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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 08-28-2019, 02:57 PM
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Default Wives, do you date?

Some of us don't have the desire or time to even think about dating ~ babe being in prison is sad, but damn can we get a lot done without interruptions OR not

The term dating here - does not have to refer to being romantically involved with anyone other than your man who is locked up.

I am using the word DATING as in going out / hanging out with no intent of building a romantic bond. I know that the term is used to express a process and period of courting someone, taking them out in hopes of moving forward with something deeper than friendship. As a woman who has had two long term relationships with men serving long sentences - dating to me is much different than what it means to my family and friends.

If you date and your man understands the dynamic of the "friendship" / your need for the outing and friendship, does the friend have the same understanding? Dose he hope you'll fall in love with him, but you keep reminding him you are not emotionally available? Or it smooth - ya'll just enjoy each others company and everyone is on the same beat?
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:25 PM
Ricoluv29 Ricoluv29 is offline
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If I was the other person and you tell me we are dating, Id either be very confused or start thinking your about to be my girlfriend.
For a friendship not to get confusing, I would not mix the word dating in there.
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:25 PM
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I don’t „ date ” and never would even if my husband had over 20 + years. No judgment, as people are all different, but I see no need to further complicate an already complicated emotional existence.

That said, I have a „ designated male escort ” for events that look odd without a date. Such as, at the cultural centre, a forthcoming winter dance. My friend is single, but knows I am married. There is no way on earth that a woman would allow her guy to take another out, so single was a good quality. He is aware that my husband would either beat the shit out of him [ once out ] or have someone do the same thing [ while still in] were he to cross lines. If friend has further feelings, I have no idea.

At the first instance where I needed such a person [ 3 - 4 mos. ago ] I talked it over with my husband. He trusts me enough that going out is fine, no questions asked, and he does not want my life on hold for him. I know that if it was 10, 15, 20 yrs, or life, it would break my husband’s heart [ half stone / half ice as he jokes ] were I to go out dating to get „ needs met ”, et cetera.

I think I have reached the point of „ adulting ” where questions related to social outings / interactions / sex are not priority, but rather staying healthy, professional achievements, investments & building on the relationship I already have are. Boring young stick in the mud.
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Ricoluv29 View Post
If I was the other person and you tell me we are dating, Id either be very confused or start thinking your about to be my girlfriend.
For a friendship not to get confusing, I would not mix the word dating in there.
Yepp, great point!

If your asked out for dinner or to watch a film... what term do you use? I'm "hanging out with" - I have a dinner or film "scheduled"...

When my grown daughter asks me to hangout with her on a Friday night, to watch a movie, order food in and have a glass of wine or just go for a hike - I have a date with my kid. I'm not dating my kid.

I get how words and terms placed upon us can cause mixed signals ((without clear explanation and expectations)).
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:34 PM
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I have a „ designated male escort ” for events that look odd without a date.


I think I have reached the point of „ adulting ” where questions related to social outings / interactions / sex are not priority, but rather staying healthy, professional achievements, investments & building on the relationship I already have are. Boring young stick in the mud.
OMG, I love it "male escort"

Your not a boring stick in the mud - your a wise gem!
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:03 PM
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No, I don't really date.

I have a friend who practically has a harem though. I'm on the outskirts. Since I see my husband one weekend a year, he lets me have hugs and some cuddles (in public places only) with this old friend of mine. Nothing more, and it helps me feel better at least for a bit. Everyone needs touch from time to time. and my family are not touchy people.
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Old 08-28-2019, 10:06 PM
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Prior to marrying Jr, I had been celibate for 2 years and 2.5 after the marriage - that's nothing compared the amount of years he's actually been down (20 years) I don't think I'll ever get use to saying or writing that number, it's a very long time!

I met him 20 years ago and though the 1st 6 years were strictly platonic pen-pals, I adored him. I use to create and post pen-pal adds for him. he truly is one of my most favorite humans.

We're back in touch and planning to actually work on what our marriage has meant to us, to our lives individually and in moving forward as husband and wife - I took so long in getting back in touch with him because I needed to understand me / the woman I desire to be vs the woman I have been... I've gone through stages of being a serial dater to serially loaner, for months to years on end.... I love my husband enough to be loyal to him now.

