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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 11-24-2010, 07:35 PM
Brandy Brandy is offline
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Unhappy Holiday's are hard for me..

Today has been the worst. Today is my hubby's birthday, and all I want is to be there with him. Which I know I can't. Then with Thanksgiving, it's hard. I was there last year for Thanksgiving, and Christmas so it was so much easier, but this year we figured it would be fair to stay with family for the holidays and visit him after. *sigh* I am now regretting agreeing to that. I really miss him and just want to be there. I know it wont be the same as he is in Ad Seg so visit's are behind glass but man I just long to see him and touch him! I only go visit once a month b/c of the 7 hour drive to see him and we only can visit one day per weekend with him being in Ad Seg (the prison wont let you make both days just one Sat or Sun). Then with Christmas next month we decided that I would not come until January, b/c of the weather and what not, so yeah it's hard.

This year the holidays really suck. Thanks for letting me vent..

Tell me I am not alone?
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Old 11-26-2010, 02:14 PM
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U know ur not alone....i can't visit my husband period. We've missed several holidays, birthdays and all that. It totally sucks to be away from the man u love the most...it's a "family" day, and the most important man isn't there.

Boooooooooooo!!!!
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Old 11-26-2010, 02:38 PM
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ow Brandy *hugs* times will get better and whenever you need to vent, we're here for you. You're not alone!
*hugs* again
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Old 11-26-2010, 03:14 PM
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You are definitely not alone! I spent the day alone but had my mind set that it was "just another day." I worked that night. Christmas I will drive down to see my husband. My grown kids are mad at me but I have decided that it is time to let them live their lives and I will live mine. They are 20 & 24. Hard to have one mad at me though as he is headed to Afghanistan next month and he is an infantry soldier. The other I let him and his girlfriend move in while my husband is incarcerated and they took right over and found too many digs to throw my way. I didn't charge rent at all. Tell me- I miss my husband very much and have learned that I will put us first instead of the kids when he gets home. He is their step dad, and even their dad says I don't deserve the way the kids talk to me. Honestly, I think they are afraid I will die first and leave everything to my new husband! They have actually made comments. Anyway, point is we are all struggling together and for me this is the only place that we all are dealing with the same thing! This is the first week end I won't be driving to see my husband as he wants me to take a break. I work 63 hours a week and drive every week end to see him. He is worried about me. I love him and miss him.
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Old 11-26-2010, 04:03 PM
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I'm right there with you, I don't know when I'll be able to go up and see hubby again, but yesterday I was just not in the mood for anything. My in laws wanted me to go over to his families house but I have only met them once and I was with my mil at the time, I would feel weird being there basically alone... I just wanted to sleep anyway, the food didn't even excite me like it once did... It was literally just another day but with more food... I slept, woke up ate and then laid back down... This seems to be the most depressed I've been over the holidays... Hopefully I speak to hubby tonight and he can pull me out of my funk, but I think I've given up on holiday spirit... Just call me Debbie Downer... lol
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Old 11-27-2010, 11:33 AM
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I am sorry honey. I know its hard... . maybe you can talk to him about changing that agreement for the Christmas Holiday?? PM me if ya need to talk.
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:09 PM
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I am sorry honey. I know its hard... . maybe you can talk to him about changing that agreement for the Christmas Holiday?? PM me if ya need to talk.
The reason for the christmas agreement was b/c last year when I left for Thanksgiving and Christmas and headed down to visit and be with him my mother got all upset. She is strictly on the day of the holiday not before and definatly not after and so she gave me a hard time about it, so he said "we can share but I'll be damn if you are there every year" so we agree'd on every other year, but what happens when all you want to do is be with him and your sad and upset while being with family? *sigh* it sucks, I'm thinking this year will be the only year that we do this, after this it might just be with him b/c I can't NOT see him around the holidays! I can't, I NEED to, and I want to. *sigh*

sorry I vented some..
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:16 PM
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I'm right there with you, I don't know when I'll be able to go up and see hubby again, but yesterday I was just not in the mood for anything. My in laws wanted me to go over to his families house but I have only met them once and I was with my mil at the time, I would feel weird being there basically alone... I just wanted to sleep anyway, the food didn't even excite me like it once did... It was literally just another day but with more food... I slept, woke up ate and then laid back down... This seems to be the most depressed I've been over the holidays... Hopefully I speak to hubby tonight and he can pull me out of my funk, but I think I've given up on holiday spirit... Just call me Debbie Downer... lol


