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  #1  
Old 03-14-2015, 08:56 PM
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Post How do you feel about having your bro/sis inside?

Just wondering how ya'll feel on an emotional level having your bro/sis locked up? For myself, every day I worry about my bro...even though he put himself there and he needs to deal with it. After spending 20+ years hitting it hard (he started into the drug scene young) hes now fcked his life up and is paying for his mistakes the hard way. On visits I am still struggling with how the fck to handle myself. Hits me hard, puts me in tears. I'm also working my ass off and I have to pay his fines he racked up as well before he went inside. How's everyone dealing?
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Old 03-15-2015, 11:04 AM
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Me personally i worry everyday and catch my self crying when i over think it...my brother and I are one year apart so we are close it hurts hes been struggling for years but this is his first time in prison not even one year into his sentence i pray continuously for him and yes i come out my own pocket to help him with some things too which can be a headache but he is my brother I will do anything to help him get through this dark time in life praying hard as my mother says it feels like a piece of her heart is missing and life wont be the same until he is home and free...
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Old 03-15-2015, 01:54 PM
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Me personally i worry everyday and catch my self crying when i over think it...my brother and I are one year apart so we are close it hurts hes been struggling for years but this is his first time in prison not even one year into his sentence i pray continuously for him and yes i come out my own pocket to help him with some things too which can be a headache but he is my brother I will do anything to help him get through this dark time in life praying hard as my mother says it feels like a piece of her heart is missing and life wont be the same until he is home and free...
My Gawd u took the words right out of my mouth. I could have written this myself! Thank you soooo much for sharing
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Old 03-15-2015, 11:06 AM
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Also im praying to get approved for a visit and scared/nervous how i will handle it i dont know what its like visiting through prison but im afraid im gonna break down and I dont want to make him feel worse by doing that :/
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:07 PM
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I'm also working my ass off and I have to pay his fines he racked up as well before he went inside.
Why are you paying his fines that he racked up and not him?
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Old 08-19-2016, 05:38 AM
Teresa Dianne K Teresa Dianne K is offline
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Why are you paying his fines that he racked up and not him?
VALIDATION? The good kid? The successful sibling? Do some of the inmates control the commissary? I don't think I will get the answers I need on this website. I am much better emotionally, it was good for me to review the content. BUT I will need to stay positive. And my keen senses instruct me to apply abstract thought in order to achieve my goal. Most likely, part of the content of this website is SCRIPTED. Time for me to write a letter to Joe. I wish you well
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Old 03-24-2015, 07:34 PM
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I am not at all surprised by any of my siblings who have landed in prison(again!), but I still find myself so very disappointed. When you know better, you're supposed to do better. It's like they never learn. 2 years this time, 11 years the next. They get out to go right back in. I hate that I am more emotionally invested in how their choices impact the people in their lives, than they are. I no longer write. If they call me asking for money or requesting that I order them something, I do so. But I try to keep our communication as limited as possible. It isn't a lack of love for them, more so an abundance of love for myself. Meet me halfway, or I'm not making the journey at all.

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Old 03-25-2015, 08:39 AM
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It's funny. My answer to this question changes. When my sister was in federal prison here in the US, I felt much like the 1st two posters.
Now that she's been out of fed but STILL getting in trouble I feel less sympathetic. And quite frankly kind of mad how she plays the system.
Means she's smart right? Well, she could use those brains for something else!
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Old 03-25-2015, 08:41 AM
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My heart does go out to those experiencing this though.
I don't want to sound like a jerk.
And maybe your siblings will get it together and keep it together when they get out.
Some people do & it is a beautiful thing.
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Old 04-18-2015, 04:51 AM
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How do I feel? Sad. Incredibly sad.

I used to worry so much. My brother started his "prison career" early. Went in the 1st time at age 18, and I was his baby sister, and just nine.

Of course I didn't know at the time but found out later that he was sexually violated many times when he was in that first time.

I got older and knew more about the realities of prison and he was in and out, in and out, and I used to obsessively worry but I FINALLY got to the point where I stopped letting myself do that.

He's older and he knows the drill.. and while I still know something awful could happen, I can't DO anything about it and worrying gets me nowhere. I think I've gotten a little numb.

