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  #1  
Old 02-09-2018, 12:10 PM
Gavin123 Gavin123 is offline
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Default Its Been A Few Years...

Its been a while since ive been here...a lot has happened in my life.
Not sure how many of you...that i know, are still here.

My son is still serving his 15 Year sentence he, has 3 years to go...He has done well. He works, goes to school and has managed to "Mostly" stay out of trouble...a few minor things in the past 9 years.

All in All...his Mind, Body and Spirit are in Tact! And that is most important to me.
It has been a Hard Year...To say the least.

I pray for everyone here...
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Old 02-09-2018, 12:41 PM
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Hi there and welcome back to Prison Talk! It sounds like you are on the downhill side of this! I hope he can keep out of trouble and get through the last 3 without incident!
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Old 02-09-2018, 04:11 PM
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Hello, Mom! You've held on for a long time, and it's good to see that you're still in one piece!
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Old 02-11-2018, 11:23 AM
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Hello and Hugs! Good to hear the update. Your son is making his way through and soon will be out and then you will worry about that as well. LOL But it will be a good worry, normal worry...and your son will be older and wiser and much more mature. He will be ready for his freedom and have more coping tools.

I am still peeking in here now and then although my son has been out for over 10 years now. My son married, added 2 more kids to the 2 he fathered before his term. He has lived in three places that he and his wife bought, each one with more room to accommodate the growing family. He recently bought a farm, yep he bought the farm. He has chickens a big old tractor and a barn, a coon hound. He is still working at AA and at his job. He eventually paid off all fines and is driving again, has his own truck.

When he first got out, he walked out with only prison garb. No prospects for the future and a big chip on his shoulder. It took time, but after going through maybe 14 jobs and as many friendships...he has settled down. I think. He is much more loving to me and even the other day, he called to apologize for something he thought of that he said to me a long time ago.

His 4 kids to three different women all love one another and are together a lot. Three of the kids live with him and he is now a hockey/soccer dad. The one son of his who still lives with his mom stays over a lot, and all the women and kids get along. It is a weird family, but it is ours.

I still am active in prison ministry but in a different way. I write to two inmates as well as to inmates who go on weekend retreats within the prison.
There is hope. As long as there is love, there is hope. Love can make people want the best, and even if only one person believes in an inmate, they can rekindle the fire of love and hope inside them.

having your son's body, mind and spirit intact is very impressive, mom! I think you can exhale now. Gavin will be home soon and just fine!
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Old 02-11-2018, 04:28 PM
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Good to hear from you! Glad to hear your son is doing pretty well and sorry it's been a hard year for you-hoping this is a better one for you and yours!
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:21 PM
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Default Thanks so much for posting

jancy;7700483]Hello and Hugs! Good to hear the update. Your son is making his way through and soon will be out and then you will worry about that as well. LOL But it will be a good worry, normal worry...and your son will be older and wiser and much more mature. He will be ready for his freedom and have more coping tools.

I am still peeking in here now and then although my son has been out for over 10 years now. My son married, added 2 more kids to the 2 he fathered before his term. He has lived in three places that he and his wife bought, each one with more room to accommodate the growing family. He recently bought a farm, yep he bought the farm. He has chickens a big old tractor and a barn, a coon hound. He is still working at AA and at his job. He eventually paid off all fines and is driving again, has his own truck.

When he first got out, he walked out with only prison garb. No prospects for the future and a big chip on his shoulder. It took time, but after going through maybe 14 jobs and as many friendships...he has settled down. I think. He is much more loving to me and even the other day, he called to apologize for something he thought of that he said to me a long time ago.

His 4 kids to three different women all love one another and are together a lot. Three of the kids live with him and he is now a hockey/soccer dad. The one son of his who still lives with his mom stays over a lot, and all the women and kids get along. It is a weird family, but it is ours.

