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  #26  
Old 09-08-2005, 12:48 PM
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Just a quick update..
once again he called me this morning and asked if I would spend saturday night with him, as that was the day we were suppose to have been renewing our vows..and legally getting married ( long story)
I told him no, I had plans to go out with friends and family.
Of course, I got the cussing out and how he couldnt believe that I was choosing them over him, my reply was I cant believe that you choose the streets and drugs over what we had, me and our son and your family..
He didnt have much to say other than if I went not to talk to him anymore
which could be a blessing believe it or not... sounds strange I know but true.
So I guess that I wont talk to him for a while cause I am going..
would I like to spend the night with him, a part yes, a part also is scared cause lord knows I dont know what he has been doing on the streets..
Everyday they say it gets a little better and somedays it seems that way.
But what do u do when you love someone and you know they are sick and they dont even try?
You have to let go and they have to let go of you right???
Smiles and blessing to you all
love Tina
Tatsbabynomore
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Old 09-08-2005, 01:08 PM
Jessiegirl813 Jessiegirl813 is offline
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I just read your thread and it broke my heart, I wish there was something I could tell you to make you feel better or tell you that I understand what your going thru but I cant.

Just know that you are in my prayers and thoughts, stay strong and know that we will always be here for support.
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  #28  
Old 09-08-2005, 02:02 PM
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Oh Girl Big Hugs This Is Trouble Call If You Need To Talk Im Okay Got My Own Stuff Going On The Good Bad And Yes The Ugly Stay Strong And Gog Bless Trisha
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  #29  
Old 09-08-2005, 02:40 PM
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Letting go of someone who is sick like that is one the of hardest things to do. I know cause I had to let go of my very 1st real Love like that. I have 3 kids by him and all ways thought that he would change and be the man that I knew deep down inside he was. But that never happened I was with him for so many years some good and some so bad that I have blocked them out!! It is heartbreaking to let them go cause a part of you thinks that they might get it togethere and be the man that you know he can be.But the other part of you is sick of the pain worry heartache that comes along with loving someone sick!! You have to stand on your own though this. He will keep calling you. I give you alot of credit for not meeting with him..it is heart breaking to let go and move on but deep down inside you know that it is for the best. I still have weak moments for my ex and will give him rides places but there is nothing there anymore nothing but pity!!!I wish that he would grow up and be a father but I know that is not going to happen. My girls are 15 11 and 10 they know that their father is sick!! I try to shield them from him but it does not always work like that. So not only is there the pain that he caused me but the pain that he is causeing my girls!!! I want to kill him for that!! But they will learn. Sorry I just rambled on!!!!
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  #30  
Old 09-08-2005, 02:54 PM
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Louisgirl,
Dont worry about ramblin' I do it too.. It is so hard.. I just want to beat the hell out of him and say where is " MY TAT " where is " MY SWEET TAT"
I had 2 yrs of nothing but love from this man, and now all I have is heartache..
I had to stop talking to him, each time I did.. I had hopes that he would return and yet I know he wont.. I feel for you and your girls.. but they have a strong mommy just like my son has one in me.. Its hard though to be strong so much.. at night when my son is in bed.. I take a bath and just sit with the water running over my head and cry and wonder " what the hell went wrong" and why I never seen this coming...
Thank you for your support and everyone elses on here...
Ya'll really do make it eaiser for me.. and trust me its hard...
love to you girl and take care

Tina
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  #31  
Old 09-08-2005, 04:50 PM
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Tina just hang in there cause it does get easier and the hurt dies long the way. I know that I had to keep alot of anger in order to let go of him!!Pm me anytime if you need to!!

Amy
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  #32  
Old 09-14-2005, 04:09 PM
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wow girl you have just described my life for the last 3 years. I am so glad you have decided not to let him take you down with him. There really is nothing we can do for our friends in those situations. Believe me I've tried everything from denying mine $5.00 to having him kidnapped and forced into treatment. Literally. The only thing I havent tried is to just let him hit the bottom. He knows he can come home at anytime and have a good meal, a shower, and a long nap. And of course as soon as I started realy thinking about finally taking that away and letting him go he got himself back in prison and we're pretty sure it will be a while this time. I wish you and your family much luck, please know you are not alone, and that we are praying for you.
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  #33  
Old 09-15-2005, 02:42 PM
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Hi Tat.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It's heartbreaking.

You didn't mention what drug he is addicted to, but from what I've gathered it sounds like a meth addiction.

If that's so, I would like to direct you to a support site with a ton of information and support for recoving addicts and for wives, husbands, family members, etc.

If I'm wrong about the drug of choice, forgive me. I was just going on what I could gather.

Take care.

