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View Poll Results: death row relationships
the dp sentence shouldn't matter, they still deserve a real relationship 175 76.75%
they are lucky they can get anyone at all and can't demand loyalty 36 15.79%
other, please explain your view 17 7.46%
Voters: 228. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 06-02-2009, 01:26 AM
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Question What kind of relationship does he deserve?

the question is do you think that a man with a harsh sentence as in dp or lwop deserves to have a faithful, dedicated woman by his side? well as oppose to someone doing a short bid and he's getting out so he can start a dedicated relationship because he'll be home soon.

in talking to a couple of women they say not someone with such a harsh sentence. actually she said, he doesn't deserve 100% loyalty. the other woman said he is lucky to have anyone there for him at all.

so are these the men who get the woman who is married or living with someone else or dating, whatever her situation but not totally dedicated to him. could he ask for more? is it fair that he ask for that dedication and loyalty?

what is your take on this?

and on the woman's part of this, is it ok she protect herself from his harsh sentence by having someone else in her life? maybe some women lead double lives, I read this in another thread. what is your take on these women who seek out men who aren't ever coming home as their "secret" relationship, or side relationship?

I'm curious to know people's opinions after I spoke with these friends and read some threads on this forum. Many posts here and there mention the responsibility of the penpal and their lack of honesty, how these men get played also they aren't the only one's playing women, etc. Also the term groupie is thrown around and I'm not sure what that really means.

Last edited by esteli; 06-02-2009 at 02:09 AM.. Reason: articulation
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Old 06-02-2009, 02:34 AM
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IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!
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  #3  
Old 06-02-2009, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS811 View Post
IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!
Thank you so much, you have answered a lot of questions here. Groupie is a term I read a lot about in the Lifer forum here on PTO. I have always been very thankful to women who do write both LWOP and death row. Otherwise who would these men have in their lives? But I was confused by reading that term coming from the "wives" who said their men had groupies write them, etc.

And from a PP prespective you are very firm that yes, they need 100% committment like anyone else.
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  #4  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:52 AM
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Groupie is a term I read a lot about in the Lifer forum here on PTO.
mind directing to some threads in the lifer form regarding the above?

tx, in advance.
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Old 10-08-2009, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Santino's_Peach View Post
mind directing to some threads in the lifer form regarding the above?

tx, in advance.

Do it yourself sweet peach. If you have time to dredge up an old thread, you obviously have time to search it yourself. Besides don't you own the lifer forum.
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  #6  
Old 10-16-2009, 02:00 PM
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Do it yourself sweet peach. If you have time to dredge up an old thread, you obviously have time to search it yourself. Besides don't you own the lifer forum.
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Old 06-22-2009, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS811 View Post

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!

I agree, and to me It all depends on how the word is used. My husband and I have had long talks about this, (He was once on DR). He use to call me a groupie when I was just his 'friend' but he did this in a joking sense, as I followed him from unit to unit, but never in a derogatory sense, I would have choked him.

One thing I never saw was a woman writing a man on DR and after his execution moving right along to the next guy that seemed appealing on DR.

In fact, what I saw was a lot of heart ache, and the grieving of someone who is executed is no easier than grieving someone you lost due to illness or an accident.

