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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

View Poll Results: Did you know him before or MWI?
Married prior to incarceration 28 11.72%
Knew/dating prior to incarceration, but married while incarcerated 28 11.72%
Knew/dating prior to incarceration, not married yet, but want to (either during or after) 89 37.24%
Knew prior to incarceration, not married and no plans to 18 7.53%
MWI, married 11 4.60%
MWI, not married but want to (either during or after) 36 15.06%
MWI, not married, no plans to 29 12.13%
Voters: 239. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 04-27-2008, 05:40 PM
luvssks luvssks is offline
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Default Did you know him before he went in?

For the married folk...did you know him before he went in? Were you dating and got married after the incarceration; or were you married prior to the incarceration?

For the unmarried folk...are you an "MWI" couple (met while incarcerated)? Are you talking about marriage? Have you gotten married since he's been in?

To everyone....

What made you decide to wait for him?

I'm not judging...I happen to be in an MWI relationship with my long-termer, and yes, we are talking marriage, and we are going to try to do so while he's still incarcerated. So, I was just wondering how many were in my predicament.
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Old 04-27-2008, 05:48 PM
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And as for why I've decided to wait for him...

He's the perfect man for me, seriously! Ha, I've blogged so much about him...lol. I just feel we have a connection, that I can't fully explain. We are so in tune with one another. I won't be surprised if we start finishing each other's sentences on the phone! LOL We already "cross in the mail" all the time. He is intelligent, wants to better himself (and is working towards that goal), is supportive, encouraging, funny, compassionate,...well, just everything I've ever looked for in a man (ha, and we won't even go into the sex aspect of it...LMAO). He truly is perfect, for me.
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Old 04-27-2008, 07:59 PM
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We dated prior to him going in. I broke it off with him and the very next day he was arrested and later on sentence for 1st degree murder. LWOP.
As of today, there are no plans to marry. We’re at a standstill with what to do therefore we’re doing nothing.

4 years later I’m still as confused as the very 1st day but working through it one day at a time.
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Old 02-14-2019, 12:32 PM
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We didn't met prior to him going in. However, I have been waiting on him. I must say I'm very discouraged at the moment though. I haven't heard from him in a month. Not sure what to make of that. With each day that goes by and no communication I feel more distant and hurt.
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Old 04-27-2008, 08:38 PM
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Ours is sorta different. We did meet while he was in jail, I worked at the county jail were he was at. we started talking and realized we had most of the same friends close friends. We thought we knew each other but couldn't place faces sorta thing. The more we talked the more we knew we had in common...and it just went from there. We have gotten married since he's been doing his sentence.

I wait for him cause I trully believe God brought us together at a point in our lives when we both needed someone. We were placed at the right place at the right time to meet. For those who believe in this sort of thing we're soulmates. I can't tell where I end and he begins. We just clicked right from the start and even with the up's and down's I can't see him not in my life.

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Old 04-27-2008, 11:35 PM
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I can understand that Spikes. (And yep, your situation is still considered MWI). I, too, feel Damian and I were meant for one another. I find it interesting that I sent him a letter the end of May last year and it got sent back to me (he had been transferred), and so I waited...and wrote again in October. Since then, we've just "clicked". Recently he told me the last time he heard from his ex-gf was June of last year. It's almost like (so it seems to me) when I first wrote, it just wasn't time yet. Kwim?
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Old 04-28-2008, 05:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvssks View Post
For the married folk...did you know him before he went in? Were you dating and got married after the incarceration; or were you married prior to the incarceration?

For the unmarried folk...are you an "MWI" couple (met while incarcerated)? No, but it felt like it...we originally dated as teenagers..Are you talking about marriage?Yes, we talked about marriage...but I wanted to wait until he came home. Have you gotten married since he's been in? No, we didnt marry while he was in...

To everyone....

