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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: if your spouse had a long tern sentence and you want a child by him would you wait?
yes 331 67.69%
no 74 15.13%
maybe 84 17.18%
Voters: 489. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 05-23-2006, 02:10 AM
darkchocolateon darkchocolateon is offline
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I would most definately wait and try to have a baby with my man. He's been in since 1998 and doesn't get out until 2016, and if God's willing I will try to have a baby with my man. We both have a son of our own, I would love to have his child even if it meant we could only have just one. I guess me and him are selfish, he feels like all that we've gone through and all of the time that we spent wanting to be with each, we owe it to ourselves to have at least one child. I agree with him. I guess it's a waiting game to find out the outcome.
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  #52  
Old 05-31-2006, 09:07 PM
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but how do you have a child together if you can't have sex? In SC prisons they do not have conjegal visits....so what then? I guess you just out of luck????
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  #53  
Old 05-31-2006, 09:18 PM
yaya'sbaby yaya'sbaby is offline
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Yeah we discussed having children.He wanted me to get a start on it by getting pregnant while he is there,But i told him by the time u get out im gonna be 31-32 and he is gonna be 35,we have plenty of time besides I wanna finish college and by a condo before he comes home!!!
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  #54  
Old 06-18-2006, 09:47 AM
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Yes, I would wait.The heart does not understand time. When you love someone that is in prison, having kids is defintely an issue that comes up. I feel that if it is meant to be then the children will come. I am 32 and have no kids and I want them badly. But I have to remember that my man is down and I must do everything in my power to wait,
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  #55  
Old 06-23-2006, 02:31 PM
lex's butterfly lex's butterfly is offline
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my husband and i were married as of 1-14-06 but we have known eachother our entire lives. he is serving 34-40 yrs and yes i do plan on having more children.
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  #56  
Old 06-23-2006, 02:34 PM
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my huband and i were married 1-14-06 at a prison. he is serving a sentence of 34-40 yrs. we plan on having more children regardless of the sentence. lex's butterfly
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  #57  
Old 07-16-2006, 08:16 PM
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thats one thing i feel lucky i won't have to worry too much about. he got 10 yrs, but we're both 20 now so we won't be too old to attempt to have kids. that would've crushed me if he got longer or if we were older and i had to deal with not having kids. but that's just me, i've always (eventually) wanted to have children. though this situation may have prevented alot of our dreams, at least that one (of having kids) will just be postponed.
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  #58  
Old 07-26-2006, 07:03 PM
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My baby has been in for 14 years now and I have always always always wanted children with him. When he gets out in 2 years, hopefully, we plan to make it all official and get married. Now we are common law.

My only concern is I will be too old to have kids by the time he gets out and we get married. I'll be almost 40 years old. I pray something happens soon.
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  #59  
Old 07-31-2006, 06:34 PM
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We both want children and always have. He wants to be the father he never had. I could be pregnant right now, but if not now it will be 15 years from now, and I will be 41. On one hand I want to be pregnant now, on the other hand I don't know how I could make enough money to raise a child on my own. It would break my husbands heart to be in prison while his child is growing up. But we don't want to miss the chance to have children altogether either. This is very hard. I am sorry that there are so many of us that have to go through this pain.
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  #60  
Old 08-01-2006, 08:30 PM
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I said no only because we didn't have to wait. We get conjugal visits and our son is a result of that. We both wanted a child together and just let nature take its course. It is hard sometimes, but we get through it. I wouldn't change a thing if I had the choice to make again, though one is enough financially for now.He just turned 5.
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  #61  
Old 08-01-2006, 08:46 PM
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We've recently been talking about this - two thumbs up. I will be almost 40 when he comes home in 2012 - not too old Susansmoaks - a lot of women have healthy children in their early 40's nowadays.
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  #62  
Old 09-11-2006, 02:28 PM
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No one has mentioned the state of mind your husbands/boyfriends will be in after a lengthy period of custody. Believe me, they are going to go through hell just getting used to street life all over again. I would be most concerned that adding a small child to that equation may well be more than he can tolerate. As for having another child while your man is still in custody, I feel that you, first of all, as many of you already know, being a single mother is difficult, at the best of times. Secondly, being a single mother makes it almost impossible for you to give the child the things in life that they need. Yes, I've heard all about raising children in a loving environment and all that, But believe me, I was raised in a single parent home and there were occasions far too often in which our mother was just not able to provide what we needed; what we wanted was not the issue; what we needed was. It's not fair to the children. Fine he wants a child and any man would. But he and, by extension, you should have thought about that before he did whatever it was that ended him up in custody. Sounds cruel, perhaps, but I still remember the nights when we went without because our biological father was not there to support us. Mother killed herself working for us kids and she did more than was humanly possible to make sure we had the essentials in life. But life, whether we want to admit it or not, is more than just providing kids with the essentials.
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  #63  
Old 09-11-2006, 11:52 PM
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I hear ya, and dont totally agree on the single parent situation. that is your take, and experience, and it was what it was, but there are also those that do have the opportunity/means to provide and a little more.

that said, i dont think i would do it alone without my husband. granted, nobody is giving us that chance, so i cant say what ultimate decision we would make if that happened, but for now i say, we wait and do it together.

i mean, it is hard enough out here without him, so add to that another life to look after. i really couldnt imagine. not judging others who do it or are going to, i just have so much on the plate right now.

plus, as you say MR.J, what will be his state of mind when he comes home? We must work on us first, we cant add a child to the mix until we have become used to each other again. We need to know if we will have any issues to resolve b/c of prison or just readjusting.

even though it will be a while till he comes home, i was thinking the taking some precaution (i.e.pill) is the best for me, that way i am saved from any rash decisions that we might make in the first nights/weeks he is home. i know we wont be in any frame of mind to control ourselves.
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  #64  
Old 09-20-2006, 12:01 AM
wifewaiting wifewaiting is offline
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Disco, that is exactly the precaution that I will be taking in the first year after his release - the pill. Hubby and I talked about this on the phone a few days ago. He agrees - we do not feel that throwing a baby into the immediate mix would be considered healthy so soon after his release. He has been down for 5 prior to this 10 year sentence and I certainly remember the former adjustments. No matter how good the 'fluff' looks - it's important to remain grounded. Either we will be blessed with a child - or we will be blessed to be a couple without one - either or - we have one another and we win irregardless.
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  #65  
Old 09-20-2006, 12:38 PM
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I wouldn't wait...................I've been in prison and knew a lot of lifers and long terms.........they would understand mostly.
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  #66  
Old 09-20-2006, 09:54 PM
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I was told that my husband and I can not adopt because he os a felon. I couldn't even get custody of his sisters kids when they were taken away from her because he will be getting home while they are still under 18 and in the home. He is not even in for a violent crime! It doesn't make sense to me!!
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  #67  
Old 09-20-2006, 10:59 PM
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ladies, I am wondering where I would find articles on artificial insemination. My husband is a life, we own our own business and we are wanting a child. If you are going to be judgmental, its cool. If not any one want to help a sister out? lol. this is something that we really want, and it will be a good thing. I appreciate anyones help.
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  #68  
Old 09-23-2006, 03:00 PM
wifewaiting wifewaiting is offline
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Your best bet would be to contact your OBGYN and ask them which local infertility clinic they suggest you be in contact with - or just do a web search on a clinic near you and give them a call. Every state has different laws in regard to this. Good luck!
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  #69  
Old 09-23-2006, 11:08 PM
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Well I just popped in and my husband is doing a 20 yr bid. I really wanted children with him and he wanted with me. I'm not young 36 he's 30 so do the math with early release I'm still going to be to old.So we have dicussed babies now but like someone said it's not just black and white. But then again I would love to have a part of him inside of me and then watch them grow and be loved. It's a hard decision. He said let's see what happens. I only have one and I dont want her to be the only child.
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  #70  
Old 09-28-2006, 09:54 PM
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I am going through this myself my man has been in a year and doesnt know how long hes gonna get. Probably 10-15 he was 39 when he went in and I was 27. So when he gets out he'll be in his late forties and me in my late thirties. Not to old to have children but I think after all that time without him I'd rather live out the rest of our days trying to make up for lost time with each other. He has two teenage kids with his first wife and I have an 8 year old son with my ex-husband so at least we have them.
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  #71  
Old 09-28-2006, 11:53 PM
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I'M pretty confused myself. my fiance with good time has 15 more years. although he is working on getting back into court. he wants kids with me really bad. he says when he gets transferred to calif and we get our first conjugal visit hes going to do everything he can to put a baby in me. he's so cute. but i do have feelings on both sides of the subject. there are pros and cons. i think everyone should do what works for them. i think our guys would feel some security if they a child. it would bring you closer and the child can see him on weekends and bond until he comes home. my 8 year old twin girls love my fiance, they love visiting him. he pays more attention to them than their dad, in fact i know he loves them like they are his own. do what your heart says. kids are a blessing.
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  #72  
Old 09-29-2006, 07:44 AM
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you need to think about the kids feelings
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  #73  
Old 11-25-2006, 07:03 PM
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I Love My Man So Much And I Would Love To Have A Child With Him.
But Right Now Its Just Cant Happen. Thre Are No Conjucal Visits
My Man Has 25 Yr Sentence. He Has Already Done 5 Years And All
I Can Do Is Pray They Bring Parole Back To Federal Prison Or That
The Lawyer Gets A Sentence Reduction For Him. I Would Do Anything To Have A Child With Him.
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  #74  
Old 11-26-2006, 10:59 AM
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Thirties is not to late to have kids my sister Dani is due to give birth on Dec 26th and she is 36 so never give up hope
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  #75  
Old 11-26-2006, 11:16 AM
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It depends on how long the sentence is and how old I was when he went in. I definitely wouldn't want to have kids after 35 so if I could sqeeze it in b4 that, maybe. If not, I don't think I would be waiting. My baby will be out this week though so I don't have to worry about that!!!
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