The grieving is too much for some.
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:44 PM
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Originally Posted by JJS811 View Post
IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!
My man has been in prison 17 years on a sentance of 27-life.
We write pretty much everyday. I've never met anyone like him. No man could compare. Many think I'm nuts. He's the most loving, honest man I've ever met. I think the letters are so passinate and intense, they do become addictive. We talk twice a week, sometimes up to 3 clicks. ( it's crazy I'm lraning all this prison lingo ) I do not see anyone on the side. We are going to marry in March. Then start the programs for FRP visits. I found him while googling for a movie someone told me about called beyond the wall. It brought up an inmate dating site. His photo was on the first page. I saw his face and those eyes. I printed the ad. I debated it over a few days. Besides being smoking hot to me his ad was super intelligent. I was moved to write. In less than a month he closed down his dating site and totally dedicated himself to me and I to him. I've never felt so loved and romanced in my whole life. He has nothing to give yet he gives it all to me. I got a two foot teddy bear in delivered to me. He does the most amazing artwork. I'm visiting Oct 31- Nov 3. For his birthday. I just fell into this. It's the best thing that has every happened to me. I love my Donny.
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Old 04-28-2010, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DonnysWmn View Post
My man has been in prison 17 years on a sentance of 27-life.
We write pretty much everyday. I've never met anyone like him. No man could compare. Many think I'm nuts. He's the most loving, honest man I've ever met. I think the letters are so passinate and intense, they do become addictive. We talk twice a week, sometimes up to 3 clicks. ( it's crazy I'm lraning all this prison lingo ) I do not see anyone on the side. We are going to marry in March. Then start the programs for FRP visits. I found him while googling for a movie someone told me about called beyond the wall. It brought up an inmate dating site. His photo was on the first page. I saw his face and those eyes. I printed the ad. I debated it over a few days. Besides being smoking hot to me his ad was super intelligent. I was moved to write. In less than a month he closed down his dating site and totally dedicated himself to me and I to him. I've never felt so loved and romanced in my whole life. He has nothing to give yet he gives it all to me. I got a two foot teddy bear in delivered to me. He does the most amazing artwork. I'm visiting Oct 31- Nov 3. For his birthday. I just fell into this. It's the best thing that has every happened to me. I love my Donny.
Just wanted to give a shout out to you i have a DONNIE too and i loves my baby good luck on your visit and enjoy your visits and congrats on the marriage.Happy B-day to both of you
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Old 04-26-2015, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS811 View Post
IMO it doesn't matter if it is LWOP or the DP. If a woman chooses to become involved they have a responsibility just the same as any other relationship. Yes, these men will never come home, and that should be a major consideration for woman choosing to become involved.

I am not involved in any romantic relationship with anyone in prison, but I do have quite a few PP. I am honest with them all about where our friendships cannot go. I have been proposed to a few times, and asked to be a PP "special woman". I have firmly but gently told my PP that it is not a place I am willing to go, but I will be a special friend. On PP I did get close to, but found that I just could not step over the line as he wished me to and be any more than friends. He now is a really fantastic friend, and although he is serving 108 years with 18 in, I talk with him often about dreams and hopes. My DR PP are special people, they have enough crap to deal with, without me building up hopes to later dash them.

I think if you feel you could go down the romance/relationship/marriage route, you must think it through long and hard. These men are NOT coming home (or very, very unlikely too) and your relationship is going to be based around letters and visits, maybe phone calls if your lucky. It is also worth baring in mind, these men will come to depend on your love and loyalty, and they can't be picked up and put down like toys at your convenience. I fully appreciate there will be times when a time out is needed, for all kinds of reasons. However it is a (in the main) lonely roller coaster ride. I have so much respect for wives/girlfriends of DR and LWOP inmates, and the struggles they face.

All I would say is, if you do choose to become involved in a DR LWOP relationship, before you fully commit, think about the pro's and cons and what your actions could and will mean to the inmate. These relationships can and do work, and can and are very fulfilling and special, but there is a great deal of pain and heartbreak involved also!

Is he entitled to ask for loyalty? Hell yes! If you tell him your going to be his girlfriend/wife, yes he should be able to ask for loyalty the same as a free world relationship. I believe that prospective wives know what they are getting into (or they should) so yes, why should an inmate not expect the same loyalty as any other man?

