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  #1  
Old 11-27-2017, 04:30 PM
time4tea time4tea is offline
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Default Prelim hearing jitters

My boyfriend's preliminary hearing for assaulting me 3 weeks ago is happening Thursday, and I'm going but I'm so, so scared.

He had a probable cause hearing last week and refused the deal he was offered by the prosecutor (I don't know what it was). He is being charged with a felony -- assault gbh, strangulation, as well as providing a false id, and interfering with electronic communication.

What will be asked of me there? Will I have to recount the whole incident? Will I be cross-examined? I haven't been able to get ahold of my advocate and I have no idea what to expect and I'm already having a hard time getting by day to day right now.
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Old 11-27-2017, 06:16 PM
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Have you been subpoenaed to testify at the hearing? If so, the prosecutor needs to prepare you for what to expect on the witness stand. If you are questioned, his lawyer will also be allowed to cross examine you. While on the stand, you can ask the judge to clarify anything you don't understand, so don't be afraid to ask.

Regardless of how stressful it is (and it will be) it will be over quickly. You will walk out of the courtroom and return home, so try not to be too upset.
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Old 11-27-2017, 06:43 PM
time4tea time4tea is offline
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I have not been subpoenaed for the prelim, but I expect I will be if it ends up going to trial.

Because the DA is pressing charges and I'm just the witness, I don't have my own lawyer, so communications have been kind of tough. My advocate through the prosecutor's office has been helpful up until recently and now I feel adrift.

Thank you for answering, that was helpful.
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Old 11-27-2017, 06:50 PM
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I feel for you... it’s a stressful time but you’ll get through it. Have a friendly face in the courtroom to make eye contact with. Answer things truthfully without trying to minimize OR embellish. If you cry, so be it, Ask for a moment to compose yourself and you’ll get it. It will be over before you know it. Hang in there. And perhaps reconsider the term “boyfriend”.
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Old 11-27-2017, 08:29 PM
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If there's a domestic violence prevention organization where you live, they may be able to help with advice and advocacy.
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Old 11-27-2017, 09:19 PM
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Tea4two - look through THIS list for your county or those surrounding you, and call!

You're going to need help from them - legal and counseling help - and you should take it. With those charges, you are still recovering fro the horror and shock of his attack, especially the strangling. Be kind to yourself right now, and get some therapy from them. You can't do anything about his situation, so do what you need to to recover and live a good life right now.

As to the preliminary hearing, there shouldn't be much happening; maybe some motions from both lawyers, but not usually much testimony at a prelim. There will be enough evidence presented to allow the judge to decide if there's a reasonable chance of a case being made at trial. Your hospital records, the testimony of the police who were given the fake ID, etc., will be introduced and likely persuade the judge that there's been a crime committed and that he's the perpetrator. It's then more of a session to get everything in order and scheduled. The schedule will later be revised, so don't take any of it as written in stone.
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Last edited by nimuay; 11-27-2017 at 09:47 PM..
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Old 11-27-2017, 09:43 PM
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Breathe. Not much will appear to happen at the prelim. You have a long way to go before there may be a trial and you have to testify.

Since you're already having problems day to day, do get ahold of the domestic violence organization in your area. Get into therapy. Get into groups. Use the resources they provide to help you get on a stronger footing so you can take care of yourself and get through the day without all the anxiety and fear that comes with such an assault. You have a lot of work to do on you and that should be your focus.

You will be subpoenaed to testify when they get to that point. If they get to that point. It will take a good long while before they get to that point. So breathe. Focus on you not on the court case. The court case is the court case - it is the state trying to prove crimes and has little to do with what you experienced and what you are dealing with in the aftermath.