Lena

http://www.crystalrecovery.com/Links/MDF.html
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  #34  
Old 09-15-2005, 03:23 PM
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U, and ur strength are definitely in my prayers.................
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  #35  
Old 09-15-2005, 06:11 PM
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Tina,

You story has touched my heart. We have somethings in common. Why my G is not an IV drug user, he is an Crack Addict. I too have lost sleep, and cried until I could not shed another tear. What has helped me more than anything was Al-Anon. Al-Anon taught me how to keep the focus on myself and not the Addict. It has taught me how to set good boundaries, and how to take care of my needs. Al-Anon has helped me see that his addiction has affected me. In Al-Anon I have learned to stop blaming the Addict and to understand addiction. You see as family members we see the "drug" as the problem... "If he would not use then everything would be ok" The Addict sees the drug as the solution to the emotional pain he feels. I learned that G did not do those things to me...he did them to himself.

I know the pain you are feeling, and I am so happy you are reaching out to others for support. This forum is a great support system but I found that I need face to face contact with people who understood me and was totally non-judge mental. God Bless and take care of yourself.

Char
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  #36  
Old 09-16-2005, 10:06 AM
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Hello to everyone:
I have been away for a while and alot has happened... I got a call from Tat asking me to come and pick him up last friday. I had to really think long and hard about it, but I did. I knew something was wrong just didnt know what. I got him home. He was complaining of chest pains very badly. He slept alot .. which I know he needed. Sunday night the pain got to much for him to handle and I had to make the choice to call 911. They came of course and rushed him to the hosp. once there. They got him stable enough to move him and sent him to a hosp that had a good cardio. department. Yes, he had yet another heart attack. I almost lost him twice before they got him to the second hosp. seems the stents they put in his chest have shut down, due to not taking his meds and yes from being on the streets doing drugs again.. ( pretty stupid, I know) but addicts dont seem to think of it that way. It has been nothing but rough.. I, myself am a wreck. Cant keep any food down, and throw up at the thoughts of food. I have gone to the Drs as well and he put me on meds. for my nerves. I havent been able to get them as of yet, because I have missed all of work this week except today. My pay check will be nothing this week. But I will deal with that.
Having Tat in the hosp has been a strain, not only were we dealing with the heart attack and the balloning of his heart to open the stents back up. But also the DTs when it came to him coming off the street drugs. That I can tell you was not a fun picture. I at one point had to wait till he was sleeping and walk out of the hosp and away from him, because he was in such pain that he was very very mean to me and I couldnt take it any longer. Once he woke up and found me not there, he freaked of course. I know your saying why did I leave him there? Well I had to and I know that you may not agree with that, but its something I choose to do. Of course, he left the hosp without telling anyone and went to the nearest drug dealers house. Where I guessed he hoped to end his life for good. But he didnt work that way. The hosp called me and I gave them the info they needed to go and get him. And the cops did... Once again, God had his hands on Tat . They brought him back to the hosp. where they kept him over night. In the morning he called and begged me to come and get him. Which I did, against everything that everybody thought I shouldnt do. But its like this, its not about Tat or the love that I have for him. Its about a human soul, hurt and beat down and needing someone and someplace to belong. I went and got him Tues morning and he has slept and slept and slept. Which is fine with me. He wakes up long enough for me to give him his meds and to eat and watch a little bit of TV and then he goes back to sleep. I dont mind cause I know that his body is healing and so is his soul. The DT's are gone now. The Drs told him one more shot of drugs and that will be his last? His heart cant take it. He told me last night that he was
So sorry that he had take me, or son, his family,life, and God for Granted. I can only pray that while he is sleeping God is talking to him as well. Please pray for him and ask God to take all thoughts of drugs from his mind. I am holding up and finally learning to take it one day at a time.
I do need some help though, the hosp could not direct me on how to get anyhelp for him when it comes to getting his meds, they gave him a 20 days supply of the meds for his stents after that we have to buy them at 135.00 a mths supply. He has no insurance being that we arent legally married and has only been out of prison for a month.

I do need some kind of advice on what to do? Please...the hops told me of some thing that we may be able to get his meds for him through a company that makes them but the hosp dropped the ball on that as well. To tell you the truth, this is how they looked at him..
OH!!! another drug addict this one has a heart problem and he still is using . I understand that, but .. he still is a human being as well...
will we make it, I dont know. Will he stay clean I can only pray.. one day at a time.. but thats where we are at this point.. any help or suggestions I would love ...
we havent talked about meetings or rehab.. you would just have to know him.. they wont his eatting habits changed and his cig. smoking as well.. I say damn...let worry about the drug habit first..
I cant ask him to stop eveything at one time...
I hope everyone is doing well and understand where I am at .. The fact that he is home is a blessing .. I just pray it lasts...
love and much blessing
Tina
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  #37  
Old 09-16-2005, 02:15 PM
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Tina