I still am active in prison ministry but in a different way. I write to two inmates as well as to inmates who go on weekend retreats within the prison.
There is hope. As long as there is love, there is hope. Love can make people want the best, and even if only one person believes in an inmate, they can rekindle the fire of love and hope inside them.

having your son's body, mind and spirit intact is very impressive, mom! I think you can exhale now. Gavin will be home soon and just fine!
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:23 PM
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Thanks. I am so discouraged.
I am about to give up on my.son. I am.just tired. And he still
Has a hard head.
I haven't been here in years and we still habe time to go.
Yet I feel he is never coming.home and what is going.to happens
And he has a new girl.friend.
I've read some of the post and I think I better hang with you
All. I need to be here.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by I'm done View Post
Thanks. I am so discouraged.
I am about to give up on my.son. I am.just tired. And he still
Has a hard head.
I haven't been here in years and we still habe time to go.
Yet I feel he is never coming.home and what is going.to happens
And he has a new girl.friend.
I've read some of the post and I think I better hang with you
All. I need to be here.

I just saw your short posting today. You said you need to be here, which makes me glad that you are. I have learned that our children, specially when they are adults, don't want to be told what we think is best for them. I have one son back in prison, he will be out in September. This is his second "rodeo." Same sentence both times: 2 1/2 years but he gets out early for good behavior. I have learned that only consequences (that is imposed by the law -- not my husband and I) have a beneficial effect on him. He was out for 6 years and both my husband and I saw that he was decompensating and there was nothing we could do without his cooperation. This time, he is older and wiser. He has asked me very often for suggestions and I am very careful about answering him in a ways that he sees that HE is making the decision. One thing I am sure to do is to let him know how much I love him and miss him. He is the master of his destiny and whether he follows his parents suggestions (suggestions that he has requested) or not, I will always be his mom and will always love him. I let him know it. When he engages in behavior that gets him a prison sentence, I do not need to let him know that I am disappointed. He is already being punished. I do tell him how hard it is for me to see him incarcerated and that I miss him. When he gets out, he will have to do the right thing for himself so that he can stay out. I do not have the power to keep him out of trouble. This time, I have reasons to be more optimistic. Do let us know how you are doing.
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Old 02-23-2018, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by CC'sMom View Post
I just saw your short posting today. You said you need to be here, which makes me glad that you are. I have learned that our children, specially when they are adults, don't want to be told what we think is best for them. I have one son back in prison, he will be out in September. This is his second "rodeo." Same sentence both times: 2 1/2 years but he gets out early for good behavior. I have learned that only consequences (that is imposed by the law -- not my husband and I) have a beneficial effect on him. He was out for 6 years and both my husband and I saw that he was decompensating and there was nothing we could do without his cooperation. This time, he is older and wiser. He has asked me very often for suggestions and I am very careful about answering him in a ways that he sees that HE is making the decision. One thing I am sure to do is to let him know how much I love him and miss him. He is the master of his destiny and whether he follows his parents suggestions (suggestions that he has requested) or not, I will always be his mom and will always love him. I let him know it. When he engages in behavior that gets him a prison sentence, I do not need to let him know that I am disappointed. He is already being punished. I do tell him how hard it is for me to see him incarcerated and that I miss him. When he gets out, he will have to do the right thing for himself so that he can stay out. I do not have the power to keep him out of trouble. This time, I have reasons to be more optimistic. Do let us know how you are doing.
Thank you for posting this. I feel much the same way and actually do most of what you're doing with my own son. I think it might be helpful for others to see that there is an alternative to "giving up" and, at the same time, put the responsibility for succeeding on their shoulders where it belongs. Thanks again.
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  #10  
Old 03-27-2018, 04:07 PM
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Hi, Gavin123!
Nice to hear from everyone! Hang in there I'm done! It's not over till the last lady sings!! Never know what's around the NEXT curve! My son is still in, 3 to 4 more years to go. Still struggling, emotions, finances, and what next. BUT it's not as bad now that he is a level 2. That level 4 about killed me, cried all the time in silent. Level 3, oh no, but doing much better at a level 2. He has a carpet cleaning job, and has taken about 40 college courses. Has his AA. Struggling through another and LAST math course and now taking Spanish 1, which he's NOT good at. Now he's at the What is going to happen when I get out in 3-4 years stage, which we are ALL concerned about. His only brother hasn't visited him in 10 years!!! And he hasn't seen his daughter in 10 years either, but talks to her three times a week on the phone ( loving family, much faith). He has lost his beloved grandfather, his beloved dog Elwood, and his other dog is 19, she's still waiting. But we are doing ok, he's doing ok. His wife and I see him once or twice a year, he's about 250 miles away. sending you a hug, I'm done, and saying a prayer. IT"S SO HARD WHEN YOUR CHILD BREAKS YOUR HEART! But you still love them.
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Old 03-27-2018, 04:09 PM
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It's not the 8 of us anymore, it's the 3 of us, lost some of the others
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Old 04-07-2018, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jancy View Post
Hello and Hugs! Good to hear the update. Your son is making his way through and soon will be out and then you will worry about that as well. LOL But it will be a good worry, normal worry...and your son will be older and wiser and much more mature. He will be ready for his freedom and have more coping tools.

I am still peeking in here now and then although my son has been out for over 10 years now. My son married, added 2 more kids to the 2 he fathered before his term. He has lived in three places that he and his wife bought, each one with more room to accommodate the growing family. He recently bought a farm, yep he bought the farm. He has chickens a big old tractor and a barn, a coon hound. He is still working at AA and at his job. He eventually paid off all fines and is driving again, has his own truck.

When he first got out, he walked out with only prison garb. No prospects for the future and a big chip on his shoulder. It took time, but after going through maybe 14 jobs and as many friendships...he has settled down. I think. He is much more loving to me and even the other day, he called to apologize for something he thought of that he said to me a long time ago.

His 4 kids to three different women all love one another and are together a lot. Three of the kids live with him and he is now a hockey/soccer dad. The one son of his who still lives with his mom stays over a lot, and all the women and kids get along. It is a weird family, but it is ours.

I still am active in prison ministry but in a different way. I write to two inmates as well as to inmates who go on weekend retreats within the prison.
There is hope. As long as there is love, there is hope. Love can make people want the best, and even if only one person believes in an inmate, they can rekindle the fire of love and hope inside them.

having your son's body, mind and spirit intact is very impressive, mom! I think you can exhale now. Gavin will be home soon and just fine!
Happy to hear of your son's success. Gives me hope for my son.
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Old 04-30-2018, 10:10 PM
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Hello CC'sMom. I just read your post and if I did not know better I would say I wrote the post. My son is in for a second term after 7 yrs. of being out. He made a bad decision that landed him back in prison for 4 years. He has done 1 1/2 yrs and is going to fire camp again and will be out the end of next year. I tell him I love and miss him all the time which keeps him going. He is 39 now and we are a lot older (all of us). He realizes how much harder it is on us this time and has changed because of it. He was and is respectful to us and says all the time when he gets out he will take care of us . I think he is aware more than ever how much we love and stand by him and that we will not be here forever and it scares him because we are all very close especially he and I. I miss him so much and we are going to see him on Mothers day for the first time a true contact visit in over a year and a half. My heart starts racing just thinking about it. For all of you out there always remember they will always be our child and should always love and miss them no matter what. I can't wait to actually kiss him.:
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Old 05-03-2018, 10:22 PM
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Nice to see all of us with a smattering of compassion. Waiting for our adult children to turn their life around seems endless.

I have been down the path far too many times. I always will have hope until I take my last breathe on earth. What I have realized, is only my son can make the changes needed to live in society. It is his choice.

The ringtone on my phone is "Let it Be" by the Beatles. A reminder all the time,....when I find myself in times of trouble.....Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom....Let it Be.
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Old 05-06-2018, 05:55 PM
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My son was on the same 2 yard long enough to watch people come in, serve their sentence, leave, come back for the same thing - drugs being the source of whatever the charge. He said he thinks his longer sentence makes a difference because the shorter sentences seem to have a quick turn around. A few that he had become friends with have stayed out thus far.

