What kind of relationship does he deserve? - Page 4

**Rachel** · #76 10-22-2009, 01:08 AM

Thank you for those comments, CX2.

However, I would remind everyone that we endeavour to treat everyone with repect on PTO.

The reality is, most people that have a loved one on DR are against the DP. They are in a position to understand the realities of the application and shortcomings of this part of the justice system.

I would suggest that if someone is particularly pro-DP that they find another forum to frequent. By their inherent nature these forums will be leaning toward an anti-DP stance, how could they not?
This is a place where those who have loved ones on Death Row can come to connect with others in the same position, find support, information and understanding.
This is not somewhere that seeks to condemn them, their loved ones or their particular situation.

The PTO staff that moderate these forums try to be as objective as possible, but we will not tolerate harassment of members either on the public boards or in private messages.

If you wish to discuss the DP per se there are many other places to do that on the internet.

Thanks for your attention.

Rachel
Admin

DonnysWmn · #77 10-23-2009, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJS811

IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!

My man has been in prison 17 years on a sentance of 27-life.
We write pretty much everyday. I've never met anyone like him. No man could compare. Many think I'm nuts. He's the most loving, honest man I've ever met. I think the letters are so passinate and intense, they do become addictive. We talk twice a week, sometimes up to 3 clicks. ( it's crazy I'm lraning all this prison lingo ) I do not see anyone on the side. We are going to marry in March. Then start the programs for FRP visits. I found him while googling for a movie someone told me about called beyond the wall. It brought up an inmate dating site. His photo was on the first page. I saw his face and those eyes. I printed the ad. I debated it over a few days. Besides being smoking hot to me his ad was super intelligent. I was moved to write. In less than a month he closed down his dating site and totally dedicated himself to me and I to him. I've never felt so loved and romanced in my whole life. He has nothing to give yet he gives it all to me. I got a two foot teddy bear in delivered to me. He does the most amazing artwork. I'm visiting Oct 31- Nov 3. For his birthday. I just fell into this. It's the best thing that has every happened to me. I love my Donny.

marieclarie2299 · #78 10-24-2009, 10:48 PM

In the zeal to maintain support, the quest for truth is lost.......what a shame some will continue to be blind.

Joy · #79 10-27-2009, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marieclarie2299

In the zeal to maintain support, the quest for truth is lost.......what a shame some will continue to be blind.

What truth are you talking about? I assure you there is not one here that is blind. There is not one person thatisblinded to all this. There is not one person that writes/love/married some one on death row that does not know the details of the crime.Moe than those who do not know this person and more than what the media reports. We know about the victims family and feel their pain and offer compassion. There are 'some' that have even been and are still in contact with the victims family.

sweetnina · #80 10-28-2009, 03:53 AM

Blind are the ones, who dont see the suffering, the injustice, the inhumanity, the pain this punishment is causing to people, guilty and innocent, all the time. Blind are the ones who are carrying hate and revenge in their hearts and have closed the eyes for compassion. Blind are the ones who cant see the immoral in all this, the wrong, the dark, the cold.
Our eyes are wide open, thats why we are here. We can see the beauty in the ugly, the light in the darkness, the holy spirit in the life threatening desert.
We can see.
thats why we are here.
whats about you, marieclaire?

daisy3 · #81 11-28-2009, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetnina

Blind are the ones, who dont see the suffering, the injustice, the inhumanity, the pain this punishment is causing to people, guilty and innocent, all the time. Blind are the ones who are carrying hate and revenge in their hearts and have closed the eyes for compassion. Blind are the ones who cant see the immoral in all this, the wrong, the dark, the cold.

Our eyes are wide open, thats why we are here. We can see the beauty in the ugly, the light in the darkness, the holy spirit in the life threatening desert.

We can see.
thats why we are here.
whats about you, marieclaire?

this is one of the most profound posts i've read in a long time; and it articulates precisely how i feel.

elsapunzi · #82 11-29-2009, 06:02 AM

i could not have said it better, people like marieclair is always going to be around to try to open our eyes, but actually forget it is them that are blind and not us

DaveMoff · #83 02-19-2010, 02:31 PM

I shall happily accept the label of "groupie" if those who employ such terms will accept my label for them. Which won't fit into one word, but narrow-minded, pathologically angry, and possessed by bloodlust will do for a start. The mentality of those who attack us is the mentality which hopes and wishes for the death of another human being, perhaps even delights in the idea. I am proud to be "sick" in the eyes of such people.

JJS811 · #84 02-20-2010, 01:17 AM

I can agree 100% with that Dave. However what I would call some of those who call us, is unprintable and would get me banned.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveMoff

I shall happily accept the label of "groupie" if those who employ such terms will accept my label for them. Which won't fit into one word, but narrow-minded, pathologically angry, and possessed by bloodlust will do for a start. The mentality of those who attack us is the mentality which hopes and wishes for the death of another human being, perhaps even delights in the idea. I am proud to be "sick" in the eyes of such people.

lisainengland · #85 02-20-2010, 12:58 PM

Brilliant post Dave and yes JJ those words run through my mind too !!!!

esteli · #86 02-20-2010, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveMoff

I shall happily accept the label of "groupie" if those who employ such terms will accept my label for them. Which won't fit into one word, but narrow-minded, pathologically angry, and possessed by bloodlust will do for a start. The mentality of those who attack us is the mentality which hopes and wishes for the death of another human being, perhaps even delights in the idea. I am proud to be "sick" in the eyes of such people.