Today, I have male friends who would like to be more than friends, but prior to my husband and I deciding to work on us, recently, I had already vowed to not getting emotionally involved with anyone - that included even questioning my position with Jr, but I'm in - I'm ready to do this with him, again. If it doesn't work, then at least we can say we really did try.

I do have male friends, have always ran more with men than women. They take me out to lunch, dinner, movies, hikes, beaches, family BBQs, work events, but never go to each others homes. Anyways, I always refer to our outings as dates.
They know we are nothing more than friends and guess what - I think I will still carry on this way after my husband is released, but we'll see - he may just be okay with it right now.
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Old 08-29-2019, 07:08 AM
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No I don't date.

My husband would not agree. I do have a friend whose husband is in the same unit as mine so for work events or other events that a "partner" is the standard, she attends with me or I with her. People who don't know us, or our story, often think that we are actually a couple . But it gives our husbands peace of mind and we always have a good time.

I do have male friends, most are married or in relationships though, and some are gay. My husband is completely ok with that and encourages me to not sit at home and not go out and have fun just because he's not there. But when I am with male friends it's usually because it's a group setting and there are other women there as well.

I don't judge, I understand that people have needs and there are those out there with open relationships. I have friends who are in those relationships and their spouse is not incarcerated. But for me and my husband, we don't want that, we are perfectly happy with each other and need nothing more than what we have together.
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Old 09-05-2019, 11:21 PM
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I do have male friends, have always ran more with men than women. They take me out to lunch, dinner, movies, hikes, beaches, family BBQs, work events, but never go to each others homes. Anyways, I always refer to our outings as dates.
They know we are nothing more than friends and guess what - I think I will still carry on this way after my husband is released, but we'll see - he may just be okay with it right now.
I went out with a male friend on Labor Day to meet up with a group of friends out of town, the day took an odd turn at some point and I was very uncomfortable, to say the least. Jr called the following day and asked me what was wrong, in middle of chatting, I thought I sounded perfectly normal, well.. he just knows me too well, so I had to tell him, everything I was uncomfortable with and though I suggested it's best I no longer hangout with male friends, until he's out and well acquainted with them, he was disappointed I even went in the first place - puff, I told him I was going. But alrighty then - no more hanging out with males, for me.
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Old 09-06-2019, 03:11 PM
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No I don't date. I don't want too and I doubt my man does either. I've just come to an age where I'm really not in the mood for people lmao!
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Old 09-17-2019, 08:53 PM
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While my guy isn't long term anymore (if he was ever considered that), I am so emotionally unavailable to any other guy

Like I have this male friend who I've known 10+ years and we've wanted to hook up, but neither of us has been single at the same time. Well, with my guy down for 2 more years, he was all we could do this now if you think you'd be okay. And I was like no, definitely not. My emotions are attached to physical contact of that nature.

I do however hangout with male friends, most of whom are gay.
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Old 09-18-2019, 12:06 AM
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Nope... my guy robs me of all my energy...
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Old 09-18-2019, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
Yepp, great point!

If your asked out for dinner or to watch a film... what term do you use? I'm "hanging out with" - I have a dinner or film "scheduled"...

When my grown daughter asks me to hangout with her on a Friday night, to watch a movie, order food in and have a glass of wine or just go for a hike - I have a date with my kid. I'm not dating my kid.

I get how words and terms placed upon us can cause mixed signals ((without clear explanation and expectations)).
I would say "I'm doing this with...."

I understand your view point. Not many look at it that way.
Even when I try to strictly make hanging out with another male 'just friends' they somehow think its an automatic invite to pass a move on me.. So I gave up all my disrespectful male friends.. Hah.
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Old 09-22-2019, 02:44 PM
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Even when I try to strictly make hanging out with another male 'just friends' they somehow think its an automatic invite to pass a move on me.. So I gave up all my disrespectful male friends.. Hah.
I had to let go of those male friends too! BUT, I will admit, I enjoyed the attention and having money spent on me - that may sound tacky, but whatever, I had an innocent / clean great time.
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