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  #1  
Old 09-19-2009, 07:24 PM
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Angry My relationship doesn't count...We don't have a "real" relationship?

For the sake of not confidentiality and less confusion, munkey is my fiance & bob is my bestfriend. One day I was talking to Bob (yes, he is a guy. But Ive NEVER done anything with him). and I was telling him that my relationship with munkey was doing really well. Munkey had actually proposed to me during a visit almost a month ago, so Im REAAAAALLY excited . So I told Bob about it and he says that of course were going to do good because we dont see each other. We dont have a real relationship, it doesnt count. I naturally was pretty pissy considering Munkey and I fought everyday for the first 5 months of him being locked up. And since phone calls were 15 mins and visits no longer than 30 is was harder to make up than it would be in a "relationship that counts". I mean its worse when you have to wait for a phone call when you get news or have questions that can make or break a relationship. We cant call and hang up and call back...we cant just show up and have make up sessions. And it just seems like a lot of people (my friends too on the low) just think that because someone is in a relationship with someone who is incarcerated, everything that is said is just "prison talk". Im so tired of it! if its real its real regardless of the location. People are so ignorant.
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  #2  
Old 09-19-2009, 07:34 PM
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I understand what your going though and im sorry!!!Its rough bc no one really understands unless they are going through the same thing, or have been through it in the past. You have to just let it roll off of you I guess, bc only you know the truth about your relationship!!!! Congrats on the engagement by the way Excitingggggggggg!!!!
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Old 09-19-2009, 07:40 PM
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Yeah i'm a witch with a b lol. I dont let what most people say bother me, its just the idea that my friends are supposed to be my support and they secretly feel like im stupid. But whatever Im in love and you are so right. Thank you so much! Im sooooo excited it feels so good to hear him say to people "Isnt my fiancee beautiful" esp his family! Its amazing!
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Old 09-19-2009, 09:04 PM
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i know what your going through for real my best friend and i stopped talking for a good 4 months because of this. She kept saying, you can do better and hes not worth it. Well i wasnt having it. I grew up with her... Im 22 now and we've know e/o since we were 11? 12? something like that. 6th grade lol.... anyways. I said, dont you think i know what im doing? Ive never done anything like this before, and i certainly wouldnt put myself through this kind of torture for someone i didnt care about. When she found out he asked me to marry him she went nuts & we stopped talking. Just recently she approached me and appologized. I accepted bc she is my best friend and i love her & i felt like her appology was sincere. So basically im just sayin i understand, you have to let him know what he said hurt your feelings. hes your friend, and should be there for you no matter what. As long as you are happy, your bf's location should be a factor.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-19-2009, 10:11 PM
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((hugs)) I'm sorry ... but as long as you know that its real then let them say what they wanna say... its just their opinion (ignorant as it may be lol).

Congrats on your engagement!
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:42 AM
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yeah he and i stopped talking for a couple of months before when he said something like that maybe last year. But now that he voiced it again I know thats how he feels and he'll never change his opinion on it. So I guess its something that we're both going to deal with. Im not going to lose a 6 year friendship over it, but Im not going to shy away from my fiance either.
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Old 09-21-2009, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by J&D7 View Post
((hugs)) I'm sorry ... but as long as you know that its real then let them say what they wanna say... its just their opinion (ignorant as it may be lol).

