Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: How do you know if it's just Prison Talk or Real Talk?
We've been together long enough that I just know he's for real 14 36.84%
Never asks me for anything, just a few dollars to call and write..there is Real Talk & Trust 10 26.32%
I believe that he is for real, but I sometimes wonder... 10 26.32%
Prison Talk for sure...I know he isn't for real...I plan on moving on 4 10.53%
Voters: 38. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-14-2018, 01:48 PM
char_hart80 char_hart80 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: KC MO
Posts: 198
Thanks: 236
Thanked 181 Times in 88 Posts
Question Prison Talk or Real Talk?

Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.

As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.

For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to char_hart80 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), BearsLadyBear (02-14-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), Hurley123 (02-14-2018)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 02-14-2018, 03:45 PM
BearsLadyBear BearsLadyBear is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 265
Thanks: 841
Thanked 325 Times in 136 Posts
Default

To be honest.. In my opinion, You wont know until he/she hit these streets.

You have some inside that call everyday, write every week, attend all visits and never ask for anything and come out only to disappear on the person that stayed loyal.

Then you have some inside that call 2-3 times a week, text/email every other day, write a few times a week and ask for the bare necessities and come out and stick it out with that person.



All you can to is as one member signature reads....Love with your heart but take your brain with you...that's with all relationships.
Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to BearsLadyBear For This Useful Post:
char_hart80 (02-16-2018), HisPeaches (02-15-2018), Hurley123 (02-14-2018), istrueblue (02-15-2018), ItsMe81 (03-06-2018), lilt0123 (03-10-2018), ll1995 (02-20-2018), MHDT (03-07-2018), MissOne (02-19-2018), MizzyMuffling (02-15-2018), Mze11696 (03-24-2018), xolady (02-19-2018)
  #3  
Old 02-14-2018, 05:56 PM
QueenJameelah's Avatar
QueenJameelah QueenJameelah is offline
Mrs. Al Amriki
 

Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 34
Thanks: 22
Thanked 22 Times in 15 Posts
Default

I know this is real because he fears Allah and he knows that if he does wrong by me what his punishment will be and he fears that. He doesn't ask me for anything and he is always giving to me. I love him
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to QueenJameelah For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018)
  #4  
Old 02-14-2018, 06:11 PM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,675
Thanks: 12,045
Thanked 5,863 Times in 3,056 Posts
Default

Honestly when my husband was in I could see thru all his bs!!! I knew when he wanted something but I would kind of play him right back!!LOL I could tell by the tone of his voice when he was trying to butter me up. I knew he loved me and would do whatever he could for me. Even though he'd start the jail talk bs I knew it wasn't really him playing me, but more of a learned behavior that he thought he needed to manipulate me when he didn't need to. We really had no problem talking but he'd regress at times!!!
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), BearsLadyBear (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018), lovinglife30 (02-16-2018), MissOne (02-19-2018), MizzyMuffling (02-15-2018)
  #5  
Old 02-15-2018, 12:50 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 3,548
Thanks: 3,234
Thanked 3,712 Times in 1,598 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear View Post
To be honest.. In my opinion, You wont know until he/she hit these streets.

You have some inside that call everyday, write every week, attend all visits and never ask for anything and come out only to disappear on the person that stayed loyal.

Then you have some inside that call 2-3 times a week, text/email every other day, write a few times a week and ask for the bare necessities and come out and stick it out with that person.



All you can to is as one member signature reads....Love with your heart but take your brain with you...that's with all relationships.
Wanted to reply the same thing... I won't know until he's out. So my signature is my motto and also taking one day at a time...
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-15-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018), Ehfraht (02-15-2018), lilt0123 (03-10-2018), QueenJameelah (02-15-2018), xolady (02-15-2018)
  #6  
Old 02-15-2018, 08:37 AM
HisPeaches's Avatar
HisPeaches HisPeaches is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 152
Thanks: 80
Thanked 94 Times in 52 Posts
Default

I 100% agree with BearsLadyBear you won't 100% know until they come home and show you if it was real or all talk and honestly that can be pretty scary especially if you're a MWI couple like myself.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to HisPeaches For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-15-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018), xolady (02-19-2018)
  #7  
Old 02-15-2018, 01:11 PM
Kirin's Avatar
Kirin Kirin is offline
Coopers disciple
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Germany
Posts: 285
Thanks: 10
Thanked 153 Times in 96 Posts
Default

I'm poor, he only benefits from me emotionally. All I can give him is loyalty, affection and my internet research skills when he wants to know about something.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Kirin For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018), fbopnomore (02-15-2018), MHDT (03-07-2018), Sarianna (02-16-2018)
  #8  
Old 02-15-2018, 03:53 PM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 168
Thanks: 0
Thanked 137 Times in 72 Posts
Default

A little bit of both... he didn't show his true colors until he got out and left me. I loved him and was true to him
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-15-2018, 07:05 PM
MissStar MissStar is offline
Beach Girl
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 284
Thanks: 348
Thanked 325 Times in 150 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by char_hart80 View Post
Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.