The other side of that coin is longer sentences are more likely to result in the institutionalized mentality.

I can only hope that he has learned not to let drugs ruin his life and that he is able to overcome the post incarceration syndrome without too many problems.

However, not being totally oblivious to reality, my plan is to get a safe to put my medications in to help make sure it's not easy to fall back into the drug use.
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Old 05-07-2018, 10:55 AM
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There is so much truth to what you said. Two years were the minimum amount a mentally ill patient had to stay in the hospital for the patient to learn new ways of functioning. That was long time ago when insurances actually covered the necessary care. By the time I started working (a long time ago, too) I had to beg the insurance gate keeper to allow a patient assigned to me that needed more than a week to stay a few days longer. It was horrible. It was also costly to the insurance for when a pt that really should not be discharged after a week stay was, it was just a matter of time before that pt came back in. Insurance companies deciding that they were not going to authorized more than a week's hospitalization was one of the main factor in the revolving door phenomenon. This applies to individuals who are incarcerated for a short time, i.e., less than 2 years. They are likely to revert to old habits, whatever they may be.

As for being institutionalized, your concern is mine too. We all know it happens to long term incarceration. I am going to try to see if I can find out longitudinal research articles on that subject to see if family support emotional/financial during incarceration mediates the likelihood that the individual will become institutionalized.

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Originally Posted by lizlizzie2 View Post
My son was on the same 2 yard long enough to watch people come in, serve their sentence, leave, come back for the same thing - drugs being the source of whatever the charge. He said he thinks his longer sentence makes a difference because the shorter sentences seem to have a quick turn around. A few that he had become friends with have stayed out thus far.

The other side of that coin is longer sentences are more likely to result in the institutionalized mentality.

I can only hope that he has learned not to let drugs ruin his life and that he is able to overcome the post incarceration syndrome without too many problems.

However, not being totally oblivious to reality, my plan is to get a safe to put my medications in to help make sure it's not easy to fall back into the drug use.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:30 PM
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As for being institutionalized, your concern is mine too. We all know it happens to long term incarceration. I am going to try to see if I can find out longitudinal research articles on that subject to see if family support emotional/financial during incarceration mediates the likelihood that the individual will become institutionalized.
Please share your research results and any good resources. My computer time is limited by the bilateral neuropathy, so real research is difficult for me without giving up use elsewhere.
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Old 05-20-2018, 12:03 PM
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Please share your research results and any good resources. My computer time is limited by the bilateral neuropathy, so real research is difficult for me without giving up use elsewhere.