Summers make me worry a lot though (we're in Texas), with the heat. I feel bad for complaining about my half-ass AC in my house when I remember where he is.. I feel like doing time is one thing, but IMO the heat situations in Texas prisons are in the realm of cruel and unusual punishment.
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Old 04-23-2015, 10:50 PM
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Default Still can't accept it, but not losing hope

My brother has been locked up for about seven years. I still believe he was innocent of the murder charge, and that makes it very tough to accept. I was still a teen when it happened. Honestly though, even if I believed he was guilty, I would probably still feel just as scared, angry, hurt, betrayed, sad, confused, and numb as I've felt since I heard about his arrest. The tough part though, is the optimism. I really hope he is innocent, I hope he's been honest with me, I hope he is learning from his mistakes, I hope he is safe while he is inside, I hope he is set free eventually, I hope he can adjust to life outside of prison, and I hope he will be able to move on with his life. I get exhausted thinking about it. Meanwhile, he's not giving up, and I find that encouraging. Don't give up either. You are tough enough to handle this.
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Old 06-13-2015, 05:51 PM
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Default my emotions and feelings......

My brother has been inside for 10 yrs. He was at the wrong place wrong time, therefor got excessory to murder. Growing up he was the rock for me and my sister, always there for protection, advice, love, care etc. When it first blew up, I was in shock. Thinking how can the man I knew as my brother commit such a crime... two yrs passed, I then ask my questions as to why? why were you in that situation to begin with, why??? But some of us do not have a choice of our fate. im no angel, but im no demon, as I believe of my brother. the cold hearted man who did the crime tried to lay it off on him, because he was there. for two yrs I did not speak to my brother, I was broken hearted, I was lost, I was confused. I just bared my first child with out my brother by my side when I always had him for any situation. I blamed my brother for the hurt, I also blamed him for along time, for the pain and stress he caused on my parents. Him being the only boy and first born, you can only imagine the pain my mother felt, and the loneliness my father felt. but after going forward to him about it, I then realized, I was so selfish. He was innocent. now I speak to him everyday. I still feel pain. Some say, at least you can talk and hear his voice, I agree, but let me tell you something, it still feels as if their gone. prison changes ppl. some for the better and some for the worse. iv bared 3 children since my first, he hasn't met them yet. My brother was more of a father figure then anything. Making sure everything got done right. with school and my responsibilities. he has 3 children of his own, and because of his ex wife, they now recent him. while she marries a different man every year. To know hes in there and I cant help eats me alive. we lost our father in 06, all I have is my mother and sister, if he were out it would all be different. he can come up for parole in 2020, that's 5 more years. my moms health isn't good at all. im here with her 24/7. and all she wants is to see her son before she leaves this place. I pray god allows him to be around when that happens, because idk if I could handle that alone. its a constant pain, constant worry, stress, heart ache, as if it were that day every single day. I manage by taking care of mother and kids and I work my ass off. but hes on my mind when I awake and when I shut my eyes. I pray for his safety, his courage to stay strong, his will to keep faith and his struggle to get home. prayers out to you and your family and loved one inside. we are not here to judge those for their action but to be there for their fall, be there to provide a stable reliable resource and to let them know they can change for the better and enjoy what little bit of air they take in, and that we will reunite..........
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Old 09-17-2017, 11:59 AM
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My brother has been inside for 10 yrs. He was at the wrong place wrong time, therefor got excessory to murder. Growing up he was the rock for me and my sister, always there for protection, advice, love, care etc. When it first blew up, I was in shock. Thinking how can the man I knew as my brother commit such a crime... two yrs passed, I then ask my questions as to why? why were you in that situation to begin with, why??? But some of us do not have a choice of our fate. im no angel, but im no demon, as I believe of my brother. the cold hearted man who did the crime tried to lay it off on him, because he was there. for two yrs I did not speak to my brother, I was broken hearted, I was lost, I was confused. I just bared my first child with out my brother by my side when I always had him for any situation. I blamed my brother for the hurt, I also blamed him for along time, for the pain and stress he caused on my parents. Him being the only boy and first born, you can only imagine the pain my mother felt, and the loneliness my father felt. but after going forward to him about it, I then realized, I was so selfish. He was innocent. now I speak to him everyday. I still feel pain. Some say, at least you can talk and hear his voice, I agree, but let me tell you something, it still feels as if their gone. prison changes ppl. some for the better and some for the worse. iv bared 3 children since my first, he hasn't met them yet. My brother was more of a father figure then anything. Making sure everything got done right. with school and my responsibilities. he has 3 children of his own, and because of his ex wife, they now recent him. while she marries a different man every year. To know hes in there and I cant help eats me alive. we lost our father in 06, all I have is my mother and sister, if he were out it would all be different. he can come up for parole in 2020, that's 5 more years. my moms health isn't good at all. im here with her 24/7. and all she wants is to see her son before she leaves this place. I pray god allows him to be around when that happens, because idk if I could handle that alone. its a constant pain, constant worry, stress, heart ache, as if it were that day every single day. I manage by taking care of mother and kids and I work my ass off. but hes on my mind when I awake and when I shut my eyes. I pray for his safety, his courage to stay strong, his will to keep faith and his struggle to get home. prayers out to you and your family and loved one inside. we are not here to judge those for their action but to be there for their fall, be there to provide a stable reliable resource and to let them know they can change for the better and enjoy what little bit of air they take in, and that we will reunite..........


