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View Poll Results: Did you grow up in an abusive enviornment?
YES 194 65.54%
NO 102 34.46%
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  #51  
Old 03-12-2005, 01:49 AM
babygirl350 babygirl350 is offline
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I didn't grow up in a physical abusive family. I did however grow up in a verbal and emotional abusive family. Very dysfunctional. One thing that I have found is that I developed a bad trait from it and that is I tend to yell when I get upset or mad. My parents both would verbally fight and I know that is where I developed this trait. We learn from the time we are born and mirror (imitate what we see). I have to work on myself each and every day about this.
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  #52  
Old 03-12-2005, 02:41 AM
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I was never physically abused, but I was emotionally. My mother was always on something or other, so she never really paid much attention to me growing up. I think the reason I became such an awful adolescent is because I was crying out for attention. Even when she sobered up when I was 14, she was more into AA than her child. I am bound and determined never to ignore my children, and I tell them on a daily basis how wonderful they are and how lucky I am to have them (even on those days I feel like killing them!)
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  #53  
Old 05-04-2005, 02:28 PM
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Your Right-you Know...about Mirroring What Is Around You. I Am Soo Much Like My Momma. The Bad I Know I Can Work On...and Have In Soo Many Ways. My Mommas Alwyas Telling Me How Much I Remind Her Of Herself. Its Crazy. Cause Ill Be Doing The Simplist Things And She'll Be Like "damn Your Just Like Me". And My Dad Will Do The Same-i'll Be Talking To Him And Hell Be Like "you Remind Me Of Your Mom When You Do That." I Think That's So Cute Cause I'll Be Doing These Things Without Even Realizing It. Its True What They Say About Babies Understanding, Learning And Watching Everything You Say And Do...take My Word For It-next Time Your Around A Small Child Watch Them, And You'll See What Im Talking About.
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  #54  
Old 05-05-2005, 01:47 AM
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I wish I could say I had a happy childhood. So many times I remember my mother driving my father into such a rage through her constant nagging. The fact that they had both been drinking never helped. When he got abusive she would take us and run away in the middle of the night and when the police found us then she would blame it on my father - she never told them that she drove him into such a rage.

My mother mentally abused my sister and I. My brothers were okay. My sister was a Grade A student and actually left school in Grade 12 to get married so she could get away from my mom. I was not so lucky because I was the youngest. So I ran away from home countless times. She used to tell my father lies and carry on so much just to ensure that he hit me. I eventually was put into reform school. Best time of my young life.

Pity my mom never loved me. She told me so many times how she tried to abort me but I was determined to be born. Till the day she died she hated me which was okay because I got the last laugh. She ended up bedridden for the last 3 years of her life and I supported her financially. She hated the fact that she had to rely on me, and me, I to this day have never shed a tear over her death. My father I miss, but my mother, I cant miss someone who hated me with such a passion. I felt sorry for her. She abused and manipulated everyone around her.
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  #55  
Old 05-05-2005, 01:59 AM
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I am in a minority, i grew up in a very loving family, my parents are still together and have been married for 37 years now.
I have had 1 extreemly abusive relationship, which i got out of after 6 years of thinking that he would "change".
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  #56  
Old 06-16-2005, 01:06 PM
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I was mentally, physically, and verbally abused by my mother. She was and is an alcoholic. My father was always very loving and caring but he was rarely home enough to protect us kids. I left my home at 15 and havnt looked back since. To this day my relationship with my mother is strained.

I have 2 boys of my own now and I adore them to no end. I could never dream of hurting them in any way. They are not only my sons. but they are my lil friends, too! I enourage them to be themselves.. nothing more.. nothing less.
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  #57  
Old 06-16-2005, 02:44 PM
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My childhood was not an physically abusive one but it was emotionally abusive one, he was a yeller and would constatly put my mom down plus he was an alchoholic but it took 15 years of marriage for my mom to stand up for herself and now you better belive you dont hear a peek out of him, no emotional abuse no more mean words, I think he is scared of her LOL