Lizlizzie2: the next few days will be brutally busy for me, but I do want to see what I can find re institutionalization. If need be, please remind me with a message. I am interested in the subject as well. Incidentally, I have suffered from peripheral neuropathy on my toes and feet. The symptoms started in 2003. The genesis is probably due to wearing tight shoes from the now ancient times when I cared more about fashion than comfort. After a month long vacation trip with my daughter which involved a lot of walking, I had giant blisters and was in pain with every step I took. I look back at that time and I do not recognize how I could have been so stupid. The numbness feeling and the feeling that there was a hole in my house brand new slippers started when I got home. Physicians would just tell me to wear appropriately sized shoes. The condition worsened over the years despite my stop wearing silly shoes. Because the condition is progressive and I saw one of my husband's friend suffer constant serious pain from this condition, I got scared and decided to look at treatments. Results: Western medicine is not likely to help and some tx are problematic: a) Neurontin for pain is a no-no!!! big time in my book. b) B-100 vitamin resulted in side-effects for me, so I stopped it. c)My husband's friend travels to Seattle for electric stimulation -- obviously it is not helping him. d) Chinese medicine offers the best promise and it involves acupuncture and Chinese medicinal herb foot baths. It requires a good practitioner. I have used Korean or Chinese doctors trained in Chinese Medicine. Right now, my acupuncturist is the son of a Chinese national who is an M.D. and a Doctor or Chinese medicine who married an American woman. So the person treating me is American born trained in an university in Canada in Chinese MEdicine. Because his father is also an M.D., he tends to pay attention to what works well in Western Medicine also and is completely focused on RESULTS. My insurance does not pay for acupuncture and it is expensive, for peripheral neuropathy is difficult to treat and requires long term. Progress is always slow, but I have noticed positive changes right away. I have also use it for weight loss -- 15 lbs in three weeks, which I have not gained back and won't for I am now more active. Sorry about the off-subject long message but I empathize with you regarding this dreadful condition. By the way, I used to have cramp on my feet daily and nightly, even when swimming. I got used to it so I was able to continue swimming without problems. The cramps stopped after the FIRST treatment. I know who debilitating this condition is when present in the hands and/or fingers. My neighbor has it. It is serious. A lot of insurances cover this treatment. My acupuncturist is so busy he decided not to accept Medicare payments (I have Medicare Advantage insurance) -- too much paperwork and he has three month long waiting list. I had to wait 2 months for the first 15 minutes free consult.
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Old 05-21-2018, 11:17 AM
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Please share your research results and any good resources. My computer time is limited by the bilateral neuropathy, so real research is difficult for me without giving up use elsewhere.



Lizlizzie, After a quick search, this BRIEF description of "post-Incarceration Syndrome:" is a simple synopsis of the effects of prison on the released individual: https://www.drugrehab.org/post-incar...rug-addiction/. This a website for an organization for rehab programs, but it gives us a quick idea about the subject. More later.
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Old 05-21-2018, 11:26 AM
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Lizlizzie, After a quick search, this BRIEF description of "post-Incarceration Syndrome:" is a simple synopsis of the effects of prison on the released individual: https://www.drugrehab.org/post-incar...rug-addiction/. This a website for an organization for rehab programs, but it gives us a quick idea about the subject. More later.

Liz, here is a report by The Department of Health and Human Services on the effects of incarceration and implications for post-release adjustment. https://aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/ps...son-adjustment
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Old 05-21-2018, 01:52 PM
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This is a duplicate post. It has been deleted. Sorry
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Old 05-21-2018, 07:15 PM
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Liz, here is a report by The Department of Health and Human Services on the effects of incarceration and implications for post-release adjustment. https://aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/ps...son-adjustment
This is a really good reference. Thank you for sharing it.
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Old 05-22-2018, 03:08 PM
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Liz, here is a report by The Department of Health and Human Services on the effects of incarceration and implications for post-release adjustment. https://aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/ps...son-adjustment
I just read this report and find it disheartening that it was written in 2001 and here we are, almost 17 years later, and no changes have been made. In fact, you could say that things have gotten worse. My son will be released in less than two years, after being inside for over 12 years, and I'm really beginning to see what he has experienced and how it will affect him in the future. I hope we can find him the help he will definitely need once he's out because whatever help he receives prior to release won't be enough.

Thank you so much for posting this.
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Old 05-22-2018, 06:10 PM
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I just read this report and find it disheartening that it was written in 2001 and here we are, almost 17 years later, and no changes have been made. In fact, you could say that things have gotten worse. My son will be released in less than two years, after being inside for over 12 years, and I'm really beginning to see what he has experienced and how it will affect him in the future. I hope we can find him the help he will definitely need once he's out because whatever help he receives prior to release won't be enough.

Thank you so much for posting this.



