Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation For those whose lives have been touched by addiction to drugs, alcohol or otherwise. For addicts and those who care about them.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-13-2015, 05:13 AM
SheriBaby SheriBaby is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 43
Thanks: 36
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Unhappy Is there any point in hoping? Is he irrevocably broken?

I just posted a thread about how my brother has been denied parole.

I feel so numb to the whole situation. He is currently serving a 12 year sentence for "DWI 3rd offense" but it's actually his 4th ? DWI and he also did time for Intoxication Assault.

He is 52 years old. He first went to prison when he was 18 (I was 9), for grand theft auto. Joyriding, in all actuality, and his buddies/partners in crime were 17 and he had just turned 18 so he was the only one who did any hard time.

He's done time in Florida as well as Texas. I can't even keep track of how much time he's spent in prison instead of out.

He is an alcoholic and bi-polar and probably has other undiagnosed "stuff" going on I am sure. I'm just so used to him being out for a few years at most then getting "into trouble" again that when we thought he'd be getting out this time I only thought of it as temporary. Last time he was released (2010) he made it FIVE MONTHS before he was on his way back.

Most of it DWI, all of it, I firmly believe, due to untreated alcoholism and mental illness. Despite trying to be "numb" to it I still let myself fantasize that maybe he can "get right" and be with us forever and get off this crazy roller coaster. He's too old for this crap. I don't know what makes the difference though.

Surely he can't WANT this but I know that repeated incarceration has done a number on his head. When he was paroled in 2010 he had a LOT of challenges working against him. I know, everyone does. At first though he had no transportation, living in a rural area, struggled with physical problems (herniated disks), trying to make mandatory AA meetings and job hunt (no driver's license so on a bike for the first time in a decade, while physically struggling), trying to do everything required of him was really difficult. Then the worst thing happened; he came into some money and bought a car (with no license) and started drinking again and well, here we are.

I'm just wondering I guess if any kind of "habitual" offender like this can ever get straight and what the hell does it take? I don't understand really. Plenty of people are alcoholics but they don't drive drunk so they aren't in prison. It's more than just that. He just doesn't think straight. He is extremely intelligent (like scary high IQ, 165), extremely talented, personable, loving... but something doesn't *work right* in his brain. Is the answer to just keep him locked up forever?

He is my brother but being so much older he had a big part in raising me and so I come at it from a weird perspective because he was in many ways more like a father figure than just an older brother.

My mother has said how she never wants him locked up but then again he worries her so much more when he is OUT that it's kind of a mixed thing... if this makes sense to anyone. I feel like if I had the money I could help him, the best treatment programs, support, housing, transportation, but that's just useless fantasizing really. The reality is I'm a low income woman with kids and problems galore, don't even have health insurance, I am in no position to "save" my brother, but i have decided that when he does get out THIS TIME I am going to do a lot more to help him with daily stuff, like getting around, maybe going back to school, getting to appointments, that sort of thing.

He has never really received quality mental health care. He did SAFP. He had limited counseling as a teen. He has done AA but never really beyond what he was forced to do.

Also if anyone knows of any organizations or anything that might actually help, we're in Texas.

Still, I can't help but thinking THIS time can be the time it sticks and maybe there are things we can do differently but I don't know what they are.

Sorry for such a long, downer post. I just don't know what to think anymore.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 04-13-2015, 05:44 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 22,277
Thanks: 4,042
Thanked 25,377 Times in 9,280 Posts
Default

Until he wants to manage his addiction, there isn't an organization in the world that can help him. He's had a lot of chances, but if he doesn't get treatment of his psych issues, then the alcohol is just self-medicating and keeping him in a (to him) in a normal state.

There's no actual way to know what his future is, but he has to find it himself. To use the old phrase, until he's sick and tired of being sick and tired, nothing will change.

