are.
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Old 01-21-2018, 09:47 AM
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Not for me, everyone has a different lifestyle, prison is one of them even though not a chosen one. You love someone, you deal with their situation.
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Old 01-26-2018, 06:27 AM
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The only thing different in my eyes is that we are not psycally together. Once every two weeks is about the same as a long distance relationship with no sex. Our friendship is stronger and our love has grown deeper. Now I only think about him coming home and how great it's going to be getting back to our lives together. He's so good to me.
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Old 04-25-2018, 08:45 PM
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Old 05-04-2018, 12:47 AM
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Originally Posted by nygirl17 View Post
The only thing different in my eyes is that we are not psycally together. Once every two weeks is about the same as a long distance relationship with no sex. Our friendship is stronger and our love has grown deeper. Now I only think about him coming home and how great it's going to be getting back to our lives together. He's so good to me.
I will probably have gone a whole year without seeing him by the time I see him next, sadly.
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Old 05-08-2018, 02:52 PM
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Nah, he’d still be a pain in the a** even if he was out! ��

It involves a hell of a lot of patience and so much more worry. However he is the same person regardless of where he is and that’s all that matters really.

I think you have a deeper love and understanding for each other. You discuss things that perhaps you wouldn’t with someone on the outside. You learn not to sweat the small stuff as much and appreciate the simple joys in your relationship.
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Old 05-12-2018, 04:17 PM
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I had a visit again today and I'm still in heaven but yes, it is different. I feel a lot of times I'm loving with the "parking brake" on. I cannot let loose completely until he gets out and we'll see where to go from there - together or not.
But it's okay, we talk about it, it's just different if you didn't know each other before he went in.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
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Old 05-12-2018, 05:31 PM
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What I've seen is that couples who are physically separated and still stay together develop a spiritual bond that is often far stronger than the connection between men and women with physical access to each other. Also, they value the brief times they can share together far more highly and don't take each other for granted.
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Old 05-23-2018, 04:54 AM
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I honestly never thought I could love someone who was incarcerated that just wasn't my cup of tea.. But you cant help how u feel and who u feel it for.. I love him with every fiber in me .. Many may not understand that love .. But like I tell him Whats understood between us doesn't have to be explained. My hunny has 6 years left and some days it takes a toll on me .. But my heart and emotions wont allow myself to even think of going anywhere.. Even though he's where he is; hes my biggest supporter and is here for me no matter what and for this I will always have his back
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:03 AM
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hola todo ...(hi all)
y' GM...

I think it es simply more intense, but only to a point..

Only diff es:

>No regular calls and text, when they want et.al.,
>visitation/seeing each other. That's the only diff to me.
Hugs and Blessings to all. Enjoy your weekend Pto'ers.
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+ not your heart.

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