Do me a favor - don't go to court without a friend with you. Don't sit behind your boyfriend as that is an indication of support for your bf. You need to sit behind the state with a friend who can hold your hand and help you through seeing your bf. Be prepared for your bf to start pulling a lot of crap to get you to not testify at trial. That is his card - getting you to not testify so the state has a harder time making its case. He will be working on you, probably already is working on you talking sweet nothings, making you feel responsible for his problems now. You are not responsible for the state's case. You are only responsible for responding appropriately to a subpoena if it gets to that point. DV cases will go to trial when the accused feels confident that the victim won't show up. This is a manipulation. You need to work on you so you can recognize manipulations and can take care of you so you can deal appropriately with your own life. You are not responsible for where he is now, or what he did. A domestic violence shelter or support will help you with this. It will help you gain the strength necessary to deal.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Nobody should be strangled by somebody who supposedly loves you. Nobody. Love doesn't hurt. Love doesn't strangle. Love doesn't manipulate. You deserve real love - somebody who actually helps you be the best you can be and who allows you to help them be the best they can be. You deserve that. Get into counseling. It will really help.
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:29 PM
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This^^^
Focus on YOU.
Tell what happened, if you need to here.
(at the prelim)
Tell it exactly how you remember it, and how it happened. Dont minimize nor, make it worse than it was. (which Im sure was awful and Im so sorry that happened)
Tell how its affected you.


Again, Im so sorry. Im sure this is very hard and very nerve wracking.
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:41 PM
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Thank you so very much to everyone who responded to my post. I appreciate your time and advice.

I'm already getting therapy for other issues, so my mental health support is kind of built in. My therapist is great, and she's been very supportive. Despite that, I'm having terrible anxiety and trouble sleeping. I know that's just part of the territory though.

He has indeed called from the jail and asked me not to come to the hearing. I told him I would be there, and he cried. I'm embarrassed to say that in spite of his actions I felt really awful to hear him hurt and vulnerable. Still, I told him I had a responsibility to be there and reminded him that he always told me I have to stand up for myself more. I guess this wasn't what he had in mind.

Thanks again, I feel encouraged.
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Old 11-28-2017, 12:24 PM
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Keep a log of the contacts he's making with you. There is undoubtedly an order of protection, and he should not be contacting you or trying to manipulate you from jail (witness tampering). You are probably not strong enough to take these contacts directly to the prosecutor, but you can take these contacts to your therapist and to your victim rights advocate. Do date, time, method of contact (he may have other people contact you to persuade you to not show up), subject of contact. You can journal about it if you need to, but do talk about it and how it felt with your therapist and your victim rights advocate. He is undoubtedly under the mistaken belief that you are in control of the case against him. You are not. He is where he is because of his actions, and his actions against you violated state law. This is over and above what he did to you. Your remedies for what he did to you include suing him for damages, and that's the case you would have control over if you went that route. You don't have control over whether the criminal case is dropped or not. It won't be dropped.

Keep a log. It does help and it will help you dissect your feelings as well as what he's trying to do - his manipulation.

In as far as the anxiety and sleep - it may help to discus seeing a psychiatrist for short term medication management. Your therapist can help you untangle that knot and determine if that's worthwhile.

Glad you've decided to stand up for yourself and do what's right as opposed to what he wants. This is another good step towards your own freedom from the cycle of abuse. Good on you.
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Old 11-28-2017, 02:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by time4tea View Post
He has indeed called from the jail and asked me not to come to the hearing. I told him I would be there, and he cried. I'm embarrassed to say that in spite of his actions I felt really awful to hear him hurt and vulnerable.

So here he is, violating the law again, asking you not to come (witness tampering). What right, exactly, does he have to ask more of you than you've already been through? And what, precisely do you think the 'open and vulnerable' act was for? Manipulation, to make you sorry for him, willing to withhold your testimony or at least twist it to his benefit.
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Old 11-28-2017, 03:30 PM
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I can't even think of words strong enough to tell you how deeply I agree with Nim.
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Old 12-04-2017, 06:35 PM
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He’s not hurt and vulnerable babe... that’s you. He’s desperate and manipulative.

Try your absolute best to not answer that phone. Hearing from him does absolutely nothing to improve your mental situation, and it could potentially cause him further legal troubles.

You got this... keep taking care of yourself.
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