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  #1  
Old 08-12-2019, 03:25 PM
cj's Unc cj's Unc is offline
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Default Advice: my nephew is going to prison

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Looks like my nephew is accepting a plea deal for a 4 year prison term. I wouldn't say we are close but we have a relationship. He has always lived in another state, so our personal contact has been mainly holidays and extended family vacations, and occasional texts.

As his court date approaches, he has started to distance himself (not returning my texts) which I can understand. But he is also distancing himself from his mother (she raised him as a single parent.)

I hope to see him the week before his court date, but honestly am not sure what to say. I just want him to know that he's not alone, and that he shouldn't push away those that try to offer love and support.

Any suggestions or ideas?

Also, my sister (his mother) is understandably upset. Any words of advice as to how to comfort her?
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Old 08-12-2019, 05:47 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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One frequent occurrence when someone is sentenced to prison is a huge drop off of "friends and family". If that happens to him, your caring and continued support will be very important to him.

Awaiting the time when his punishments will become official is probably the most difficult time for him. Many folks become depressed over their future, which might explain his recent lack of communications. Give him time to adjust to his "new normal" which is anything but normal.

Let your sister know that you will help and support him throughout his trouble. Parents often also become pariahs to some people as if they committed their child's crime, which makes it even harder on them.
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Old 08-12-2019, 08:20 PM
trauma4us trauma4us is offline
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Not sure how old your nephew is but I know when my son knew he was facing prison he was so upset that he couldn't think beyond that day. Once he got to prison things got a little better in that he felt he could connect again with us (parents and his son).

Its a very difficult at first until they get adjusted. I would just be supportive.
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:38 AM
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As far as your sister goes.....just try to be there for her. Listen to her when she rants, cries, and is upset at the world and her son.
Be gentle with her.


As to the nephew? Agree with your ideas about letting him know you are there for him too.
You can help both of them by suggesting they try to get familiar with the things that will matter later on. Like how to set up phone calls, or visits.

And write. Plan to write him while he's there. Mail means alot.
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Old 08-14-2019, 03:21 PM
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Even if he pushes away, don't give up. Continue to show him he's still loved and cared for.
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