What made you decide to wait for him? Because I'd always been 'in love' with him from when we were teenagers...I believe I was looking for that same 'feeling' that I'd felt when we were younger...While in prison, he showed alot of good traits/characteristics that I wanted in a man.

I'm not judging...I happen to be in an MWI relationship with my long-termer, and yes, we are talking marriage, and we are going to try to do so while he's still incarcerated. So, I was just wondering how many were in my predicament.
To wait for a long termer is a difficult decision...not only the waiting part, but the once they come home part too... There are ALOT of things you'll have to consider and be able to deal with that you'd probably never expect because when they're in, everything seems sooo perfect...once released...well, let me just say, there are likely going to be many emotional/mental roadblocks that you'll have to deal with.

This is NOT to scare anyone or bring you off of the emotional high WE feel from the beautiful letters they send, the 'all the attention is on me' visits that we have, etc...but to look at it beyond that...are you willing to stick it out with him *IF* he was to come home and do some things you dont agree with...are you prepared to know that it (possibly) wont be all about you once home? (depending on MANY different factors, of course).

I ask all of this because I know that *I* wasn't prepared for alot of the things I've been through with the mr since he's been home (he did 11 1/2 years)...and *IF* someone had told me I'd go thru it...I would've NEVER believed it!!! (heck, he doesn't believe a good deal of it either) BUT I really do believe it IS because of having been incarcerated for so long.

Hes been home a little over 17 months and things are ALOT better and we're doing good...now.......BUT, if you'd ask me whether we'd be together a few months ago...my reply was "It would be a miracle if we made it to the end of the month"...on a good note though...I can say miracles do happen, because we're still together and doing good...thankfully!
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:39 AM
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My wife and I were married for five years before she went to prison on a 45 year sentence. She'll be eligible for parole after she does 22 and a half years of flat time. So far she has done a little over 11 years.

Rag4life, I'm glad to hear you guys made it through his coming home. Though she talks about how bad she wants to come home, she has also said many times how the idea of it scares her a lot. We both know the changes for her will be just as drastic as when she went in and it will be stressful on both of us. I've talked to a few people who served long sentences and what it was like for them to get out and some of it is scarey.
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Old 04-29-2008, 06:04 PM
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I did not know my man before he went in.....I met him via a letter almost 11 long years ago.
We got to know eachother well, became the the best of friends and eventually fell in love...it was very hard. I was young when we met and involved. We had some hard times and even seperated but we managed to make it through the tough times and our love kept us strong.
We finally got married in July of 07 and I could not be happier. I decieded to and have waited all these years because I truly love him and know that we are meant to be together. We have been through alot and surviving this very difficult situation shows me that no matter what we will make it. My husband has brought so much joy, happiness, security and inspirtation to my life. Regardless of these circumstances we have so much more than many husbands and wives who lie side by side every night. I have no regrets and I look forward to a loving future with my very best friend.
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Old 04-29-2008, 06:04 PM
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My baby and I dated for a few years before he was incarcerated. We broke up right after his sentencing and I broken heartedly went my own way. Although I didn't date nyone else during those two years, I was determined to never get back with him. Thankfully, we got back together last July and have been inseperable every since. We have a 5 year old son together. He has been locked up for 3 years and has 3 more to do. My only regret is that I wasted two years denying my feelings for him. We are planning to get married this year and I will never leave his side again. He is the love of my life.
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Old 04-29-2008, 06:19 PM
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i am "MWI" and at first i challenged everything i could to defy the fact that yes i too was in love with a person incarcerated...but i am...our meeting was not planned it was rather simple...his daughter moved to my hometown to attend college...i rented her a room...and one day she was speaking to her father, he asked her to put me on the phone so he could thank me for helping her out and since then i have been maintaining a relationship with a federal inmate to date he has served 16 years...we have maintaned for 18 mnths...i view life as the glass half full as opposed to half empty...sure the odds are this and that...but nothing can replace the emotions, or special feelings i have received...meeting in dreams or just meditating until our spirits unite...heck if he drops the ball once free...oh well the times, emotions and letters have served a greater purpose in my life and i truely love this man! i can't see myself being hurt a little dissapointed if things don't work out...because a part of my soul was revealed to me that i did not know existed...that part of my being can't hide anymore it is wide open...so will i close my eyes an pretend i have never loved because i am in a MWI relationship no...i parade it...i laugh because the # 1 question on everyone's mind is "what is she so happy about?!"
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  #12  
Old 05-01-2008, 03:31 PM
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Knew/dating prior to incarceration, not married yet, but want to (either during or after)

