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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:08 PM
Burlesque011 Burlesque011 is offline
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Question Who's the provider?

my dilemma starts here, everyone's telling me the financial aspect of what I'm used to, is completely unrealistic and that I cannot find a 'legit' man who would provide the way he did. I can take care of myself,thats not what it is, I finished my education, have my career, make a decent earning...it's just thatit's become such a turn on, i guess you could say that he's a man man, he takes care of his woman & family
So I ask you, who was the provider? Who's the provider now?Does he ask you for much if your the provider? Does he help you financially while he's in? I dont know what it is...but the fact that he is such an amazinnnggg provider just does something to me. I just keep thinking of that reunion of Mob Wives where Rene says "I'd like a man, who if he lost his job, could still provide for his family. So if you don't mind, I'd like a criminal plz!" Fml right lol

Last edited by Burlesque011; 01-04-2013 at 10:47 PM..
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:42 PM
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I'm a firm believer that each side should provide...I enjoy being independent and not needing someone else. Of course things were easier with two incomes...but it is what it is. In our relationship we both provide for ourselves and help eachother as well Then and now.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:58 PM
jfcjmc jfcjmc is offline
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I agree with you both. I find a providing independent hard working man EXTERMELY sexy. Stay at home men do absolutely nothing for me. However, I love my independence and the fact that I can provide for me and my two girls on my own. I'm a hard worker and it's a rewarding feeling When he's home he doesn't even cash his check before giving it to me and he makes a great living, he just can careless about material things. Give him a roof over his head, paid bills and cupboards FULL of food and he's happy.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:48 PM
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My husband was well aware that he was going to have to do another bid so he prepared for it from the moment he was indicted. I have no bills, the house, our vehicles and so forth are paid for. He also put up enough money to cover his canteen, special and quarterly packages, telephone calls and so forth. He always prides himself on being the primary provider and even while incarcerated he feels providing FINANCIALLY for his family is his responsibility. Personally, I love that about him. I also love that I am free to do with my income whatever I choose to do. I realize I am extremely blessed because he is and was a hard worker and a keen businessman and investor.
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:52 AM
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When my fiance comes out, most likley I will be the provider, as it looks now. I think it will be hard for him to find a job. However, I have 5 kids with my ex-husband. I am just starting to go back to school, so I am not in any position to provide, period, let alone well. Aren't we a pair? A felon and a single mom of 5 who didn't finish college, doesn't have much work experience for the past few years and has been living overseas for 9 years.
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:10 AM
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When I was much, much younger I bought into the whole "man as the provider" scenario, that was my mother's way and every generation before her. Here's the thing, I was divorced (not prison related) after a 20 year relationship, 14 years married, 3 kids (grown now, close to it at the time) and what I learned from that is that I will NEVER again in my lifetime be beholden to ANYONE for money. Sebastian was a good provider but I didn't need his money. Our playing field is level even though we are in a relationship where that doesn't really matter, I'm always gonna have my end, regardless, that's just me and he's man enough to understand where I'm comin' from which is one more reason why we belong together...
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Old 01-05-2013, 06:51 PM
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The last 5 years of my marriage, my ex was too deep in his alcoholism to help me financially. I have been divorced almost 2 years now and manage to make enough to support myself and my son. My guy worked odd jobs here and there when he was with me, but nothing stable and nothing I could count on. As far as I am concerned, when he gets out if he can just support himself as far as parole payments, cigarettes, etc., then I don't mind covering the rest - as long as he can stay clean and straight. He wants to work and help out, but I don't know if he will be able to find steady work and truthfully, I am more concerned with him dealing with his addictions than I am about him paying the bills.
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LastOneLeft View Post
The last 5 years of my marriage, my ex was too deep in his alcoholism to help me financially. I have been divorced almost 2 years now and manage to make enough to support myself and my son. My guy worked odd jobs here and there when he was with me, but nothing stable and nothing I could count on. As far as I am concerned, when he gets out if he can just support himself as far as parole payments, cigarettes, etc., then I don't mind covering the rest - as long as he can stay clean and straight. He wants to work and help out, but I don't know if he will be able to find steady work and truthfully, I am more concerned with him dealing with his addictions than I am about him paying the bills.

