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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Do you ever wonder if the love he confesses is REALLY real?
No, I don't doubt his love 848 39.85%
Yes, I sometimes wonder if our love will be the same after he's out 860 40.41%
Yes, I wonder if his love is strong because I stuck around 229 10.76%
Always, I think this love is a fantasy that helps him through the time. 191 8.98%
Voters: 2128. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 03-13-2006, 12:38 AM
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Default Do you ever wonder if the love he professes is real?

I started another poll called the "Commitment Meter" because I wondered where everyone stood on there intentions on standing by their man. In many of the responses, I heard lots of you describe the kind of love only found in fairytales and if I were to describe what's going on with Max and I it would sound very similiar. I have never been courted like Max is courting me and I've never had someone pay so much attention to me with such detail. I've never been held up with such regard (he's always done these things but just not to this magnitude) and while it is a wonderful feeling, I also wonder where it's coming from.

I don't doubt these are his emotions but what I wonder is, is this love really real. Meaning, if he didn't have so much time to think about saying just the right thing and sending me "just because" cards, if he were in the real world, would it be the same.

Do you ever feel afraid. Do the uncertainties of it all ever seem overwhelming at times?

Talk back. I'm interested...
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Old 03-13-2006, 01:21 AM
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Our love was burning hot since the day we met (we were together before he was encarcerated), and before he went in, his addictions were turning him into a monster, so now that he has been sober for a year, and he has overcome his addictions, our love has become amazing. He has never doubted, questioned, or treated me badly this whole time. I don't doubt his love, and I never will. He and I were not romantics until we met, and we knew we found our partner for life that day.

The only thing I do fear at times are his past addictions and those possibilites, but I have faith in him because he is an amazing husband now, ready to be a father to our little girl.
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Old 03-13-2006, 02:19 AM
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I Think Itz Kinda You Know Jail Talk Your Man Only Has So Much Of A Chance That He Want Go Back To His Old Ways But Hope For The Best N Prepare For The Worst
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Old 03-13-2006, 03:01 AM
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I noticed a difference after Lee went in as well. I don't know if prison talk is really the word for it... I'm thinking its more along the lines of when you're in a bad situation you want the ones you love around you even more than usual and you want them even more because you can't have them. Make sense?

Time will tell eventually!
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Old 03-13-2006, 07:20 AM
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No doubts here whatsoever. We definitely have the real thing. When it's true love, sure it may sound fairy-tale like ~ that's because we both truly care about one another. I count myself lucky to have found my soulmate, because when you think about it, how many people really find theirs and experience true love? There are a lot of unhappy people walking around out there . . . I'm so fortunate I'm not one of them.
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Old 03-13-2006, 07:33 AM
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I don't doubt our love or his love for me. Our relationship is so far from a fairytale to me. I have so many example of loving relationships around me that I guess I just see us a couple with a strong commitment, deep loyalty, open and genuine communication and passionate attraction. A fairtytale would be him at home.

Is it jail talk he gives me.....well sometimes it probably is. I am sure on his lonely days when he is sitting alone in his cell and I come to mind he probably calls home with a lot more emotional words to say than he would if he had just been driving from work. Jail talk isn't bad in our relationship. I don't think it's anything wrong with your situation causing you to express things that maybe you wouldn't have normally expressed. I think that is only natural.
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Old 03-13-2006, 07:40 AM
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I DONT DOUBT HIS LOVE FOR ME. SOMETIMES THE THINGS HE SAY ARE JAIL TALK BUT MOST OF THEM ARENT. WHEN HE WAS HOME HE STILL USED TO DO THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE JUST CALL ME TO TELL ME HE MISSES ME OR LOVES ME. HE WOULD LEAVE ME NOTES. IM SURE WHEN HE COMES HOME HE WILL BE THE SAME GIVEN SOME TIME.
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Old 03-13-2006, 08:28 AM
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No - I dont doubt his love fo rme. We have gotten even closer since he has been in. My husband has always put me on a pedestel and still does for that matter. I only hope that everyone finds their souldmate as we have.
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Old 03-13-2006, 08:38 AM
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You know I often wonder this as well, is this real or is it just talk. I'm gonna go ahead and be honest our love when he was out here was no Fairytale by any means, I love him no doubt, the question is did he love me. And now that he is in he realizes what he had when he was out and I guess he is changing, because now he listens and holds on to every word I say, it makes me feel good that he talks to me with respect now and love. But the thing that always stays in my head is, is it gonna be like then when we are together out here again or is it going to go back to the same ol BS. Right now with him being in and writing me sweet letters and talking on the phone, things seem like such a fairytale the way he talks about our future, how I am the only one he can ever be with now, and you know since he has been in, I rarely ever think of the harsh times. He has asked me to forgive and forget what he has done in the past because it will never be like that again, and I trust that things are going to be good when he comes back, and if not well lesson learned, but I know that I love him and I am giving him his chance to prove that he can be a real man.
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Old 03-13-2006, 05:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ROB6RTZ WIF6Y
I Think Itz Kinda You Know Jail Talk Your Man Only Has So Much Of A Chance That He Want Go Back To His Old Ways But Hope For The Best N Prepare For The Worst
Speak for yourself girl. My husbands type of crime has one of the lowest recidivism rates, so meaning that those guys usually learn their lesson.
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Old 03-13-2006, 05:33 PM
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I met Sebastian while he was incarcerated. I had no doubts then and he came home to me and all was as we both said it would be between us. Now I find myself holdin' it down for a short bid with him again, still no doubts. We've always kept it completely real between us.