We met and been dating off and on since 2002. But ever since we got back together when he went in we have been on for good. We are engaged but it was such a struggle to try to get married in there that for now we have decided to wait until he comes home. Inless that changes we will be waiting til 2014 to get married but in my heart we are already married !
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  #13  
Old 05-14-2008, 02:52 PM
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Met when he had already served 16 years, married 2 years later.
I was very happily single and doing me, with no interest even in dating. I've had penpals all my life (the non-prison type), but most fizzled after 4 or 5 letters. I had the bright idea to write to somebody incarcerated, preferably doing a nice long sentence, and the rest is history.

That nice, long sentence doesn't seem like such a bonus now.
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  #14  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:21 PM
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We are: Knew/dating prior to incarceration, not married yet, but want to (either during or after)

We were always close and always liked eachother in highschool. since the first year i have been there, not looking for a relationship out of it, but cared too much just to let him be forgotten. our friendship grew, grew and grew. He's my bestfriend handsdown. he knows more about me than any of my girl friends. oneday after 4 yrs of just writing, visiting and being friends, he finally confessed his love for me after a bad break up of mine and he asked me to wait on him and be his girlfriend. thats been almost 3 1/2 yrs ago and we've got almost 2 1'2 yrs left. we are going to get married after he gets out(not right out) and have some kiddos. there is no one i would rather spend the rest of my life with or share children with.
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Old 05-16-2008, 12:41 AM
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We are "Married Prior" - WAY prior, lol. Married 25 years ago, then divorced and no contact for 7 years...then almost married again...then no contact for another 7 years, and now engaged to be married again. Whew. This time is finally the RIGHT time. I have always loved him - but it was the man that I knew he COULD be that I held onto that love for. It took him a long time to grow up, but he finally has, and it's a beautiful thing to witness. Our daughter is 24, we have a 3 year old grand daughter (with another grand kid on the way), and actually we still feel married - in our hearts we are, it's just not been made "legal" yet. (Again).
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Old 05-16-2008, 03:33 PM
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well i knew him before he got locked up. we knew of eachother in highschool we hooked up one night. NOt to long after that he got locked up and that was almost nine years ago. i went my own way had a baby then in oct 2006 we crossed eachothers path. well i just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend of 3years and i hadn't heard from Rob in 71/2 years my brother got transfered to his unit in the end of sept. I got a letter from robert in the first week of Oct. fell in love by the second we even talked about getting married in the second letter. I brought it playing around for shits and giggles but about time we did get married in jan 2007 only 3mnths of writing we were so lost in love. it was perfect timing and all!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:09 PM
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Default Advice please from anyone with a similar situation and their experience

I have nearly exactly the same story as you, we knew each other in high school and I messaged his twin sister back in January of this year because I seen she posted on Facebook that he was locked up and asked if anyone was writing him, then it began and here we are now, we have been writing deep letters every since and I just went to my first visit to see him two weekends ago, girl let me tell you a man has never made me feel like I was the only woman in the world..he has a 3 year sentence for dating a girl 4 years younger than him, he stopped paying her mom's bills and moved out, a year later she asked him if he would pay her bills again and he said no..10 days later cops showed up at his door..she was 14 and he was 18 at the time..and I have just totally fell in love with him..I have been single and celibate for almost 3 years, my son is almost four and we are living in a brand new big camper and I pay all my own bills, he has the same goals and dreams I have of buying a property and building a house, hence why I got a camper to build my credit, my credit is already going so well..we want to move in together in my camper when he gets out July 4 2018, 8 months left and I just don't know if rushing, I'm a Capricorn and a very slow mover in relationships but he like no other man has been able to do, is make me feel comfortable and able to entirely be myself which blows my mind..and I just really need some advice because I have done this before, and the guy used me, I did the whole nine yards for the other guy and he just didn't care when he got out but Dylan writes me so much differently and treated me so different at VISO..he is everything I asked God for in a husband and his family has confirmed everything about him to me..that he's not the prison fantasy type..but I'm so well established and doing very well on my own as a single mom with a full time job and I still have a little extra money..do any of y'all think I would be wrong to take my vacation time off for the first week he's out, spend some days with him, move my camper onto a friend's property and live together before I take a loan out for a property to put my camper on?I don't wanna just see him and then take out a loan before living with him, but the way we both feel is we will be living together within the first few weeks of him being out..we are on the same level and flow of mind and we can read each other's mind, I have never felt a connection with a man like this before, let alone someone like me at 23 years old doing this well by myself makes boys afraid because I don't need them but he finds it wonderful which makes me think he's a man because he's not intimidated by me. I just really need some advice. My mom and nana love him already and think it's a great idea, I'm on my Nana's land right now. Comments please and thank you, he's 23 as well and we knew each other as teenagers, haven't talked since we were 17.
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Old 05-18-2008, 12:24 AM
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KIMA you sound like me, we if still married would be celebrating #40, he sent me candy for that date with a message semper fi..only I knew what that meant, it was a very personal joke and I laughed and laughed.
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Old 05-18-2008, 08:28 AM
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Pat - We celebrated our #25 "un-anniversary" in January, it was funny in a strange way. Life is just strange sometimes! I'm PMing you with a link to his (our) story - hope it blesses you. Kim
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Old 05-21-2008, 07:25 AM
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NO, we did not know each other before he went to prison. but if things would have been right, we would be married by now. ..... so we are married in our ways, but not having the paperwork (yet).
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:45 PM
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For the married folk...did you know him before he went in? Were you dating and got married after the incarceration; or were you married prior to the incarceration
my husband and i were child hood friend we went to schoool together played as kids together, in junior high he was my boyfriend , in high school he was the school player so i broke up with him but he still chase me in, i went to college he did but he followed me all through college kept saying we were ment to be together that was 28 years ago we were married prior to his incarceration we were married jan,23 1980 he was lock up jan 30 1980
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Old 05-24-2008, 06:08 PM
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I didnt know my hubby to be before, he went in. I was working at the jail he was at. I quit my job to be with him, best decision i have ever made.
He is my heart and soul, i love him to death.

"god gave us 2 arms, 2 legs, but only 1 heart and soul, giving us the chance to find our match"

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Old 06-05-2008, 08:42 PM
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We were married prior to incarceration.
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:11 AM
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We met prior to his incarceration. In detox on New Years Day. I remember the second I saw his face and we have been together ever since. We are hoping to get married soon. I am older and I want to have lots of anniversaries. We've been together for a year and a half. I get lots of **i* for my relationship but it is right for us. If it weren't for him being in prison it would be our age difference I suppose, like most of us have experienced, there isn't much rejoicing out here for us. Mostly we get the "are you crazy woman"? look. That is why it is sooo nice to have a place to come and be understood and accepted.
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:22 PM
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i met my best friend while he was out on bail and going to court, we hooked up and stuff but were never dating, i knew he was looking at 25 to life when i met him.
and i stuck by him when he got locked up i wrote him and i've been writeting him and i'm gonna keep writeing him till he gets out and perhaps we'll start something together
i'll be 30 he'll be 35 it will be a good time to start a family or something.
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