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Friends & Families of Addicts Information for coping, dealing & living with a loved one's addictive behavior.

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  #1  
Old 09-08-2014, 02:15 AM
stylesofdanger stylesofdanger is offline
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Default Worries and fears, boyfriend recovering heroin addict

So, my boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict, and being locked up is what forced him into "recovery" status. We talk a lot about him staying clean when he gets out, but I can't help but worry sometimes that the temptation will prove too great. I personally have never touched the stuff, but I have seen so many relapses by seemingly dedicated addicts in recovery. I'm just curious, how do you deal with these concerns?
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Old 09-08-2014, 02:24 AM
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i would say keep him busy when he gets out, it is very hard i never went as hard as heroin but opiate pills are right underneath it, it was the hardest thing i ever had to quit, i was on 5-6 years straight, you become so dependent on it physically. and i know heroin is so much stronger then what i was using, if hes in there and recovering hes clean so try to keep him busy make plans or think about what he's going to do when he gets out and try to steer him away from it. its possible very possible. but yes it is hard
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Old 09-08-2014, 05:32 AM
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First thing you do - stop thinking he's in recovery. He isn't. He's dry, but not sober. Second, find yourself a meeting - NarAnon or AlAnon. You need a lot more than conversation with him, because he hasn't done the work to understand himself (his triggers, his holes, the person that heroin turns him into) for you to be able to trust his sobriety. And you don't understand the lies an addict tells, to himself or you. That's where the meetings help. They need to be your network so you can hear from others who love an addict about their experiences, mistakes, enabling, all that.

Third - you want to know that he's doing meetings AA or NA while he's inside. It's pretty late in the game if he waits until he's out.
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Old 09-10-2014, 04:09 PM
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I wish could tell you it's easy, and that he won't relapse. But, I'd be lying. I was a heroin addict for 6 years, and although i am almost 2 years clean, i will always have addict tendencies. I will never forget it, the feeling, the taste, everything about it. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict. Luckily, i made it out alive, with no serious criminal record. He wasn't so lucky. He did almost 4 years in a federal prison. When he got out in may 2013, things looked promising. He got a job right away, but also got involved with people from his past, which ended up being his biggest downfall. A little over a year later, here i am...by myseli wth our 6 month old daughter- while he does another prison sentence. I was devastated. Although this bid is only until feb, it has turned my life upside down.

Just keep your eyes open, stay positive but don't be naieve...keep him away from his past. Be supportive, but if you feel like you're being played for a fool..chances are, you are.

Good to you, i hope he can beat it in the real world.
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Old 09-10-2014, 06:29 PM
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If it took being locked up to be dried out, you can bet he'll be using within days of release, if not while still inside.

No one can break a habit until they are ready to. Being held back from what they want just makes them want it.

No matter how busy you try to keep him, how many hugs you give him a day, how many times you tell him how proud of him you are, there's nothing you can do to stop him from using until he has hit bottom, and even then wants to get off of it.

That is a nasty drug. It's hell on Earth. And he's the only one that can get him clean, and even then, that's a fight he'll have to fight daily for the rest of his life.

You can be encouraging and supportive, but I would recommend you brace yourself. There's nothing easy about the road you're on.

Best of luck
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Old 09-11-2014, 11:54 AM
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my son was in and out of jail about 5 times ( never for more then a month) in and out of rehabs thru the course of 10 years, he would get clean time then relapse.. over and over, at this point he has been in treatment and sober for almost 2 years and I am still not sure about will he relapse. Heroine is an evil drug that is very hard to kick
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Old 09-12-2014, 11:47 PM
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Hi and Welcome to PTO. I have moved your thread to this forum, "Friends and Families of Addicts" because it is more about your boyfriend and how to deal with his addiction.

The best way I know of to deal with your concerns about your boyfriend and relapsing is to get yourself into some type of recovery program. I would try Nar-Anon if I were in your shoes.

