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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Is He just using you?
Yes, I feel that way! Ughhh! 66 6.97%
No, he would never do that to me! 564 59.56%
Maybe, I would hurt to find that out! 268 28.30%
I wouldn't care because I'm just pasting time anyway! 12 1.27%
Both 3 & 4 37 3.91%
Voters: 947. You may not vote on this poll

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  #301  
Old 10-05-2015, 12:35 PM
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Here I am, four years after I responded to this poll. My answer is still the same. In fact, I am even more convinced there's absolutely no way in this universe that he is using me. I have fallen off a few times, I will admit it. Each time, he was determined to get my focus back on him. No money, no visits, no phone calls necessary. All he wanted was to know I was okay; to please don't just cut off all contact. I do feel bad that I cannot do more for him, however. At least I know where his heart is.
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  #302  
Old 10-13-2015, 12:41 AM
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I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
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  #303  
Old 10-14-2015, 03:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracyann View Post
I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
I know no man is worth putting your life on hold for. Get on with your life. You said he manipulated you and thats not anything a 'beautiful man' does.
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  #304  
Old 10-14-2015, 04:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracyann View Post
I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
I agree sisters should tell sisters if they are being used...I'd want to know!
I hope you are ok and as its been 10 days I would just move on and forget about him. If he wants to apologise then he knows how to get in contact with you. Exhale and find something to keep you busy until you feel better
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  #305  
Old 10-14-2015, 11:25 AM
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Originally Posted by tracyann View Post
I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
You stated he manipulated you into falling in love with him. If that is truly the case, that's a major red flag. Him not calling for 10 days after a heated conversation is also a form of manipulation and he's doing it as a way to punish and control you. As Psychocandy stated, a man that behaves like that is not a beautiful man.

It appears to me that he's a master manipulator. I was in a relationship with a master manipulator for almost 5 years. His own Mother had told me more than once what he was (Just in general conversation, not ever directed towards our relationship.), but I believed he wouldn't ever do that to me.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I know your heart is invested, but you need to run away as fast as you can and never look back. You will truly be better off. If you stay, you're going to eventually wish you hadn't.
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  #306  
Old 11-16-2015, 02:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracyann View Post
I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
How did he manipulate your need for companionship? smh. I personally would not put my life on hold for something, I am not sure of. I'd let that go , or get my closure instead of waiting and lingering around..

Last edited by tangerinedream; 11-16-2015 at 03:11 AM..
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  #307  
Old 11-16-2015, 03:09 AM
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Sorry but sound like you were his personal ATM that he is stringing along. If he he using other girls. He is most likely using you to. You said you from day was you poured yourself into him, that sounds you went head head first. He played you with your emotions.The letters, and time spent with each other aided him in this. I think you are selling yourself short because you deserve better, than being used. My view
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  #308  
Old 11-18-2015, 11:26 AM
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With my ex, most definitely.

However, with Mr. G it's a different story. Our relationship began as a strictly carnal one, and over time grew to care about each other and became close friends. He knows I'm not gullible enough to let him use me for financial gain, company to soothe his loneliness and boredom from the inside, etc... In fact, he's the type of person to not ask for favors from anyone and would rather do for himself. If he's "using" me, it's only for sex and obviously to a great extent that option is gone for now or at least limited.
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  #309  
Old 11-29-2015, 03:22 AM
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No he truly does love me and is not using me. He has never asked me for anything and what I do send to him he always tells me not to. I do not send money to take care of him or for his personal needs I send money for our phone calls, emails, and letters because I know he cannot afford that expense. I believe that it is only fair that if I want him to call me, email me, and write to me the way that he does that I help with the cost.
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  #310  
Old 11-29-2015, 08:27 AM
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Somebody asked me recently if I thought he was using me for money. Eh. At the start he didn't even know I had money or anything else. He refused to ask for anything. Refused to accept anything. I don't think he's using me. He's not a liar. He's not a manipulator. My love is honest to a fault. He would much rather be alone with his thoughts than to do anything that he's not truly feeling. I could discuss all of the things he does to make sure I feel confident about his intentions. Instead I will say that I do not believe that he's using me. He loves me as much as I love him. More, it sometimes seems like.