It is hard to turn your back on them. My ex (kids dad) has heart problems all so from drug use.. He does not call me anymore when it happens cause I have been there so many times that he does not keep the promises that he makes to the girls and himself!! As for help with the meds try the company that makes them web site. Check it out. All so he might try getting state insurance they might help him. I know that my ex gets state insurance to help him. try it out!!
I really hope for his sake that he changes and decides to live a life worth living!! Hang in there I will keep you and him and your son in my thoughts!!!
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  #38  
Old 09-16-2005, 03:17 PM
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Tatts, I am so sorry! My prayers are with you and your addicted man. God Bless you!
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  #39  
Old 09-19-2005, 09:34 PM
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so sorry you're going through all this. it really scares me that after all these years it could happen to me too. bless you.
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  #40  
Old 09-20-2005, 06:21 AM
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Welcome and I am so glad you found us. Oh hun I am so sorry. I am a recovering valium addict. Yes there are days I could kill for one. I have not taken them in 13 years. I tried for a while to trade that for other drugs and gave it up too. I know what he is going through and I know what you are going through for I have been married to 2 addicts myself. I am glad you realize you can not change anyone but yourself now for that is what you have to know before you can heal. You can not change him, only your actions about how you deal with him.
Good luck and know I am only a pm away. You and your little boy are in my prayers and so is your ex.
Peace love light and laughter
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  #41  
Old 09-20-2005, 06:25 AM
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UP DATE ON OUR STORY

Tat is at home and is doing alright, he has been clean now for 9 days.. may not seem that long to some of you. But that is a very good thing. He is tired and we are running into walls when it comes to getting any kind of medical help for him at all. But I refuse to give up any hope.
We know we have a long road ahead of us, but we will face it and we both know it is not an easy one. But one that we will take one day at a time. That is a hard thing for both of us to do, as we have never had to do that before.

Thank you for all your prayers and support, they mean so much to us. Please keep right on praying for us both. I heard my husband laugh again for the first time the other night when he was playing with our son. My heart melted..
Sometimes you forget how important the small things are , untill they are nearly taken from you..
I guess I better fix my signauture as well..
As I know that I will always be Tatsbaby...
much love and blessings

Tina
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  #42  
Old 09-20-2005, 07:35 AM
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Tina you have to do what you need to do.. I wish you and your family the best. We are here for you no matter what..
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  #43  
Old 09-21-2005, 09:41 AM
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Tatsbaby couldn't have said it any better. I too have lived that exact senerio. Different names and places but the same exact thing. After those first few hours it's over and to realize that they spent those hours planning to get high! It's so incredibly insane. Just looking at them and realizing they have become someone else, just like that, is so eerie. It is truly sickening. I'm just so glad to hear that he did not continue to come back and look for you to "support" him in his lifestyle. I used to live in constant fear that mine would be waiting for me after work, or holed up in my house when I came home so I could take him to the ATM or breaking in at night to wake me for money... It got very scary, saying no was basically life threatening. I've had him arrested I don't know how many times. Many people have helped me to keep him in on little charges for my safety. Finally the last time was for real, terriorist threat among other charges.
He is now on his second term since I left him. Getting away only because he was incarcerated for 16 months first term. Still had to have a restraining order as part of his parole.
Now here's the amazing part, the reason I'm writing. Even tho, I am not "with" him his love for me was so that he wanted to come to terms with all that happenened between us. Like Tatsbaby says, he wanted to face his ghosts and his dragons. We have spent hours on the phone starting in his first term and also during this term to bring forgiveness and respect back to our "relationship". I never want to be with him again because I will never, ever trust him completely, but being able to express myself, sometimes crying and swearing, and to have him listen quietly for the entire time, answering questions and understanding what he put me through was really amazing to me. Listening to him come to terms with his issues has really been so healing. I guess that it's that the "real" him is realizing that he has to be stronger than the "addicted" him. He is in CSATF in California and it is one of only two prisons here that actually run a program modeled after successful drug programs across the country. He's bought into it and is working the program. That's all I can ask for. Whether it carries over when he gets out is only something I can pray for. While I have moved on, our personalities become fragmented with tramatic incidences and having him do well only helps me in the long run. It's something I once longed for because of "us" but I find that I still long for it because I once loved him.
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  #44  
Old 09-21-2005, 10:32 AM
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Just a quick update..
one more day clean and sober... Thank you God!!!!
10 days now...
Last night Tat was able to go out of the house and go with me to our sons
PTA meeting at school, trust me that was a big thing for him and for me and for our son.. We didnt stay too long because he is still in a lot of pain from the heart attack and from just being on the streets and being an addict.. but it was a start.. we also went and saw my daughter and our grandson, which
loves Tat so very much... that was a good thing...
Some days are eaiser than others, somedays are harder than others. I read somewhere on line the other day about detoxing your body and that if you are an addict you almost have to go into confinement much like if in prison. Tat has done just that, he doesnt leave our home, he talks to very few people and he sleeps, thinks, heals and dreams and is getting better. Is the want to get high still there, I ask him, he answered and said yes, but the want to live with my wife and son and be happy is getting much stronger... that made me very happy.. One day at a time .. is how we take it ..

