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  #51  
Old 03-01-2009, 08:27 PM
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Gotcha on that one, LeBeau! Oh, the fellatio - "just do it so I can sleep". Awwww, how caring, how warm and loving! Do it yourself, sucka!
LMAO!!! LMAO!!! LMAO!!!........... OOOHHHH, This is MY favourite thread OF ALL - EVER!!!!!!! LMAO!!!.........................
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  #52  
Old 03-01-2009, 08:48 PM
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LMAO! I heard that line more than once.... OMFG- Take yoga!
Don't they have a clue that there's a reason that act is called a "Blow JOB"... that's work... and really, truly upsetting work when it's not a labour of love.
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  #53  
Old 03-01-2009, 10:19 PM
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Yep, I understand the whole anxiety over nothing thing....

But - Give us something you CAN do now.... C'mon Marseille, there's gotta be at least a couple of things that ARE better.... GIMME....
Oh there are SO many things that are better!

I don't have to lay in bed all night pretending not to care where he is until 5 AM.

If I get to the grocery store and decide I want pomegranates, I buy pomegranates. Even if they aren't on my list.

I can take a shower at 7AM or noon or 9PM or really whenever the hell I want without being accused of "washing off evidence" or "getting ready for someone".

When I hang up the telephone, I don't have to tell anyone who I was talking to.
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  #54  
Old 03-01-2009, 10:22 PM
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Oh I gotta add my 2 cents worth to the sex discussion... I used to try to fight him off when he forced sex on me, then I realized that the more I fought the more he liked it so I started to just LIE there and wait for it to be over. OMG I will NEVER have to do that again! Why didn't I think of all this stuff earlier?
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  #55  
Old 03-02-2009, 06:05 AM
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I can read in bed again! I won't hear "I can't sleep when your light is on", and then be accused of trying to phone *someone* if I went down to the living room to read in peace. (But he could go to sleep with the television on!)
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Old 03-02-2009, 06:06 AM
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..........and it's nice to cop a cudddle.........just a cuddle with no strings



I can be part way through a book, say I'm really enjoying it, and I've got a partner who will WAIT till I've finished it before taking it for herself.


I can write to my death row pen pal and come on here - would never have had either while ex was around.
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Old 03-02-2009, 06:08 AM
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I can read in bed again! I won't hear "I can't sleep when your light is on", and then be accused of trying to phone *someone* if I went down to the living room to read in peace. (But he could go to sleep with the television on!)

YAY - and my partner just falls asleep when my lamp is on - it's amazin
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Old 03-02-2009, 08:07 AM
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My husband will actually remind me that the light doesn't bother him if he thinks I'm turning it out for his benefit.... I hadn't even thought about the reading in bed thing, YAY!

And yes- snuggles that do not have to "lead anywhere" are mighty cozy.... but so is being able to say "I'm too hot to cuddle" and slide over to my side of the bed and not get grilled about why I'm being so distant.
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  #59  
Old 03-02-2009, 08:22 AM
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I can have *all* my books on the bookshelves, not just the ones that are 'literary' enough to suit his image.

(The funny thing is that I'm the only one who read those 'literary' books -- the only ones he borrowed from me were the ones he called trash)
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  #60  
Old 03-02-2009, 08:36 AM
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Back to sex for a moment- The comments about fellatio reminded me of a scene from Sex and the City and I finally found the quote I was thinking of...,


Quote:
Adam : Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha : Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!
Until they've given one and know what they're talking about, men, all men, really need to just assume that act is a gift on par with the rental of a Porsche Targa 911 for a week , shup up and be really, really happy when it happens.
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  #61  
Old 03-02-2009, 10:19 AM
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LMAO!!! LMAO!!! LMAO!!!........... OOOHHHH, This is MY favorite thread OF ALL - EVER!!!!!!! LMAO!!!.........................
Ditto! I've been reading this thread often and find a lot of myself in it. Especially the fellatio part of it right now. Meaning doing it more as a duty then love back then. What gets me about a man,they give you instructions on how to do while you do it.
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  #62  
Old 03-02-2009, 11:58 AM
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Back to sex for a moment- The comments about fellatio reminded me of a scene from Sex and the City and I finally found the quote I was thinking of...,

Adam : Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha : Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!


Until they've given one and know what they're talking about, men, all men, really need to just assume that act is a gift on par with the rental of a Porsche Targa 911 for a week , shup up and be really, really happy when it happens.
OMFG that was funny!!! I love Sex in the City

