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View Poll Results: Did you grow up in an abusive enviornment?
YES 194 65.54%
NO 102 34.46%
Voters: 296. You may not vote on this poll

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  #76  
Old 11-18-2005, 10:58 PM
my5girls05 my5girls05 is offline
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THAT IS JUST TERRIBLE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW BAD OFF OTHER PEOPLE HAD IT, IT JUST MAKES ME APPRECIATE MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER. ALTHOUGH I GREW UP IN A VERY LOVING HOME, MY HEART STILL GOES OUT TO YOU. FOR REAL. I HAVE 5 SISTERS AND 2 BROTHERS AND WE ALL STILL LIVE IN THE SAME CITY. MY MOTHER AND FATHER ARE STILL TOGHETHER AFTER 46 YRS TOGETHER AND NEVER SEPERATING. THEY CONTINUE TO SHOW US UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I WISH I COULD HAVE SOMEHOW BEEN THERE FOR YOU , TO HELP EVEN JUST A LTTLE BIT. BUT SINCE I WASN'T I'LL BE HEREFOR YOU NOW. LOOK ME UP ANYTIME YOU WANNA TALK.

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  #77  
Old 11-28-2005, 09:31 PM
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No I didn't. It was just my mom and me; my dad was absent, I never met him til I was grown up.
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  #78  
Old 11-28-2005, 09:38 PM
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yeah my parents were always fighting..and then so me and my sister and my dad while he was here fought alot.....it is sad but true...it sucked bad but my mom isn't really around and when she does come around it's always bad
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  #79  
Old 12-19-2005, 07:11 PM
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No, my parents beat our buts but they were not abusive, and they did tell us "this hurts them more than it hurt us".
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  #80  
Old 12-19-2005, 11:28 PM
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My dad use to beat the c--p out of my mom when I was in jr high. I can remember trying to keep my brothers and sisters calm all huddled in the closet.
When I turned 18 I almost had her convinced to leave him, but she was too worried about my younger sibblings.
Too make a long story short law emforcement did nothing back then, so he got away with a lot. They are still together today it's mental abuse. She will never leave him it's all she knows and all she can say is "he is your father".
A little over a year ago he grabbed my son by the neck and threatened to kill him. Had I know it when it happened I would have had him arrested. I know in my heart his time will come and I will be there when it does..........
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  #81  
Old 12-19-2005, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiamiChica22
I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional, I was both verbally and physically abused. But I have determined that the cycle of violence will end with me and not be passed on to my daughter.
Same here i so agree with you on this .. I was given it all around, emotionally and physically..
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  #82  
Old 12-23-2005, 11:07 AM
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Yea, thats all I remember about growing up, waking up and hearin my mama screaming and crying and my daddy yelling, it was like an everyday thing, i dont think i ever saw my mama without a black eye. Its nothing scarier then to wake up to the sounds i did, or seeing my dad pointing a shotgun at my mom ready to kill her and only stopping because she was sittin on my bed and me and my sisters were crying for him to stop. Im 18 now and sometimes I'll just be doing something and all of a sudden I can hear my mama screaming in my head, like somebodys tryna kill her, and its just as scary to me now as it was then when i was really seeing and hearing it.
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  #83  
Old 12-23-2005, 03:11 PM
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I grew up in a very physically and emotionally abusive home. Usually it was my father abusing my mother and I. Some emotiopnal abuse came from my mother also. I vow to my self that if a man I am with ever hits me IM GONE NO EXCUSES!!! I am working on my own anger issues so I am not an abusive parent b/c that is conditioned learning. My father was also an alchoholic which had a direct effect to the abuse. I am battling through those issues now with a counselor, it is helping.
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  #84  
Old 12-24-2005, 10:59 AM
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My mother was abusive to us kids. She married MANY abusive men. But we were lucky most of them just ignored us for the most part.

She was most abusive to me and she did things like burn my hand on the stove because she thought we stole her money... it was in her purse the whole time she was just to drunk to find it.
She burned my legs, hands, and feet with cigarettes often.
She beat on me.
She called me a lying bitch, a little slut, when I was 8 and told her that her boyfriend was touching me and trying to do things to me. (Later after he had sex with me... and I reported it to a school nurse there were charges against him, but she said "I never told her" and moved us 1000 miles away... They made the charges stick even after he denied it because they had proof. She had VD, HE had VD, and I HAD VD at age 8.)
She held me down so my own father could rape me when I was 12 while my little brothers WATCHED. (They were 11 and 6.) Tricked me out for groceries at 13.

FINALLY, lost custody of us after I reported what she did by holding me down (he split and I never seen him again) so I could be raped when I was twelve. The 11 year old brother also testified that he watched it happen... and they wouldn't let them leave the room.

They gave custody to my grandparents of me and my brothers. So, they (my grandparents and their home) let her move in the home with her new alcoholic abusive boyfriend with us kids!!!!!

I ranaway at 15 and I didn't come back unti I was 19. Whatever I've done to survive on the streets was nothing like the hell I lived at home.