Although my man does not have addiction issues I can relate to what you are saying. I think it is wise for those that are waiting to have their loved ones back in the free world recognize the difficulties they will have securing employment and such. Some get lucky, others not so much and we need to be realistic about these things. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure your post will help a number of our members and I'm all about spreading the support.
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:51 PM
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He was. I had been laid off since before we met and he's been perfectly okay with that since I did treat when I had the money (unemployment, family) and he obviously realized I wasn't about materialism.

I started my new job the week he went away, which, I still need help if I wanted to go alone because I've only been paid once so far. I've been off for the Holidays since the Friday before Christmas and am only making $300-$400 a week which is great for me, but, not when I have off at the worst time when I'm not splitting expenses with him. I've been living with my parents again for the first time nearing a year ( since May).

Until we can actually talk about it (He went unexpectedly.), I'm on my own with my barely-making-it mother & father plus myself whenever I go back.

Last edited by MizFormaldehyde; 01-05-2013 at 07:57 PM..
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:55 PM
Burlesque011 Burlesque011 is offline
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Thanks a bunch for your insight ladies, really appreciate it!
I'm very happy I have access to all you independent and strong females.
xox
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LindiLLou View Post
My husband was well aware that he was going to have to do another bid so he prepared for it from the moment he was indicted. I have no bills, the house, our vehicles and so forth are paid for. He also put up enough money to cover his canteen, special and quarterly packages, telephone calls and so forth. He always prides himself on being the primary provider and even while incarcerated he feels providing FINANCIALLY for his family is his responsibility. Personally, I love that about him. I also love that I am free to do with my income whatever I choose to do. I realize I am extremely blessed because he is and was a hard worker and a keen businessman and investor.
I only wish mine didn't go unexpectedly. I feel the same way as you, the fact that he is such an amazing provider is one trait of his that I can honestly say, would not ever be easily replaced and I really do love that about him. I was working full time, as I was for the second half of our relationship up until 2 months ago, he convinced me to go pursue my education further although I was already finished and had my career, an extra degree in my field could raise my salary quite significantly and so I'm feeling very blessed much like you to have such a good man. He's doing time - I'm going back to school and until then travelling, and while I do so, he's making money and taking care of me and ours. If only he wasn't such a jackass in other areas of our relationship...it'd be perfection.

Thanks for your insight, glad to chat with someone in similar water as me.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:26 AM
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My husband was the soul provider while I earned my degree. Although when he left I had to pick up the slack. I am now the soul provider for myself, him, and our four children. By the strength of god I make it through. Through good times and bad...he had my back now I have his.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:43 AM
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I provide for myself. But my other 1/2 always made sure I had what I needed.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:49 AM
Onedaycloser13 Onedaycloser13 is offline
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I agree with Patty on this, like her married and he was the primary bread winner. It may have something to do with he was abusive also and controlled the money. When I left I left with nothing; just me and my son. After that, I decided I would never rely on anyone else but myself financially and to this day I never have. Although we were together I have always been able to make it on my own, so we shared responsibilities. In the last six years, I have financially supported both of us. However, as soon as he gets a job that will stop.
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:44 PM
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In my first marriage, my husband was the main breadwinner. Him making all the money did nothing for my happiness and I decided long ago that I would never be dependent on a man again. In my current relationship, I am the provider now, but my love supplies support in many forms that help keep me going emotionally. When he comes home, I want him to work at something he enjoys, but there will not be pressure to "take care of me now". I want him to concentrate on reintegrating and adjusting. I don't want him laid up on the couch all day, but if he's contributing, sober and doing well, I'm capable of bringing home the bacon. JMHO.
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