Congrats on your engagement!
Thank you!!! Im sooooo excited! =)
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Old 09-21-2009, 11:53 AM
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You are right, people are ignorant and cold hearted. Your relationship is real and maybe even more real than anything youve ever had. You have to learn to become best friends and be able to read each others minds and emotions in a short time(cause thats all you get) Zack..my husband..knows me better know than ever. he can tell within seconds by my voice how my day is going and vice versa.. Hang on to what ya got girl and let idots be what they are idots. I have lost family and my best friend over Zack and thats ok with me!
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Old 09-21-2009, 12:31 PM
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I go throuh it as well. I tell ppl if I wanted their opinion I would ask from it. But you're not me. I do what I do because I know I'm capable of handling a situation like this. Most of the ppl who comment are MANLESS HATERS.
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Old 09-21-2009, 12:38 PM
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Your friend Bob has his own ideas of what a relationship is and we as loved ones incarcerated see it a bit differently. Just because Bob says its not a real relationhsip doesn't mean shit......you should let Bob know that a relationship is what you choose to make it and that eventually munkey will be home and you will be together.....right now your relationship is not the "norm" but then someone please tell me just what is "normal???"
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:34 PM
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Bob is kind of right. Check the relationship is over forum. It's easy when someone isn't around to be a bother. The true test will come if he has an out date. I've been with old boy both out and in. It's different when he's here. I don't think "real" is the correct term, but its just what Bob used. It's apples and oranges-two different things. When someone is always around, its much different than when they are not, which you can also tell by the posts of people taking it very hard and getting depressed. The situations are much different. Who knows what's "real" and that word means different things to different people- what it is-its your relationship in the present
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Old 09-21-2009, 07:23 PM
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Bob is kind of right. Check the relationship is over forum. It's easy when someone isn't around to be a bother. The true test will come if he has an out date. I've been with old boy both out and in. It's different when he's here. I don't think "real" is the correct term, but its just what Bob used. It's apples and oranges-two different things. When someone is always around, its much different than when they are not, which you can also tell by the posts of people taking it very hard and getting depressed. The situations are much different. Who knows what's "real" and that word means different things to different people- what it is-its your relationship in the present
that is semi-true. We argued more when he was away than when he was at home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder yes, but we hated each other after he got locked up. Its a possibility that we may work when he comes home or we may not. when he was home we fought and made up moved on, but now when we have arguments we refuse to be the bigger person. Its backwards with us. We both wish he was home, but we're fine. I miss him but I live life like hes at home, I dont let it get me down. We were never together 24/7 to know what its like to be "alone". At the same time Bob hasnt had a steady girlfriend since Ive known him, so for him to give relationship advice is a no-no.
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Old 09-22-2009, 07:47 PM
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Okay, so without being labeled as "ignorent"...I myself wouldn't call myself ignorant just because I feel differently then you do about certain topics, we can agree to disagree also, but not ignorant.

I cant totally see someone elses point of view, its easy actually in this situation...And I can see why "other" have their opinions about being with someone thats incarcerated, I can see why they might think it's not a "real" relationship, as in being able to contact your partner whenever you want too...just because, or just waking up on a Sunday morning to him mowing the lawn or washing the car ya know... or when there's an emergency and he is able to come to my side...that to ME is what's a "normal" relationship, not having set dates/times to talk or see each-other, and then when we do it's with 100 other families/couples etc...that to me is not "normal", thats a lack of privacy - therefore I could never be with someone that's locked-up for life, my opinion, remember, we can agree to disagree. I don't have to accept what you think is a "real" relationship...to each its own ya know.

I myself wouldn't call what I'm in currently as a "real" relationship, yes he is my boyfriend, yes I go "visit" him, yes we talk on the "phone" all the time, however, it's nothing like having him at home and being able to vent to him as he is sitting next to me, or being able to come home from work to my hunny and go catch a movie or dinner...that was all before he got locked-up...that was a "real" relationship to me, having to call to make sure my hunnies prison isn't on lock-down today just to make sure I can visit is not a "real" relationship to me lol...yes I love him the same but I want be able to share my life with someone I can touch on a daily basis, not just emotionally, but physically...just my opinion, don't come down on me hard please... lol!!
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Old 09-23-2009, 09:44 AM
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The question of what constitutes a real relationship is going to be different for everyone. Some people are almost entirely incapable of emotional intimacy and for them, a real relationship might be little more than regular sex. For others, a relationship is much more.

How many long term marriages hit the skids when the husband retires and is home all the time with the stay at home wife who has her domain infiltrated for the first time in 40 years? Did they not have a real relationship because he spent so much time at work providing for his family all those years? Yes, of course it's different when he retires. Of course there will be difficulties and challenges as the relationship dynamics change with his constant presence.

Such a family will survive through this rocky patch is they have cultivated love, practiced open and honest communication and developed a friendship and mutual respect throughout the years. As shall we.
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Old 09-23-2009, 05:47 PM
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keep your head up and remember people dont understand our relationships most of the time. You are going to get so much negativity from different kind of people. You know what you feel and you know what makes you feel happy.. keep your head up and dont let little ignorant comments bother u
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