You are very welcome. The problem with programs related to prison, restorative justice and post-release programs to help with adjustment into the community is that this population (felons) does not vote. I think they might have their voting rights restored in some states. However, in general, former inmates do not have representation so there is no incentive for politicians to put a lot of meaningful effort in programs that help those individuals. When there initiatives, they move slowly at best if they do not fade away. Jauncy (Jancy? I Can only remember her real name) a long time friend whom I met here in this group sent me this article published in a Washington state newspaper. It talks about a program in place at Coyote Ridge Corrections Center. The goal is to reward inmates who show good behavior by motivating them to continue with positive changes and to learn ways to deal with anger and impulsive behavior once they are release in hopes that they won't re-offend. My son is in this program right now. He was transfer to the honor pod a week ago. He really likes it. You can learn of the advantages the inmates have in the article, but my son told me that the beds have double mats, they can freely use any of the phone in the pod (no lines) and there are no lines for the kiosk use either. They have their own library and a ping-pong table. Most of all, he said, the honor pod is free of all the general population politics. The place is quiet and much less stressful. He is getting a new room mate who just arrived from Walla Walla who still has 20 years to serve for very violent crimes and he has been in close custody (My son was in close custody while at the assessment facility and then was sent to medium security at the prison where he is now.) However, there is little chance that this man will risk being sent back to Walla Walla by breaking the rules and/or being disrespectful or a threat to another inmate. To be accepted in the honor pod, the inmate has to have shown good behavior for a long time. Perhaps, other states have similar programs? Coyote Ridge also has a program where inmates are assigned a dog to be trained as service dogs but my son had less than two years to serve once he finally got to his home prison so he would not qualify for the dog training program. It really is a pity that progress in this important arena is so slow, if any. The US locks up more people per capita than any other country! Shame... And I have a MAJOR issue with prisons running by for profit corporations... punishing individuals convicted of a crime by committing one.



http://www.tri-cityherald.com/news/l...e32071479.html
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Old 05-23-2018, 03:29 PM
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You are very welcome. The problem with programs related to prison, restorative justice and post-release programs to help with adjustment into the community is that this population (felons) does not vote. I think they might have their voting rights restored in some states. However, in general, former inmates do not have representation so there is no incentive for politicians to put a lot of meaningful effort in programs that help those individuals. When there initiatives, they move slowly at best if they do not fade away. Jauncy (Jancy? I Can only remember her real name) a long time friend whom I met here in this group sent me this article published in a Washington state newspaper. It talks about a program in place at Coyote Ridge Corrections Center. The goal is to reward inmates who show good behavior by motivating them to continue with positive changes and to learn ways to deal with anger and impulsive behavior once they are release in hopes that they won't re-offend. My son is in this program right now. He was transfer to the honor pod a week ago. He really likes it. You can learn of the advantages the inmates have in the article, but my son told me that the beds have double mats, they can freely use any of the phone in the pod (no lines) and there are no lines for the kiosk use either. They have their own library and a ping-pong table. Most of all, he said, the honor pod is free of all the general population politics. The place is quiet and much less stressful. He is getting a new room mate who just arrived from Walla Walla who still has 20 years to serve for very violent crimes and he has been in close custody (My son was in close custody while at the assessment facility and then was sent to medium security at the prison where he is now.) However, there is little chance that this man will risk being sent back to Walla Walla by breaking the rules and/or being disrespectful or a threat to another inmate. To be accepted in the honor pod, the inmate has to have shown good behavior for a long time. Perhaps, other states have similar programs? Coyote Ridge also has a program where inmates are assigned a dog to be trained as service dogs but my son had less than two years to serve once he finally got to his home prison so he would not qualify for the dog training program. It really is a pity that progress in this important arena is so slow, if any. The US locks up more people per capita than any other country! Shame... And I have a MAJOR issue with prisons running by for profit corporations... punishing individuals convicted of a crime by committing one.



http://www.tri-cityherald.com/news/l...e32071479.html
Yes, jancy (her user name) is a treasure. She hasn't been on for a while and I sure do miss her wise words!

It sounds like your son is in a great program. He is definitely one of the lucky ones and I'm sure it will increase his chances of succeeding once he's released. I know that must give you a better sense of hope for his future. I wish I could say the same thing!

Thanks, as well, for all the articles, etc. that you post. You seem to be a wealth of information and I appreciate it!
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