But i am so proud of her though cause it took a long time but she did it and now she know that she has a voice and she know how to use it.
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  #58  
Old 06-16-2005, 04:34 PM
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I came from a abusive mother from the age of 5 to the age of 48. After I left the house at 18, I was verbally abusive in person and on the phone no matter where I moved, she found me. when my father died I did not go to the funeral or did I go to my mothers funeral, because I hated her that bad. After my mother died at 86yrs old, I felt free form the devil and got on with my life.
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  #59  
Old 06-28-2005, 10:36 AM
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my father was arrested when i was 1 for child abuse and my brother, 3 at the time, was put in a foster home. the abuse continued my whole life, i have a little sister too, 4 years younger than me. he also abused my mother. my brother and i hate my father for what he did to us... my sister on the other hand doesnt really remember much cause he was more lenient on her. my mother is in denial.
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  #60  
Old 06-28-2005, 01:52 PM
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i was brought up in a stable home and feel fortunate for that......i have read all the posts and many brought tears to my eyes. i admire each and everyone of you (and if brave is the right word to use ) i think you are all so brave to share your lives with us THANK YOU and i wish you all every happiness in your futures love to you all
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  #61  
Old 07-17-2005, 08:03 PM
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Wow. Yep I would say it was horrible. Dad whipped on mom alot. Mom stabbed dad once when I was 10 while I watched. He had her on the floor choking her as she fumbled for a knife. ON AND ON for about 19 years.
When I found myself in these abuseive relationships I wondered why..... because I am comfortable with that type of personality..... thats what I was told and it scared me to death. Now I have a wonderful man who never even heard his parents argue and guess what? I do not think I like him. OUCH. I must be a sickko as well.. I love my mom and dad very much. Thanks mom, thanks dad.
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  #62  
Old 07-18-2005, 02:41 AM
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I too grew up in and abusive home, when I was young I watched my father beat my mom black and blue. He would beat me with a razor strap that was about six inches thick. As I got older I stood up for my mother trying to protect her (I'm the oldest child) he started using his fists on me. Finally at the age of 16 I stood my ground to him and beat him myself to the ground, all the anger and rage that had been building up in me all those years gave me strength that I didn't know that I had. I went for years hating him, that is until I turned my life over to the lord and found out who my real daddy was and that is God. I was able to finally forgive him and him and I have grown into a great relationship. My life turned out to be just like my parents, I married a man that abused me. It wasn't until the last real fight he tried to cut me with a knife and I lost it with him. To make a long story short I was arrested for the very first time in my life, was forced to take domistic counseling. The first four meeting that I attended I was angry because I felt that I was the victum and I didn't belong there, but the fifth meeting I started hearing things that made me realize that it was just as much my fault as his. And I left him and have not been with a man since, it will be 5 yrs. Jan. 1st 2006. I have a daughter who is now 13 and I decided that there will not be a man in my life until she is out of school and onto college. I have a friend and a soul mate who is in prison and I will someday God willing be able to be at that gate when they let him out. By then my daughter will be on her own.
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  #63  
Old 07-20-2005, 04:27 PM
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I didn't grow in in an abusive home. I grew up in a very strict home, and we got beatings when my parents felt we earned one. I was born in 1960. It was my parents' objective to keep us safe because too many children get abused by friends and family of those children. We were never allowed to spend the night at friends and family's homes -- we had to sleep in our own bed in our own home. It was their objective to further let us know that if we do wrong or break the rules there would be consequences. And, it was their objective to raise responsible and independent adults.

What they did worked because none of us was sexually abused, broke the law, or spent time in jail or prison. It was six of us children. One passed about 9 years ago but the rest of us have met our parents' objectives. My dad thinks I'm a little crazy, okay, okay, he thinks I'm a lot crazy because of the road I've travelled fars meeting and marrying a man in prison and then remaining in the relationship through all we've gone thru, but aside from that, my mom and dad are alive and are very proud of us all.

