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View Poll Results: For what kind of crime would you NOT continue correspondence?
Robbery (house/building/bank/person) 13 4.18%
Assault/Battery 25 8.04%
Financial crimes (Embezzlement/Racketeering, etc.) 11 3.54%
Murder/Manslaughter/Homicide (or other crimes involving death) 78 25.08%
Drug Possession/Trafficking/Conspiracy/etc. (and drug-related crimes) 15 4.82%
Treason/espionage crimes 19 6.11%
Violent crimes (sexual crimes/rape/dismemberment but not resulting in death) 209 67.20%
Arson/Recklessness/Mayhem (damage to property but not necessarily to people) 17 5.47%
Too many factors involved to come to a decisive answer 51 16.40%
Depends on the crime/circumstances/external influences 88 28.30%
Other crime not listed (please post if able) 39 12.54%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 311. You may not vote on this poll

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  #151  
Old 04-12-2015, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeTraveler View Post
You can't possibly be serious about that statement? You're basing that opinion on a documentary?? Hon, you really DO have a lot to learn.
Well several documentary.
The guards walking around and show and the inmates tells.
Well if thats wrong, than i would be glad to hear how it really is.
But why does the black "owns" the basketball area if they isn+t rasist, why cant other people play basket too?
But maybe all are mixed in those prisons you know about.

Last edited by eclips; 04-12-2015 at 02:59 PM..
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  #152  
Old 04-12-2015, 09:10 PM
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My husband isn't black and he plays basketball.

About documentaries... All documentaries have premises. That's the point of view and plot they are telling. They are only one perspective of the truth, not the whole truth. More I learn about how prison life is for my husband, more I realize these so called documentaries really don't tell even half of the story...
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  #153  
Old 07-11-2015, 03:07 PM
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I wouldn't write lifers or people on death row for similar reasons as I wouldn't write anyone with a term less than 5 years: the emotional investment. Too big for me in the first category. I don't think I could handle it. The short termers I would have to hold back too much.

It's not the crime that would make me stop writing. However, I do want to know what they are in for, which was easily found before contacting them. The rest is up to them. I just want them to be themselves and see if there is some connection. They're human, and everyone has their life story.

One is in for first degree murder, and the length of his fixed sentence of 25 years is a burden on me as well. The other is in for burglaries and weapons charges, 10 years. A history of drug addiction. If he learns to follow the rules a bit more, he might be paroled earlier.

I did have a very short stint with a penpal who was in for manslaughter. Not the one who did it, but he went down because he was there. He sounded too slick and acted too friendly from the start. It felt as if he was 'working' me. When I gently poked a bit of scepticism, he stopped writing back.

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  #154  
Old 07-23-2015, 07:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eclips View Post
All the prisoners, except for the gay ones are violent racists.
No mather if they are white, hispanic or black, they stick to their race and having violent fights against other races, this is what my opinion is after watching prisoners dokumentary, they only mix if they are gay and have sexual affairs with eachother.
Maybe the documentarys are wrong.
What are you considering a documentary? I have seen very few of the reality prison shows. As even though they are filmed at real prisons they are still staged and show only what the editors have agreed with the prisons to show and angled it the way they want, just more of the same with media and Hollywood.

Have you seen something other than that? Please share.
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  #155  
Old 07-23-2015, 09:57 AM
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I have a white pen pal who is in for second degree murder and is neither gay nor violent. He's been in over a decade with zero incidence of violence. He also has no gang affiliation and is not racist.

Having said that, prison culture is unique and unlike anything on the outside. People do tend to stick with their own race, but there is also violence inside those groups. You have a lot of people with no coping skills bunched together and not a lot going on in terms of personal development in the program.

Anyone who is smart, no matter what race, is going to reserve violence for when all other alternatives have been exhausted. Just like in the outside world. We have wars going on every day all over the world because of intolerance toward people who are different, greed and ego.
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  #156  
Old 07-27-2015, 10:05 AM
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I would definitely "consider" the crime, but I'm also of the opinion that there are MANY circumstances where the "offender" didn't necessarily commit the said crime but had some connection to the crime that made him/her equally responsible in the eyes of the law, and as a result faces the same punishment.

It's easy for me to say I wouldn't write to a murderer, but the girl I'm writing to now (haven't heard back yet but it's only been a week) is serving 30 to life for aggravated murder. On the surface that would be a show stopper, but she didn't actually kill anybody - it was one of those cases of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person, and some of her actions in the aftermath unfortunately make her equally responsible in her state. I don't have the slightest belief that she would have ever even remotely considered committing the act that she's serving a lot of years behind bars for.