That's one of our main concerns also. I have three older brothers and I'm the baby and only girl. My brother is the middle son. He has always been kinda the problem child nothing serious. But our parents are getting older also. I worry if something happens to them while he is still inside. Not sure how he would handle it.

I have crazy dreams about him just showing up at my doorstep. So real still unsure of the sentencing. Waiting on the hearing.

Just going to try and stay strong! Thoughts with you!
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Old 07-10-2015, 12:59 PM
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Glad and...sad. Very sad. Obviously, I'm very torn, emotionally, because he's in the prison system, and that's not a great thing. However, my bro has SERIOUS mental illness, and he has degenerated to the point where is is incapable of taking care of himself. He was in the state mental hospital, but he's now serving time for an assault (not sexual), and has been sent to the state medical facility at Stockton. Why am I glad? Because he's not on the streets, barefoot, alone, unable to take care of himself and at the mercy of people who have no understanding of his condition. He's clean, warm, clothed, well-fed, getting treatment and he's safe! Now my concern is about what will happen to him when he's served out his sentence. That's when the real worry begins again.
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Old 07-18-2015, 03:13 AM
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My big brother being in prison hurts me real bad.. I should be use to it by now cause I been dealing with it for 19yrs but it gets harder not easier. I cry every time I write and see him, what sucks most of all is that fckin window between us, I just want to be able to hug my bubba.. I have to keep strong cause I'm be doing this till one of us dies... he's not doing the life sentence by himself I'm doing it with him..
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Old 07-21-2015, 04:34 PM
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Wow, feel the same way as many of y'all. In a way it's good to know that I am not.the only one going thru this, I just wish for all of this to be over. My brother got sentenced to 12 yrs in TDC (don't know which facility) he will be sent to but I worry about him each and every day. He is my only brother and I have a close relationship with him. Sometimes I just wish this was a nightmare that I can wake up from and it really sucks seeing my parents suffer from all of this. Do any of y'all have someone @ TDC ? If so how is it ? Well from what they tell y'all? I just want to know if it's as bad as everybody says. Thanks in advance for replying.
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Old 07-21-2016, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by proteinmuffin33 View Post
Just wondering how ya'll feel on an emotional level having your bro/sis locked up? For myself, every day I worry about my bro...even though he put himself there and he needs to deal with it. After spending 20+ years hitting it hard (he started into the drug scene young) hes now fcked his life up and is paying for his mistakes the hard way. On visits I am still struggling with how the fck to handle myself. Hits me hard, puts me in tears. I'm also working my ass off and I have to pay his fines he racked up as well before he went inside. How's everyone dealing?