Prison groupie is a derogatory name, for woman involved with any DR inmate. It is assumed that should one inmate either die, be executed etc, they will just move onto the next. It is quite common to see any woman who is involved with DR inmates at any level called a DR groupie by the pro DP morons. They think if they slate us enough we will drop our friendships and see things from their "enlightened" perspective. If anyone wishes to call me a DR groupie, then let them, it shows more about their ignorance than anything else!
I find this a very interesting conversation. I am kind of in a similar situation. I have been writing my DR penpal for a few months now. I know for a fact, as he has told me that he has other penpals. One person who is madly in love with him and visits often. I know he cares about her but i dont think its real strong for they really dont have a ton in common. She visits him every month and i think thats great because thats more than i can give him right now. I will be visiting him for the first time next month and i am very excited but it is what it is. We kid around with each other and are very playful in our letters. I send small amounts of money for him to get a few goodies in canteen and send stamps. I am in the early stages of separation and will be moving back to florida by fall but my visits will be limited until then and i am totally ok with him enjoying letters and visits from other women. We are great friends and love writing to each other but that is it. Once i move and rebuild my life, he will be a great friend to turn to but i know it can never be anything but that. The reality is he will probably never get out and will soon face his fate because he has been on death row for a very long time. In a different place and time, maybe we could be something but i am happy with our letters and this visit will be a great beginning to a great life long friendship how ever long that may be.
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Old 06-02-2009, 05:14 AM
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I think the terms of any relationship regardless of where it occurs must be a mutually agreed one. Many people have for example, non monogamous relationships which is fine as long as both parties know that is the terms of the relationship. If both parties agree to an exclusive relationship then thats the way it should be. What shouldn't happen in any relationship is if both parties agree to the terms but one person has no intention of keeping to it.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:32 AM
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I think the terms of any relationship regardless of where it occurs must be a mutually agreed one. Many people have for example, non monogamous relationships which is fine as long as both parties know that is the terms of the relationship. If both parties agree to an exclusive relationship then thats the way it should be. What shouldn't happen in any relationship is if both parties agree to the terms but one person has no intention of keeping to it.
honesty!!! and mutual agreement!!!

see that's why some women do feel they've been played when the guy on death row has a bunch of women he writes. even though his situation may be one where he doesn't want to end up alone if she should walk out, that doesn't excuse him from being a "player." and I've read in many, many posts that people feel well he is desesperate, let him have what he wants. poor guy he under penalty of death, so what if he has a couple of women at the same time. How many times have people told me this!!! But even being under such penalty does not excuse this behavior on either part.

honesty and mutual agreement otherwise someone will be hurt. thank you!!!
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:15 AM
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If anyone is in a relationship with another, then yes I agree honesty and mutual respect should be the order of the day. Maybe because I will only ever be a PP, I do struggle with wives/girlfriends who would not want their man to write to me, or people like me (I am talking more lifers and DR inmates). I am no threat to their relationship what-so-ever. If a wife or girlfriend asked me to stop writing, I would, but that is out of respect for sisterhood. I would explain to the PP I simply could not come between him and his relationship. One of my PP (at least) is married, his wife knows he writes others, and as far as I know she is ok with that. All I ever try to do, is make a difference, by letting people know they are not alone and people care. I also feel that inmates mail is a real lifeline. One PP said to me once "you are my eyes and ears to the outside world". I take that responsibility very seriously. To have to rely on others to remind you what grass feels like, or the breeze or rain is something I simply can't imagine.



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honesty!!! and mutual agreement!!!

see that's why some women do feel they've been played when the guy on death row has a bunch of women he writes. even though his situation may be one where he doesn't want to end up alone if she should walk out, that doesn't excuse him from being a "player." and I've read in many, many posts that people feel well he is desesperate, let him have what he wants. poor guy he under penalty of death, so what if he has a couple of women at the same time. How many times have people told me this!!! But even being under such penalty does not excuse this behavior on either part.

honesty and mutual agreement otherwise someone will be hurt. thank you!!!
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Old 06-02-2009, 05:25 AM
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the question is do you think that a man with a harsh sentence as in dp or lwop deserves to have a faithful, dedicated woman by his side? well as oppose to someone doing a short bid and he's getting out so he can start a dedicated relationship because he'll be home soon.

in talking to a couple of women they say not someone with such a harsh sentence. actually she said, he doesn't deserve 100% loyalty. the other woman said he is lucky to have anyone there for him at all.

so are these the men who get the woman who is married or living with someone else or dating, whatever her situation but not totally dedicated to him. could he ask for more? is it fair that he ask for that dedication and loyalty?

what is your take on this?

and on the woman's part of this, is it ok she protect herself from his harsh sentence by having someone else in her life? maybe some women lead double lives, I read this in another thread. what is your take on these women who seek out men who aren't ever coming home as their "secret" relationship, or side relationship?

