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  #76  
Old 03-30-2019, 05:59 PM
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I spoke to him 3x today. Quick short calls. Hope he moves again Monday. Only clothes he has are the ones he has been wearing since Friday. All is okay thank goodness though. He was in cuffs for 13 hours yesterday and has big wrists, so he is swollen. Being a trooper though seriously.
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Old 03-30-2019, 08:38 PM
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I spoke to him 3x today. Quick short calls. Hope he moves again Monday. Only clothes he has are the ones he has been wearing since Friday. All is okay thank goodness though. He was in cuffs for 13 hours yesterday and has big wrists, so he is swollen. Being a trooper though seriously.
13 hours?! I know they can, but good grief...why? Was that part of the transport/processing time? Ugh. That's right up there with six hour bus rides with no bathroom break and making them prone out hot pavement in their boxers. Yes they can, but ugh.
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Old 03-30-2019, 08:50 PM
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13 hours?! I know they can, but good grief...why? Was that part of the transport/processing time? Ugh. That's right up there with six hour bus rides with no bathroom break and making them prone out hot pavement in their boxers. Yes they can, but ugh.
He moved to a place that is technically 2 hours away, but went to one place first. They waited for another bus that broken down on its way there. Then arrived around 9 pm last night, so 8 am to 9 pm. And he has to do it again on Monday most likely. He def wont forget any of this.

Next trip is 5 hours plus. Not sure if there are stops along the way. For his sake, I hope it is a little less painful.

If he got to this place next weekend he would have had visits because they rotate numbers. It is only 2 hrs away and I could have been there today and tomorrow, but wasn't meant to be.

On a me note, I ate more today than I have in a month. I guess I'm eating my stress. I got to watch or I will be 9000 pounds by the time he comes home. Ha!
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Old 03-30-2019, 11:03 PM
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Hey guys ,

How do you guys cope with feeling lonely and impatient ( for lack of a better word) I really miss my LO and sometimes I feel so sad cause I want to go back to how it was . He made me feel safe with life and now that’s hes gone I’m having issues . Idk it’s just hard . And I hope when he comes back he still the same or better . I don’t want him to be affected too
Much by this situation
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Old 03-31-2019, 12:19 AM
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Hey guys ,

How do you guys cope with feeling lonely and impatient ( for lack of a better word) I really miss my LO and sometimes I feel so sad cause I want to go back to how it was . He made me feel safe with life and now that’s hes gone I’m having issues . Idk it’s just hard . And I hope when he comes back he still the same or better . I don’t want him to be affected too
Much by this situation
It's hard and some times are harder than others. I would strongly suggest you identify the things you enjoy and do them. Keep yourself actively involved in living your life or the wait can and will consume you. I'm not talking about throwing yourself into work either (been there before). I'm talking about the things that bring you pleasure and fulfillment--hobbies, volunteer, etc.

Since so much of our lives can become about our LO and their situation, it is important that you remember that you matter too. You have to take care of yourself to deal with it well.

This is a great place to ask questions, vent, learn, and find solidarity. So welcome and know that you are among kind knowledgable people
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Old 03-31-2019, 05:44 AM
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I agree this is a good place to vent and ask question's. So ask away. I wish i knew about this site when my fiance went in a couple of months ago.
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Old 04-02-2019, 04:05 PM
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He finally arrived. The computer updated. Thank goodness. All he wanted was a change of clothes and a shower. Had the same clothes since Friday.

Not sure when I'll get a call, but relieved to know he is there. I bought a journal to give to him when he gets home.

He is in reception there for 2 weeks to 2 months. Now we wait for their final decision and starting the program. God I hope he is home by the end of the year!

Thank you for listening
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Old 04-02-2019, 04:10 PM
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Hey guys ,

How do you guys cope with feeling lonely and impatient ( for lack of a better word) I really miss my LO and sometimes I feel so sad cause I want to go back to how it was . He made me feel safe with life and now that’s hes gone I’m having issues . Idk it’s just hard . And I hope when he comes back he still the same or better . I don’t want him to be affected too
Much by this situation
You're going to have to make peace with the situation. It is what it is for now. Your going to have to find ways to make yourself safe and stay busy.