I told my b/f, do you honestly think that every women want's to give head?? This is real life, not a porn movie. It's a J.O.B for us, sometimes! (depends on the mood ya know)
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  #63  
Old 03-02-2009, 12:35 PM
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I realized I am worthy, I deserve better & guess what, I'm beautiful too!
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Old 03-02-2009, 03:44 PM
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This thread is A HUGE bright spot!!!. WE ALL have much more to say here if we REALLY think about it, the fact we have to THINK so hard is sad, BUT the fact that when we do, we realise just HOW MANY "Bright Spots" there are MUST be a FANTASTIC feeling!!! I surely know this has been true for ME. Unloading and unburdening is a necessary part of the process of getting over our traumas, but, the hope and optimism gets somewhat overshadowed by the anxiety of our first tentative steps toward freedom and happiness, steps out of the boxes that we had become accustomed to existing (not living) in. Nim, you advised me a LOOOONG time ago that happiness is a state of mind that needs to be learned and practised(not in those exact words but this was the way I understood it!!) and it has proved to be a base truth, well for ME anyway. Today, I AM HAPPY!!!.
HE is free now but I am not scared, I am VIGILANT. I have MANY MANY things to be happy and thankful for and this thread is showing us all that a lot of us have more reason to feel this way than we ever thought possible at other points in out lives.
So, to ANY of you who are still stuck on the merry-go-round, read here, EVERY SINGLE POST, and see how many small joys there can be to take your happiness from (again, THANKS Nim!!). TODAY I AM HAPPY!!!!. LeBeau, this thread, I will reiterate, is a stroke of GENIUS!!!.
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Old 03-02-2009, 03:56 PM
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Oh yeah, AND, I get the whole book thing too. I was NOT allowed to read at all, this was a HUGE blow for me as I have been an AVID reader since I was 6!!!!. He either accused me of trying to intimidate him with my "intellect" (even though my fav books are fantasy novels) or by proving that I was "academic" (apparently reading was showing off because I finished school and he did not). The other problem was that if I was reading, I was being "antisocial"!!!. Oh well, his problem now.... I read, EVERY NIGHT!!!!!.
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:11 PM
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Oh yeah, AND, I get the whole book thing too. I was NOT allowed to read at all, this was a HUGE blow for me as I have been an AVID reader since I was 6!!!!. He either accused me of trying to intimidate him with my "intellect" (even though my fav books are fantasy novels) or by proving that I was "academic" (apparently reading was showing off because I finished school and he did not). The other problem was that if I was reading, I was being "antisocial"!!!. Oh well, his problem now.... I read, EVERY NIGHT!!!!!.
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:16 PM
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TODAY I AM HAPPY!!!!.
And what a lovely, lovely thing to read... and to be able to say!
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:54 PM
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When we argued,he would be angry because I would stick to a line of reasoning. Then he would be angry because my words sometimes had 3 syllables. So I would try to limit myself to two, and quote famous people. Then I'd make him angry because it wasn't my own words! I would just look at him and ask what words were left.

And then there was my husband . . . If I wanted to go to a party with him, it was because I was meeting someone there. If I said never mind, I'll stay home, it was because I was waiting for him to leave so I could call someone to come over. So I'd say I'd visit a girlfriend, whereupon I was called a lesbian. (This from a man who screwed everything but trees!) Yeah, I was isolated!

Now I can do whatever I please - go out, stay in, visit friends, and NOBODY accuses me of *game*.
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Old 03-02-2009, 06:47 PM
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OMG! I was forever "in trouble" for... well, for being fluent in my native tongue- English.
There were times that I was yelled at, viciously(sp?), for nothing more offensive than uttering a grammatically correct sentence.... Not even one in which I was contradicting or correcting something he'd said.

One of the things to which I never did give in was the pressure to dumb myself down, and I paid dearly for that.... but no more!
I can read, watch and discuss whatever interests me without being called dreadful names for having interests beyond celebrity gossip and Cosmo.
My husband, as smart as I am, but in totally different directions, actually brags to his friends about my brain and will call me from 1,000 miles away to ask "What does this mean?" when he encounters a literary reference or a "$10 word" that he doesn't "get" (Of course, if it has to do with anything involving numbers instead of words, it's me calling him... Between us, I think we could ace the SATs, but individually, each of us would blow full sections).... It is such fun to have my strengths valued rather than despised.


And I've just reminded myself of a favorite poem:

Men


They hail you as their morning star
Because you are the way you are.
If you return the sentiment,
They'll try to make you different;
And once they have you, safe and sound,
They want to change you all around.
Your moods and ways they put a curse on;
They'd make of you another person.
They cannot let you go your gait;
They influence and educate.
They'd alter all that they admired.
They make me sick, they make me tired.

Dorothy Parker


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Old 03-02-2009, 07:07 PM
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The other problem was that if I was reading, I was being "antisocial"
Wow.. I honestly never thought I would ever come across another person who dealt with this. I was frequently berated for reading a book instead of paying attention to him.

The bright spot here? I had forgotten all about this! And now that I've been reminded, it doesn't bother me anymore because I can read whenever and whatever I want.
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Old 03-03-2009, 03:58 AM
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I was never in a relationship were I was hit by a man. With me it was mostly being controled,manipulated or verbal abused. Which to me is the same as being physically abused without the visible scars and bruises. He used to check and write down the millage on my car before I left the house after I mentioned to him where I was going. Once I came back home and he tought the miles didn't add up he strated to rant and rave. That was so,so many years ago. The bright spot for me was being able to get in my car for that long drive to the beach. Which I still love doing to this day some times early in the morning without stopping at any place in particular just drive and be able to go back home without listening to shit "where you been and what have you been doing and with who etc?" Life is good for me now,it took a long time to get to this point.

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Old 03-03-2009, 12:02 PM
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Oh, Imani, that CERTAINLY qualifies as "abuse"!
And it takes just as much work and time to recover from as physical abuse.

Glad you can now say "Life is good for me now.".
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:04 PM
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Just realized how totally arrogant my post about intelligence sounds- I AM bright, but let me clarify that I do not think that makes me superior to anyone and it's just one strength balanced off by a multitude of flaws
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Old 03-03-2009, 02:27 PM
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No worries Le Beau - we still luv ya!!
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Old 03-03-2009, 02:37 PM
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Imani I'm with you on the psychological stuff - years on it's still "getting me". Everyone on here will tell you that abuse is abuse, none of it has any more or less validity. We've all been hit in many ways, it's all abuse.

My bright spot today was that I remembered Heaven's point on the way to work: It's MY life...........walked with a spring in my step all the way from the station.












......and then had a totally boring cruddy day - but at least I can laugh about it now!
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