She died a few years ago. Thank GOD! Just thinking of her makes my skin crawl.

I made a life for myself and I did four years of couseling as a child and for two years as an adult. I worked and got an education despite the things she did. And I NEVER did any of those things to my own children.

I'm not perfect, I've made some bad choices. I made the mistake of becoming involed with an abusive man... but when I left him I never went back. And I had one boyfriend who hit me once. I sent him to jail so fast his head was spinning.
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Last edited by Valeriasue; 12-24-2005 at 11:13 AM..
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  #85  
Old 12-24-2005, 11:20 AM
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Valeriasue, that's the most horrific childhood I've heard about in the longest time ... Be strong and stay grateful that you're giving your own children the life they deserve. Ralph
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  #86  
Old 12-24-2005, 01:30 PM
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Thanks! Did I mention I have two certifications from the University of Florida, work in a business office, and love my job? I may have had a very crappy childhood, but that doesn't mean I have to live my life like that. I'm happy for the most part and have a good sense of self worth. I try to live my life in a positive way. And do volunteer work as well.

Just because she wrecked the first part of my life doesn't mean it had to continue that way.

She did other things and things after I was an adult as 'revenge' for getting my brothers taken away from her...


My brothers wanted me to care for her before she died. Both were out of state and I live in Florida.
<secretly thinking... SHE'S still some place WARM now>
I did for about 4 months while she was in her own home. But when she needed to be in someone else's home or a nursing home.

I told them they had better pony up with the cash to put her in a nursing home or that they should take her themselves.... Because she wasn't living in my home. PERIOD. And that they were lucky I did ANYTHING at all. Not trying to sound like a B**** but she wasn't going be living with MY children. NOPE.

(She didn't abuse my brothers as much as she did me, but she did.... she molested my younger brother when he was 13 or 14, and my youngest brother she neglected. I took care of him from the time I was 8-9 years old. She wouldn't even change or feed him.)

My youngest brother took her to Wisconsin and she stayed there until she died. He had mainly been raised by our grandparents.

I have never been to her grave and didn't go to her funeral.
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  #87  
Old 12-25-2005, 06:42 PM
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yes my father was a very abusive man....but he did it with more verbal than physical........but either way its all bad...and one day he will pay for it....

angela
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  #88  
Old 12-26-2005, 08:59 AM
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I didn't even realize that I lived in an abusive home, until I read an article about the signs of abuse. Mental and emotional and my mother was verbally and physically abusive. To this day I have no feeling one way or another about my mother. She didn't exist for the most part. Now, I realize she was mentally ill. She grew up in an abusive, alcoholic family. My father was your typical controlling father. The worst thing I remember is, when my father was in the bedroom dying, 911 dispatcher was trying to get me to do CPR, I refused, because my brother and I had agreed my father was not going to live like a vegable for the rest of his life, and I am walking through the living room to go outside, so the EMS can find us, and I had this "lightbulb" go off in my head, "I'm free"! I stopped dead in my tracks. I realized everything I had done in my life was either to please my father or piss him off and get his attention. His family were farmers and his father was a district justice and a state trooper, back when they rode horses. I remember he would never let my mom work, or drive a car, etc....but they never fought. The only fight I remember(and this is the telling one), my dad wasn't going to let me get my drivers license and my mom said, "SHE is going to get her drivers license because she is never going to be trapped anywhere she can't get out". So my mom had an idea. I lost a lot of respect for my father and I still haven't dealt with that. I still haven't dealt with any of it really. I just kinda float around in my little world and try to make sense of it all.
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  #89  
Old 12-27-2005, 07:07 PM
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My father abandoned me when I was three. My mom married my step-father before mine left me. But my step-father was very physically and emotionally abusive. He almost strangled my mother to death in front of me when I was around 7. He did not finish it because I got to the phone and the police got there before he could. That was before they had all of these domestic violence laws. They used to just take him and release him the next morning when he sobered up. He left my mother for another woman and I am so glad that he did. I don't know why my mother stayed with him as long as she did. But I think we did better without him in our lives. I DO NOT want my children to endure this. The one relationship I had that seemed to be heading toward that type of behavior, I ended when I realized he was abusing me. My hubby had a horrible childhood too. MUCH worse than mine. So we have made a pledge to each other to make sure that our children will never know the pain that we did. We keep our children FAR away from anyone we think might do any damage to them. My hubby thinks its weird that I cannot remember most of my childhood. But I believe that I blocked out most of it. Most of the things I remember are the bad things. It sucks. It is horrible what some parents will do to their children. So, so sad.

Kate
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  #90  
Old 12-28-2005, 05:25 AM
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You do block it. I have blocked a good deal of my childhood. I just don't remember any type of emotional or physical interaction with my parents. The biggest mistake I made was staying in an abusive marriage, because I was raised "you get married, stay married and deal with it". I was raised old school. When he finally did something totally out of the question, I told him to get the hell out. I may be struggling but it was the best thing I ever did.
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  #91  
Old 12-28-2005, 08:59 AM
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I don't remember a lot of my childhood. I remember things from before 8 years old and after 13. I do remember things like my friends or where I lived.

But what went on inside those houses... I'd just as soon forget.
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  #92  
Old 12-28-2005, 02:44 PM
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My mom was a prescription drug addict (oops, still is) any meds. we got, she scarfed down, she was mean all the time, my dad just catered to her every whim--she was perfect in his eyes...at 11 my bro-in-law used me for his entertainment...this made me feel dirty and by having sex with everything that moved--I could be "loved"--when I babysat at houses, the dad would come home early to visit with me (did I have a sign on my forehead that said "use me"??)...my 1st husband kicked me, hit me, yelled at me, raped me, kept me under control by not allowing me to have a car & moving us 2000 miles from home....he neglected our son (now in prison) & beat me whenever I tried to hold him, so we learned to go out to play just to hide in the bushes to be together. I stupidly enough took this for 12 long years. Life got him back--bit him in his tail--he now is a head injured useless & worthless human being. I on the other hand, now have a husband who treats me as if I am a gift from above (I am!) and loves me sooo very dearly. He is the Dad to all my sons, stands behind our badboy encouraging him that he is GOOD & can make it when he gets out, treats my birthson(15-another long story-he was placed in an Open Adoption at birth)the same as the one we had together. It took me years to be able to look in the mirror and to see myself as others see me--not as what I was told I was.....ugly, stupid, smelly, useless and a whore. I now am a cherished wife and mother who never will feel the pain of yesterday. I am loved as ME...warts and all. What could be more perfect?
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  #93  
Old 12-30-2005, 02:52 AM
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There was never any abuse in my house growing up. Hell, I don't even recall ever being spanked. The problem with my environment was no attention and no affection - none between my parents, or towards my brother and I from my parents that I can really speak of. Then my father moved out of the state when I was 11 years old, my mother all but disappeared with her new found social life, and my brother enlisted in the Army. Basically I was alone and I think I developed abandonment issues. I think that's why when I met my abusive ex-husband, I put up with a lot of the things he did because, in some sick way, it was a form of attention and I was afraid to be alone.
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  #94  
Old 02-12-2006, 11:26 AM
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I dont recall a time that I wasnt embarrassed my parents fighting we grew up in a very nice neighborhood where things just werent like that and everyone in the neighborhood knew that my parents fights wer violent but they never did anything they never even so much as called the police they always turned a blind eye to everything! My father beat my mother almost everyday that I can remember for 17 years and here they are together 35 years this year and he still gets angry and there is still some limited violence but nothing like it use to be!
I sometimes wonder if that is the reason that I allowed myself to be beat on
but at the same time I feel like my mother did what she had to do back then things were different they wouldnt even take your husband to jail for beating on you!
They asked the woman to leave the house!

KarrieMI
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  #95  
Old 02-12-2006, 03:01 PM
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I too grew up in a situation like that...and for awhile I thought that was how it was suppose to be---beat on to show they loved you. It bothers me that you wrote ' I wonder sometimes if that is the reason I allow myself to be beat on'. No person deserves that. I joke alot about things in chat and in post but I take domestic violence very serious, sometimes wondering how different life would have been with my family if we never saw that stuff. I for one never again want to hear the 'thunk' or see the 'colors' a tight fist or whatever they can pick up will will give you. My thoughts and prayers are with you because you deserve so much more then fear and pain. samantha
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  #96  
Old 02-12-2006, 04:03 PM
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I didnt grow up in a physically abusive enviroment. More emotionally/verbally/mentally abusive... My house was always chaotic and severely dysfunctional...

My older sister has kids now and I see the cycle continuing on with her two young sons (both under 4). I try to give them as much love as possible (sometimes to sugar coat the s**t that they go through). I don't want them to grow up hitting women and thinking its "normal" and okay: But some of you know how it is when you tell someone -- something about their parenting skills...
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  #97  
Old 03-17-2006, 04:05 PM
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did any of you grow up neglected also. Like never having any school clothes and having to wear jeans too short for you all the time and that sort of thing.
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Old 03-18-2006, 04:16 AM
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when I was growing up it was the normal thing to see the parents in our neighborhood fighting,
but the one time I really remember to this day is when Mr M took a knife to to Mrs M neck and cut it open and she was right there in the front yard with all of us neighborhood kids playing and riding our bikes while she held on to her neck waiting for the medical help I had to call my mom to help her, Blood was just pouring out and guess what in the good old days that was what a wife deserved for what ever reason she made her husband mad at her!
he did not get into any trouble for it and went to work the next day like nothing ever happened, and that is how things pretty much went in those days, I could go on but it better that we live in a better place now. I try every day to not be abusive to anyone
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Old 03-24-2006, 06:05 PM
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My dad was verbally abusive to my mom and still is. He also was verbally abusive once my brother and I got older. I still don't know how my mom put up with it for so many years.
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Old 04-12-2006, 02:57 PM
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I did grow up in a abusive environment. My mom would hit us all the time for the slightest thing. My father was an alcoholic, and my mom was just crazy.
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