I am just at the beginning of my brothers 15 year prison sentence. He was just sentence last week. I have so many mixed emotions it is crazy. I feel relieved to know that he's alive, in one piece, and where exactly he is at. However discussions like we had last night about him wanting to get a DNR out of fear being murdered also makes me want him out of there as soon as possible .My brother has made bad choices the theme of his life. He got mixed up into drugs and stealing around 14/15 and I'm really not quite sure how he's escaped any major repercussions up to this point at 32. I have tried so many tack ticks to help him And when none of those worked I shut him out for 4 years. He very much so deserves consequences he has received. And if it was some stranger I would say they got exactly what they deserved. I am very much so and support of the justice system and very much so support people receiving the consequences for their actions. However I've struggled a tad bit with it since it's my baby brother.
Last year it seemed my brother was doing better and we were rebuilding are relationship. He came back home ( he lives in Ga and my mother and I in Fl) for a few months. He was doing great so we thought. Of course he left just before the people he had screwed over or took advantage of started calling to offer my mother and I a chance to financially fix the situation before they called the cops. I have received so many of these types off calls and emails over the years it's crazy. So I went back to having little contact with him. He was going to do what he wanted to do and living his life the way that he wanted and my only choice was to be a part of it or not. I typically choose not to. Until I got the call from the friend of his telling me that he had been arrested on five felony charges. And somehow no matter how mad at him I was and am. I have made the choice to be fully responsible for his legal, financial, and emotional support. I talk to him a couple times a week put money in his commissary, write to him daily and send him a care package once a month. I can rationalize doing all of this in hoping that this is the big wake up call that he had needed to get his life together. He has done very well since he's been in jail however I very much so worry about how he would do once in prison. Things that are not so readily available in the jails are in prison and I question whether he will have the strength to stay clean and make the right choices while doing his time. I do not want to have to wash my hands of him while he is locked up but I also will not struggle myself to support him if he's locked up and making more bad choices. The stress and worrying about the choices he make and the repercussions for his decisions has been the worst part about all this because I cannot go and rescue him like my mother and I have been able to do before.
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Old 07-21-2016, 09:19 AM
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A lot of your posts sound like me. My little brother was in an out of trouble most of his life. In 1999 - he was arrested for bank robbery. Signed a plea agreement for 112 years so his wife couldn't be arrested and his kids put into foster care. He was only 32 at the time and didn't call to discuss. Due to my job situation and a sister that was ill and the distance away he was - I didn't get to see him for 15 years. He has made some bad decisions while in prison and suffered the consequences - 3 times at Lewisburg SMU. He got transferred to a prison 5 hours away and I saw him for the first time in November (was going in October but sister passed away). It was awesome to hug him and sit with him for 6 hours. We had written and he called intermittently through the years, but we really reconnected then. He started making leather items - some I was able to sell for him - helping other inmates - really doing well. I had three visits that we could hug. New warden - he gets placed in the SHU - and being told he was going back to Lewisburg. Long story short - after many calls, letters, etc, he was given a regular transfer. I miss him - I worry about him - I pray he has safe travel to his new location where ever that may be - I hope it's close. I hate to leave him at the prison when I leave - especially hard when visits are behind glass. He's in for life - I hate I can't do normal family things with him - I hate he will die in prison - I pray for him daily - several time a day. I'm sad - I miss my little brother - life will never be the same - he's been in for 17 years. I hate it - I hate it
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Old 08-07-2016, 03:27 PM
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8-7-16

I feel angry and disillusioned towards him. Angry because he ruined everybodys life after he got sent to prison. Disillusioned because it's taken a toll on my mom , physically and mentally. In a way it's annoying that every time he calls he wants me to do a favor. I wouldnt mind, if only his tone of voice didnt sound like if he was bothered or in a bad mood with me. I love my brother even though hes always bothered, when he calls . And I only wish the years passes by fast, so my mom can die peacefully.
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Old 08-19-2016, 04:47 AM
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Originally Posted by proteinmuffin33 View Post
Just wondering how ya'll feel on an emotional level having your bro/sis locked up? For myself, every day I worry about my bro...even though he put himself there and he needs to deal with it. After spending 20+ years hitting it hard (he started into the drug scene young) hes now fcked his life up and is paying for his mistakes the hard way. On visits I am still struggling with how the fck to handle myself. Hits me hard, puts me in tears. I'm also working my ass off and I have to pay his fines he racked up as well before he went inside. How's everyone dealing?
Joe will continue to be in my thoughts each day now. The distance I need to travel if I want to see him is challenging. The information about his case was alarming and my initial thoughts were only confirmed by a brief conversation with his attorney. I did not ask the attorney to explain the context of his nervous or giddy comment, "we have it pretty good in Texas". There is something not right about the information I have. My brother was in Texas. He was not around anyone that knew him. Something happened to Joe. Joe needed help. Joe did not get help.

In October of 2014, I prepared myself as my former spouse and I reviewed his grim diagnosis. We held on to life...and during the year that followed my emotional well being deteriorated. I lost Stanley. I was not invited to his funeral. I gained a greater understanding of people and intentions.