Bluehorsebeach: Thanks for your reply,, I can relate to what you say totally.. I love Tat very much, but if it doesnt work out.. I can say and mean it with all my heart that I loved with out judgement and gave it everything that I could give it.. Like my hubby said " I can only to so much, the big part is up to him" stay in touch and let me know how you are doing... good luck...

much love and blessings to all
Thank you all

Tina and Tat
I will keep posting as long as I need too...
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  #45  
Old 09-21-2005, 12:20 PM
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Thumbs up 10 DAYS?!?! Yeah!!!

To Tina,
I know what you mean about the human soul. Did he ever look at you and you could see right into that very soul and know that that trapped soul was speaking? Drug addiction is the most eerie, depressing, heart wrenching, soul shredding experience I've ever been through. But giving up on that loved one's soul... it's almost impossible. 10 days sober!!! It seems like so little to say 10 days but compared to 12 hours... Wow! Tell him I am SOOOOO impressed! He is a man of men. What he is going thru we wouldn't wish on even our enemies. You Tina, deserve every day he is sober. I treasured all of the sober days and still remember them now. We were very deeply in love. The abuse and fear and shock that the man I most loved would hurt me destroyed trust and love without trust can't exist together, only apart. I put my exs picture into the "overcomers Bible" on my night stand and literally and formally in prayer gave him over to God's care. That was the only way I could "let go". And God has answered my faith in so many ways.

I hate to admit it but I was married to an acholic, went to my ex who was addicted to crack and have gone out with a herion addict. What am I thinking?? Of course it all happens in the course of time. Acholism is progressive and got to the point where I had to leave because my kids really wanted not to live with him any more. My drug addict ex wasn't addicted when we fell in love and neither was the herion addict. Well I should say that the herion addict was in recovery but in denial too and that relationship, if you could call it that was very short lived since I recognized the problem immediately and bailed before my heart became too involved. Both addicts are incarcerated now.

Tina, I still just so amazed at your story. I am so thrilled that he is home as hard as that is on you. Wow, I'll be piling on the prayers onto you two and your son. Sounds like you have Plan A and a Plan B so you have your head on straight. You are also a wonderful strong woman. That's why Tat is doing as well as he is. You get your meds and give your burdens to God to ease your soul. Remember He is in charge anyway right? He is obviously working in your lives. A book that helped me... Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On by Stormie O'Martian.

Ok, I've gone on and on but I'm so in support of you Tina!! I wish you 10 more days clean and sober. I'm thinking about programs but nothing is coming up. Maybe later something will come to me.
(((Hugs)))
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  #46  
Old 09-22-2005, 10:35 PM
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Glad to hear that he is healing. Hopefully he will take this time and REALLY realize what he needs in his life!
Keep us updated when you can!!!
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Old 09-22-2005, 11:29 PM
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I am so sorry things turned out the way they did. I'll be praying for you both...
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Old 09-22-2005, 11:34 PM
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Sorry...I didn't read through this whole thread before I posted... I'm so glad to hear he is home and things are looking better...
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Old 09-23-2005, 06:17 AM
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Hello to all!!!
Just a up date as to what is going on in Tats recovery and in our world. Well today is almost 14 days clean.. not a lot but alot to us!
Last night we went and had dinner with my oldest daughter , and Tat and her met for the first time. That was a big blessing to me, because there was so many bad feelings there. But all was put behind us and we had a good time. Tat and I and our son even went to walmart for a little while. Tat is taking very small steps right now. And we do them as he thinks he can. I am so proud of him for the things that he has been able to do. He is beginning to talk to me about things and I try very hard to listen and to understand. For me that is good, cause I tend to be very hot headed at times.
Today, a friend he grew up with is coming to take him out for a while. I am ok with that, because she is really the only true friend that he has from the streets. And she has been clean and sober for a year now. She is also a leader in NA/AA so that is a very good thing..
She has been very supportive for both Tat and myself.
We are still taking it, One day at a time.. but thats ok. I am glad for those one days and pray for many more...
Hope all is well with everyone and their loved ones. I will keep you posted. Thanks for the support and prayers.
OH I forgot to tell you all... Tat and I have a date tonight!!!
We are going out to eat and then to go bowling...
I cant wait............

much love Tina and Tat
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Old 09-25-2005, 10:40 PM
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Awesome news!
Love it! Love it! Love it!
How did the date go?
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