I understand how hard this is on you, but nobody gets sober for somebody else, and nobody get psych help for anybody else, either. But you, you might well benefit from going to AlAnon meetings and finding support for those whose loved ones are alcoholics.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
Critter07 (03-21-2017), Cutepixie (04-13-2015), Osugirl (03-19-2017), Quetz (04-13-2015), SheriBaby (04-13-2015), Truskin (02-05-2016)
  #3  
Old 04-13-2015, 06:42 AM
SheriBaby SheriBaby is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 43
Thanks: 36
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Do you think it's possible, realistically, to get quality mental health care with no money and no insurance?

That's a real problem I think. He has sought out help in the past. He's been in state mental hospitals (voluntarily) but it's always short term, no money, no insurance, out he goes. He's been to local free mental health clinics, where he ends up getting medication and no follow up really. Just meds.

He says AA doesn't work for him. I don't know if that's crap or not... I suppose it's true for some? I don't know.

It's hard to tell how much of it is maybe him saying he wants it but not really wanting it, and how much is a very real problem of the uninsured/indigent not being able to access something effective. While in prison he's repeatedly asked to participate in various programs but was not able to due to space issues... aside from AA, and SAFP.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-13-2015, 07:29 AM
Real Checker Real Checker is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 954
Thanks: 442
Thanked 2,636 Times in 673 Posts
Default

There is always hope. I really depends on how much you can hang in yourself before his behavior is detrimental to you personally. You need to look out for yourself first and foremost. I might sound naive with this, but with this Affordable Healthcare Act (Obamacare) it seems you should be able to get him insured and treated. That's the whole supposed purpose of the act.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Real Checker For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (04-13-2015), SheriBaby (04-13-2015)
  #5  
Old 04-13-2015, 08:55 AM
SheriBaby SheriBaby is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 43
Thanks: 36
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Real Checker View Post
There is always hope. I really depends on how much you can hang in yourself before his behavior is detrimental to you personally. You need to look out for yourself first and foremost. I might sound naive with this, but with this Affordable Healthcare Act (Obamacare) it seems you should be able to get him insured and treated. That's the whole supposed purpose of the act.
Yeah, I've learned to distance myself to a degree when it comes to him, because once I had kids and they became my priority, I had to set firm boundaries to keep his behavior from negatively effecting them in any way. They are older now (one fully grown and the other 17.5) and I want to try and help my brother in whatever way I can but within reason. It can't be my "life" and he wouldn't want that either.

I don't know much about the ACA honestly because I was unable to afford to enroll or pay anything and, being in Texas, there was no Medicaid expansion (I would qualify if there had been) so it seemed moot. I am savvy with regard to getting basic healthcare at sliding scale clinics, and I know that's an option for some mental health care services as well but it is probably extremely limited, or I'm assuming that based on what I've been able to obtain at those same places for medical and dental.

I'll have to learn more about options for him under the ACA. Sometimes I think we'd all be a lot better off if we just moved out of Texas!

With his many issues (mental and physical) I do believe he could get disability / SSI but it would be a long road. That would help a great deal because then he'd have Medicaid.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-13-2015, 09:30 AM
yourself yourself is offline
attorney
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: around
Posts: 10,588
Thanks: 3,547
Thanked 17,565 Times in 6,460 Posts
Default

DUI 3 - My brother is out after a DUI 4 in WI where he served 90 days. It's really his DUI, I don't know how many lifetime because he moved from state to state until he found the one that would punish him the least. But, his first DUI was at 19 (drinking age in our state back then was 19).

He's not sober, and he's probably not going to get sober. That's the reality of it - I mean he MOVED to the state with the weakest DUI laws and played the systems as much as he could to retain legal drivers licenses.

That said, I've known people in their 50, 60, and 70's who got sober. My brother is not bipolar, he just has a personality disorder. But those dual diagnoses make it a lot harder. Remember it takes like 8 times to the dance to come away with the sobriety partner.

If YOU want to understand what you can and cannot do, and what you can and cannot expect, you might want to hit some AlAnon meetings. They're free, so there's not that expense, and they're for LO of addicts/alcoholics. You'll get a lot of good information and support there.

