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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 07-03-2007, 09:56 PM
rrw2 rrw2 is offline
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Default He's a different person when he's locked up-- a NICER person

I'm not sure if this has been discussed already. Probably it has. After all, there's not much that has not already happened to many of us, I guess. The stories are all the same, it's just the names and dates and minor details which change. Some of us are lucky and have jumped into happy and healthy stories while others of us are stuck in some pretty gruesome ones.

Okay. So much for the random bits of philosophical thoughts.

I was wondering about those of you whose significant other has been in and out of that revolving door of the criminal justice (or injustice, as the case may be) system multiple times.

Do any of you ever find that he is, or seems to be, a completely different person when he is incarcerated than when he is out?

Furthermore, have you found that the person he is while he is INSIDE is a much NICER person than the person he turns into when he is outside?

I guess you could say I "met" him while he was incarcerated. Actually, the formal meeting had taken place prior to that but it wasn't until he was behind bars that I began first to correspond with him for a couple of years and then began to visit him weekly for about 9 months until he was released.

From the very HOUR he got out, he was someone quite unlike the person I had gotten to "know" through letters and those ten-hour-a-day visits. He turned into someone closed and guarded. Didn't want to talk anymore. Became very secretive. Was very mean in his dealings with me.

Long story short is that he went back in for a parole violation just a few months later. Once again his letters took on the tone of the person I had thought he was. Again, he got out (this time after only a couple of months) and reverted back to the character he had been before on the outside.

It's weird and I have my theories about this but I was just wondering whether anyone else had encountered a similar mode of behavior.
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Old 07-03-2007, 10:05 PM
korttnee korttnee is offline
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yes i have been married 3+ yrs and hes been in jail 3 times and every time its the same it really sux i know u think ur i love only to discover hes not who you though
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Old 07-04-2007, 02:33 PM
Wobabi Wobabi is offline
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Default My penny's worth Theory

I told Boo this exactly "Boo don't come home and get MEAN on me OR its a WRAP!" . I told him his Mother said his reputation on the streets was very very mean! He had done state time and came home and really got mean till he got fed time!
He said to me "when you do the short bids,,,you aint learned your lesson,,,it took me getting 15 fed time to see that these peoples not playing,,they are giving dudes football yards to do time wise. He said being mean got him in prison and after seeing so many babies come thru the system with 30 and 40 years,,,this time has broken his mean spirit. He is still a warrior but being that mean one is over with.
BUT we shall see,,,Because like I said If he comes home and gets mean and secretive ,,Its a WRAP! I can be mean and secretive by my damn self!

Last edited by Wobabi; 07-04-2007 at 02:36 PM..
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Old 07-05-2007, 03:28 PM
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boston1983 boston1983 is offline
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when he first went in (in '02) it was for only 4 months, and he was just the same person inside as he was outside: an a**hole. Yeah the letters were nice but there was always a part of it where he said some stupid sh*t....Now its 5 yrs later and and he's a year in already with 2.5 to go....and his letters are actually much more mature. he's not demanding money or demanding to call me - he actually keeps saying that i come first....maybe it's maturity lol
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Old 07-15-2007, 10:41 AM
jusurgurl jusurgurl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boston1983
when he first went in (in '02) it was for only 4 months, and he was just the same person inside as he was outside: an a**hole. Yeah the letters were nice but there was always a part of it where he said some stupid sh*t....Now its 5 yrs later and and he's a year in already with 2.5 to go....and his letters are actually much more mature. he's not demanding money or demanding to call me - he actually keeps saying that i come first....maybe it's maturity lol
I wrote my ex (who's in state, again, on a short stint) out of sympathy, eary on after I met my current guy in federal (before it developed into something), and that is exactly how I felt about his letters. Nice try, but not quite there yet. I felt that I couldn't reach him at a foundational level, that he's just not ready to learn things or hear things about himself yet. He strikes me as somewhat nicer than when he was on the streets but, in general, he stays mean and hard---i.e., unreachable.

Also, there are still games with him. Or rather, he does things that are highly questionable and doesn't seem to see a problem. He had told me that, in the interest of being honest (guess he had a weak moment), he had started writing a close friend of his cousin---a woman. When I asked him about her sometime later, he admitted he was still communicating regularly with her and that she visits him 2-3 times a week. He response was, "So?"

I'd bet dollars to donuts she doesn't know he tries to write and call me (there's not been money on account for that for a very long time), and that he's "determined to pursue a meaningful friendship" with me after he gets out. And we all know this woman isn't communicating with him and spending her time visiting not to have him come home to her.

My last letter to him was to tell him about my guy. I hadn't answered the last letters I'd received from him and I wasn't going to communicate with him again, having found the one who interests me but, since my ex kept persisting, I told my guy I would.

Anyway, my guy in federal is entirely different. With a "been there, done that" attitude, he seems determined to work hard at getting things right. I get the impression though, if I'd met him sooner, he might've looked more to me in maturity like my ex.

Last edited by jusurgurl; 07-15-2007 at 10:55 AM..
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