I don't quite understand why family members chose to distance themselves. Like Joe, I respect others.

It is time to find Joe. I love him dearly. I believe him to be innocent of capital murder.
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Old 08-30-2016, 11:55 AM
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It's been almost five years and it is just as painful to see my mom jump when the phone rings hoping its my brother calling her. I feel that if my brother was guilty of the crime he was found guilty it would be easier to accept and begin the healing process. Holidays, birthdays are particularly harder since there is an empty chair at our table.
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Old 08-30-2016, 04:23 PM
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8-30-16
I know how you feel. Especially if he got a long sentence. Years seem to pass very slow when they get long sentences. i'll be 34 or so when my bro gets out. I was 14 when he got sentenced. Got seven more years left. The state of Texas showed NO MERCY on him. But they forget that convicts have a families too, which they have no fault of.
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Old 10-01-2016, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by proteinmuffin33 View Post
Just wondering how ya'll feel on an emotional level having your bro/sis locked up? For myself, every day I worry about my bro...even though he put himself there and he needs to deal with it. After spending 20+ years hitting it hard (he started into the drug scene young) hes now fcked his life up and is paying for his mistakes the hard way. On visits I am still struggling with how the fck to handle myself. Hits me hard, puts me in tears. I'm also working my ass off and I have to pay his fines he racked up as well before he went inside. How's everyone dealing?
My brother has been in for over 20 yrs...hes done 21 yrs in jameson...they recently started a new program for the lifers this is the first time in 21 years he's been able to be around another person I am very happy for him he is so strong and always laughing never complaining he has like and I think it's great that he disappear on people I'm new to this this is my first whatever it is I really phone and computer not smart so helpful hints on how to post would be wonderful thank you
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Old 10-18-2016, 07:25 AM
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Default How I Feel About My Brother Being Locked up In Prison

It is so funny, but my family ignores this conversation because nobody wants to talk about it. Now that my brother is scheduled to get out today 10-19-16, they are still avoiding the conversation we all need to have "what the hell are we supposed to do for him now"?
I hated visiting him in prison, so I stopped and never went again. I knew that my family thought I was wrong, but I did not care. I remember all 3 times that my brother went to jail and what he did the day before. I was always there to try and talk him down from doing something stupid. He would ignore me and continue on with the bad behavior.
I would always get angry and pissed off wondering why in the hell would a person continue to get locked up for years if they enjoy freedom so much?

My baby brother loves to party, laugh, sing, draw (fantastic artist) and yet, none of this matters. He keeps doing drugs, keeps getting drunk and keeps committing crimes. Hell, I am at a lost for words because although we are not twins, our birthdays are the day after each other and yet, we are completely different on all levels. Now that he is getting out for the 3rd time, I got nothing...no feeling other than what I am writing here....no desire to help financially, administratively, no way. I don't have the desire to tell him again about the services they offer to ex-offenders, I do not feel like telling him again about his drug use, his alcohol use, his attitude towards family members who he says should have sent him more money on the books, more money for phone service and wrote more.....hell of an attitude towards those of us who have never been to prison, but then again, what do I know.
Anyway, I thought I was the only person with these types of feelings until I got on this site and saw other siblings writing about their brothers and sisters. I am so glad and it may not change the person, but it sure feels good to write about it here.
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Old 08-16-2017, 07:29 AM
bonniec218 bonniec218 is offline
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Default My Brother

My brother was convicted 13 years ago and sentences to 20 years. He is going before the parole board on Monday.

For 8 years, I did not have a relationship with my brother (we didn't have much of a relationship before his incarceration, either). However, our mother died last March and I stepped in to take her place with visitations, letters, and emails. (we are not kids anymore; I am 49 and he is 46)

I now have a wonderful relationship with my brother and I am scared to death they will not approve his parole Monday. If not, he will be totally devastated. I have offered for him to come live with me and my husband. He has a vehicle and a job lined up; we just need to get him home.

I honestly feel incarceration saved my brother's life; we had a horrible childhood and he was spiraling out of control. If he had been allowed to stay out, I believe he would have done worse than what he did or not be alive today.

Please join me in prayers, well-wishes, and good vibes for Monday's hearing. I know if will not be easy having him live with us but I really need him to come home.
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