You'll be more resilient when this is all over.
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Old 04-02-2019, 05:38 PM
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Hey guys ,

How do you guys cope with feeling lonely and impatient ( for lack of a better word) I really miss my LO and sometimes I feel so sad cause I want to go back to how it was . He made me feel safe with life and now that’s hes gone I’m having issues . Idk it’s just hard . And I hope when he comes back he still the same or better . I don’t want him to be affected too
Much by this situation
Honestly, it's hard for me most of the time and it's the same way for him as well. It's like when you find someone that's good. Being lonely/impatient comes down on you hard. I feel like a mood ring that changes colors...I can be sad one minute, happy the next, lonely after that, crying the next minute and it just goes on and on during the days/nights. It's really hard but I do my very best to understand that we'll be together soon. He keeps me going when I'm going through these changes and I'm forever doing the same for him as well. It's not easy...but if you truly love your man you'll do all you can to remain strong for you/him and for the both of you! Stay strong.
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Old 04-02-2019, 06:06 PM
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Yes i agree it's very hard to go through this. And not knowing what goes on behind those walls is stressful you tend to worry if they don't call for a day or so like mine one minute we're on the phone next thing is he is telling me he has to go because he is moving again i didn't hear from him for two day's i was a basket case so to speak i cried for 2 day's straight i didn't want to do anything at all. I had to go to the doctors and get help to deal with this. A month ago he told me over the phone i feel like i'm hurting you being in here i said your not hurting me i love you and i said i'm sticking by your side 100%. I'm sure he will say that again and i will tell him the same thing over again. We're going to make it and so aren't you. As she said in her comment stay strong i'm doing just that your love will get stronger as time goes by. Keep telling yourself everything will be alright and tell him to say the same thing.
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Old 04-06-2019, 04:23 AM
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Just wanted to send a greeting from my little vacay in the Maldives and best decision ever to think of me first..

Things are better now and I needed time away from work & prison-drama and I'm frying away on an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean...

Loving you all & everyone stay strong and positive (my sun-fried brain speaking).http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201...9e09fabfa8.jpg
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Old 04-06-2019, 04:57 AM
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This is beautiful! Enjoy your time there. Good for you
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Old 04-06-2019, 05:24 AM
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So glad you're doing you, Mizzy. I'm not even a beach person and that water looks amazeballs. Is that a plane off to the left?!
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Old 04-06-2019, 05:40 AM
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So glad you're doing you, Mizzy. I'm not even a beach person and that water looks amazeballs. Is that a plane off to the left?!
Yes it's the Water Plane you have to take from Male (capital) to the island.
I love the beach and I feel the water, sand & sun makes me decompress really fast & good and I need it right now.
But I have to say.. the flight(s) were looooong... Frankfurt-Dubai-Male-Lhaviyani Atoll. 11+ hours. I'm seriously getting too old for that...
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Old 04-06-2019, 09:38 AM
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A couple of rough weeks since I came home from vacation. Grab a cuppa! More of a vent than chit - chat !

I don’t know why I attend in - person support when the result is always unpleasant. This city is full of people with accents but for some reason, mine is laughable. It is little wonder I stay with „ my people ” and make little attempt to assimilate.

Also, I see that I do not „ fit in ” with the „ sisterhood” I have noticed that forms between those women with incarcerated significant others. I am fortunate enough that my husband was able to provide traditional qualities of marriage [ financial support and a safety net ] so I do not have struggles like so many. There are no children to miss their father, either. And so, there is an immense sense of self - reproach when I feel as though things are tough. So, I shut up and smile.

Conversely, I have had enough of the „ you are such a nice girl, what are you doing with a criminal?” or „ you can do so much better “ rhetoric. I thought it was the other way around [ my husband could do better ] but felon is obviously not a desired characteristic. There seems like no place to turn one way or the other.

