Prison Talk or Real Talk?

[char_hart80]

Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.

As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.

For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.

[BearsLadyBear]

To be honest.. In my opinion, You wont know until he/she hit these streets.

You have some inside that call everyday, write every week, attend all visits and never ask for anything and come out only to disappear on the person that stayed loyal.

Then you have some inside that call 2-3 times a week, text/email every other day, write a few times a week and ask for the bare necessities and come out and stick it out with that person.



All you can to is as one member signature reads....Love with your heart but take your brain with you...that's with all relationships.

[QueenJameelah]

I know this is real because he fears Allah and he knows that if he does wrong by me what his punishment will be and he fears that. He doesn't ask me for anything and he is always giving to me. I love him

[xolady]

Honestly when my husband was in I could see thru all his bs!!! I knew when he wanted something but I would kind of play him right back!!LOL I could tell by the tone of his voice when he was trying to butter me up. I knew he loved me and would do whatever he could for me. Even though he'd start the jail talk bs I knew it wasn't really him playing me, but more of a learned behavior that he thought he needed to manipulate me when he didn't need to. We really had no problem talking but he'd regress at times!!!

[MizzyMuffling]

Originally Posted by BearsLadyBear

To be honest.. In my opinion, You wont know until he/she hit these streets.

You have some inside that call everyday, write every week, attend all visits and never ask for anything and come out only to disappear on the person that stayed loyal.

Then you have some inside that call 2-3 times a week, text/email every other day, write a few times a week and ask for the bare necessities and come out and stick it out with that person.



All you can to is as one member signature reads....Love with your heart but take your brain with you...that's with all relationships.

Wanted to reply the same thing... I won't know until he's out. So my signature is my motto and also taking one day at a time...

[HisPeaches]

I 100% agree with BearsLadyBear you won't 100% know until they come home and show you if it was real or all talk and honestly that can be pretty scary especially if you're a MWI couple like myself.

[Kirin]

I'm poor, he only benefits from me emotionally. All I can give him is loyalty, affection and my internet research skills when he wants to know about something.

[Fredslady5]

A little bit of both... he didn't show his true colors until he got out and left me. I loved him and was true to him

[MissStar]

Originally Posted by char_hart80

Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.



As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.



For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.

Last time I said I am certain my husband won’t re offend, people kind of jumped on me for claiming to know my husband and his record.. lol.
So, I won’t say again he won’t re offend, but I will say that his behavior (the attention, the emotions) hasn’t changed. He’s always been super lovey, supportive, and sweet. So, not too much there has changed, except he gets more sad when we can’t talk on the phone vs when he wasn’t in prison. Lol
He’s worked super hard while he’s been in there. He’s taken all the required classes, all the classes not required... gotten some certifications, etc - none of this was a surprise to me, it’s who he is.
I don’t think I’d be strong enough to do a MWI to be honest because there seems to be such a huge risk (for me). I admire the men and women that can do it! It’s amazing!!!!

[xolady]

Originally Posted by MissStar

Last time I said I am certain my husband won’t re offend, people kind of jumped on me for claiming to know my husband and his record.. lol.
So, I won’t say again he won’t re offend, but I will say that his behavior (the attention, the emotions) hasn’t changed. He’s always been super lovey, supportive, and sweet. So, not too much there has changed, except he gets more sad when we can’t talk on the phone vs when he wasn’t in prison. Lol
He’s worked super hard while he’s been in there. He’s taken all the required classes, all the classes not required... gotten some certifications, etc - none of this was a surprise to me, it’s who he is.
I don’t think I’d be strong enough to do a MWI to be honest because there seems to be such a huge risk (for me). I admire the men and women that can do it! It’s amazing!!!!

Your right never say never, because prison effects everyone differently.

[MissStar]

Originally Posted by xolady

Your right never say never, because prison effects everyone differently.

I hear you there, XoLady! I’m working towards my Degree in Psychology, I want to work as a Prison Psychologist. It’s fascinating (and) heartbreaking everything I’ve learned in my studies AND from this experience with my husband.

Ps: I’ve been in this field for a while. I chose this career before even meeting my husband so it’s painfully ironic the situation we’re in lol.

