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Death Row & Capital Punishment Discussions Discussions relating to inmates on Death Row / facing capital punishment in the United States and abroad that don't fit into any of the other forums

View Poll Results: death row relationships
the dp sentence shouldn't matter, they still deserve a real relationship 175 76.75%
they are lucky they can get anyone at all and can't demand loyalty 36 15.79%
other, please explain your view 17 7.46%
Voters: 228. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 08-14-2012, 06:32 PM
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I am not going to make a judgement as to what another person deserves. Some people on death row killed many people, were very sadistic and cruel. Others were young, stupid, on drugs and had they been given the chance could have been rehabilitated. So I dont think you can say "people on DR" as if they are one big group of people who are all the same.
I also wont judge those who choose to love them. Mostly in this world we are doing the best we can, in the situation we are in with the knowledge and skills that we have. I have never walked in your shoes, so I am not going to say its okay or not okay for you to love someone who is LWOP or DP.
All that said, I know I am not strong enough. I love my husband to be, but I live for the day, just over 15 months away that he comes home. I don't know if I could stand by his side for the rest of our lives if that was what we were facing. I am a needy women and I don't know if it would be enough. I do have a friend that is doing Life with his man, and has already been married 7 years, together 10. She is amazing in her devotion to his man but there is a slim chance he will come home, and I think that's part of what keeps her going.
I am by the way since it seems to be part of this thread anti-death penalty and pro-choice. Yes i know that doesn't match but its how I feel.
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  #102  
Old 08-14-2012, 07:47 PM
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Iam with someone on DR and Iam NOT a groupie. Knowing what I know about his life and how he grew up I really dont see how anyone could have expected him to end up anywhere else.He was severely abused and caught up in gangs by the time he was 12 and then ended up on dr for a gang related crime.Just like he doesnt hold the mistakes Ive made against me Iam not going to hold his against him. I choose to look at the bigger picture and feel compassion for everyone involved in the whole horrible situation.He doesnt expect me to stay faithful and maybe someday I wont but I seriously doubt it. What I get from being with him is way more than what I could get just going out and sleeping with someone.I dont think anyone has the right to decide who deserves love and who doesnt.
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  #103  
Old 09-05-2012, 07:54 AM
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Any luvin is good luvin! thats what i think. I think the guys know how hard it is to expect anyone to have a relationship with them and they must realise that before they start to write to someone. they know the drawbacks etc; must be difficult for them but i guess they see the benefits outway the negatives so they go for it!

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  #104  
Old 01-02-2013, 03:00 AM
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If someone is still alive, they are still capable of being loved..and loving someone in return. What kind of monsters would we be to try and deny that basic right from anyone?

As far as "DR groupies"...well, that's a sad, misguided term thrown around by people who know nothing about anything. It takes all kinds...and who's to say someone with a love on DR is somehow not happier or more fulfilled than someone who's married to a person around 24/7?

I think ignorance and fear are the enemies in all things, and on this subject as well.

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  #105  
Old 01-02-2013, 01:30 PM
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bunnybunny....I think we would have to be the same sort of monsters many prisoners are accused of being.

Let's be fair: most people in prison belong there under the current legal system (portions of which may be argued indefinitely). Particularly in the case of non-violent prisoners, however....they have not sacrificed the right to be regarded as human. And the "mad dog criminal" so popular in Hollywood is a rare bird indeed. Even some of those have been known to see the light...they should have every chance.
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  #106  
Old 04-05-2013, 02:37 AM
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the question is do you think that a man with a harsh sentence as in dp or lwop deserves to have a faithful, dedicated woman by his side? well as oppose to someone doing a short bid and he's getting out so he can start a dedicated relationship because he'll be home soon.

in talking to a couple of women they say not someone with such a harsh sentence. actually she said, he doesn't deserve 100% loyalty. the other woman said he is lucky to have anyone there for him at all.

so are these the men who get the woman who is married or living with someone else or dating, whatever her situation but not totally dedicated to him. could he ask for more? is it fair that he ask for that dedication and loyalty?

what is your take on this?

and on the woman's part of this, is it ok she protect herself from his harsh sentence by having someone else in her life? maybe some women lead double lives, I read this in another thread. what is your take on these women who seek out men who aren't ever coming home as their "secret" relationship, or side relationship?