I saw my ex and he is doing well. Back to a good job and off parole. All seems hunky dory but, he still talks down to me. Glad I finally realized that and left him when I did.

He told me to visit his parents cause „ they miss me. ” That is awkward now. They are very nice people and they were very kind to me. . . such as treated me as their own daughter [ they are Serb too ] but it has been over 2 yrs. The dynamic has changed.

Needless to say, my last therapy chit - chat was emotional.

We reached the conclusion on why I chose the 2 men I did in my life. It reminds me of how nim would say her „ picker was off.” Since I had no father figure, I developed an understanding „ of what men should be” from a lot of post - war propaganda . . . especially since from where I come, it is kinda still cuckoo strong due to talk of independence. And so, I am attracted to guys with those certain characteristics.

Obviously I love my husband and I am happy with him but just not the circumstances. I hate the institutional setting and not having him around. The stigma, too.

As an aside, the daughter of a friend of my mum is having a 5* „ dream wedding ” in France. It is at the point I hate running into this woman. All I hear is of her beauty, the beauty of the location and the cost.

This is not meant to be nationalist or - phobic at all but there is a definite hierarchy of Central / Eastern European people within our collective diaspora. She is Polish. We are from Bosnia, which others consider to be like poor hillbillies, so we are supposed to be very impressed with it all. „ ooooo ! “ „ ahhh !” „ we could never imagine such things!”

She directly said to me „ you had a small wedding.” Yes, it was, but try planning a church ceremony + reception with a groom on bail, with a curfew and a list of people not allowed to associate. Overseas family too. Never told her that but I simply said yes . . . I knew she meant small as derogatory and not „ intimate ” as their case.

Not sure what it is but people from there are very nosy too. Every one I meet from there is nosy. The woman knows damned well where my husband is but asks 50 questions. At the „ what does he do?” question, I want to look at my watch and say, „ he is probably in his cell, then headcount and then sloppy joes for lunch!” How’s that for you???

Yes, I know, people say to ignore all the negative stuff and the perceptions of people but, there is a certain level of etiquette required.

My mom needed to have a „ emergency ” ophthalmologic surgery. My husband told me not to visit this weekend and stay with my mom. He rang last night to ask about her. Some times we „ still ” feel like a family though I feel as if we are in a twisted long distance relationship. Twisted as in he can never call when he wants, FaceTime or visit on his own volition.

From all the bad news, there is some good. Our PFV application was approved and we have our first scheduled next month. He is really happy. I am happy too but not as happy as him! The thought of him so happy makes me smile.

It is sad coming on here these days knowing nimuay is no longer around. So it is feelings in general.

But spring is here : the season to see new beginnings all around us. And I hope good times for all . . .
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  #91  
Old 04-06-2019, 04:05 PM
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At the „ what does he do?” question, I want to look at my watch and say, „ he is probably in his cell, then headcount and then sloppy joes for lunch!” How’s that for you???
This made me chuckle. When people ask "are you married?" yes, "what does he do?", I usually say "time." They don't get it. I smile.

I understand not fitting in, but hun...trust me, we're all right. No kids here, either. No major moves ahead like so many of his yard-mates. We're just doing time. I was once described as "...you know, Mia? The one who doesn't look like she belongs here at all". She said she meant I looked too innocent and to be fair, I believe she meant that in a good way. But it was sort of like hearing I appeared to have green skin to everyone but me. I sure as hell feel like I fit in. I'm doing the same trip, the same expense, the same struggles, some ways more and some ways less. Sorry I don't have the appearance down just yet. Give me another six years.

It just solidified that we're not all in the same boat. The same water, yes, but not the same boat. And thank God. We can support and still have our own identity. We need our own identity. I am a prison wife, but I don't need to be homogenized for anyone.