As for Texas - it's really too bad that you can't get insurance. I'd get out of Texas for that reason alone, especially with kids - how the hell do you get through a normal childhood without a few trips to the ER? I'd stay out of WI - my brother's out, he's already been picked up for driving without a license, but they gave him a fine. I have no idea how many people like him are around, driving on the roads up there, but it sounds like a lot more than are driving on the roads in Texas. Eeek!

There's always hope. The question is, how much energy and resources do you want to put into that hope? It's your brother, sure, but it's his life, not yours. At some point, you have to mourn the brother you should have had and accept the brother you have and act accordingly.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to yourself For This Useful Post:
Cutepixie (04-13-2015), Minor activist (03-19-2017), SheriBaby (04-14-2015)
  #7  
Old 04-13-2015, 10:52 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 3,222
Thanks: 4,983
Thanked 3,081 Times in 1,637 Posts
Default

If there life there hope! Sometimes when someone is at the end of my give a damn they surprise me so I hardly ever give up on someone. But really there is nothing you can do except be emotional support, if he wants to get help he will. I know all about lousy health care for the indigent. OCA didn't do shit for the people who can't afford heath care. A friend of mine was unemployed and her husband disabled she signed up for Obama Care what did she get another bill she can't pay. Public assistance is a joke and so is Medicaid and all the other low income bullshit. Try applying for anything they run you thru a meat grinder then spit you out and tell you your not poor enough! Sorry don't mean to hijack your thread but even if your brother really wants to change and get help he's up against a nightmare system.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
SheriBaby (04-14-2015)
  #8  
Old 04-13-2015, 10:53 AM
Cutepixie's Avatar
Cutepixie Cutepixie is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,385
Thanks: 2,049
Thanked 1,696 Times in 872 Posts
Default

As some previous posters have mentioned there is always hope. Most alcoholics or addicts usually have to hit rock bottom first. Unfortunately some peoples rock bottoms are much lower than others. The alcoholism may not be the leading cause of the issues, so if you are treating only the alcoholism then you aren't treating the real problem, so the self medicating continues. There are many wonderful clinicians that have helped individuals that never thought they could be successful. It CAN happen. He has to want it and be willing to put the effort in. Unfortunately sometimes when we want to help an individual in life we may be doing more detriment. I would go to a meeting and gain the support necessary to see if you are being supportive for his success to get clean and help, or if your efforts are more enabling. I hope that doesn't sound harsh because it is not intended to be. The work must be done by him but the support and love can come from family members. This day and age people want instant gratification....he dug himself into an enormous hole and now has to climb out with no tools. He is going to have to build the tools to climb out. IT's a long hard climb, but it can happen. Many have climbed out of that hole. I hope that gives you hope. Some other's have mentioned meetings like Al anon. I think that that is a wonderful idea. There's also a wide variety of online support groups for families dealing with these issues or families that have a member suffering from mental illness. It gives a place of support and sometimes answers to questions.HUGS!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Cutepixie For This Useful Post:
SheriBaby (04-14-2015)
  #9  
Old 04-14-2015, 04:45 AM
SheriBaby SheriBaby is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Texas, US
Posts: 43
Thanks: 36
Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts
Default

Yourself, xolady, and Cutepixie;

Thanks for your input.

Yourself; I should clarify; Texas Medicaid doesn't cover adults unless they're elderly, disabled, or pregnant. Texas has other options for children though (Medicaid or the CHIP thing) for low income Texans. Health insurance costs through my jobs have always been just totally out of reach if I also wanted to pay rent.

I have a long list of reason I'd love to get out of Texas but that's for another forum.

Sorry to hear about your brother. I've gone to some Al-Anon meetings but that was a lifetime ago (when dealing with an alcoholic husband.. who is now an ex).. I should make the time to go again, since I also have an alcoholic parent. The fun never ends, I'll tell ya.

Everyone; I just want to do what I can for him to give him his best shot. I can't let his problems become my life; it's too busy for that to happen. I do want to do what I was unable to do before though, just in simple terms of helping locate resources for him if possible, helping him get from A to B, letting him know I have faith in him.. once I convince myself!

