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  #1  
Old 02-21-2019, 01:08 AM
Iloveems Iloveems is offline
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Default Just need some advice please help - will he change? What should I do?

I have been with my sons father for over 6 years. We have had our ups n downs in 2016 he hit me for cheating on him. He was charged with domestic violence. We worked it out but he started hanging with the wrong people and got into drugs n violated his probation. He waas nevee home i found condoms in his wallet and he was stealing my car at times. Should i wait for him and believe he will change? He is in prison .its his first time going and hes getting out soon. I dont kno what to do
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Old 02-21-2019, 02:42 AM
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I have never been in a situation like yours but just looking on it from afar I'd leave him and never look back.
Hitting someone is never okay so that's one strike against him and to me it really looks like he's cheating and hanging with obviously a bad crowd. If you can, leave. Good luck!
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Old 02-21-2019, 04:21 AM
rnichole79 rnichole79 is offline
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Run while you have the chance. Former victim of domestic violence, and it's been MANY, MANY years ago..but the things that carry on with you is FOREVER and it is nothing but a constant reminder of the hell you endured. (Very easy to become a Bitter Woman) Trust and believe me when I say .. NOTHING changes a man until the MAN becomes a MAN and wants to change. We all have choices. Period. Choices to be a bad person and hit a woman, or steal her car, or whatever .. as well as that being said....most likely each and every time including this "first" time being in prison .. (because I promise there is most likely going to be more) they will have "changed, found God, have a plan in action from day 1 of being locked up" and the time will come when they "get released and come home." Within 48 hours the "old" them .. starts seeping out really, really fast! Sorry, just being honest and speaking from many experiences of poor choices in men. Best of Luck to you and Keep your head held high, others would love to see you fall!" Get in where you fit in .. and I'm sure you have to trust and believe in yourself that you are worthy of so much more!
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Old 02-21-2019, 04:29 AM
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Concur - get out while it's easiest, which is NOW.
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Old 02-21-2019, 07:46 AM
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Violence from batterers often gets worse after the first time. I have a cousin who eventually murdered his girlfriend for "cheating" (after assaulting his Mom), so it can get that serious. I agree, run while you can.
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Old 02-21-2019, 09:33 AM
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If anyone put there hands on me they would be removed from my life then and there. Regardless if we have history and a child together. A child doesn't need to be around that.
You cheating could have been a downward spiral for him, being cheated on is devastating. Doesn't justify him laying hands on you but he clearly doesn't know how to handle his emotions in the correct way. Seems like your guys relationship should be over especially if he cheated as well. Other wise you both will be throwing fire in each others faces when problems arise. Maybe you do choose to stick with him to see if he changes.. what if that leads to a worse DV case?

Can you honestly trust him? Have you spoke with him about any of this?


Put yourself first.
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:54 AM
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If you can't decide for yourself then decide what environment you want your son to grow up in.

Do you want your son to see his mother mistreated daily by his father?

Do you want your son to see his mother stressed out, crying, miserable because of his dad?

Love isn't enough Sweetie. Put your heart aside and use your head in this situation.
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Old 02-22-2019, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Ricoluv29 View Post
If anyone put there hands on me they would be removed from my life then and there. Regardless if we have history and a child together. A child doesn't need to be around that.
You cheating could have been a downward spiral for him, being cheated on is devastating. Doesn't justify him laying hands on you but he clearly doesn't know how to handle his emotions in the correct way. Seems like your guys relationship should be over especially if he cheated as well. Other wise you both will be throwing fire in each others faces when problems arise. Maybe you do choose to stick with him to see if he changes.. what if that leads to a worse DV case?

Can you honestly trust him? Have you spoke with him about any of this?


Put yourself first.
yes i have spoken to him about it and he says he is sorry of course but he took my car for an entire week and it was raining and our son just had his first shots he was out running arpund while im home. He says he jus had a bad addiction and he wants to change. Im just afraid not to b there for him while hes in jail because i feel sorry for him. But dam he never once felt sorry for me when i was pregnant he was always running around.
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Old 02-22-2019, 04:10 PM
Iloveems Iloveems is offline
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Originally Posted by rnichole79 View Post
Run while you have the chance. Former victim of domestic violence, and it's been MANY, MANY years ago..but the things that carry on with you is FOREVER and it is nothing but a constant reminder of the hell you endured. (Very easy to become a Bitter Woman) Trust and believe me when I say .. NOTHING changes a man until the MAN becomes a MAN and wants to change. We all have choices. Period. Choices to be a bad person and hit a woman, or steal her car, or whatever .. as well as that being said....most likely each and every time including this "first" time being in prison .. (because I promise there is most likely going to be more) they will have "changed, found God, have a plan in action from day 1 of being locked up" and the time will come when they "get released and come home." Within 48 hours the "old" them .. starts seeping out really, really fast! Sorry, just being honest and speaking from many experiences of poor choices in men. Best of Luck to you and Keep your head held high, others would love to see you fall!" Get in where you fit in .. and I'm sure you have to trust and believe in yourself that you are worthy of so much more!
Thank u yyes i know you are most likely right. Thanks for replying.i guess i kno the right thing to do is to leave. I just feel so sorry for him for being in prison. Its his first time and i guess im hoping he will change but i dont kno if he can and all the things he did like take my car for weeks ill never b able to fully trust him again
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Old 02-23-2019, 12:27 AM
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Violent men don’t change.
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Old 02-23-2019, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Iloveems View Post
But dam he never once felt sorry for me when i was pregnant he was always running around.
Sweetie, even just reading this ^^ makes me baffled about why you would even consider staying with him or feeling sorry for him. Plus the thing you said about him taking your car for a week while you had your baby needing to go get shots - what kind of man does this, violence aside? Why do you think it is okay for him, for anyone, to treat yourself like this? To treat their own child like this?

He is in prison because of his own actions. You can feel compassion for him and yet move on to better things.... Trust me, when you open the door for better things, your life will change. He will be absolutely fine, too - his life or survival is not dependent on you.
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Old 02-23-2019, 05:33 AM
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Why do you feel so sorry for him , he put himself in prison and he is making lots of bad choices.
Did he feel sorry for you and your baby when he took your car? Did he feel sorry for you when he running around with a bad crowd?
Why would you believe he has changed when he has showed no evidence that he has?
Please stop being his rescuer and instead put you first and look for the happiness you deserve.
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Old 02-23-2019, 02:14 PM
Iloveems Iloveems is offline
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Thanks for the replies i really need the advice. I dont kno why i feel sorry for him. Reading all of this really helps me see that i shouldnt feel sorry. Thank you
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Old 02-23-2019, 04:16 PM
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Thanks for the replies i really need the advice. I dont kno why i feel sorry for him. Reading all of this really helps me see that i shouldnt feel sorry. Thank you
They donít change, and if they do itís minimal and usually for a very short time.
Read the book ď why doeshe do thatĒ - you can get a free copy online, itíll change everything you think about abusive men.
It gets into their heads and will tell you exactly how they think about us women- itís not pretty.
I tend to feel sorry for people who mistreat me as well, I fall for guilt trips.
Xo
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Old 02-23-2019, 05:32 PM
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They donít change, and if they do itís minimal and usually for a very short time.
Read the book ď why doeshe do thatĒ - you can get a free copy online, itíll change everything you think about abusive men.
It gets into their heads and will tell you exactly how they think about us women- itís not pretty.
I tend to feel sorry for people who mistreat me as well, I fall for guilt trips.
Xo
ďWhy does he do thatĒ * ( the book)
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