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Old 03-13-2006, 05:58 PM
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My own personal belief:

If you have to - or need to - question it, then it is not real.

I have no "fairytale" romance. My fairytale would not include him being incarcerated! However, it is true, passionate, and honest. :love:
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Old 03-13-2006, 09:33 PM
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we loved each other before he went in and we'll love each other when he gets out. it seems like he appreciates me even more since he's been in there.
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Old 03-13-2006, 10:08 PM
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Crow94, I can't say I agree with your blanket statement of "If you have to - or need to - question it, then it is not real." I don't think that means it's not real. Much like friendships being rare, finding true love is a rare thing and the point I was making with this poll is that "true love" appears to be all over the place on this site. I've noticed a trend and a similarity to the stories of how life and love is with people sharing their experience here. Are we ALL the lucky ones who get to learn and understand what real communication is? Are we the ones who get a real shot at love because of the tools we gain and things we learn while living our circumstance?

I should also say to everyone, I meant fairytale in the sense of how he treats me, the words he says. Like many of you, my fairytale does not include my Max being behind bars. It doesn't include having to imagine us together walking on a beach or laying together in the back of house like we used to do. My fairytale includes him holding me, like he used to. Kissing me like he used to. This, right now is my life, not a fairytale and it is what it is.

I appreciate your comments and by all means, keep them coming.
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Old 03-13-2006, 11:15 PM
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Well i know that i love my fiance and i know he loves me.. sometimes i do wonder if it will be as good as it is right now ..because all the things he says..but i know he loves me... We love each other and i think that when he is away he just misses me..and then you know they start to think about all the things they should have told us when they were out here with us... I think that sometimes it might be an act of god if a loved one goes in...and lets say that you guys hadnt been getting along all that great..and then he goes to jail again...well while he is gone..he sits and thinks..and you sit and think..and then he says all this sweet stuff...and then when you get out..you guys are GREAT...you know better then you were when he went in!..i think sometimes..for some people..i know its not good but after its all said and done sometimes it was a good thing that they went to jail.. i dunno im just talking from experience with that..cause this last time my fiance went to prison again...we werent like ripping each others necks off..but we were fighting often...and now that he is in there... things are good with us...and I KNOW THAT when he gets home things are going to be good.. i just know we LOVE each other..and everything happens for a reason!!

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Old 03-14-2006, 01:29 AM
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After 25yrs NO doubts here
we are forever in love, mushy-hearts and all
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Old 03-14-2006, 05:21 AM
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I think Conwife said it better:"we loved each other before he went in and we'll love each other when he gets out. it seems like he appreciates me even more since he's been in there".
I don't question our relationship by any means, I love him more than anything in this world, my fairytale is that he loves me this much as well. No matter what BS we go through in life. I know what we have is real otherwise he wouldn't have put up with me for 5 years and I sure as heck wouldn't put up with him for 5 yrs. Not every relationship is perfect. People go through things take my parents for example they have been married 32 years and they can't make it through the day without having at least on argument but they love each other just like I love Angel, and lord know me and him have had many disagreements. So I also have to disagree with the statement If you have to - or need to - question it, then it is not real.

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Old 03-19-2006, 11:35 AM
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Thanks for all who responded and yes, it's ok to disagree. I would still love to see more responses. "Where you at ladies"
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Old 03-19-2006, 11:48 AM
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I have no doubts about my relationship with Rick. I do understand where you are coming from though, because I questioned it myself close to the beginning of this whole prison ordeal. All I can say is follow your heart and soon you will get your answers. I personally think that a lot of us go through this kinda phase, especially close to the beginning becuz quite frankly their is so much to think about. Good Luck gurl!
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Old 05-13-2006, 08:27 PM
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I am coming from a mom, son relationship sorry but that is mine. I know he loves me but the addictions keep taking him back. Somethings have nothing to do with love. They can love you with all their hearts and still make the wrong choices. They all love you when they are in and promise everything, they are off the mind altering drugs and friends. Most of them only have the ones left that truly love them and will be with them through it all. BUt, big but when they get out all the old life has as way or finding them and trying to draw them back in. I only hope for all of us it will not happen, but there is nothing wrong with wondering if it will!!!!
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Old 05-15-2006, 03:03 PM
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I so agree with what your saying for real. In reality, not every single one of us on here is going to have it good, we're not all going to find out that our man is actually a prince, just like we're not all gonna find out our man is a complete jerk either. What is good for you might be horrible to me and vice versa. I know that everything seems fairytale now, and their words, are alot more commendable and sweeter when their in prison, because they can't really take you for granted, but it can all switch up out here in the real world. I so hope everyone gets as they wish, for their man to come home and fulfill his promises, seriously I do, and for myself too and my man, but in the back of everyone's mind should be a way to deal with the situation if it doesn't work out. You don't have to establish a flight plan, that is not what I'm saying, but be aware that things have a possibility to change, and that is with the whole world not just your relationship with your man. Surely you realize that without worry we are not human, so it is still good love when you are concerned about their intentions. It's natural, and sometimes it can be ugly to be so stressed, but it makes it all worth while when you find out either way.
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Originally Posted by Wtg2SmileAgain
Crow94, I can't say I agree with your blanket statement of "If you have to - or need to - question it, then it is not real." I don't think that means it's not real. Much like friendships being rare, finding true love is a rare thing and the point I was making with this poll is that "true love" appears to be all over the place on this site. I've noticed a trend and a similarity to the stories of how life and love is with people sharing their experience here. Are we ALL the lucky ones who get to learn and understand what real communication is? Are we the ones who get a real shot at love because of the tools we gain and things we learn while living our circumstance?