As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.



For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.


Last time I said I am certain my husband wonít re offend, people kind of jumped on me for claiming to know my husband and his record.. lol.
So, I wonít say again he wonít re offend, but I will say that his behavior (the attention, the emotions) hasnít changed. Heís always been super lovey, supportive, and sweet. So, not too much there has changed, except he gets more sad when we canít talk on the phone vs when he wasnít in prison. Lol
Heís worked super hard while heís been in there. Heís taken all the required classes, all the classes not required... gotten some certifications, etc - none of this was a surprise to me, itís who he is.
I donít think Iíd be strong enough to do a MWI to be honest because there seems to be such a huge risk (for me). I admire the men and women that can do it! Itís amazing!!!!
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MissStar For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-16-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (02-16-2018), xolady (02-15-2018)
  #10  
Old 02-15-2018, 07:08 PM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,675
Thanks: 12,045
Thanked 5,863 Times in 3,056 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissStar View Post
Last time I said I am certain my husband wonít re offend, people kind of jumped on me for claiming to know my husband and his record.. lol.
So, I wonít say again he wonít re offend, but I will say that his behavior (the attention, the emotions) hasnít changed. Heís always been super lovey, supportive, and sweet. So, not too much there has changed, except he gets more sad when we canít talk on the phone vs when he wasnít in prison. Lol
Heís worked super hard while heís been in there. Heís taken all the required classes, all the classes not required... gotten some certifications, etc - none of this was a surprise to me, itís who he is.
I donít think Iíd be strong enough to do a MWI to be honest because there seems to be such a huge risk (for me). I admire the men and women that can do it! Itís amazing!!!!
Your right never say never, because prison effects everyone differently.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-16-2018), char_hart80 (03-10-2018), MizzyMuffling (02-16-2018)
  #11  
Old 02-15-2018, 07:11 PM
MissStar MissStar is offline
Beach Girl
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 284
Thanks: 348
Thanked 325 Times in 150 Posts
Default Prison Talk or Real Talk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Your right never say never, because prison effects everyone differently.


I hear you there, XoLady! Iím working towards my Degree in Psychology, I want to work as a Prison Psychologist. Itís fascinating (and) heartbreaking everything Iíve learned in my studies AND from this experience with my husband.

Ps: Iíve been in this field for a while. I chose this career before even meeting my husband so itís painfully ironic the situation weíre in lol.
__________________


Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MissStar For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-16-2018), Chaddersgirl (02-15-2018), char_hart80 (03-10-2018), xolady (02-19-2018)
  #12  
Old 02-16-2018, 06:42 PM
char_hart80 char_hart80 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: KC MO
Posts: 198
Thanks: 236
Thanked 181 Times in 88 Posts
Default

It's going to be interesting to see how he goes when he get's out for sure. He was telling me that both him and his room mates have all been talking about change and how they can all relate because they are all repeat offenders, whether that's parole violation (my bf) and or DWI or something along those lines. And he's been rather inspired by some of the guys and how they wish to make changes and such, and one of the guys told him how his story has inspired him to change also and my bf seemed pretty flattered with that thought knowing that he may of helped someone make a small or big change in there life.

I understand that change in general can be extremely difficult especially when it's either been a habit of some sorts or just out of pure fear. Like I said in another post, I have helped open that door for him, but its completely up to him to walk through it. And that's something I have been rather proud of myself because in the past I have always played the mother, the person who see's the good in someone and almost demand that they change because its ruining there life, but I guess with age and of course life experience myself, having to make that change within myself, I made that conscious effort to not do that with my bf. He had already started to make those changes on his own before we met, but was in the beginning stages to. So, we will see fully when he get's out as he plans on going to the classes and continue with certain programs and such, and what makes me truly proud is that he's doing all that and isn't just doing it because someone told him to or pushed him to do. Plus I said to him, what's the point in me telling or pushing you, because you would either tell me to get lost or you'll start it then stop lol ... he needs to make that change himself, when he's ready to do it, and sometimes it takes something to trigger it and I think with my bf it was coming to that realization that he may never ever see his daughter again and he was on the brink of losing me and my kids, his friends and his family, who had enough of his lacking in getting his life back together, because he was such in a deep depression.

Right now, I am all he has because his friends and family are "yea right, whatever, good luck with that," to which I thought was rather upsetting but then I wasn't around when this all began...one friend who was supposed to be his closest friend actually laughed at him and said whatever and hung up, then when he got in there he called and said im here, and his friend laughed again and said ok and hung up. I am like what kinda friend is that! O_O I would be mortified if that was my friend, and in fact I would be questioning that friendship lol. But, again his actions are all on him this time and I do truly hope that he does keep with that change and I do understand its going to be really difficult and hard road for him especially with in the next few years, but with the right positive people around him, getting the support he needs through groups and such, he'll be able to not only show himself but show his daughter, family and friends that he did it.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to char_hart80 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), Sarianna (02-17-2018)
  #13  
Old 02-20-2018, 08:03 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 5,675
Thanks: 12,045
Thanked 5,863 Times in 3,056 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by char_hart80 View Post
It's going to be interesting to see how he goes when he get's out for sure. He was telling me that both him and his room mates have all been talking about change and how they can all relate because they are all repeat offenders, whether that's parole violation (my bf) and or DWI or something along those lines. And he's been rather inspired by some of the guys and how they wish to make changes and such, and one of the guys told him how his story has inspired him to change also and my bf seemed pretty flattered with that thought knowing that he may of helped someone make a small or big change in there life.

I understand that change in general can be extremely difficult especially when it's either been a habit of some sorts or just out of pure fear. Like I said in another post, I have helped open that door for him, but its completely up to him to walk through it. And that's something I have been rather proud of myself because in the past I have always played the mother, the person who see's the good in someone and almost demand that they change because its ruining there life, but I guess with age and of course life experience myself, having to make that change within myself, I made that conscious effort to not do that with my bf. He had already started to make those changes on his own before we met, but was in the beginning stages to. So, we will see fully when he get's out as he plans on going to the classes and continue with certain programs and such, and what makes me truly proud is that he's doing all that and isn't just doing it because someone told him to or pushed him to do. Plus I said to him, what's the point in me telling or pushing you, because you would either tell me to get lost or you'll start it then stop lol ... he needs to make that change himself, when he's ready to do it, and sometimes it takes something to trigger it and I think with my bf it was coming to that realization that he may never ever see his daughter again and he was on the brink of losing me and my kids, his friends and his family, who had enough of his lacking in getting his life back together, because he was such in a deep depression.

Right now, I am all he has because his friends and family are "yea right, whatever, good luck with that," to which I thought was rather upsetting but then I wasn't around when this all began...one friend who was supposed to be his closest friend actually laughed at him and said whatever and hung up, then when he got in there he called and said im here, and his friend laughed again and said ok and hung up. I am like what kinda friend is that! O_O I would be mortified if that was my friend, and in fact I would be questioning that friendship lol. But, again his actions are all on him this time and I do truly hope that he does keep with that change and I do understand its going to be really difficult and hard road for him especially with in the next few years, but with the right positive people around him, getting the support he needs through groups and such, he'll be able to not only show himself but show his daughter, family and friends that he did it.
Prison is the easy part it's doing good when they get out where the problems seem to come up. The classes at least at places my husband was were a joke!! Prison is supposed to punish, some learn their lesson and others pick up worse habits and actions. You don't know till they are out.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (02-22-2018), char_hart80 (02-20-2018), lilt0123 (03-10-2018), mazee56 (03-10-2018), SAGIRL (03-08-2018)
  #14  
Old 03-10-2018, 02:59 AM
Fredslady5 Fredslady5 is offline
Account Closed
 

Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Illinois
Posts: 168
Thanks: 0
Thanked 137 Times in 72 Posts
Default

"A man will do anything to pass the time away" #shawshank - manipulators.. they are good, always go with your gut , NOT your heart!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-10-2018, 08:07 PM
TenToesDownBaby's Avatar
TenToesDownBaby TenToesDownBaby is offline
Hannah & Jimmy
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 64
Thanks: 55
Thanked 58 Times in 34 Posts
Red face

My man has never asked me to keep money on the phone, he's never asked me to buy him stuff. When it comes to the phones he tells me not to stress it if I can't afford it. If I can, that's great! But he tells me all the time that I shouldn't stress myself and that as long as we can communicate through letters and as long as I stay loyal and ride it out with him, he's grateful. I love him so much
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to TenToesDownBaby For This Useful Post:
char_hart80 (03-14-2018)
  #16  
Old 03-22-2018, 09:33 AM
Francis213 Francis213 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Cali
Posts: 68
Thanks: 61
Thanked 75 Times in 33 Posts
Default

Been through all of this way to many times not just with my husband now but also with all the BS I gave to my family when I did time. Although I never said I wasn't going back until my last time which I honestly said it was my last time. My husband now from the first time he was in said he wouldn't be going back which I can honestly say he didn't for about 4 yrs.lol but I told him to kick gravel and travel before he got busted but this case he's doing 28yrs on stems from when he got out the first time. Long story things went down that I wasn't aware of in between the times I told him to go. He cheated lied the whole nine yards. I knew him before his first time and should have listened to my head and not my heart. Have dude one too many chances when he was out. He contacted me when he got busted this time I don't listen to his I've always loved you.....haha too damn funny, I really don't care. I barely if ever take his calls I don't do crap for him. I don't write have told him to move on. I know he's got penpals I'm not stupid don't care. No this pic is not of him. Personal reason for my avatar pic. Anyways once my court crap is taking care of and I can make a visit I'm moving head to divorce. I'm old school believe in telling him in person. I don't like doing things in a letter or over the phone. I know he has very lil family support but he's a grown man and needs to pull up those boxer shorts and find a hussle like a man is suppose too.
__________________
*It's A Thin Line Between Love & Hate"
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Francis213 For This Useful Post:
BearsLadyBear (03-22-2018), char_hart80 (03-22-2018), mazee56 (03-24-2018), xolady (03-22-2018)
  #17  
Old 03-24-2018, 11:03 AM
Mze11696 Mze11696 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: NY, USA
Posts: 29
Thanks: 14
Thanked 13 Times in 7 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by char_hart80 View Post
Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.

As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.

For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.
I feel the same exact way but I think of it this way - you will never know until he is out. Actions speak louder than words and my mans favorite line is "I can show you better than I can tell you". I am currently skeptical about sticking it out with him because when he was home we were both not talking about a future and we both just kind of went with the flow. but it was BOTH of us who didn't take the next step to commit to one another. Now, I am the only one he wants to speak to. He has family but calls me instead of them. He never asks me for anything and is grateful if I do decide to visit. Never puts pressure on me.

BUT we will NEVER know until they come home if we are still around for it.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Mze11696 For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), char_hart80 (03-24-2018), Sarianna (03-25-2018), xolady (03-24-2018)
  #18  
Old 04-02-2018, 11:35 AM
Jacks_girl Jacks_girl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
Default Guard the heart

The best advise I can offer is to go with your gut and always always guard your heart! Take everything with a grain of salt
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jacks_girl For This Useful Post:
a.rare.love (08-03-2018), Francis213 (04-10-2018)
  #19  
Old 04-05-2018, 07:34 PM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,131
Thanks: 5,018
Thanked 708 Times in 503 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by char_hart80 View Post
Are you able to tell the difference? .

that I can come visit him and so forth.

Without action, i would be careful and or just make sure i am not giving/doing too much to a guy inside, who is clearly not showing me, at all thru action. I always spoke on such relevance since i've joined this nice PTO support forum.
-
I can easily tell the difference,and always was able to,prior to my man, at the time being released.(Already violated/went back in)smh
.


Some feel a man who is wanting his wife or fiancee to "go see him" each week or few times a year is using them. So i don't know chica. I think it truly varies for all of us.
-
However":

What i do know es #TAAS...(There are ALWAYS signs)just up to us women to be astute prudent enough to NOT ignore them. Good luck to you, adios. hugs and blessings.
__________________
-
#TAAS (there are always signs,so DON'T ignore them)



Lead with your MIND + not your heart.
CONSISTENCY,communication"is key.Without action, it just isn't real...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
PRISON TALK or REAL TALK ?!.. valentine7 General Prison Talk 17 10-20-2011 09:12 PM
Seriously, Prison Talk or Real Love? ericswife1988 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 56 09-25-2010 10:51 PM
What do you think? Is it prison talk or real talk? justbeth Met While Incarcerated 16 07-02-2009 12:09 PM
Jail Talk vs Real Talk mony21 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 16 06-25-2009 05:26 PM
Prison talk or is it real; How do you know? Iuse2bhere Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 22 10-25-2006 09:17 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:30 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics