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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 10-13-2013, 05:32 PM
belac4 belac4 is offline
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Default Is a relationship without a title a 'real' relationship?

On the Husbands & Boyfriends forum, I was surprised to discover that in a poll, about 9% of women said that they have no 'title' to their man- i.e., they're not their girlfriend or wife. If you have no title, then what are you? A friend recently asked me if the guy I write/talk to and I are a "thing," and I realized that we kind of are. We both express feelings for each other, but no official commitment has been made, although it's been discussed that it's a future possibility. Anyway, I'm not his girlfriend, and I'm not his wife, so, yes, we have no title... but I wouldn't have even voted in that poll because I don't consider us to be in a relationship with each other.
I was just wondering how others view this. I think my guy and I sort of have an unspoken commitment, but if I met someone who I was interested in tomorrow, I don't think he'd be angry or anything. Probably surprised and upset, but we have no official title to signify that we CAN'T date other people. Would some people consider this a relationship? Can you truly have a relationship without a title? I suppose you can, but I think titles signify a true commitment to one another. What do you think? Is a relationship without a title a 'real' relationship?
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Old 10-13-2013, 06:07 PM
moonshine42 moonshine42 is offline
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I suppose if BOTH people are really ok with no titles, they can still have a "thing", but the few relationships I knew of lime this, it usually meant ONE person didnt want titles (bc they didnt want a real comitment) and the other person begrudgingly went along with it....and always the same number plays out...the person who resents there not being any titles, ends up hurt, jealous and then fights over it. I suppose there could be two people who really are ok with no titles or comitments but in the ones Ive seen or known about, it usually turns out to be like that where its either the man or the woma who doesnt want a title and the other goes along with it but doesnt like it. In the very beginning of a relationship its ok not to have titles but I think most adults want to be validated as having some sort of title either girlfriend or wife. And then after a while its natural to expect to move to the next level from girlfriend to wife.
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Old 10-13-2013, 06:43 PM
OnTheMissions OnTheMissions is offline
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I guess that it boils down to what the two people in a relationship want and feel comfortable with. I believe that it's important for two people to nurture their relationship at the pace that's comfortable to both of them. With that being said, I believe that you and your friend are in the process of becoming an item if that's what the two of you want. My guy thinks that giving me a title is the least that he could do to provide me with the security and protection. He's been very clear about what he wants, and I've never questioned our relationship status or my title.
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belac4 View Post
On the Husbands & Boyfriends forum, I was surprised to discover that in a poll, about 9% of women said that they have no 'title' to their man- i.e., they're not their girlfriend or wife. If you have no title, then what are you? A friend recently asked me if the guy I write/talk to and I are a "thing," and I realized that we kind of are. We both express feelings for each other, but no official commitment has been made, although it's been discussed that it's a future possibility. Anyway, I'm not his girlfriend, and I'm not his wife, so, yes, we have no title... but I wouldn't have even voted in that poll because I don't consider us to be in a relationship with each other.
I was just wondering how others view this. I think my guy and I sort of have an unspoken commitment, but if I met someone who I was interested in tomorrow, I don't think he'd be angry or anything. Probably surprised and upset, but we have no official title to signify that we CAN'T date other people. Would some people consider this a relationship? Can you truly have a relationship without a title? I suppose you can, but I think titles signify a true commitment to one another. What do you think? Is a relationship without a title a 'real' relationship?
From the outside looking in another words just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt - you are actively pursuing a MWI relationship.

I believe that whether the relationship begins while one party is incarcerated or if the parties knew one another prior to incarceration and EVEN if the prison experience is not involved whatsoever, that a relationship is best defined by the two parties involved. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant except in the instance of applicable state or federal laws.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:51 PM
CenTexLyn CenTexLyn is offline
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short answer is that it is as real as the two parties believe it to be.
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Old 10-15-2013, 06:09 AM
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buttenz buttenz is offline
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There is no need to consistently label everything. Do you like each other more or less if you call yourselves a couple? It's just a convenient way for people to relegate you to a certain category.
If you're secure in your own feelings then that's all that matters.
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Old 10-15-2013, 07:21 AM
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If you feel it as a romance, if your partner feels it as a romance, it IS a romance!
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Old 10-15-2013, 05:01 PM
acapek88 acapek88 is offline
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G and I are this way. Long story short, my ex destroyed me and I wasn't ready to get hurt again when I met G. We dated for awhile before he got locked up, but I was worried I'd seem vulnerable and he'd have control if I was his girl and I couldn't give him that power. He says he's cool with taking it slow, but he was always very hopeful, tried to hold my hand, hug me, etc. don't get me wrong, I'd be terribly hurt if he left for a girl who would commit, and I'm incredibly smitten. I adore him, and I'm working on my control issues, it isn't fair to someone when one person decides they don't want a relationship. One of them always do.
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Old 10-15-2013, 09:42 PM
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Personally I don't feel like I am in a relationship unless there is a title. No title DRIVES ME CRAZY!
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Old 10-15-2013, 10:01 PM
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The problem is not what the relationship is called.
The problems arise when the two people most concerned are not on the same page about that subject.....and there are even bigger problems if you cannot just up and say "Hey, this is a little awkward but what are we? I mean are we dating? Are we a "couple"? Is it exclusive? Do you want it to be or is it too soon for you to be thinking like that?".

If you fear "scaring him off" by checking in on the status of the connection, he's not there to begin with.
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