I'm curious to know people's opinions after I spoke with these friends and read some threads on this forum. Many posts here and there mention the responsibility of the penpal and their lack of honesty, how these men get played also they aren't the only one's playing women, etc. Also the term groupie is thrown around and I'm not sure what that really means.
i think if any woman feels like the ones this member mentioned,then they are the ones that don't deserve loyalty or anyone ever being in a relationship with them. seriously? what the f*ck kind of woman would say that about their inmate whether it's MWI or otherwise?! as for the women that are ashamed to tell people about their inmate? well i'll get deleted if i say that. it's very much true that some of the women who become pen pals to these men use and lie to them. i'm sure we have all heard the stories from our men and pen pals.
so to answer one of the questions of course they deserve loyalty and to be in a relationship.
second one,i've heard from my own man and some of my pen pals that a lot of the women who write are not honest about their looks and or weight and other things as well.
third one, i guess a groupie would be like a serial MWI'er and somewhat like the women that flocked around richard ramirez,and other high profile death row inmates. i don't understand the mentality if it either... i'm not talking about women in relationships with DR inmates. i'm referring to the term dr groupie
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  #107  
Old 04-05-2013, 02:52 PM
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ANY relationship that I have involves trust, commitment, loyalty, dedication and honesty. Whether we are friends or a couple, you can expect this from me, and I will expect it from you. My LO and I discussed the "rules" prior to changing from friend to romance; we agreed to fidelity and monogamy--everything else was already a part of our friendship. I don't keep my relationship a secret, but I don't broadcast it either. Privacy is something neither of us are allowed, as all of our communication is monitored, so there are times that I opt for privacy when it comes to him. I know that he is asked about me by guys and CO's, and doubt that he shares anything with them; if they don't know about me it's because they aren't close to him, and if they aren't close enough for him to have shared this with them, he feels no need to share now.

Honestly, I get really frustrated by these women. A person's location or residence doesn't change their need for connection and companionship. When we focus on the cage around the man, rather than the man, our eyes need adjusting. He isn't my inmate, he's my man. If we were not together, I would not be on the hunt for another man on death row (or anywhere, for that matter)...I have often felt that I am a serial monogamist, but that is related to being in one relationship at a time, and having had more than one relationship in my life. I cannot imagine looking to replicate the "death row experience", or be open only to men on DR. I am puzzled by women who seem to seek out these relationships--which is different from women who may have had more than one relationship with someone on DR (if I were a penpal to several men, and not involved, I can see where this relationship would be possible). I know that my LO is very careful about the letters he receives from people who offer friendship, etc., as their motivation can be suspect. He has spent much of his life being disappointed by others, used and cast aside, which makes him pretty vigilant--particularly to someone who does not feel that he is worthy of commitment or loyalty.
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  #108  
Old 05-04-2013, 12:25 PM
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Wow! I can't believe this question was even asked! We are all humans with emotions, regardless of what we have done in life!

My Husband did 26 years on the Row and he is the best thing that ever happened to me!

People shouldn't Judge until they have walked a mile or two in someone's shoes!
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  #109  
Old 05-04-2013, 04:27 PM
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My LO isn't lwop or death row but I firmly believe that you deserve the relationship you give. As in if you give love and respect then you deserve the same. If you don't you deserve nothing.
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  #110  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:36 PM
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This is honestly not that difficult a question for me. They deserve the same relationships that anyone else within the human race deserve, just as they have the same responsibilities in whatever relationships they enter.
Be it family, friendship, love or any of the number of other kinds of relationships that exist between people.

Just because they are on DR doesn't mean they've lost their humanity, even though the media likes to portray that image and even though some people work really hard to break the person inside.
Those who are guilty deserve a punishment for that. That punishment is taking away their freedom and to be made aware of the day the state will murder them. As I don't agree with the death penalty I don't think agree with a part of the punishment, but I digress.
Nowhere in their sentence does it say they lose the right to be a part of the human race, nor is it possible to take that away from them. Sadly, as a result of their crime and the punishment, a lot of them end up losing those connections to the outside world that are so important for their emotional wellbeing. Locked up or not, we all have emotional needs and those are much harder to fulfil on DR. But just because that is a real consequence of DR, that doesn't mean they have lost their right to have their basic emotional needs met. And as I said, when they do find these relationships they still have the same responsibilities as well, that 'obligation' still weighs just as heavily as it does in the free world.

Hope this makes sense because as easy it is in my mind to realize how I feel about this, I had a hard time expressing those feelings in words.

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  #111  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:39 PM
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I really don't like how the question was phrased. It assumes that monogamy is the only type of real relationship. Plenty of people are in nonmonogamous relationships, polyamorous relationships, polygamous relationships, etc. and they're not any less real than a monogamous one, which is not always the healthiest option. It realky requires a heart-to-heart talk between the two (or three) involved.
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  #112  
Old 12-19-2013, 09:06 PM
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My fiance is facing LWOP or DP and I will be by his side in or out til I take my last breathe. Sex is nothing to me if I can't have it oh well. The love we have for each other can withstand any hurdle. He deserves my love and to be there for him after all he has done for me. I will still marry him and be by his side. He is an innocent man and he has had such a hard life and noone has stuck by him yet he took care of me and everyone around him who has ever met him LOVES him so yes he deserves to be loved and he deserves me being loyal to him and I deserve him home so I hope he doesn't even get sentenced he needs to be exonerated, however I'm not nieve there is a big chance that the police who are already saying he is the killer not accused but the killer are framing him and I may have to go life with him and if the unthinkable DP I will still remain by his side. He is my soul mate God brought him to me and he wouldn't have done that if I wasn't meant to be by his side. This is just so crazy to me they come and get him for a double murder in 2008 and say he was on the run yet he held a job with his REAL NAME he got unemployment with his REAL NAME in 2 different states he left NY to be here in PA with me. He even called the court house and had them send information on his fines for DUI up here. If he was so wanted they would have come 2 years ago because he hasn't changed his address.
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  #113  
Old 03-03-2014, 01:58 AM
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Everyone deserves love. When you go into a relationship, there should be a mutual love and respect. If there isn't, then what kind of relationship is that?