It's also easy for me to say I wouldn't consider writing to anyone who's committed a crime against children, especially sex crimes. Well I know of somebody (friend of a friend of an acquaintance) who's doing 12 years in fed for unlawful sexual acts with a minor. The offense? He had webcam sex with a 15 year old girl over an internet video chat site - a girl on the opposite coast. That's very, very different than someone who actually physically molested an underage girl, especially if she was participating willingly and there wasn't any coercion going on. Unfortunately for this guy the law doesn't distinguish between what happens "in the flesh" and what happens over the internet (and it actually makes me a little angry that we're spending tax dollars to lock this guy up for something like this for so long).
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  #157  
Old 07-28-2015, 01:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebra23 View Post
I would definitely "consider" the crime, but I'm also of the opinion that there are MANY circumstances where the "offender" didn't necessarily commit the said crime but had some connection to the crime that made him/her equally responsible in the eyes of the law, and as a result faces the same punishment.

It's easy for me to say I wouldn't write to a murderer, but the girl I'm writing to now (haven't heard back yet but it's only been a week) is serving 30 to life for aggravated murder. On the surface that would be a show stopper, but she didn't actually kill anybody - it was one of those cases of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person, and some of her actions in the aftermath unfortunately make her equally responsible in her state. I don't have the slightest belief that she would have ever even remotely considered committing the act that she's serving a lot of years behind bars for.


It's also easy for me to say I wouldn't consider writing to anyone who's committed a crime against children, especially sex crimes. Well I know of somebody (friend of a friend of an acquaintance) who's doing 12 years in fed for unlawful sexual acts with a minor. The offense? He had webcam sex with a 15 year old girl over an internet video chat site - a girl on the opposite coast. That's very, very different than someone who actually physically molested an underage girl, especially if she was participating willingly and there wasn't any coercion going on. Unfortunately for this guy the law doesn't distinguish between what happens "in the flesh" and what happens over the internet (and it actually makes me a little angry that we're spending tax dollars to lock this guy up for something like this for so long).
Are you 100% sure she participated because she wanted. We have many here that lately been sentenced of crime against children or teenagers, because they have forced them to do pretty nasty thing withthemselves infront of webcam. First they have scamed them, that they are another person, a handsom younger boy, then they have a "relationship" and get the girls to send normal picture, and then are asking agressively for topless, and there they have them. Then its threating to spread the picture/movies wich make them do really nasty things. One girl here even killed herself because the old mans threting of spreading of the pictures and continuing asking for more.
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  #158  
Old 07-28-2015, 01:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eclips View Post
Are you 100% sure she participated because she wanted. We have many here that lately been sentenced of crime against children or teenagers, because they have forced them to do pretty nasty thing withthemselves infront of webcam. First they have scamed them, that they are another person, a handsom younger boy, then they have a "relationship" and get the girls to send normal picture, and then are asking agressively for topless, and there they have them. Then its threating to spread the picture/movies wich make them do really nasty things. One girl here even killed herself because the old mans threting of spreading of the pictures and continuing asking for more.
I am sure this mans penpal case is different. This is not a sex crime but accessory to murder. I do understand what you are saying, and young people do the silliest things. It is sad that some get exploited for doing silly things, but, in the issue you are referring to above, it's different.
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  #159  
Old 07-28-2015, 01:46 AM
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I am sure this mans penpal case is different. This is not a sex crime but accessory to murder. I do understand what you are saying, and young people do the silliest things. It is sad that some get exploited for doing silly things, but, in the issue you are referring to above, it's different.
i was talking about his friends friend.
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  #160  
Old 07-28-2015, 01:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eclips View Post
i was talking about his friends friend.
That is one big assumption to make that that internet sex crime is forced. There are also a lot of young girls that pose as older woman and trap the men into doing something wrong. They then also use blackmail to get what they want and once things go wrong, they cry foul by saying the didn't know, or I was used. Not everyone in prison for a sex crime is guilty, girls lie bout their age, put on make up and dress way older than they really are at times.

If you don't know the case - don't assume he blackmailed her into what she did.
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  #161  
Old 07-28-2015, 02:43 AM
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Quote:
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That is one big assumption to make that that internet sex crime is forced. There are also a lot of young girls that pose as older woman and trap the men into doing something wrong. They then also use blackmail to get what they want and once things go wrong, they cry foul by saying the didn't know, or I was used. Not everyone in prison for a sex crime is guilty, girls lie bout their age, put on make up and dress way older than they really are at times.

If you don't know the case - don't assume he blackmailed her into what she did.
This is common I think.
I had 11 and 12 year old friends that said they where 14, and guys of 17-19 had sex with them, 14 is still underage both did wrong here.
But lying of your age is so wrong, men often lie that they are younger, happened to me often, and girls that they are older. Some crimeprevention would be needed here, make it unlegal to lie about your age maybe.
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  #162  
Old 07-28-2015, 02:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keltria View Post
That is one big assumption to make that that internet sex crime is forced. There are also a lot of young girls that pose as older woman and trap the men into doing something wrong. They then also use blackmail to get what they want and once things go wrong, they cry foul by saying the didn't know, or I was used. Not everyone in prison for a sex crime is guilty, girls lie bout their age, put on make up and dress way older than they really are at times.

If you don't know the case - don't assume he blackmailed her into what she did.
Then there are adult cops that bust men by pretending being underage girls, men that are looking for children/young girls.
But if someone do a crime without nowing it, falling in love with a "grown up" woman and later it comes out its a child, its horrible.
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  #163  
Old 07-28-2015, 03:41 AM
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Okay everyone - lets get this back on topic please.
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  #164  
Old 07-28-2015, 11:11 AM
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I didn't mean to open Pandora's Box with my post. I know a bit about the case I mentioned (PM me if you'd like to discuss details) but that's not the point of this thread. My point is that sometimes the "label" that gets put on the inmate (i.e. the sentence) doesn't necessarily reflect the offense the inmate actually committed. The "convicted murderer" I wrote to didn't murder anybody. The guy convicted of "illegal sexual acts with a minor under 16" didn't actually have sex with a minor under 16, at least not physically. Both are guilty of crimes, but their convictions/reasons for incarceration don't necessarily reflect their actual offense, and you wouldn't know that unless you dug in a bit. So my answer to the poll would be "it depends upon the circumstances."

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  #165  
Old 08-14-2015, 03:07 AM
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Hi. capital murder, I draw the line but that is just me and my personality also rape crime.
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  #166  
Old 12-16-2015, 02:46 AM
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Would not want to write someone who is doing time for:
- arson
- rape / child molestation
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  #167  
Old 12-27-2015, 05:23 PM
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I've only written 2 inmates ever. Both have become multi-year penpals. So I took choosing them for correspondence seriously - and researched well beforehand. Both are long-term prisoners with horrific violent crimes (multiple murder & a career criminal who committed armed robbery). I knew I wasn't getting a choir boy.

Crimes I would not accept: crimes against women or children because while the above is already emotionally difficult, these would be too hard for me.

However both had displeasing facets to their crimes, that I had to learn to forgive. I do not condone their crimes of course. I know them both well enough to speak freely about it. They are both guilty. And they both regretfully lost huge amounts of their lives because of it.

Other things I personally looked for & paid attention to:
* Long sentence = I wanted long-term penpals. (LWOP and 28 years)
* Crime committed young = I trust people a lot less who committed crimes older and should've gotten more skills/resources from aging and maturity. Youth invokes the probability of underprivilege and lack of experience.
* A lot of time put between them and their crime = this was really important to me. I wasn't interested in someone who was in that space just last year. I wanted the more mature person who had grown and showed maturity past their crime. (17 yr old and 20 year old, both are now near 40s)
* High intelligence = This was important to me for a relationship built on conversation
* Non-religious/atheist = This is similar to me and I knew I didn't want to have conversations about god as I feel it cuts off any further introspection or intuition (in the type of conversations I want to have).

Racism in prison doesn't bother me (one is part of STG activity, Security Threat Group) although I'm abhorred by it in the free world. Prison is a different environment and people are often separated socially by race. In the one who is involved in that activity I find it more to be of a social adaptation (he's an extrovert & spent most of his life incarcerated). I recognized he was involved in prison racism before I wrote him. Many inmates shed that identity when they're allowed to return to the free world & he's a likely candidate. My other one is an introvert and not very social at all, ergo has no interest joining a group, racist or not.

My choice structure certainly would not work for everyone, as is clear it's my own personal needs/opinion. Goes to show that it's different for everyone, and tailor made for each correspondent.

For me, I think researching and being honest with myself about what I wanted made good matches and brought exactly what I was looking for. This is all IMHO.

Last edited by TawnyStar; 12-27-2015 at 06:02 PM.. Reason: clarification error
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  #168  
Old 06-25-2019, 09:17 AM
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I would not write to anyone who is in for sex crimes, serial killers or murderers(unless murder was in proven self defense). I'm also leery of those who are in for crimes to do with causing harm to others to get money (some people will do anything for money). People do change, but what if they don't.
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  #169  
Old 12-16-2019, 07:00 AM
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My biggest pen pal is in for murder, he's been given life without parole. My other pen pal is in for murder and is on death row. The first one has taken responsibility, the second one never mentioned the crime and I didn't go into it.
The only pen pal I have problems with is in for murder of a small child. I started writing him without knowing about that and when I found out I was pregnant, so I did have trouble accepting the fact. I write him cards, but I stepped back from letters, the emotional impact was too much for me. My bad, though. I should have checked.
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  #170  
Old 10-18-2020, 07:48 PM
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I would have to say to me it isn't black and white. I feel crimes against the elderly maybe but to me i feel you can'r judge a crime by the label. For example lots of people say they wouldn't write "sex offenders" (everyone is entitled to their opinion) but sexual offenses come under a large umbrella from age difference relationships in teenagers, up to the most serious crimes. There's also those in prison for sex crimes who have been set up or falsely accused so i think to me its not black and white it would depend on me speaking to the person about the crime as well as the feeling i get from the person.
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