I should also say to everyone, I meant fairytale in the sense of how he treats me, the words he says. Like many of you, my fairytale does not include my Max being behind bars. It doesn't include having to imagine us together walking on a beach or laying together in the back of house like we used to do. My fairytale includes him holding me, like he used to. Kissing me like he used to. This, right now is my life, not a fairytale and it is what it is.

I appreciate your comments and by all means, keep them coming.
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  #22  
Old 05-15-2006, 03:06 PM
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ACarter05 ACarter05 is offline
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I do not ever doubt my husband's love for me... not then, not now, not ever.
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Old 05-15-2006, 03:25 PM
DEONAS DEONAS is offline
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I get what you are coming from maybe it might be easier for me to understand because I been on both sides of the fence, I had a guy who whenever we saw eachother on the streets we would have sex I would buy him food if he wanted it and we would have more sex, but once we got locked up OH it was on, IT WAS LOVE,let him tell it I got beautiful cards was told I love your after every conversation after the first beep to let you know you was about to be cut off, told stories of how he trying to start a family with me, the whole nine yards, but once he get out
WHAT he wouldn't call me and if he did it would be to take him somewhere, he gave me that speach about how he been in so long he needed to find he self AKA explore other girls talk text message other women why we were together and I was driven needless to say he was using me just like I let him do in high school but I got to that point that I said no more my father in heaven aint create me to be a doormat to anybody on this earth so I told him where to go and how to get there.

My husband though it was just kinda like love at first site for him well maybe for me too after a few weeks of knowing eachother, we were inseperable, I lived with my mom at the time and every weekend we timed it perfectly this man caught a cab at 5:00 in the morning when we knew my parents were gone to work and we spent literally the whold day together he would catch a cab home about 1 something in the morning the next day and we would do it all over again. He would always pester his mom to drop him off over my house too one of his older sisters said to me girl what did you do to my little brother he just stay up in his room on the phone listening to slow music (LOL) finally both my parents and his parents got fed up and we were pestered enough to move out and get our own and we did he proposed to me on the first christmas after we meet with ring and everything on bended knee and he was the first guy my mom ever liked and I will never forget one day we were about to go out and I had on a short skirt and he said you ain't going no where with me with that on he said if some dude come out his mouth wrong about something that belongs to me its gone be some it so needless to say I changed outfits and my mom heard and she said now thats the kinda man I like for you because he shows respect and doesn't want you to be direspected and the rest was history basically.

Basically I can honestly say without a doubt I truly found someone who loved me as much as I loved him and this is what allows me to deal with the situation the way I do because I know its not one sided.

I don't know I do believe he is my soul mate although he is a little younger than me, but its strange because I would always date guys older than me until I finally gave him a chance and despite it all GOD in heaven knows i'm glad I did.
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  #24  
Old 05-15-2006, 03:28 PM
babygurl919 babygurl919 is offline
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Well, since we were together when he was out, I know that being romantic is just part of his nature. He's always been very affectionate, sweet, supportive, etc. So no, I don't ever doubt his love for me. Even though we've been through some things in the past, he has showed me time and time again that his love for me is strong and true.
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Old 05-15-2006, 05:27 PM
crow94 crow94 is offline
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Wow, I hadn't viewed this thread since my post..
I still stand by my comment..
but of course that doesn't mean we don't have fights or we don't disagree, etc. Our relationship is not sugar-coated! My point was IMHO...we have issues, yes, but we have never questioned our love. Just because there are trials and tribulations, it doesn't mean that there are doubts about loving someone.
To me a "real" or "true" love is steadfast, but of course it doesn't mean you don't want to strangle him sometimes (in a matter of speaking, of course).

The poll question. "Do you wonder if the love he confesses is REALLY real?" No, I don't wonder. I know it is real. Then again, maybe I am more assured because I knew him before he got locked up, so I knew what kind of man he truly was in his heart before.


Last edited by crow94; 05-15-2006 at 05:30 PM..
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