[char_hart80]

It's going to be interesting to see how he goes when he get's out for sure. He was telling me that both him and his room mates have all been talking about change and how they can all relate because they are all repeat offenders, whether that's parole violation (my bf) and or DWI or something along those lines. And he's been rather inspired by some of the guys and how they wish to make changes and such, and one of the guys told him how his story has inspired him to change also and my bf seemed pretty flattered with that thought knowing that he may of helped someone make a small or big change in there life.

I understand that change in general can be extremely difficult especially when it's either been a habit of some sorts or just out of pure fear. Like I said in another post, I have helped open that door for him, but its completely up to him to walk through it. And that's something I have been rather proud of myself because in the past I have always played the mother, the person who see's the good in someone and almost demand that they change because its ruining there life, but I guess with age and of course life experience myself, having to make that change within myself, I made that conscious effort to not do that with my bf. He had already started to make those changes on his own before we met, but was in the beginning stages to. So, we will see fully when he get's out as he plans on going to the classes and continue with certain programs and such, and what makes me truly proud is that he's doing all that and isn't just doing it because someone told him to or pushed him to do. Plus I said to him, what's the point in me telling or pushing you, because you would either tell me to get lost or you'll start it then stop lol ... he needs to make that change himself, when he's ready to do it, and sometimes it takes something to trigger it and I think with my bf it was coming to that realization that he may never ever see his daughter again and he was on the brink of losing me and my kids, his friends and his family, who had enough of his lacking in getting his life back together, because he was such in a deep depression.

Right now, I am all he has because his friends and family are "yea right, whatever, good luck with that," to which I thought was rather upsetting but then I wasn't around when this all began...one friend who was supposed to be his closest friend actually laughed at him and said whatever and hung up, then when he got in there he called and said im here, and his friend laughed again and said ok and hung up. I am like what kinda friend is that! O_O I would be mortified if that was my friend, and in fact I would be questioning that friendship lol. But, again his actions are all on him this time and I do truly hope that he does keep with that change and I do understand its going to be really difficult and hard road for him especially with in the next few years, but with the right positive people around him, getting the support he needs through groups and such, he'll be able to not only show himself but show his daughter, family and friends that he did it.

[xolady]

Originally Posted by char_hart80

It's going to be interesting to see how he goes when he get's out for sure. He was telling me that both him and his room mates have all been talking about change and how they can all relate because they are all repeat offenders, whether that's parole violation (my bf) and or DWI or something along those lines. And he's been rather inspired by some of the guys and how they wish to make changes and such, and one of the guys told him how his story has inspired him to change also and my bf seemed pretty flattered with that thought knowing that he may of helped someone make a small or big change in there life.

I understand that change in general can be extremely difficult especially when it's either been a habit of some sorts or just out of pure fear. Like I said in another post, I have helped open that door for him, but its completely up to him to walk through it. And that's something I have been rather proud of myself because in the past I have always played the mother, the person who see's the good in someone and almost demand that they change because its ruining there life, but I guess with age and of course life experience myself, having to make that change within myself, I made that conscious effort to not do that with my bf. He had already started to make those changes on his own before we met, but was in the beginning stages to. So, we will see fully when he get's out as he plans on going to the classes and continue with certain programs and such, and what makes me truly proud is that he's doing all that and isn't just doing it because someone told him to or pushed him to do. Plus I said to him, what's the point in me telling or pushing you, because you would either tell me to get lost or you'll start it then stop lol ... he needs to make that change himself, when he's ready to do it, and sometimes it takes something to trigger it and I think with my bf it was coming to that realization that he may never ever see his daughter again and he was on the brink of losing me and my kids, his friends and his family, who had enough of his lacking in getting his life back together, because he was such in a deep depression.

Right now, I am all he has because his friends and family are "yea right, whatever, good luck with that," to which I thought was rather upsetting but then I wasn't around when this all began...one friend who was supposed to be his closest friend actually laughed at him and said whatever and hung up, then when he got in there he called and said im here, and his friend laughed again and said ok and hung up. I am like what kinda friend is that! O_O I would be mortified if that was my friend, and in fact I would be questioning that friendship lol. But, again his actions are all on him this time and I do truly hope that he does keep with that change and I do understand its going to be really difficult and hard road for him especially with in the next few years, but with the right positive people around him, getting the support he needs through groups and such, he'll be able to not only show himself but show his daughter, family and friends that he did it.

