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  #26  
Old 02-06-2008, 02:25 AM
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Do you think this would be a good book for a DV offender to read?? I want to send my boyfriend a book about it... Do you have any suggestions?
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  #27  
Old 02-06-2008, 06:08 AM
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HELL NO! I don't think that, if he is an abuser, there is much chance that he will improve by reading it. What he will do instead is learn the jargon and learn even more about how to get around the blame.
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  #28  
Old 02-17-2008, 04:16 AM
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nimuay I think that was an awesome offer. You sound like a great person!! I have been in domestic violent relationships myself, and I will tell you now that it's not easy to get out of them! Thank you for being here for people to talk to. I admire your strength and your courage!!
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  #29  
Old 02-26-2008, 01:40 AM
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wow!! what an amazing offer of the heart that U are offering to those who can't afford to get a copy of it, & yet I'm sure that really could use it in their lives.
Now, I haven't heard of the book myself, but I will definitely look into getting myself a copy, thank U so much for the advice
I look 4ward to reading it.
---hugs---
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  #30  
Old 02-29-2008, 11:32 AM
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So...I've been lurking around, just reading what others have to say... This book seems like an interesting read, so I am going to have to pick it up. I recently starting writing to my ex from 10 years ago (we were both 15) who was not only my first love, but also my abuser. He is in jail and has been in for the last 7 years on a non related charge. I am married now to a wonderful man, but have wanted answers to so many questions I still have from my ex, which is why I started writing. My question is does anyone know of a good book that I can send to him in regards to domestic violence since Nimuay says this one will not be a good read for him...Thanks in advance!
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  #31  
Old 02-29-2008, 12:12 PM
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that author lundy bancroft.. has anouther book.."when dad hurts mom"..
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  #32  
Old 02-29-2008, 01:10 PM
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Theex - What you might send him depends on exactly what personality disorder you suspect him of having. Confirmed abusers are usually Anti-social Personality- or PTSD - or Narcissistic Personality Disordered. There's not really much, as all those are highly resistant to treatment.
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  #33  
Old 03-02-2008, 11:34 AM
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Well nimuay he certainly doesn't have Anti-social Personality. So I'm assuming its the other...I think I'm just going to drop it...I don't need him in my life. Thanks though!
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  #34  
Old 03-02-2008, 02:28 PM
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Good conclusion you've come to! The basic point is that those are very resistant to treatment, and probably he couldn't give you clear reasons for what he did, anyway. They are mysteries to themselves.
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  #35  
Old 03-06-2008, 09:51 AM
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Actually nimuay, when I asked him why he would treat the way he did, he said that he was trying to be "Macho", trying to put me in place and let me know that he was in charge. But that he didn't think that way anymore.
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  #36  
Old 03-06-2008, 10:19 AM
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Yeah, macho. But what made him think that that was the proper way to be, or that your place was lower than his?
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  #37  
Old 03-08-2008, 09:22 AM
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I'm stumped there...
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  #38  
Old 03-10-2008, 10:22 PM
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I have suffered SO much from abuse and I don't really think it makes a difference whether it's a man or a woman that is referenced in that book. Abuse is horrible and THANK YOU for trying to help people (male and female). What a wonderful gesture.
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  #39  
Old 08-16-2008, 08:23 PM
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Like I said Nim - YOU ARE A VERY RARE BEING!!!.
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  #40  
Old 08-26-2008, 02:53 PM
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I need this book.

I always think I'm out of the trap, but I just spent 2 years with a dude who managed to break me down emotionally soooooooo bad.

I guess I didn't learn as well as I thought.

I want for that shit to not ever happen again!

Embarking on a new relationship right now, I better get it figured out NOW!
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  #41  
Old 08-27-2008, 01:11 AM
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Mia - you want me to send it to you or can you find a copy?
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  #42  
Old 08-27-2008, 02:06 AM
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IDK. I cannot locate my car keys right now, lol.
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  #43  
Old 08-27-2008, 07:52 AM
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Your are a very thoughtful person and God is smiling down on you for all that you are doing,May God Bless You and Yours
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  #44  
Old 09-03-2008, 05:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Anyone who has questions, large or small, about abuse should read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It's the best thing I've read ever about DV, and if you need info, this is the A-one place to get to know that it is. Easy reading, clear as a bell. If you can't get it at the library, or can't afford to buy it, PM me with your address. I will buy it for you and send it along from Amazon. Please, don't feel you can't - I'm offering.

UPDATE: Despite the fact that this was originally posted in 2005, I just want you all to know it's still good now, and for as long as my account is open.
This is an excellent book and one I own. That is so nice of you to offer it like that. I am currently in an abusive marriage and didnt know for 10 years until I had a complete and utter emotional breakdown. I am now trying to work my way out of it and this book helped me so much to understand the subtle but lethal emotional & psychological abuse that was going on.

Peace,
Katt

Last edited by nimuay; 09-03-2008 at 08:04 AM..
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  #45  
Old 09-18-2008, 08:56 PM
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Now I'm going to go get the book. Thanks for the offer though. It sound like a good book.....
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  #46  
Old 09-21-2008, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
Anyone who has questions, large or small, about abuse should read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It's the best thing I've read ever about DV, and if you need info, this is the A-one place to get to know that it is. Easy reading, clear as a bell. If you can't get it at the library, or can't afford to buy it, PM me with your address. I will buy it for you and send it along from Amazon. Please, don't feel you can't - I'm offering.

UPDATE: Despite the fact that this was originally posted in 2005, I just want you all to know it's still good now, and for as long as my account is open.
Many people on this earth have huge hearts, you are most certainly one of them. You may not get your reward on earth, but you will be rewarded! Karma has a way of seeking out the good, and repaying it x3. You deserve it x100!

God bless you, you surely are a real live "earth angel".
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  #47  
Old 10-02-2008, 11:52 PM
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I would like this book...
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  #48  
Old 10-16-2008, 01:53 PM
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I got my book today. i am very anxious to start it. I just wanna say thanks again and God bless you.
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  #49  
Old 10-17-2008, 02:32 AM
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Another good book is "But I Love Him" by Dr Jill Murray. Its targeted for parents of teens and the teens themselves who are just starting down the path of victimization. An absolute must read for anyone who has a little girl.
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  #50  
Old 10-17-2008, 08:09 AM
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I don't need this book but I just stumbled across this thread.

What a generous offer. You have my deepest admiration and everyone is in my prayers.
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