The fact is that the risk of being used, or dealing with somebody whose intentions are not pure is a risk that you take when you open your heart to another person. No matter how well you know somebody, you can never know somebody completely. You just have to trust your gut, trust the person, and risk it. They will either prove worth it or not. If not, take it as a lesson learned, move on, and nurse your wounds for as long as it takes you to heal. I do know my worth. I would not stay in an environment where I was not being appreciated.
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  #311  
Old 04-18-2016, 03:13 PM
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No way is he using me.

I have loved him since I was 12, he has loved me since I was 17. At 20, we were each told the other was dead, because his parents didn't feel that it was appropriate for a man in prison or who has ever been to prison to get married. I found out the truth when I was 27- I had never really gotten over him but had married, he had never moved on at all- and started corresponding. We've been writing for six years. My husband recently died, and while I do miss him, I am excited for a real chance with my first love.
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  #312  
Old 05-05-2017, 10:53 AM
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I met my man when we were 16, and we were together for 2 years. (that was 11 years ago, I'm 27 now) We always stayed in contact throughout the years, and he would always be there when I needed him the most. Over the summer we hung out, talked every day but it wasn't the right time for either of us. He had just gotten out of jail, and I just out of a long relationship. Well, In February of this year I woke up in the middle of the night with him on my mind. I realized I hadn't heard from him in a little while, so I tried calling, texting and even reached out to him on social media. Days went by, and no response, so I knew something was wrong. He always answers me...so I googled his name and found out he had been arrested on 12/28/16. I called our county jail, and found out he was there. They made me verify a ton of his information, but I knew it all already. LOL. So I put money on the phone and I wrote him.

He called about a week later (it takes forever to put numbers on your call list there), and we talked for a while, we wrote back and forth and I made some visits. I realized right away my feelings were the same but didn't express them. He expressed them at a visit to me first, and laid everything out on the table. I thought about it, and since then we've decided to try again. I've given him outs, but he chooses to stay.

Now, most people would think yeah he's using you, but he refuses to ask me for things. I actually have to find out on my own from co's that I know that work there that he needs things. I send him books every once in a while, but I honestly don't do much for him. I do pay for the phone, and he calls twice a day, but when his mom gives him money, he will use part of that to pay for the phone so I don't do it. Unless his mom comes, I get both of the visits he's allowed to have. He signed all of his personal property over to me that the prison had since then to, so I can hold onto it for him.

He writes me usually 3 times a week, makes me cards and draws me pictures.

At first I was skeptical, but now I know he isn't using me.
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  #313  
Old 05-05-2017, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by tracyann View Post
I have met a beautiful man Justin (Salinas valley state prison). I am 18 yrs older than him. I do think he has a thing for older woman as his xwife(to be) is also older than him.
I was very comfortable being his pen pal until he manipulated my need for companionship and I feel in love with him. He did ask me to marry him and I said yes. However his divorce is not finalized as yet.
I think there should be a bond between sisters as the brothers have tight grips on each other.Sister should tell sisters if they are being used , I havnt spoken to Justin in 10 days after we had a heated conversation. My life is on hold its like ive taken a breath and cant exhale.Please say something is you know something.
I don't like the waiting for ten days thing. If my boyfriend and I have a heated conversation, or one of us writes something in a letter the other doesn't like, we will talk about it until its resolved. It doesn't matter if it takes 10 minutes or 3 hours. We will hang up, call back every 30 minutes until we are past it. There are days he has bad days and I push his buttons, but I never go more than 24 hours without hearing his voice. If I waited 10 days, he'd of just gotten a letter stating were done. The only reason I say that is because the only relationship you have with him is a verbal one. Without talking in any form, what are you doing together?
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  #314  
Old 05-17-2017, 03:45 AM
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We use each other honestly. He's my cheerleader, my go to, my confidant, the air I breath. I'm his financial support, emotional support, his confidant and best fried. It's loving opportunistic relation that keeps us both sane in this prison world.
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Old 07-28-2017, 08:20 PM
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I have no doubts about my husband's love for me, but I KNOW there are people (his exes especially) who would like to believe he is with me ONLY because I have been loyal; they think this even though I wasn't always committed to him! I am sure their doubts have subsided with time, but there is still a part of them who wants to believe we don't have that special kind of love. I am a catch! I think they know that, but they would still like to believe what they had with him was somehow stronger. Silly women.

The truth is: many men who are incarcerated have needs that are not being met by someone else. Some of them may actually tell women what they want to hear to get those needs met. I say that people should approach these relationships with some caution and understanding of that fact. I would certainly consider whether or not you think he would choose someone like you if he had all the choices in the world. If yes, you're probably safe. If no, you may get your heart broken when he does have more women in his daily existence.
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  #316  
Old 09-24-2017, 10:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychocandy View Post
I know no man is worth putting your life on hold for. Get on with your life.

You said he manipulated you and thats not anything a 'beautiful man' does.

Chica, this is a very old post well 2 yrs ago but i want to say I so agree. and i hope she is ok though,doing well by now. ICAM with your post Psycho candy.

So true.
G-night.
adios.
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  #317  
Old 09-25-2017, 03:55 PM
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He wouldn't, he never really asked anything of me but screenshots of new videogames or to look up information. When I offered to pay for the Corrlinks minutes he spends on me he declined. Actually I benefit more from him than he does from me, he became my guru who's making me a better person, simply because he has good influence on me and is a better person that I ever was. It should probably be the other way around, but hey, as long as it works for both :P
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  #318  
Old 09-29-2017, 08:12 PM
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No, I don't believe he is using me.

However, I am using him. Mainly for expensive phone sex.

You go girl!.
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  #319  
Old 10-01-2017, 12:06 AM
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I know that some of you ladies have been with your man before he got locked up, but some of you haven't. Do any of you ever feel like you're being used? I have talked with a few inmates and they point out the women they call "fools" because they are being used & when they leave, another girl comes to see the same man. I don't think that is right to do somebody like that. Are you being used? Are you spending your time loving someone that has no intentions on being true to you? It's just a question...

I just don't feel that people should be naive, but sometimes we are. I have talked with a few women that feels like their man is just using them and I hate it for them because they are good women.
Nope. We have known each other for 25 years and been together a year before he went. That man loves me
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  #320  
Old 10-02-2017, 08:43 PM
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Def not being used. Me and his best friend are the only ones that visit,him. I'm the only one that consistently does, i go 2x a week at minimum.

Luckily there was an understanding that he is there for his actions, and its a short sentence. He went in with 220, and he knew that had to last because i was, at the time, not financially able to give him anything.

His mother doesn't visit, but from time to time she'll give me something to take to him.

Most money I've spent is on calls,and even those we cut out almost entirely because of the money aspect.

Since hes been in, I've spent maybe 100$ on calls, and 20 on t-shirts and thermals...

We just made a year yesterday (dating a year and a half) and are niw actively house hunting. That's my best friend
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Old 10-11-2017, 04:13 PM
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No my sweetie doesnt use me at all.
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  #322  
Old 10-11-2017, 04:26 PM
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I know of someone that is being used and its ashame because she doesnt see it. We no longer speak and I dont like her guy at all. She didnt know him until someone hooked her up with him on the inside. Its really sad and pathetic to watch.
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  #323  
Old 10-18-2017, 04:53 PM
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My friend inmate is calling a married woman 5 or 6times a day.She only pay for the calls, she doesnt gives a single $ .I asked him why he calls so many times , he said because she the only one who acept the calls and she funny.He said prison is the most boring place and i need to entretain myself with whatever.So just because you dont send money doesnt mean anything, people need to valuate another sinals of love.

Last edited by anada; 10-18-2017 at 04:56 PM..
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  #324  
Old 10-18-2017, 10:00 PM
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[C yes!! inmates use women I have a few good friends who have openly admitted using women for money packages letters attention the list goes on OLOR="DimGray"][/color]
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  #325  
Old 11-20-2017, 10:22 AM
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I do not think my husband is using me. we have been married for several years prior to him going to jail and that isnt' him.

This ride is hard and If I felt that way I wouldn't be on this ride.

My best friend use to work at statesville and he has stories of the women that were getting used and it's really sad. If you think your being used walk away.
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