THANK YOU!!!! I think this is the post I've looking for since I came to PTO.

kloewy · #87 04-08-2010, 05:50 AM

Mine is hasn't been sentenced but has been guaranteed lwop. It seems as though everyday someone is telling me that he doesn't deserve to be loved and that I should just move on, but that's not gonna change how I see him or feel about him. Everyone deserves to be loved no matter what their past mistakes are. IMO, if you make the conscious decision to be with someone with dp or lwop you are already aware of what lies ahead to a point, and if you can't be faithful then don't get involved. I personally even if I had permission to be with someone else, could not do it. My heart is with my lifer, and he will have it 100% forever.

mammastalkin · #88 04-08-2010, 02:49 PM

LWOP is tough too. Glad you are hanging in there. Of course he deserves love. I wish both of you well.

kloewy · #89 04-09-2010, 04:15 PM

Thank you! Not an easy road, but he makes it a very happy one. Can't see myself without him.

elsapunzi · #90 04-17-2010, 05:37 AM

i wish each and evetyone of you who have a love on the row or even long time sentence all the respect and admiration for the strength and comittment you show to your men/girs in spite of so much negativity we all have to face each and every day

LaChula0808 · #91 04-22-2010, 09:48 PM

I strongly believe that no matter what sentence they have. They are humans just like us. They deserve to be treated with honesty, love and respect. Why would you even think about playing with a persons mind. I have many PP that I write to they all knew from day one that we are only going to be friends. Some are more special to my heart than others. But they all know the truth. I don't think that having a relationship with a DR or anyone else is wrong. If you are going to stand behind that person 150% then do it. But don't play games with them. They already have enough on their plate to deal with. A friend is worth more then an lover. A friend will be there forever and a lover for a night or two. My grandmother always told us that. God bless everyone!

sweetnina · #92 04-22-2010, 10:21 PM

I know what you mean LaChula and I am with you with the meaning of friendship.
But sometimes a lover can also be the best friend. I guess its the one and only real love if this happens to you and it doesnt depend on the place where you have found this special love, you know.

lovesick33 · #93 04-28-2010, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonnysWmn

My man has been in prison 17 years on a sentance of 27-life.
We write pretty much everyday. I've never met anyone like him. No man could compare. Many think I'm nuts. He's the most loving, honest man I've ever met. I think the letters are so passinate and intense, they do become addictive. We talk twice a week, sometimes up to 3 clicks. ( it's crazy I'm lraning all this prison lingo ) I do not see anyone on the side. We are going to marry in March. Then start the programs for FRP visits. I found him while googling for a movie someone told me about called beyond the wall. It brought up an inmate dating site. His photo was on the first page. I saw his face and those eyes. I printed the ad. I debated it over a few days. Besides being smoking hot to me his ad was super intelligent. I was moved to write. In less than a month he closed down his dating site and totally dedicated himself to me and I to him. I've never felt so loved and romanced in my whole life. He has nothing to give yet he gives it all to me. I got a two foot teddy bear in delivered to me. He does the most amazing artwork. I'm visiting Oct 31- Nov 3. For his birthday. I just fell into this. It's the best thing that has every happened to me. I love my Donny.

Just wanted to give a shout out to you i have a DONNIE too and i loves my baby good luck on your visit and enjoy your visits and congrats on the marriage.

Happy B-day to both of you

Nayana · #94 06-13-2010, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by welshcake

im my opinion, if you cant give somebdy 100%, dont get involved....its not a game, and everyone who begins relationships/friendship with dr and people with long terms to serve know more or less what the outcome will be, so if you aint prepared to give 100%, stay away.

Very well said.........very true 100%!!!!

sharonno1 · #95 07-08-2011, 03:10 PM

i also married my husband on dr honesty loyalty and trust i am 100% devoted to him and is the same

DaveMoff · #96 07-08-2011, 03:23 PM

She deserves whatever we may agree to share--and more, if she will allow. Just as does any other human being who offers a part of herself to another. Some troll may twist this sentence, but we deserve to receive what we offer, and if that is love....so be it.

FindingHarmony · #97 06-06-2012, 06:31 PM

this is somethign i thought about a little before his conviction. and now that it is a reality, i'm finding i feel the same way. there are no gaurantees in life. If he can appeal his case, it will be years of pain.
i will stand by him, i will love him, i will support him in any way possible.
i will not wait for him.
he will know my happiness and sadness through letters. i will not lie to him.
i will love him, and anyone else i love will know i love a LWOP prisoner and will need to be ok with that. i believe in everyone knowing what is what. it is the only way for me to be ok.

Babii214 · #98 08-02-2012, 12:10 PM

My man gets out soon, but if he was to face dp I would stay by his side. I think that's the hardest relationship that someone could be in. Really a count down to the end of hearing their voice, and being able to ever see their face again. Every human deserves love and a companion in life, my heart just really goes out to those that aren't given the opportunity to spend the rest of their lives with their loved ones and have a family. Makes me look at my situation as it could be worse, and take things less for granted.

leeannev · #99 08-14-2012, 03:05 PM

My guy is on deathrow and it doesnt ever really cross my mind to back out. My plan is to make the days he does have the best they can be.

mammastalkin · #**100** 08-14-2012, 05:57 PM

Good luck to you leeannev. They are rewarding relationships but they are difficult at times. I'm glad you joined PTO. We are here for you when you need us.