I hope your mom is recovering well, that your health is good and that spring is springing around you. Sometimes those winter tail-ends can be the worst to drag ourselves through. Hang in there.
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  #92  
Old 04-06-2019, 04:38 PM
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A couple of rough weeks since I came home from vacation. Grab a cuppa! More of a vent than chit - chat !

I don’t know why I attend in - person support when the result is always unpleasant. This city is full of people with accents but for some reason, mine is laughable. It is little wonder I stay with „ my people ” and make little attempt to assimilate.

Also, I see that I do not „ fit in ” with the „ sisterhood” I have noticed that forms between those women with incarcerated significant others. I am fortunate enough that my husband was able to provide traditional qualities of marriage [ financial support and a safety net ] so I do not have struggles like so many. There are no children to miss their father, either. And so, there is an immense sense of self - reproach when I feel as though things are tough. So, I shut up and smile.

Conversely, I have had enough of the „ you are such a nice girl, what are you doing with a criminal?” or „ you can do so much better “ rhetoric. I thought it was the other way around [ my husband could do better ] but felon is obviously not a desired characteristic. There seems like no place to turn one way or the other.

I saw my ex and he is doing well. Back to a good job and off parole. All seems hunky dory but, he still talks down to me. Glad I finally realized that and left him when I did.

He told me to visit his parents cause „ they miss me. ” That is awkward now. They are very nice people and they were very kind to me. . . such as treated me as their own daughter [ they are Serb too ] but it has been over 2 yrs. The dynamic has changed.

Needless to say, my last therapy chit - chat was emotional.

We reached the conclusion on why I chose the 2 men I did in my life. It reminds me of how nim would say her „ picker was off.” Since I had no father figure, I developed an understanding „ of what men should be” from a lot of post - war propaganda . . . especially since from where I come, it is kinda still cuckoo strong due to talk of independence. And so, I am attracted to guys with those certain characteristics.

Obviously I love my husband and I am happy with him but just not the circumstances. I hate the institutional setting and not having him around. The stigma, too.

As an aside, the daughter of a friend of my mum is having a 5* „ dream wedding ” in France. It is at the point I hate running into this woman. All I hear is of her beauty, the beauty of the location and the cost.

This is not meant to be nationalist or - phobic at all but there is a definite hierarchy of Central / Eastern European people within our collective diaspora. She is Polish. We are from Bosnia, which others consider to be like poor hillbillies, so we are supposed to be very impressed with it all. „ ooooo ! “ „ ahhh !” „ we could never imagine such things!”

She directly said to me „ you had a small wedding.” Yes, it was, but try planning a church ceremony + reception with a groom on bail, with a curfew and a list of people not allowed to associate. Overseas family too. Never told her that but I simply said yes . . . I knew she meant small as derogatory and not „ intimate ” as their case.

Not sure what it is but people from there are very nosy too. Every one I meet from there is nosy. The woman knows damned well where my husband is but asks 50 questions. At the „ what does he do?” question, I want to look at my watch and say, „ he is probably in his cell, then headcount and then sloppy joes for lunch!” How’s that for you???

Yes, I know, people say to ignore all the negative stuff and the perceptions of people but, there is a certain level of etiquette required.

My mom needed to have a „ emergency ” ophthalmologic surgery. My husband told me not to visit this weekend and stay with my mom. He rang last night to ask about her. Some times we „ still ” feel like a family though I feel as if we are in a twisted long distance relationship. Twisted as in he can never call when he wants, FaceTime or visit on his own volition.

From all the bad news, there is some good. Our PFV application was approved and we have our first scheduled next month. He is really happy. I am happy too but not as happy as him! The thought of him so happy makes me smile.

It is sad coming on here these days knowing nimuay is no longer around. So it is feelings in general.

But spring is here : the season to see new beginnings all around us. And I hope good times for all . . .
Im glad you cuss got your approval. Prayers to your mama.
In regard to fitting in, it dawned on me that I have never fit in at any point in my life. I was always into thlungs 10 to 20 years because they became a social norm. Im starting to become ok with that now.