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  #114  
Old 04-02-2014, 02:19 PM
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Imo it's nobody else's business if they have a relationship or if they haven't, or to decide if they deserve one or don't.

They're sentenced to death, not to "life without a relationship."
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Old 04-19-2014, 04:40 PM
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It depends on if it's continuing a relationship that started before being sentenced to death or starting a relationship with someone currently on death row. The former is perfectly acceptable I have no issue with it but the latter is creepy in my eyes.
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  #116  
Old 04-26-2014, 10:44 PM
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I was in a relationship for two years with a individual on DR. And, I must say that although we are no longer together I still have the same respect for him when I was first getting to know him. They deserve a person who is willing to be there for them every step of the way. And, it isn't a relationship to be taken lightly. I for one viewed my relationship just as dealing with any other guy. Except for the fact that he couldn't come and lay in bed with me and I couldn't see him when I wanted. But, I visited, wrote, accepted calls, and even interacted with his family. If you are going to be involved with someone on DR don't view it as a contract. There are still individuals with feelings and if you aren't going to give it your all then walk away. Because one thing I know they aren't looking for pity nor someone to feel sorry for them. Yet they do deserve love.
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:48 AM
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I dont think it matters no matter what at the end of the day we are all human we still all have feelings, my bf has told me that many times, and i believe they should have love and a relationship as far as for the women who has somebody that might not ever come home my situation is ver similiar i can relate all the way we dont have a parole date as of for another 60 years as of now, i faithfully love him and if its not this life that we are together maybe the next, i told my bf i was ok with having an open relationship if he wanted we would be each others for ever and i would find a man to settle down but ill always be there for my bf now and my physical relationship at home he has to understand that im not leaving my bf in prison, ill be honest if my bf let me and it came down to it being to the point where we lost hope in him ever getting out or i just couldnt wait if he let me have a husband out here and have him in there and both are ok with it, than i would do it if it came down to it, no secrets im not hiding it,
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  #118  
Old 04-22-2015, 12:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by esteli View Post
the question is do you think that a man with a harsh sentence as in dp or lwop deserves to have a faithful, dedicated woman by his side? well as oppose to someone doing a short bid and he's getting out so he can start a dedicated relationship because he'll be home soon.
In any relationship, as long as both parties agree to be in a committed relationship that is all that matters. In all honesty, what anyone else thinks in nobody's business.
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:42 PM
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I answered other as its really such a generalization. Lots of people end up on death row. I think its a individual case by case decision on what kind of relationship they deserve.
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Old 04-22-2015, 12:43 PM
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And no, my guy does not have LWOP or DP... but he does have an extremely long sentence and I think I will be in my mid-90's the first time he is up for parole. Essentially life.
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Old 04-22-2015, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioWife4Life View Post
Wow! I can't believe this question was even asked! We are all humans with emotions, regardless of what we have done in life!

My Husband did 26 years on the Row and he is the best thing that ever happened to me!

People shouldn't Judge until they have walked a mile or two in someone's shoes!
I can't believe this question was asked either!
My loved one is on dr and I am totally committed to him. He deserves my love and respect and I am blessed to be loved by him
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  #122  
Old 04-25-2015, 11:03 PM
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My love is serving 15-life with the "possibility" of parole. Now that word possibility is no guarantee that he will come home. He's already served 18 years. Has been up to board twice and received denials both times. He's coming up to board again in July of this year but again no guarantees that he'll be given a date. With that said I believe he deserves to have a relationship with a woman who is loyal to him and loves him unconditionally. Just as every human being deserves the same. Just because our loved ones are in prison doesn't make them any less than they are worth.
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Old 04-26-2015, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
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IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!
I find this a very interesting conversation. I am kind of in a similar situation. I have been writing my DR penpal for a few months now. I know for a fact, as he has told me that he has other penpals. One person who is madly in love with him and visits often. I know he cares about her but i dont think its real strong for they really dont have a ton in common. She visits him every month and i think thats great because thats more than i can give him right now. I will be visiting him for the first time next month and i am very excited but it is what it is. We kid around with each other and are very playful in our letters. I send small amounts of money for him to get a few goodies in canteen and send stamps. I am in the early stages of separation and will be moving back to florida by fall but my visits will be limited until then and i am totally ok with him enjoying letters and visits from other women. We are great friends and love writing to each other but that is it. Once i move and rebuild my life, he will be a great friend to turn to but i know it can never be anything but that. The reality is he will probably never get out and will soon face his fate because he has been on death row for a very long time. In a different place and time, maybe we could be something but i am happy with our letters and this visit will be a great beginning to a great life long friendship how ever long that may be.
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  #124  
Old 07-15-2015, 03:44 AM
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Just be cuz a man is incarcerated doesnt make him less of a man. He deserves the same as any man who is free.
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  #125  
Old 10-26-2015, 09:50 PM
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I think death row inmates deserve a loyal, loving relationship just like anyone else in the world. So no, the death sentence shouldn't matter.
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