I'm curious to know people's opinions after I spoke with these friends and read some threads on this forum. Many posts here and there mention the responsibility of the penpal and their lack of honesty, how these men get played also they aren't the only one's playing women, etc. Also the term groupie is thrown around and I'm not sure what that really means.
excellent thread,esteli. very well thought out. i know little about the dp not knowing or being involved with any dr inmates. to me though, if a woman pledges her fidelity,etc. to a dr inmate i think she should stand by her word. if she's unable to keep doing it(which is understandable) then i think she should be honest about everything. keeping a man on the side as a plaything to enjoy whenever the mood strikes i feel is very callous and unfair.
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Old 06-02-2009, 05:32 AM
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I dont think any sentence matters every human being deserves the chance to love and be loved 100% in return
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Old 06-02-2009, 05:37 AM
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I dont think any sentence matters every human being deserves the chance to love and be loved 100% in return
very brief post but 1,000 % true!!
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Old 06-02-2009, 05:49 AM
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Sometimes what needs to be said, can be done in a sentence, where I tend to write a book...lol


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very brief post but 1,000 % true!!
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Old 06-02-2009, 06:08 AM
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im my opinion, if you cant give somebdy 100%, dont get involved....its not a game, and everyone who begins relationships/friendship with dr and people with long terms to serve know more or less what the outcome will be, so if you aint prepared to give 100%, stay away.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:20 AM
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im my opinion, if you cant give somebdy 100%, dont get involved....its not a game, and everyone who begins relationships/friendship with dr and people with long terms to serve know more or less what the outcome will be, so if you aint prepared to give 100%, stay away.

Very well said.........very true 100%!!!!
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:11 AM
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Good post, Esteli. Very interesting to see what everyone thinks about relationships. Of course everyone needs love and is entitled to go after it. No matter what kind of sentence they are under.
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:31 AM
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Interesting and thought-provoking thread! I have thought about this a lot since joining this forum and against my best judgment, I think I'm going to jump in and share my thoughts. LOL First off, I would like to state that I am not necessarily PRO-DP...however I am Pro-LIFE, and due to that fact, I do not look fondly upon people who take it upon themselves to take one...but that is not the question...

Do men on DR deserve loyalty? To be brutally honest, I do not believe that one who has done what it takes to land them on DR deserve much more than the basic necessities required to live. (I am not talking about the wrongfully convicted) I believe in GOD, and therefore, if a woman is already married to a man, and he is put on death row, I believe it is right for that woman to honor her vows (For better or worse, til death do us part). I honestly, cannot wrap my mind around the concept of a woman seeking to get involved with a man that is already on DR...but if she does, she needs to be honest about her intentions and her loyalty (or lack thereof). I say that for the simple fact that lying is wrong in the eyes of God.

As for "DR Groupies"...I find this a little disturbing and a little bit comical at the same time, and this is why:

By definition, a groupie is a borderline-obssessive fan who follows a celebrity/musician usually seeking sexual intimacy. To place that term along side the term "Death Row" is a little bit ironic due to the sexual undertone of the word "groupie", and the sexless existence that is DR. To chronically involve yourself with DR inmates, must mean that there is something about where they are that fascinates you, that you admire...something about being on DR makes them desirable. This is what I have a hard time with...it's basically glorification. IMHO, there is nothing there to be glorified...it is a place where you will find men/women who commit the most heinous, violent crimes. Do I believe they deserve to die? That's not for me to decide...NO, that is for GOD to decide. But no, I do not believe they should have "groupies". I am not speaking for the friends(PP)/family who reach out to these men to be of spiritual/moral support or what have you...that is a different story altogether. I am speaking about females that are considered "DR Groupies". I believe to single out men on DR is to glorify the type of crimes they have committed...to me it seems wrong on several levels.

To the loyal wives of men on Death Row, God be with you through this painful journey. You are to be commended for your faith and your strength and I believe you have a place of peace and rest awaiting you in the next life. If I have offended anyone, it was not my intention...just my honest opinion.
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:28 AM
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Interesting and thought-provoking thread! I have thought about this a lot since joining this forum and against my best judgment, I think I'm going to jump in and share my thoughts. LOL First off, I would like to state that I am not necessarily PRO-DP...however I am Pro-LIFE, and due to that fact, I do not look fondly upon people who take it upon themselves to take one...but that is not the question...

You say you are pro life, but claim you are not necessarily pro DP? If you are pro life you are 110% ANTI DP.

Do men on DR deserve loyalty? To be brutally honest, I do not believe that one who has done what it takes to land them on DR deserve much more than the basic necessities required to live. (I am not talking about the wrongfully convicted) I believe in GOD, and therefore, if a woman is already married to a man, and he is put on death row, I believe it is right for that woman to honor her vows (For better or worse, til death do us part). I honestly, cannot wrap my mind around the concept of a woman seeking to get involved with a man that is already on DR...but if she does, she needs to be honest about her intentions and her loyalty (or lack thereof). I say that for the simple fact that lying is wrong in the eyes of God.

When anyone is sentenced to death, THAT is the punishment. Making their lives a daily living hell, is not what the court decrees as their sentence!

As for "DR Groupies"...I find this a little disturbing and a little bit comical at the same time, and this is why:

By definition, a groupie is a borderline-obssessive fan who follows a celebrity/musician usually seeking sexual intimacy. To place that term along side the term "Death Row" is a little bit ironic due to the sexual undertone of the word "groupie", and the sexless existence that is DR. To chronically involve yourself with DR inmates, must mean that there is something about where they are that fascinates you, that you admire...something about being on DR makes them desirable. This is what I have a hard time with...it's basically glorification. IMHO, there is nothing there to be glorified...it is a place where you will find men/women who commit the most heinous, violent crimes. Do I believe they deserve to die? That's not for me to decide...NO, that is for GOD to decide. But no, I do not believe they should have "groupies". I am not speaking for the friends(PP)/family who reach out to these men to be of spiritual/moral support or what have you...that is a different story altogether. I am speaking about females that are considered "DR Groupies". I believe to single out men on DR is to glorify the type of crimes they have committed...to me it seems wrong on several levels.

DR 'groupies' do not have to particularly single out nor glorify men on DR. The term DR groupie is a derogatory name given to (usually) woman who support the men on DR. There was a particularly vicious attack on a female member of this forum, on another, shortly after her husband was executed. The people (said very loosely) from the other forum, were laughing suggesting it would not be very long before she hooked up with another DR inmate. They failed to see nor comprehend the level of grief this woman suffered when her husband was killed. Few woman and certainly none I have ever come across, choose to have relationships with DR men exclusively, these kind of relationships, just tend to happen after a period of correspondence.

To the loyal wives of men on Death Row, God be with you through this painful journey. You are to be commended for your faith and your strength and I believe you have a place of peace and rest awaiting you in the next life. If I have offended anyone, it was not my intention...just my honest opinion.
In my experience, a little thought for others feelings will generally result in no offence given! Just my honest opinion.
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Old 06-27-2009, 01:06 AM
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Thank you JJS. A great earlier response to an insensitive post!


Anyone who talks about a belief in God should maybe go back to the teachings of Jesus. Thieves prostitutes and murderers were the people that he hung out with, the people that he loved, the people that he offered forgiveness.

I haven't been in church for many years but I seem to remember from when I was younger something along the lines of 'WHAT YOU DO FOR THE LEAST OF THESE PEOPLE YOU DO FOR ME'.

As friends girlfriends or wives of death row inmates I guess we are the ones that are following that teaching. I don't know Littlewing maybe you need to look again at what the God you believe in wants from you!

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Old 06-02-2009, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by LittleWing13 View Post
Interesting and thought-provoking thread! I have thought about this a lot since joining this forum and against my best judgment, I think I'm going to jump in and share my thoughts. LOL First off, I would like to state that I am not necessarily PRO-DP...however I am Pro-LIFE, and due to that fact, I do not look fondly upon people who take it upon themselves to take one...but that is not the question...

Do men on DR deserve loyalty? To be brutally honest, I do not believe that one who has done what it takes to land them on DR deserve much more than the basic necessities required to live. (I am not talking about the wrongfully convicted) I believe in GOD, and therefore, if a woman is already married to a man, and he is put on death row, I believe it is right for that woman to honor her vows (For better or worse, til death do us part). I honestly, cannot wrap my mind around the concept of a woman seeking to get involved with a man that is already on DR...but if she does, she needs to be honest about her intentions and her loyalty (or lack thereof). I say that for the simple fact that lying is wrong in the eyes of God.

As for "DR Groupies"...I find this a little disturbing and a little bit comical at the same time, and this is why:

By definition, a groupie is a borderline-obssessive fan who follows a celebrity/musician usually seeking sexual intimacy. To place that term along side the term "Death Row" is a little bit ironic due to the sexual undertone of the word "groupie", and the sexless existence that is DR. To chronically involve yourself with DR inmates, must mean that there is something about where they are that fascinates you, that you admire...something about being on DR makes them desirable. This is what I have a hard time with...it's basically glorification. IMHO, there is nothing there to be glorified...it is a place where you will find men/women who commit the most heinous, violent crimes. Do I believe they deserve to die? That's not for me to decide...NO, that is for GOD to decide. But no, I do not believe they should have "groupies". I am not speaking for the friends(PP)/family who reach out to these men to be of spiritual/moral support or what have you...that is a different story altogether. I am speaking about females that are considered "DR Groupies". I believe to single out men on DR is to glorify the type of crimes they have committed...to me it seems wrong on several levels.

To the loyal wives of men on Death Row, God be with you through this painful journey. You are to be commended for your faith and your strength and I believe you have a place of peace and rest awaiting you in the next life. If I have offended anyone, it was not my intention...just my honest opinion.
Thanks for your thoughts. I understand you are defining "groupies" as if they are followers of the Grateful Dead or the Rolling Stones. NOT here, people call women who I guess are pen pals and maybe have romantic relationships here and there with different guys.

Everyone needs someone. Having a someone enter your life can do so many things to the soul. I believe these men are still alive and are entitled to continue to have some sort of life.

Someone said that being sentenced to death is the punishment for the crime. Isn't that enough????? Really! These are living breathing human beings! Don't they deserve to have conversations, and human emotions? Do you really believe you know what is behind the crime? Some of these men are wrought with guilt, there are migitating circumstances, and all sorts of others things that led to that particular crime. Can an individual be defined by this one act in their lives? Maybe they will never have their freedom, maybe they will die for their crime, but in the meantime, why can they have human exchange with another?

Also I want to add that the reason it's beneficial to have new people come into their lives after they are already convicted is because many of these men and women on death row lose contact with family and friends and are left very much alone.

Thank you for your honest opinion. It's thought provoking as well.
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Old 06-02-2009, 06:55 PM
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Interesting and thought-provoking thread! I have thought about this a lot since joining this forum and against my best judgment, I think I'm going to jump in and share my thoughts. LOL First off, I would like to state that I am not necessarily PRO-DP...however I am Pro-LIFE, and due to that fact, I do not look fondly upon people who take it upon themselves to take one...but that is not the question...
This statement seems to be a little like an oxymoron... You do not look fondly upon people who take it upon themselves who take a life.... what do you think those that partake in an execution is doing? THEY are taking a life?

Just kinda confused by this statement is all.

As to the question of this thread..... The relationship really is no ones business to try to decide whether it is right or not.

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