The first thing you're going to learn is that you cannot deal with his recovery for him. He's going to have to do this for himself if he really wants to stay clean. In the meantime, get help for yourself because the disease of addiction not only affects the addict, but also friends and families of the addict also.
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Old 09-14-2014, 07:44 AM
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Well if he's in jail then getting the stuff would be hard but not impossible so I guess it's recovery if he isn't trying to find or use it. But he needs to get into the programs they have like NA or AA for support with others with the same problems and goals to stay without it . If he isn't getting his head right he'll get high as soon as he's released.
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Old 10-06-2014, 05:31 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. This has been weighing on me for quite some time. My boyfriend, now 27, has been struggling with an addiction to heroin since he was 19. I met him when he was 25 and the times I can remember him being sober are very scarce. During the time we were together, he was on parole and probation and failed multiple urine tests. He eventually violated parole, for testing positive for opiates and is currently in jail. This is the first time in his life he has ever had to suffer the consequences of his actions. This is the first time in his life he has ever had to think about the damage that this addiction has caused everyone around him, but most importantly, how it has damn near taken his life. He has been in jail for the past 3 months and I feel almost silly saying how different and clear minded he sounds. I get the sense that he has matured while in there and has been forced into a position that he didn't know he needed. I feel silly even thinking about his sobriety, when I should be focusing on myself. But how do you turn that switch off when you love someone...and how do you ignore hope? My boyfriend will be doing an Intensive Outpatient rehab when he is released. And though this is something he has tried and failed many times before, I have hope that things will be different this time. And fear that they won't. Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:27 PM
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My friend is a herion addict. He started off abusing painkillers then went onto the harder street drugs. He has been in and out of jail a number of times and now is doing his first bid in prison. He's nothing like the man I first met.
It's not going to be an easy ride sticking with him If HE chooses to sober up. There's always a risk of relaspe. One of the biggest mistakes that I've learned and is hard, do not enable him.
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Old 10-21-2014, 05:24 PM
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Does anyone know about the recovery/relapse likelihood of long-term inmates? My friend is an opiate addict, and she's gotten 'dry' while in jail for the past ten months. She's likely to be there for 5-10 years, though. Is it likely that she'll relapse as soon as she gets out, or is there hope that after so much time, she'll be clean? I don't know if she's doing any programs inside.
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Old 10-21-2014, 05:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noregrets2 View Post
Does anyone know about the recovery/relapse likelihood of long-term inmates? My friend is an opiate addict, and she's gotten 'dry' while in jail for the past ten months. She's likely to be there for 5-10 years, though. Is it likely that she'll relapse as soon as she gets out, or is there hope that after so much time, she'll be clean? I don't know if she's doing any programs inside.
That's a good question, but I don't think there is any answer to it. I think the fact that she's been clean for as long as she has is a good sign, because let's be honest...drugs are available in jail/prison, and if she's clean, then that means she's voluntarily made that choice for herself. The rest depends on the person as an individual. How serious their recovery is to them, how important sobriety is to them and how committed they are to it. Wishing the best of luck to your friend...
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Old 10-21-2014, 06:19 PM
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Noregrets, if she's working a program, getting into the 'why' of her addiction issues, starting to make specific, minute plans on how to behave and redirect when the urge to use comes up, rehearsing those strategies, creating a network, then she has a good chance. Otherwise, it's a coin toss.
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Old 10-22-2014, 09:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noregrets2 View Post
Does anyone know about the recovery/relapse likelihood of long-term inmates? My friend is an opiate addict, and she's gotten 'dry' while in jail for the past ten months. She's likely to be there for 5-10 years, though. Is it likely that she'll relapse as soon as she gets out, or is there hope that after so much time, she'll be clean? I don't know if she's doing any programs inside.
5-10 years? I seriously doubt having your freedom taken for that long she is thinking about anything accept today. I wouldnt focus on that as much as trying to figure out if you're into putting your life on hold for that 'roll of the dice'.
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Old 10-23-2014, 08:17 PM
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5-10 years? I seriously doubt having your freedom taken for that long she is thinking about anything accept today. I wouldnt focus on that as much as trying to figure out if you're into putting your life on hold for that 'roll of the dice'.
Oh, no. She's literally a friend; the daughter of my good friend. I'm one of the reasons she's in jail, but I've forgiven her for what she did and now I just want to help her and her dad as much as I can.
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Old 05-20-2015, 09:25 AM
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You know what alot of people do not understand is getting sober is easy; staying sober is the hard part. You never know what someone's trigger is and it happens so fast that they don't realize they used until after its done.

There is a reason that someone becomes addicted to opiates, they numb physical AND mental pain. It is so much easier to pop some pills or smoke some heroin then it is to deal with our issue, plus it feels so much better.

Your partner cannot promise that a relapse will never happen, we don't want to but it is always a possibility. You are probably always going to be "on guard" and looking for signs.
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