I feel guilty because I don't visit him often. It's a long drive and we have one car and it's questionable as far as using it for long trips. I feel so conflicted.. I want him out of prison, but he causes stress on everyone when he IS out.

I guess there's only so much I can do before I let go and let it be whatever it will be.

I look back at the most recent trip back to prison for him and I see how things might have been different. Yes, it was ultimately his decision. I think there's also the huge factor of Post Incarceration Syndrome at work here, regardless if he sees it or not. I watched him closely when he was out in 2010; he wanted choices and freedom but was overwhelmed with both. He went downhill when he lived alone. "Learned helplessness" type behaviors. Self imposed isolation. He had an empty 3 bedroom house to live in and chose the smallest room in the house for "his". He suffered panic attacks and often seemed immobilized by fear. This man with a genius IQ would have trouble understanding the simplest things.

Side note: I really enjoy the Sundance channel show "Rectify" and a big reason why is watching the main character come to terms with the outside world.. all the little things really reminded me of my brother.

So yes, there's a lot to battle. PTSD and post-incarceration syndrome, bi-polar disorder, alcoholism, who knows what else if he were properly evaluated (I'd guess at several but that's just me playing armchair psychologist.. I minored in psych in college but I won't be *that* arrogant )..

When he was out last, he begged for help to get back on the meds he was on while in prison but didn't get any. He seemed totally paralyzed by the pressure of the expectations on him (get a job, but with no car or public transportation, attend meetings, be here, be there).. which makes sense after so many years of not being allowed to make any decisions. Plus my mother was putting a lot of pressure on him also, out of her own fears of him going back to prison, but they had the wrong effect.

So I see my role as supportive in terms of helping him to immediately secure mental health care of some kind, medication, apply for any benefits, SSI, start taking some college classes online, research/seek out any other treatment options... these are things I can help with and at least assist in providing him with the tools.

What he does with that is up to him!

Last edited by SheriBaby; 04-14-2015 at 04:49 AM.. Reason: spelling
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SheriBaby For This Useful Post:
DisneyFan (01-27-2016), lizlizzie2 (03-19-2017)
  #10  
Old 01-24-2016, 07:47 PM
DisneyFan DisneyFan is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 156
Thanks: 187
Thanked 365 Times in 119 Posts
Default

Surely he can't WANT this but I know that repeated incarceration has done a number on his head. When he was paroled in 2010 he had a LOT of challenges working against him. I know, everyone does. At first though he had no transportation, living in a rural area, struggled with physical problems (herniated disks), trying to make mandatory AA meetings and job hunt (no driver's license so on a bike for the first time in a decade, while physically struggling), trying to do everything required of him was really difficult. Then the worst thing happened; he came into some money and bought a car (with no license) and started drinking again and well, here we are.

I'm just wondering I guess if any kind of "habitual" offender like this can ever get straight and what the hell does it take? I don't understand really. Plenty of people are alcoholics but they don't drive drunk so they aren't in prison. It's more than just that. He just doesn't think straight. He is extremely intelligent (like scary high IQ, 165), extremely talented, personable, loving... but something doesn't *work right* in his brain. Is the answer to just keep him locked up forever?

Sheribaby, your post resonates with me. My son too, is a habitual offender. I can understand exactly how your mother feels. My son is 42 and has been in and out for non violent crimes. Theft, drugs VOP, latest theft from grocery store for hunger. He chooses to live on the street. Many mental deficiency, poor impulsively. No life skills. Has never had even a checking acct. Suffers from night terrors, PTSD, and poor self esteem. Unlike your brother he isn't bright. Not a put down, but factual reality.

He has been in multiple drug/alcohol treatment, but relapses after a time. One month ago he began convulsing and was hospitalized for monitoring. Was told he had brain damage after MRI review.
Now 1 week ago (just 6 weeks after brain damage diagnosis) he stole food and was arrested.