Awe sweetie, I'm hope you were able to talk to hubby and get some holiday spirit from him. I dont know when I will hear from hubby, with being in Ad Seg, and awaiting transfer I dont know when that will be. His mom is going to try to go visit next weekend but it's so hard to get through to get an appt it's unreal. Awe sweetie check this out.. I had only met his mom once, and that was at visit when she brought the ring for him to propose to me, that was Dec. 08'. In June of 09' he said that I was going to spend a week with his mom and family at there house and it was a done deal. So i went. OMG being in his room, around his stuff, and then his family, the first two nights I cried myself to sleep. The letter I wrote them days to him, he could feel the emotions I was feeling and it tore him up. I am glad that I did go, it gave me a chance to bond with his family and get to know them a lot better. You should re think the next time you get the chance to go and spend it with his family. It would mean so much to him to know you did it, and yes you will be alone but not really b/c in reality he is there with you. I felt hubby with me the whole time, even if he wasn't there in body.
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:21 PM
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You are definitely not alone! I spent the day alone but had my mind set that it was "just another day." I worked that night. Christmas I will drive down to see my husband. My grown kids are mad at me but I have decided that it is time to let them live their lives and I will live mine. They are 20 & 24. Hard to have one mad at me though as he is headed to Afghanistan next month and he is an infantry soldier. The other I let him and his girlfriend move in while my husband is incarcerated and they took right over and found too many digs to throw my way. I didn't charge rent at all. Tell me- I miss my husband very much and have learned that I will put us first instead of the kids when he gets home. He is their step dad, and even their dad says I don't deserve the way the kids talk to me. Honestly, I think they are afraid I will die first and leave everything to my new husband! They have actually made comments. Anyway, point is we are all struggling together and for me this is the only place that we all are dealing with the same thing! This is the first week end I won't be driving to see my husband as he wants me to take a break. I work 63 hours a week and drive every week end to see him. He is worried about me. I love him and miss him.
I am with you, there is a time you have to do for you, and I'm getting to that point this year, as I feel the pain of not being there with my husband, I'm getting there. I do hope that your kids will stop being upset with you and realize that you need to do you and they need to grow up. You dont deserve the way the kids talk to you, that is just insane and I hope soon they realize that. Awe that is sad they are afraid you will die first and leave everything to your husband, that makes me angry to think kids are thinking that way. sweetie you do what you need to do and take care, and be happy with your husband, that is all you have to do, and the only one you need to worry about right now is YOU. Please take care and take it easy doing all you are doing right now.
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:24 PM
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U know ur not alone....i can't visit my husband period. We've missed several holidays, birthdays and all that. It totally sucks to be away from the man u love the most...it's a "family" day, and the most important man isn't there.

Boooooooooooo!!!!
Awe sweetie I am sorry you can't visit your husband at all, that is terrible. I hope at least you get phone calls. Exactly it's a "family" day and the most important man is not there.. and that sucks. *sigh* I can only hope things change and he comes home soon.

hon!
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Old 12-01-2010, 03:44 PM
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The reason for the christmas agreement was b/c last year when I left for Thanksgiving and Christmas and headed down to visit and be with him my mother got all upset. She is strictly on the day of the holiday not before and definatly not after and so she gave me a hard time about it, so he said "we can share but I'll be damn if you are there every year" so we agree'd on every other year, but what happens when all you want to do is be with him and your sad and upset while being with family? *sigh* it sucks, I'm thinking this year will be the only year that we do this, after this it might just be with him b/c I can't NOT see him around the holidays! I can't, I NEED to, and I want to. *sigh*

sorry I vented some..
No worries about venting... That's what we're here for. I think if you really need to be with him you should. He is your Husband after all... I know it will probably take some getting used to for your mom, but in the end you have to whats best for you and Travis.
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Old 12-09-2010, 06:34 PM
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You are not alone it is taking every stinking thing in me to stay positive right now, I am going to visit this weekend but that will be it for me until late January our visits are behind glass as well so it's that so close but yet so far kind of thing I'm actually thinking about Christmas eve with his family Christmas morning with me and the kids and then leaving that afternoon and seeing him the day after Christmas but I know he'll be irritated because we agreed to the holidays with family at home, but then again I know that irritation would leave 30 seconds into the visit. I miss him so stinkin much. You are in my thought, it's nice to know we're not alone huh?
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:07 PM
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Oh man this Christmas is so hard for me It was suppose to be our first Christmas in our own place and also are new additions first Christmas but instead it's me and the kids sure we have tons of family to spend it with but it's just not the same. Aside from that money is tight since I'm not working so the kids only have a few things I feel horrible...
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:23 PM
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Oh man this Christmas is so hard for me It was suppose to be our first Christmas in our own place and also are new additions first Christmas but instead it's me and the kids sure we have tons of family to spend it with but it's just not the same. Aside from that money is tight since I'm not working so the kids only have a few things I feel horrible...

Ahhh!!!!!! Don't be hard yourself up, you did what you could; we all I'm sure wish that we could have given our children all that there hearts desired.
I am glad that you wont be alone for the holiday, perhaps being around you family and friends may lighten the load for you a little. I know its not the same as having your love home, but we make do!!!

Chin up girl, Know that you have a big ole fam right here too!!!! We will keep you in our prayers and trust that all will be well.
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Old 12-20-2010, 10:54 PM
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*sigh* so i got news today that he is getting moved FURTHER away from me, so now instead of being just 7 hours away he will be 10-11 hours away. This sucks.. but I'm trying to be upbeat about it.. I just can't seem to stay upbeat..
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:57 PM
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Awww, I am sorry Brandy, I'll say a prayer for you as well!!!
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Old 12-22-2010, 12:46 PM
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Uugh! I'm sorry Brandy. That's got to be hard. At least you're able to still see him though, that's a plus.
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Old 12-22-2010, 08:03 PM
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your right, once he lands and gets out of orientation I can drive the 10 hours there and see him. actually if I go to my MIL's then I can ride over with another girl from here that only goes that one day and then head back to my MIL's, and then Sunday drive out with our son, and visit as a family so that would be great. split the gas one day, that would be cheaper than anything.

I am trying to be positive, but it is so hard.. and right now we have gone through a small argument via mail and everyone know that is rough when they can't call, so on top of him feeling sorry for the way he came at me in a letter this happens so he thinks for sure I am "gone" *sigh* i'm so far from that though if he'd only get his mail faster than he is.. I'd not go anywhere he is my heart my husband that is insane he'd think that. but yeah I'm trying to be up beat..

is it working???

I dont think so not to good!
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Old 12-23-2010, 12:39 PM
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*sigh* so i got news today that he is getting moved FURTHER away from me, so now instead of being just 7 hours away he will be 10-11 hours away. This sucks.. but I'm trying to be upbeat about it.. I just can't seem to stay upbeat..


Sorry to hear that hun maybe u can carpool with someone to make it a little easier....
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