Prison is the easy part it's doing good when they get out where the problems seem to come up. The classes at least at places my husband was were a joke!! Prison is supposed to punish, some learn their lesson and others pick up worse habits and actions. You don't know till they are out.

[Fredslady5]

"A man will do anything to pass the time away" #shawshank - manipulators.. they are good, always go with your gut , NOT your heart!

[TenToesDownBaby]

My man has never asked me to keep money on the phone, he's never asked me to buy him stuff. When it comes to the phones he tells me not to stress it if I can't afford it. If I can, that's great! But he tells me all the time that I shouldn't stress myself and that as long as we can communicate through letters and as long as I stay loyal and ride it out with him, he's grateful. I love him so much

[Francis213]

Been through all of this way to many times not just with my husband now but also with all the BS I gave to my family when I did time. Although I never said I wasn't going back until my last time which I honestly said it was my last time. My husband now from the first time he was in said he wouldn't be going back which I can honestly say he didn't for about 4 yrs.lol but I told him to kick gravel and travel before he got busted but this case he's doing 28yrs on stems from when he got out the first time. Long story things went down that I wasn't aware of in between the times I told him to go. He cheated lied the whole nine yards. I knew him before his first time and should have listened to my head and not my heart. Have dude one too many chances when he was out. He contacted me when he got busted this time I don't listen to his I've always loved you.....haha too damn funny, I really don't care. I barely if ever take his calls I don't do crap for him. I don't write have told him to move on. I know he's got penpals I'm not stupid don't care. No this pic is not of him. Personal reason for my avatar pic. Anyways once my court crap is taking care of and I can make a visit I'm moving head to divorce. I'm old school believe in telling him in person. I don't like doing things in a letter or over the phone. I know he has very lil family support but he's a grown man and needs to pull up those boxer shorts and find a hussle like a man is suppose too.

[Mze11696]

Originally Posted by char_hart80

Are you able to tell the difference? ... Such as his actions ... he calls you two to three times a day or more, writes to you allot, does things that makes you feel loved ... or it wasn't this way before getting locked up, but now he is in there he is contacting you all the time.

As we all know that when a man is locked up that you have some men who want to change and do the right thing by there women, and then you have others who manipulate any connection they have with the outside world to pass that time a little bit faster, and to make them feel less guilty.

For me personally, actions speak louder then words and I can see the actions he is doing to change and to turn his life around for the better and with out my help he's just doing it. He never asks me to do anything for him, only that I write him letters and when I can to put money on the phone so he can call me, and he's made sure that I can come visit him and so forth.

I feel the same exact way but I think of it this way - you will never know until he is out. Actions speak louder than words and my mans favorite line is "I can show you better than I can tell you". I am currently skeptical about sticking it out with him because when he was home we were both not talking about a future and we both just kind of went with the flow. but it was BOTH of us who didn't take the next step to commit to one another. Now, I am the only one he wants to speak to. He has family but calls me instead of them. He never asks me for anything and is grateful if I do decide to visit. Never puts pressure on me.

BUT we will NEVER know until they come home if we are still around for it.

[Jacks_girl]

The best advise I can offer is to go with your gut and always always guard your heart! Take everything with a grain of salt

[a.rare.love]

Originally Posted by char_hart80

Are you able to tell the difference? .

that I can come visit him and so forth.

Without action, i would be careful and or just make sure i am not giving/doing too much to a guy inside, who is clearly not showing me, at all thru action. I always spoke on such relevance since i've joined this nice PTO support forum.
-
I can easily tell the difference,and always was able to,prior to my man, at the time being released.(Already violated/went back in)smh.


Some feel a man who is wanting his wife or fiancee to "go see him" each week or few times a year is using them. So i don't know chica. I think it truly varies for all of us.
-
However":

What i do know es #TAAS...(There are ALWAYS signs)just up to us women to be astute prudent enough to NOT ignore them. Good luck to you, adios. hugs and blessings.