I am pretty numb, discouraged and heartbroken. Do I still have hope? As long as he is alive there is hope.
My concern is his diminished capacity to understand and turn it all around. Has he given up?


My Hope for us all that our loved ones can make a choice to turn it around. Make a choice in the right direction. Why can't they perceive what a deprivation of a life incarcerated is.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DisneyFan For This Useful Post:
fbopnomore (01-25-2016), lizlizzie2 (03-19-2017)
  #11  
Old 01-27-2016, 08:59 PM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,146 Times in 3,686 Posts
Default

I just felt the need to reply to a few things, from a alcoholics point of view.
Some people think because a person 'wants' sobriety that they can put the bottle down and just walk away. What many do not understand is with walking away comes a sickness. We shake, we sweat, we start thinking just give me1 drink to calm the sickness and it turns into100 more...
The physical sickness is real with a full blown alcoholic so sometimes you need medical help along with rehab. Rehab... Many think once you enter rehab that it cures you. It doesn't. What it does is make you take a look at yourself deep inside and give you the tools you need to keep a sober. It doesn't always work- I have hit bottom a few times in life so I know all to well.
The one thing we as alcoholics see when we are sober is the damage we inflicted on others so sometimes rather then be depressed about how pitiful we are we go back to drinking because we feel nothing at all and do not care a lot when we are drunk. Its easier to be honest because we dont have to be responsible in that moment.
I'm one of the lucky ones I never got caught DUI/DWI but the people on the roads with me are the ones who had guardian angels looking over them because it could have ended totally different...
You people posting to try to understand- I doubt you ever will because its not rational what we do when we are practicing in our addiction. You shouldn't beat yourselves up over someone's 'choice' to drink. You are only responsible for the way you live your life and cannot make someone else do something they aren't ready to face or do something they don't want to do. When we speak of 'want' it has to be more important to us then anyone or anything - its a true commitment.
Anyway. I'm only rambling these days. But I sure hate seeing you guys hurt, try to understand and probably carry some misplaced guilt over another. Its not fair to you. Stop. Hit a meeting for non drunks 😎
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
DisneyFan (01-27-2016), LifeTraveler (01-27-2016), lizlizzie2 (03-19-2017), nimuay (01-28-2016), tglsmom (01-28-2016)
  #12  
Old 01-27-2016, 09:29 PM
DisneyFan DisneyFan is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 156
Thanks: 187
Thanked 365 Times in 119 Posts
Default

Bumblebee I appreciate your point of view. Addiction is a chronic illness. Like many other chronic disorders and insufficiency, it takes lifetime management. I agree Detox is extremely debilitating, night sweats, shaking, tremors, flu like symptoms loss of appetite. Then Very slippery slope when the sober person faces life challenge. The pattern is to self medicate. My son despises himself. Sober reality to him is unbearable. He doesn't feel worthy of a better life.

My comment may have not been clear. My son is challenged in many ways, and self medicates by alcohol and drugs. Mental health issues, PTSD, impatient depression, etc. The addiction is fed by his low self esteem as well.
It is a cycle. To me, rock bottom has been reached many times over. To him, not so much. Round and round he goes.

The reality is, I can't force him into sobriety, that is his choice alone. A friend recently shared that her son was sober for 16 years and died at age 42 in his sleep. The abuse he put his body through caused his early demise. My son was hospitalized first week of Dec with seizures. MRI detected brain damage. His organs may be compromised from prolonged long term addiction. His fate may rear its ugly head while incarcerated. Time will tell.

Thank you for commenting.

As a mother as long as both my son and I are on this earth....I have hope.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DisneyFan For This Useful Post:
lizlizzie2 (03-19-2017), Lordbew/us (01-29-2016)
  #13  
Old 01-28-2016, 09:17 AM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,146 Times in 3,686 Posts
Default

I just came from my morning meeting. It wasn't a closed meeting but opened to the public. Some that are trying to deal with their loved one's should attend one of these also. You will see many people in these meetings with the same disabilities & dysfunction that you mentioned, DisneyFan. We, those who lead these meetings, while understanding we don't comfort or let them use these excuses to continue. That's what we are there for too so we will sponsor and walk the road with them.
Non drinkers need alanon in their lifes as well because you will find people just like yourself struggling but coming to an understanding that they aren't at fault or in control. Its okay to love us but its also ok to let go so you don't drown everytime we fail. It actually wakes us up when we have to face we're alone in our addiction and do not have the understanding, compassion or that its ok to continue. My support system will leave me standing if they smell alchol on me again- I know it and don't want to die.
I'm only trying to get everyone to understand there is always hope but sometimes you have to let go to make them/us accountable. Mental issues, depression, bipolar, anxiety, ect...we all suffer from something but once sober-its a sober decision to pick it up again. Its not your fault.
You have a good week. Many prayers going up for you and everyone else struggling. Its a choice everyday for me so today I decided I'm not going to drink...that's the challenge your loved one faces too.
Have a Happy Valentine Day. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. Mary
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
DisneyFan (01-28-2016), Lordbew/us (01-29-2016), tglsmom (01-28-2016), Truskin (02-05-2016)
  #14  
Old 01-29-2016, 09:31 AM
Lordbew/us's Avatar
Lordbew/us Lordbew/us is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Georgia USA
Posts: 1,271
Thanks: 4,506
Thanked 2,347 Times in 818 Posts
Default

Sigh, addiction takes my breath away!
__________________
M.C.
Cobb/Cherokee County GA
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Lordbew/us For This Useful Post:
bumblebee37 (02-08-2016), DisneyFan (01-30-2016)
  #15  
Old 02-05-2016, 11:07 AM
Truskin Truskin is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 81
Thanks: 155
Thanked 77 Times in 41 Posts
Default

BumbleBee Mary, you are so right. I just wanted to point out a statement you made that I know comes from your meetings: "Non drinkers need alanon in their lifes as well because you will find people just like yourself struggling but coming to an understanding that they aren't at fault or in control. Its okay to love us but its also ok to let go so you don't drown everytime we fail." I think today will be the day I finally go to Al-Anon and get some much needed help. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't keep drowning, eventually I am not ever going to breath again.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Truskin For This Useful Post:
bumblebee37 (02-08-2016), DisneyFan (02-08-2016), WeepingWillow (02-05-2016)
  #16  
Old 02-08-2016, 06:37 PM
bumblebee37's Avatar
bumblebee37 bumblebee37 is offline
tired
 

Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my own personal hell
Posts: 4,559
Thanks: 8,670
Thanked 14,146 Times in 3,686 Posts
Default

I hope you went to a meeting and connected with others facing the same issues. It helps so much not to go threw it alone.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bumblebee37 For This Useful Post:
DisneyFan (02-08-2016), Truskin (02-09-2016)
  #17  
Old 06-05-2016, 09:04 PM
Cactus's Avatar
Cactus Cactus is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Commonwealth of Massachusetts
Posts: 11,718
Thanks: 6,919
Thanked 5,411 Times in 3,156 Posts
Default Is there any point in hoping?

bumblebee37; Of course there is! It's too easy to give up on an addict and I know this first-hand. Remember Hun, addiction is a disease, not a choice. I had issues w/alcohol, but that was easy compared to breaking my addiction w/opiates. I spent over 3 years with Oxycodone (smoking, snorting, swallowing). I want to believe that I hid it well and thank my higher power that I didn't resort to Heroin. Yet my family and true friends never quit on me. Today I am a straight man...LOL, I do have a beer & Steak once in a while, not because of addiction but rather because I can!
You are a strong woman w/questions and I do appreciate that. Stick around bumblebee, you found peeps who want to help you and understand. PTO is not just a website, we R a family and Community. We are PTO.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Cactus For This Useful Post:
Truskin (06-06-2016)
  #18  
Old 03-19-2017, 11:28 AM
lizlizzie2's Avatar
lizlizzie2 lizlizzie2 is offline
Liz
 

Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: sierra vista, az
Posts: 499
Thanks: 1,138
Thanked 793 Times in 282 Posts
Default Have hope but it may not make a difference

I know this thread is older but it struck me. Is there any point in hoping?

My children's father, my ex-husband is an alcoholic. My son is an opiate addict. His father doesn't answer his letters, has not spoken to him, has not visited, and he told me it's because he is angry because our son told him he planned to be a professional drug addict. His father doesn't get it that our son said this because his drunk dad was lecturing him as dad opened another beer.

My ex and I used to both drink and party with friends in our youth. Once I had my daughter, I quit getting drunk. He didn't. At the same time I was dealing with him I had a boss who was an alcoholic. For 4 years it felt like neither of them were sober at the same time. I finally told my ex the next time he was drunk don't come home. By that point no one else would open the door to him either. He signed himself into a treatment center (with a 6 pack in his briefcase). He was sober for 10 years. Then he started again and demanded a divorce. When I realized he was drinking again and having an affair, I gave him the divorce. To my knowledge and our children's knowledge, he has been drunk every day since (the past 19 years). The rule is don't call him after 3 in the afternoon because he won't make sense. He drives drunk but has never gotten a DUI. He owns nothing. He has always been self-employed and worked under the table so as to avoid taxes and child support. He has never filed tax returns since we were divorce. He married the girlfriend and that ended in divorce a few years later. He has since lived in a camper on his mother's property. An old truck and the minimum social security payment is all he has.

Our son has been an opiate addict since he was 12, which I didn't realize. He broke his leg and his shoulder that year and both times the gave him plenty of painkillers. He liked it. At 16 we entered him into a treatment center. They said he was bipolar, ADHD, and oppositional defiant disorder. He hated the meds they put him on and each day to the medical facility so that they could make him take the meds. We went to psych appointments every week. At no time did any doctor say hey he's a drug addict. When he was 19 he moved back to where I have moved to in AZ. He wanted to join the military but he couldn't stay drug free long enough to pass the drug tests. He ran away back to WI. He ended up with a felony charge in WI as party to a crime (girlfriend had forged scrips for opiates). He then moved back to AZ to live with me. We found him several part time jobs. He tried to not use, but he couldn't make himself stay away from the drugs.He would go through the withdrawals and even after 90 days he would go back to using. He begged me for help but there wasn't any. No insurance (before the ACA) and no way I could pay for inpatient treatment. (The treatment when he was 16 put us into bankruptcy.) A positive test violating his probation, he knew he was going to prison, so he held up a pharmacy with a pocket knife and tried to take every opiate he could find there with his intention being to die. I didn't know where he was for 3 days and thought he was dead in the desert. He was in jail. I was relieved. The deputy sheriff in the county jail was providing drugs to the inmates. Eventually the FBI arrested him, but that was 6 months after my son was moved to the prison.

In prison he used heroin for the first time. He spent the first 8 months in prison using drugs. He had to fight someone because he owed them money for drugs. (At that he only owed $5.) I don't know what exactly happened, but he got clean after that. Another inmate helped him get there. He has stayed clean for over 3 years now. He has helped others to get clean and maintain sobriety. He has no intention to use again but he is fearful of when he gets out, especially since I have medications that would be in the house. (I plan to install a biometric safe.)

The bottom line is I gave up on my ex-husband a long time ago but only after he had given up on us and himself. He has no desire to quit and sees nothing wrong with his drinking. Drugs are illegal and he has lots to say in criticism of our son's addiction.

I haven't given up on my son. I honestly had no idea what else to do for him when he was here, but prison seems to have made him hit bottom and re-evaluate his life and his choices. Addiction is a life long disease. Feeding it is a day to day choice. He has chosen not to feed it but it's a commitment he has to make each day. I have seen enough of the changes in him to feel secure that he won't use during the remainder of his sentence. I don't know if I will feel that way when he is released. I understand his decision not to take bipolar meds and he understands how he was self-medicating. With the way things are going by the time he gets out I doubt the ACA will be around and then, once again, he again won't be able to get insurance.

