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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 08-13-2019, 03:24 PM
BrittanyMG BrittanyMG is offline
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Default I canít be alone

So this is my first post, but Iím just curious, does anyone else ever go through depression and you just donít feel like talking to anyone? All we have is email and phone calls. I answer every call when I can, but I just donít seem to have it in me to type out long emails right now. I feel bad because he feels left out of my life when Iím not communicating, and the guilt is real. I just wonder how anyone else might explain it so they understand on the inside that sometimes out here we just close off into our little bubble and use all our energy on daily tasks and at the end of the day we have no energy to go over the day. I donít know, I feel bad but at the same time Iím just trying to survive. We have 16 more years to go. I am bound to grow and need the ability to do so to better my life. In 16 years I want to be stable and ready, in order to do that, I have to finish school, while raising a child, and working. Sometimes I get in a rut and just donít have the lovey dovey words to send.
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Old 08-13-2019, 03:58 PM
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Yup.

Yes.

Definitely.

I like my alone time. I do not like being lonely. And yet...
The circumstances of my life, between him being in prison, my health and my responsibilities, have closed my world up so small it's suffocating. I've told him and he understands. I have been so painfully lonely at times that I thought maybe I should separate from him and 'find myself' again. But that isn't really the answer because I don't want to lose him in the process. Lots of folks seem to handle the alone/loneliness factor well. I did until life threw curve balls at me and now, not so much.

So no, you're not alone. The only advice I have for you is to be honest with him, even if it seems risky. Allow yourself to be raw and seek help if you need it. No need to heap punishment on top of pain, so when you can't write or sound chipper, that's OK. But tell him why. Ask him to be your partner in figuring it out.

And most importantly, remember that you're not wrong nor alone in your feelings.
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Old 08-13-2019, 04:57 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. Prison life is very difficult for families and loved ones too. Remember that each day is one day closer to the end.
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Old 08-13-2019, 05:10 PM
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You are never alone. You are one precious soul among thousands, possibly millions the world over that bears a hardship in the Free World just as painful as our loved ones inside.
You need support and to know that there are others who've been through the same struggle as you that have come out of this and are better because of it. You are never alone, dear heart.
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Old 08-13-2019, 06:27 PM
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Please; never feel like you are alone. Because you are never alone in this at all, a lot of us are going through the same journey together. Having the right support and understanding really does help out a lot.

Alone/loneliness was me for many years. It didn't bother me because I was used to having the two in my life. After the friendship with my guy turned into something more. That's when loneliness really did hit me hard...I was going through so many emotions and I was just like you at one point. I had to learn that you'll have your ups and downs, your emotions will be high at times. But you have to learn to be strong and find ways to cope with the entire incarceration journey. Taking care of you is first priority, find things to bring peace and comfort right back into your life. Work on ways to get yourself out of depression, if you don't you'll only continue to go down hill. You'll eventually shut down completely and shut him out, push him away. That's something you don't want because it will make him feel all sorts of things. Depression is a two way street and if your depressed, he's going to get depressed as well. Being incarcerated is depressing enough, on top of that to have a LO on the outside all depressed as well. Really makes things even more harder for both parties. Loneliness for me was hard but as time went on by, it got a little easier to bear with. Talking helps out a lot expressing my emotions with him and allowing him to do the same. I don't ever want him to feel like I'm punishing him when I'm going through my rough times. He's going through enough on the inside.

Talk to your guy and express your feelings to him. Open up to him and allow him to come in, to know what's bothering you. Working on things really helps, that way he'll know how to be there for you and you can do the same in return for him. But you never alone in this at all! Never think that way about yourself, a lot of us are right there with you, others have been there and done that as well. Take care of yourself!
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Old 08-13-2019, 06:32 PM
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Look the magnitude of time is overwhelming. What you're feeling is completely normal. Have you considered therapy? Also, I would look at time differently. One year at a time. Make small goals for each year with some.longer 5 year goals.

Both of you are adjusting and at times it will.go.though weird periods. I have gotten used to my own company. I like being by myself. Less drama! But my kids and work keep me busy. A few close friends I talk too, but I'm focused on home right now.
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Old 08-15-2019, 08:28 PM
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You are definitely not alone!
Sounds like this is the beginning of your mans term. I'm at the end with my man (I'm married to him and I can't even call him my man)... and I too am feeling depressed! You are NOT alone!!
It's been 20 years and as you can imagine, so much has occurred throughout all those years. I went to school and raised my daughter alone - the struggle as a single young mom was real, real hard!

My relationship has taken 4 major shifts which included major changes.
1. I fell in love with him 9 years of just being friends
2. Married him 10 years in
3. Left him in the worst of way 3 years after marriage
4. Back in touch now and he's getting out

You must live your life and live it honestly with your man, if you intend to have a connection when he's out. You both deserve decompression time - time to sort your thoughts, needs, wants, feelings and then time to know how to best put that out there to one another.

A little over a year of marriage, I was having frequent meltdowns, crying on the phone, crying profusly during our visits, I wanted my husband home / with me, I needed and wanted him - the struggle was at it's worst, for me - hubby told me, "quit waiting, quit thinking about the distance and years in between and LIVE your life with me"... I had been doing that for many years, but doing it as a wife was an entirely different dynamic for me - I don't regret marrying him, I regret being weak minded and so selfish.

I hope you find your comforts and wish you both the best of love and understanding.

Last edited by 408MoonGem; 08-15-2019 at 08:30 PM..
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:04 AM
ambermarshall11 ambermarshall11 is offline
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I feel alone at times to I guess it's not I try to keep my self busy it hard but you learn to get through it
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
You are definitely not alone!
Sounds like this is the beginning of your mans term. I'm at the end with my man (I'm married to him and I can't even call him my man)... and I too am feeling depressed! You are NOT alone!!
It's been 20 years and as you can imagine, so much has occurred throughout all those years. I went to school and raised my daughter alone - the struggle as a single young mom was real, real hard!

My relationship has taken 4 major shifts which included major changes.
1. I fell in love with him 9 years of just being friends
2. Married him 10 years in
3. Left him in the worst of way 3 years after marriage
4. Back in touch now and he's getting out

You must live your life and live it honestly with your man, if you intend to have a connection when he's out. You both deserve decompression time - time to sort your thoughts, needs, wants, feelings and then time to know how to best put that out there to one another.

A little over a year of marriage, I was having frequent meltdowns, crying on the phone, crying profusly during our visits, I wanted my husband home / with me, I needed and wanted him - the struggle was at it's worst, for me - hubby told me, "quit waiting, quit thinking about the distance and years in between and LIVE your life with me"... I had been doing that for many years, but doing it as a wife was an entirely different dynamic for me - I don't regret marrying him, I regret being weak minded and so selfish.

I hope you find your comforts and wish you both the best of love and understanding.
Human nature to lose it and feel "weak and selfish". I guarantee every person whose chosen to live this type of life for the person we love, has those moments where they want all of it to disappear. We all know this isn't for the feint hearted. It's awful for sure, but for me, its even worse without her.
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Old 08-16-2019, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrittanyMG View Post
So this is my first post, but Iím just curious, does anyone else ever go through depression and you just donít feel like talking to anyone? All we have is email and phone calls. I answer every call when I can, but I just donít seem to have it in me to type out long emails right now. I feel bad because he feels left out of my life when Iím not communicating, and the guilt is real. I just wonder how anyone else might explain it so they understand on the inside that sometimes out here we just close off into our little bubble and use all our energy on daily tasks and at the end of the day we have no energy to go over the day. I donít know, I feel bad but at the same time Iím just trying to survive. We have 16 more years to go. I am bound to grow and need the ability to do so to better my life. In 16 years I want to be stable and ready, in order to do that, I have to finish school, while raising a child, and working. Sometimes I get in a rut and just donít have the lovey dovey words to send.
I'm young as well, and me and my husband are not even allowed to talk. I haven't heard anything from him sense he went into the doc system. He doesn't have as long as yours. But it is still very hard. All you can do is your best. Keep busy, at least that is what everyone keeps telling me. And I do for the most part. I believe nights are the hardest. In the day we have work and things we can do. But at night when your laying alone and there's no one to watch TV with or pillow talk and cuddle next to is the hardest for me. Enjoy the times you do get to talk to him though, because there precious.
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Old 08-17-2019, 04:43 AM
jadah jadah is offline
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You are not alone. Prison life is hard on the families of the inmates too. Keep posting.
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