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  #64  
Old 08-12-2005, 08:29 PM
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Both my parents were alcoholics, and my father was physically vioent and my mother was verbally abusive. Fortunately my father was away from the scene for most of my childhood and died in a homeless shelter when I was 16. My mother used to remind me how much like him I was. So those are not the kind of husband and father I want to be for my wife and daughter.
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  #65  
Old 08-13-2005, 03:42 AM
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My mom and dad were divorced when I was a baby. Her second husband beat her on a regular basis and verbally abusive to us kids. He beat me when I was 3 for standing up in the bathtub. When my mothers family seen the bruises on me they beat him. He never touched us kids again but he did my mom. I remember one time when he got off work. He had my mom on the floor kicking her while he was wearing steeltoed boots. She left him after 4 years. Her next boyfriend doted on us kids but he also beat my mother. That lasted 2 years. My next stepdad was good to my family. He treated my mom like gold. He didnt have a mean bone in his body But there was a dirty little secret. He molested me until I was 12 and it stopped. He and my mom were together 26 years until her death. She never knew, noone did. After the beatings from the other men that my mom got, I couldnt risk losing the happy life we finally got. So I kept my secret until my husband and I had been together for 7 years. He is the only person I ever told. He has been so supportive, and helped me work through it.
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  #66  
Old 08-30-2005, 12:09 PM
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It was my mom that was the abusive one.... a real rager. She would whip on us kids, especially me (being the oldest), with belts, hangers, hairbrushes, open or closed hands, books, whatever she could grab, whenever she wanted total control over us, or feeling anything but good about herself, or out of wine and valium. She was also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. My dad was and still is a workaholic, so he never saw it. he felt the sting of her cheating, though! When my parents split up (when I was 9) she didnt want custody or visitation for that matter. To this day she cannot figure out why I feel the way I do about her, and tells me to "get over it" whenever I have tried to work on myself with her ... she wont have any of it. I feel sorry for her, I also dont call her... and when she calls me, I tell her we are going to have "the conversation" or there is nothing to talk about. It has her SOOO MAD! but I need to take care of me today.
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  #67  
Old 08-30-2005, 12:18 PM
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Your mother is in denial, my father is the same way. He says it never happened that way. I can not ever make him see that I remember what it was like as a child growing up. I quit trying to discuss it with him. I turned my life over to the Lord and I will let my Heavenly father take care of that part. I found my way out of the darkness that my child hood was, and my daugther will never have that life. I did find me after turning my life over to the Lord, the Book of Romans 14:11 says all knees will bow down to him come judgement day and will have to answer to him for what they have done. And that is good enough for me. You are one strong woman, forgive your mother and give her abuse and all to the Lord. Unforgivness suite case is what I call it gets very heavey as we get older and it is way to much for one to carry. God says give all to me and I will carry it for you.

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Originally Posted by 88reasons
It was my mom that was the abusive one.... a real rager. She would whip on us kids, especially me, with belts, open or closed hands, books, whatever she could grab, whenever she wanted total control over us, or feeling anything but good about herself, or out of wine and valium. She was also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. My dad was and still is a workaholic, so he never saw it.
When my parents split up she didnt want custody or visitation for that matter. To this day she cannot figure out why I feel the way I do about her, and tells me to "get over it" whenever I have tried to work on myself with her ... she wont have any of it. I feel sorry for her, I also dont call her... and when she calls me, I tell her we are going to have "the conversation" or there is nothing to talk about. It has her SOOO MAD! but I need to take care of me today.
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  #68  
Old 08-30-2005, 05:23 PM
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My mother was very abusive when I was young. Physically, emotionally, and verbally. I worshipped her though, oddly enough. I was an only child and I depended on her for everything. When she was feeling good, those were the best times ever. When she'd come home from work and I could tell that she was upset, I knew that she'd find a reason to beat me that night whether I'd done something bad or not. I spent an obscene amount of time trying to gauge this woman's moods from day to day. Always walking on eggshells and trying not to rile her up. I was grateful when she started smoking weed because it calmed her down somewhat.

My stepfather believed in knocking his wife around, but do not touch children! It was a vicious cycle...she'd mouth off, he'd beat her, and she'd beat me when he was away from the house. Then he'd see my marks/bruises/cuts and she'd get beaten again. On and on it went until I finally moved out at the age of 17.

I spent many years chewing on bitter seeds because of my mother. Forgiveness came recently when she finally admitted and apologized for her wrongdoings. Up until that point, she'd always made excuses or tried to water it down.

Now, we have a relatively close relationship. I don't see her as the same person...in some ways she really isn't. However, even today I still react with anxiety when she's around me and I hear cabinets slamming or hear her cursing. As a child, that was always a signal for worse things to come. I know now that she can't hurt me, but I guess there are some things that your mind never completely lets go of.
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Old 08-30-2005, 05:43 PM
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Anonymous,,,,you are so lucky to have mother willing to see her part and contain contrition.... I also worshipped my absentee mother, but I had only seen her fro mthe eyes of an innocent child, and had no understanding of things they kept secret from me. But in the light of truth, i am disgusted and appalled!!!
My mother not only wont see her part, she thinks the worst thing that ever happened to me was 12 step recovery ( I face my fears and overcome them today)
THose of us who want to get better NEVER "get over it" ... we go THROUGH IT!

Jesuschick.. thank you for your insight,,,, I have forgiven my mother,. but she has not given up the abusive behavior... so undertand it when I choose to not subject myself to her company. Forgive and forget is only applicable when the behavior changes... otherwise it is forgive and take heed! I had to be in a marriage for 7 seven years to a man that was pretty much just like her to figure out all out.
Those who choose to ignore history or condemned to repeat it!

She may have given birth to me, but it is my Higher Power that gave me life.
Never again will I stand by someone who wont uphold me in loving kindness. Never again will I be blind to the misgivings of those with "motives"
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  #70  
Old 11-16-2005, 07:28 PM
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I grew up in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Luckily, I have overcome my past. While I would not wish my past on anyone, I would not change it either. My past has helped form who I am today. Because of the abuse (and spending alot of time working through it), I am strong, compassionate, determined...to name a few.

I do have to say though, that I disagree that Love is part of abuse (as one member stated in a post). Although, I understand where a person may be coming from with that statement, an abuser, in my opinion, is incapable of love because of their self-hatred. My abusers wanted to love me, maybe thought they loved me, but i think its impossible to feel true love for another when full of self-hate. Or maybe its more that an abuser is unable to consistently express love because he/she is so overcome with the self-hatred. Maybe I am way off base. I don't know. I just think its sad...its definitely generational...People who are or have been abused abuse others. Its a cycle. Thank the good Lord above that in my case, the abuse stops here. I, through faith in God (and a lot of counseling) have never and will never abuse anyone nor will my children ever suffer the way i did...at least not at the hands of their parents.
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Old 11-16-2005, 11:57 PM
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Mentally abusive, but not physically.
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  #72  
Old 11-17-2005, 01:05 AM
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i grew up in a sexually abusive, emotionally abusive and psycologically abusive home.
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Old 11-17-2005, 02:25 AM
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emotionally and mentally abusive but NEVER physically thank god my parents well my mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict
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Old 11-18-2005, 09:24 AM
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I grew up in an extremely cold household. There was never any affection shown to anyone. Both parents are alcoholics and my dad used to be physically abusive to my mom but not to us kids. They are still together after 54 years and have settled into a bickering truce. My sister went on to marry 3 abusive men. I married one. My brother is the only one who has been in a long term marriage that is happy and "normal".
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  #75  
Old 11-18-2005, 01:51 PM
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I was brought up in such a dysfunctional family. My mother divorced my father when I was 5 and he threw me across the room. She was a raving alchoholic, who went through a series of boyfriends who pretty much ignored me until I was 8. Then she had one who raped me. Used me as his flop toy. I tried to tell. But no one would listen. Then I started fires. No one cared. She left him, and married a man who used to beat us with a part of a 2x4. Our family was investigated by child protective services. WHAT A JOKE. They tried to blame my mom. She never lifted a finger to us. We told them that. The SOB told CPS we were lying. CPS let it go. When I was 16, mom told us, "I'm divorcing him." I went home, got his sawed off shotgun, cornered him in the yard, actioned it, held it to his head. My grandpa, and 14 assorted law enforcement officials later, it was removed without incident from my hands. My mom remarried, I did no time, and had no juvenile record. Seems CPS took me seriously then. I got lucky. She remarried, albeit an alchoholic, but a funny alchoholic, who loved me, for me, and was a jovial drunk. He loved me and my brother, like we were his.
She's now clean and sober, but the damage is done. I have kids of my own, but, I married a wonderful, non abusive man, who has seen me through counseling, (guess what, I was undiagnosed bipolar for all my life) and none of this is ever going to happen to my children. It ends with me. I have the lights of my life, wrapped up in a darling 5 year old, and a highly intelligent 8 year old.
And the man I held a shotgun to his head? He actually showed up a few years ago at my grandparents while I was there. (His kids and my family are still close)Tried to make conversation with me. He's blind, and pathetic. Talk about Karma. I told him that when he admitted to abusing me, I'd forgive him. He said I was such a rotten kid, I deserved the beatings. I thought my grandpa and husband and brother were going to fall all over each other escorting the SOB, and his brother out. Needless to say, he'll never come back.
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