To complete the story. My former boss, a year after my ex went inpatient, with the State Bar's help we, his staff, and his family did an intervention. He went into treatment. I went through that process and hoped he would stay sober. But he didn't. I followed through on the consequences I had promised - quit working for him.I hoped he would change. He didn't. His wife divorced him. His drinking left them with little in the way of assets. The boss continued to drink and eventually died from the cumulative effect of having been drunk for so many years - most of his adult life.

I do think my hope matters to my son and my belief that he can succeed helps provide him something on the mental and emotional fronts to want to stay clean and sober. Sometimes our hope gives them hope. I guess it depends on the addict because it made little difference to my ex or my boss.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lizlizzie2 For This Useful Post:
onparoleinTO (03-19-2017), tglsmom (03-19-2017)
  #19  
Old 03-19-2017, 12:48 PM
onparoleinTO onparoleinTO is offline
OnparoleinTO
 

Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Toronto
Posts: 185
Thanks: 196
Thanked 183 Times in 97 Posts
Default

Lizlizzie - Thank you for sharing that sad and moving story. As someone who's found your posts on this site thoughtful and interesting, I wanted to extend my sympathies. That is just such a hard road to walk...

As I'm sure you know better than me, this kind of story is all too common. Addiction is a huge problem which we just don't deal with well. I recently read an interesting book on this issue - The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis. But it seems that we really don't know what to do with this problem, which is so deeply rooted in our biology. Use of mood-changing substances is as old as civilization, and addiction surely is as well. Given the size of the problem, and the amount of suffering it brings, surely this is an area that needs way more research so we have something more to offer people than AA or NA (which only work for a fairly small minority).

Your last paragraph is particularly important and, I'm sure, correct. One thing I have learned is that we can't know what things we do that seem small to us may have huge meaning to others. Compassion and care can never be wrong - though how one expresses those things may be hard to figure out when the people we are trying to help are in a really bad place.

Wishing you a good day.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to onparoleinTO For This Useful Post:
lizlizzie2 (03-22-2017)
  #20  
Old 03-21-2017, 02:37 AM
Silenus Silenus is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: California
Posts: 82
Thanks: 21
Thanked 70 Times in 39 Posts
Default

Quote:
I haven't given up on my son. I honestly had no idea what else to do for him when he was here, but prison seems to have made him hit bottom and re-evaluate his life and his choices. Addiction is a life long disease. Feeding it is a day to day choice. He has chosen not to feed it but it's a commitment he has to make each day. I have seen enough of the changes in him to feel secure that he won't use during the remainder of his sentence. I don't know if I will feel that way when he is released. I understand his decision not to take bipolar meds and he understands how he was self-medicating. With the way things are going by the time he gets out I doubt the ACA will be around and then, once again, he again won't be able to get insurance.
Speaking as someone who is bipolar and an ex-addict self-medicating threw my bipolar in loops. Are you working on a plan with you son for when he gets out? Are there any free or low cost therapists or programs where he is able to keep himself sober? Given that AA and NA are not perfect they still do people good. Are there any meetings in your area? I do believe that people can manage their bipolar w/o meds. However, to do that a person would have to know their body and brain really well and be able to understand and be able to help themselves live a stable life.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What is your lowest point and highest point of his bid? GuerosMama Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 14 06-11-2012 03:45 AM
CT: Why The Death Penalty Is Irrevocably Wrong whisky 23 Death Row & Capital Punishment Discussions 0 12-29-2008 11:30 AM
My heart is broken but still loving and missing him with the broken pieces. mj1st2002 Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 2 03-11-2008 06:33 PM
Broken Dreams, Broken Hearts FriscoLady PTO Lounge 4 01-26-2004 03:31 PM
Wasn't the 4 point (or 5 point) restraint chair outlawed? Menally-Ill General Prison Talk 10 02-19-2003 11:55 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:53 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2013 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics