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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 10-09-2019, 09:40 PM
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Default Governor's Review

I'm 9 hours away from boarding onto a Hawaiian vacation and I get an unexpected call, I hear hubby's ring tone and automatically think, OMG he's going to give me his release date, because he can't help himself. Nope, he called to say that the Governor is suggesting that the Parole Directors or whatever title he called them, they oversee the parole panel who found my husband suitable... Governor wants them to re-review, to confirm whether Jr has insight on his prior substance abuse. He was highly over the legal limit at the time of the crime, has a Juvenal record of being intoxicated and a write up in 2008 that I didn't know about with regard to a fight and both involved were suspected of smelling like alcohol - Jr admitted to having partaken in drinking and was written up for it - how in the HELL did I miss that??? Did he lie to me and tell me they were on lock-down, did he even have privileges taken - I didn't get to ask these questions tonight, but best believe that I will be asking soon.

A friend of his who has been out for 2 years now, served 3 decades - says that the Managing Board Members don't want to shit on their colleges who find inmates suitable, but we'll see... I understand, complete reviews must be conducted, this is serious - protocols on all levels must be reviewed and cleared.

Broke my heart to hear him so discouraged. All I can do is assure him that I'll be here for him and to advise not focusing on this as negative but rather just apart of the review process.

I'll find out more in a week or two - for now I'm on vacation! He'll call to speak with our daughter on Friday, while we're hiking or swimming in the tropics, Lawrdy I need this break!

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Old 10-17-2019, 09:54 PM
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We spoke quite a few times in the past week. I got the background on prison drinking, why he did it, and when his last drink was (2008). I questioned a lot more than why he didn't tell me about it back then, and though he was quick to explain, I didn't have the energy to keep drilling him. I can't wrap myself in the past when I'm trying to live in the now, and prepare for my future.

He called tonight, which was a surprise, he called early this morning and then had work followed by group night, I was not expecting a call. "Have you ever realized that I could spend the rest of my life in here?" where the first words out his mouth
The realization of that is why we both kept our relationship on the "friend level" for 10 years. Of course I realize that he may spend the rest of his life in prison, regardless how many times he is found suitable for parole ((fucking politics)). I knew better than to get myself into a for sure mindset that he was getting out, but it felt so good! I refuse to do that to myself again!!

His case will be reviewed by the full parole panel next month. All I can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst - we have already reached out to a few organizations, advocates, and attorneys to prepare us.

~ Loving a Lifer

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Old 10-17-2019, 10:01 PM
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How stressful!! For both of you Sending much positive energy for an awesome review and subsequent approval to be released. Keep your chin up
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Old 10-18-2019, 02:05 AM
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Im a lurker here because I am in the UK, but i wanted to let you know that you come across like a real warrior, a strong woman supporting her man but still living life. I hope he comes home to you soon.
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Old 10-18-2019, 09:45 AM
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I really am hoping they look at it as something that happened 11 years ago. Has he been in any treatment or attended addiction meeting for the last 11 years? Sometimes I know they aren’t even offered so it’s not possible. It is common to get clean in prison. My boyfriends last cocaine use was in a cell at Oregon state prison. Hang in there, as you know things move freaking slow in the system. Stay positive. Your man seems like he knows what’s up. I’m sure he would talk to you about options if he does life. He literally sat me down when he got out and had a conversation about the subject. My man would never expect me to not have someone in my life if he was doing life. With your story I truly believe you were brought back together to be with him during this time. Stay strong your gonna get through this
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Old 10-18-2019, 01:05 PM
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Thank you patchouli! Will do, the alternative isn't even an option anymore

ukwoo, how kind of you.. I truly appreciate your time and words ((words matter and move mountains)) so thank you kindly.

kimimi, indeed Jr's has been apart of several substance abuse courses and groups, he's even California AOD Licensed as an alcohol and drug counselor, which has been his paying job since 2014. He leads the curriculum and certain programs. He definitely has insight on the impact of his past drinking and insight on what could happen shall he ever drink again. We'll see what the panel decides.

You're right, I came back in a crucial time... law of attraction, it's amazingly perfect!

Thank you so much for the good vibes!
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Old 10-20-2019, 12:26 PM
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Moon Gem, I am loving your posts because we are dealing with similar situations. My man is LWOP but Oregon just reduced the list of aggravated murder conditions and his is not on there. Plus, there were problems in his case because the aggravated murder charge was not supported by an underlying crime (long story). I am writing a clemency petition now, not for him to get a pardon, but to be able to see the parole board due to the new law, plus the problem in his sentencing. I am going to give him the petition as his Christmas gift because I can't think of a better one

I am prepared to love him behind bars for the rest of our lives if that is the only way I can have him. I do not spend time hoping for anything else because I just can't set myself up that way. This is a long haul and, at times, a very heavy lift. I can only do it because my world out here is satisfying and there is no one else like him. He is irreplaceable to me.

If political will prevails, or the petition works, then I will start to dream about a future actually living together. My fear is that I will strip away his hope if this fails and I think the odds are great. Guess, we will have to cross that bridge when we get there.

I admire how you stay positive and I am of the same mindset; that this choice I made will not stop me from having a good life or enjoying the free world. He is just part of my soul and adds joy to my days.

Take care and good look on your case)))
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Old 10-20-2019, 10:54 PM
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Originally Posted by RaeLR View Post
I am writing a clemency petition now, not for him to get a pardon, but to be able to see the parole board due to the new law, plus the problem in his sentencing. I am going to give him the petition as his Christmas gift because I can't think of a better one

What a gift you are to be creating such a gift for him! Bless your heart!

Thank you, I send you and your lifer the best; at parole board, court, love & life.

* hugs ~ to loving a lifer *

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Old 11-27-2019, 12:28 AM
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It's been an awkward and frustrating 47 days sitting back nearly helplessly waiting the results of today... Lifer's parole has been affirmed and he will be released next Friday.

His 1st call was 2 hours after learning the results - he's too adorable, here we are suppose to be hoot'n & holler'n yet in a concerned tone he says, "I haven't written in 3 days"... to which I reply, "Ohhh babe me either, been so busy working", then at the sametime we said, "don't write anymore" and both busted up laughing.

I'm elated, nervous, excited, thrilled, thankful and everything that is unfolding couldn't have been rolling out in a better time. I literally dropped to my knees at work when I saw the words, "parole affirmed".... So happy for him!

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Old 11-27-2019, 08:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
It's been an awkward and frustrating 47 days sitting back nearly helplessly waiting the results of today... Lifer's parole has been affirmed and he will be released next Friday.

His 1st call was 2 hours after learning the results - he's too adorable, here we are suppose to be hoot'n & holler'n yet in a concerned tone he says, "I haven't written in 3 days"... to which I reply, "Ohhh babe me either, been so busy working", then at the sametime we said, "don't write anymore" and both busted up laughing.

I'm elated, nervous, excited, thrilled, thankful and everything that is unfolding couldn't have been rolling out in a better time. I literally dropped to my knees at work when I saw the words, "parole affirmed".... So happy for him!

OMG, wow, fantastic news! Congratulations!
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Old 11-27-2019, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by 408MoonGem View Post
It's been an awkward and frustrating 47 days sitting back nearly helplessly waiting the results of today... Lifer's parole has been affirmed and he will be released next Friday.

His 1st call was 2 hours after learning the results - he's too adorable, here we are suppose to be hoot'n & holler'n yet in a concerned tone he says, "I haven't written in 3 days"... to which I reply, "Ohhh babe me either, been so busy working", then at the sametime we said, "don't write anymore" and both busted up laughing.

I'm elated, nervous, excited, thrilled, thankful and everything that is unfolding couldn't have been rolling out in a better time. I literally dropped to my knees at work when I saw the words, "parole affirmed".... So happy for him!

Awesome news, I'm so happy for you! ENJOY!!
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Old 11-27-2019, 09:06 AM
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What a blessing to enjoy. Happy for you both. I couldn't imagine how he feels to be getting out. Sometimes I wish we could hear there side of things.
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Old 11-27-2019, 09:14 AM
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Wonderful news . Congratulations to you all
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Old 11-27-2019, 09:57 AM
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Great news. Congratulations !
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Old 11-27-2019, 12:38 PM
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What a blessing to enjoy. Happy for you both. I couldn't imagine how he feels to be getting out. Sometimes I wish we could hear there side of things.

You will, we are recording and documenting... we will be loading lots of interviews and our lives on a YouTube channel - I will post the link for anyone to checkout soon.


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Old 11-27-2019, 10:40 PM
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Yea!! Wonderful news


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Old 11-28-2019, 01:29 AM
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That‘s amazing! I am SO excited for you!
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Old 11-28-2019, 02:22 AM
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This is amazing!!!
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Old 11-28-2019, 07:31 AM
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Congrats!!!!
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Old 11-28-2019, 08:40 PM
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Thank you!
I am happy for Jr.... I'm excited for him..I say "him" and not us because this is his freedom from his incarserstion. I'm his bistandard... There's no expectations or guarantees, we love each other and know one another like no other does, but I refuse to set up a fantasy of expectations. Jr has an extremely long road ahead of him, it will require; trust, space, unconditional love and he's got that with me, knowing this next season comes with loads of patients.

I would like to feel safe and comfortable coming here and keeping real, so that's what you'll get...realness. Again, thank you for the endless support!
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Wow...just read through this post, not sure how I missed it before today...So relieved to hear of his release!!! Made me cry when I read that it had been granted!!! Can only begin to imagine the relief! wow...huge congrats to the both of you! So thrilled for him to have this opportunity and amazing of you to be realistic of the challenges that lie ahead and prepared with unconditional love...so beautiful! : ) Do keep us posted! Gives hope for the rest of us standing with our lifers... Thank you!
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Old Yesterday, 06:00 PM
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Made me cry when I read that it had been granted!!! Can only begin to imagine the relief!

Thank you! For me, knowing he's been found suitable to parole was a joy. The reality of post prison is just now crashing in... it's like a train approaching rapidly toward our slow car moving on the track... he's terrified and I don't blame him, but I have never known this part of him. I met him while he was on trial, prison wasn't frighting for him, it was sad and frustrating, but he wasn't terrified...these emotions are all new, everything as he knows it is about to change. Regardless of how difficult, we know it's for the best.

I seriously commend everyone loving a lifer!!
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