I used to look around the room at visiting and look at people's faces. I would view it as these guys are loved and lucky to have this kind of support. It helped with feeling totally out of place. If someone was new I would try to guide them a bit. You can always spot the deer in headlights look.

I dont talk about our situation to anyone accept a close few. I wear my ring, but no one asks. This is fine by me.
Truthfully, I'm not sure what to say. We've agreed to cross that bridge when he comes home together.
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Old 04-07-2019, 07:50 AM
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Thanks, ladies. There is just so much „ emotional stuff” going on in all areas, I suppose.

I love the euphemism that we are in different boats in the same water. That is very true. It seems the best way to describe it.

For some reason, I earned the snide nickname of „ Melania.” Such as, „ Melania’s here.” I really do not understand it but the tone is awful at the in - person support groups. I will be asked to repeat some thing a few times cause they think it’s funny.

I still have the deer in the headlights look @ visiting! It is as if I know what to do but I don’t know if I am doing it right . . . yet.

It dawns on me this probably could be my life for awhile. Yes, it is not the extent of lengthy sentences others must deal, but ~ 5 yrs. Parole is often denied at first shot. Day parole really helps an inmate achieve full parole @ 1st chance but my husband is ineligible for that due to his immigration status.

To then I say, transfer him back home then! Only for his lawyer at home to say that legislation is going to be passed to extend certain sentences. I told my husband that he royally screwed himself, didn’t he? And then I say gosh, I screwed myself too putting „ love ” ahead of logical decision making! We have a list of Plans A to E but now all need to be revised!

It seems unlikely he will get a decrease at security level too when it is time for review. When it was discussed at assessment, they feel he needs added supervision.

But with PFV every 2 mos, regular visitation, letters and calls, I’m sure we can do it. It will slow my life down but . . .

Today is Green Shirt Day in CAN and memorial of a terrible accident last year. Very loaded with sadness and I’ve done some advocacy for this day. It is nice that in general the country is supportive but again, my circle of connections have been dismal in support. I ask, why bother ??

Mum is doing well but she will be off work for some weeks. I will need the help then! I suggested she get a job at children’s parties cause she wears an eye patch & she can borrow my parrot. I deserved the slap!
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Old 04-07-2019, 11:22 AM
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I suggested she get a job at children’s parties cause she wears an eye patch & she can borrow my parrot. I deserved the slap!
I needed that laugh.
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Old 04-07-2019, 12:43 PM
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I just want to brag a second. YouTube taught me how to fix my dishwasher today! Yay! Clogged gross filter. Took 5 minutes. Imagine if I called someone.

My honey could have walked me through it if we had longer more frequent calls, so to the internet I went!

I snaked sink drain with a little tool a few weeks back too.

Little by little
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Old 04-07-2019, 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted by onedayatatime13 View Post
I snaked sink drain with a little tool a few weeks back too.
We have one of those plastic-snake-toothy things. I don't know the name. It's my most hated chore. Makes me kinda want to be sick. Lol But it has to be done. I can't WAIT to pass that one off.

I think I owe 78% of my life skills to YouTube. I even know how to dissemble the dash of my car should I ever decide to fix that little broken door spring that keeps popping open.
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Old 04-07-2019, 12:57 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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Originally Posted by miamac View Post
We have one of those plastic-snake-toothy things. I don't know the name. It's my most hated chore. Makes me kinda want to be sick. Lol But it has to be done. I can't WAIT to pass that one off.

I think I owe 78% of my life skills to YouTube. I even know how to dissemble the dash of my car should I ever decide to fix that little broken door spring that keeps popping open.
I got the disposable ones. It was like 5 dollars for a pack of 5. I have a large metal one for toilets and such. When the trap was clogged, I needed professionals. Ironically, he was cleaning all the traps at his prison for pennies a day and it cost me a couple hundred bucks. Oh well.

Little things im trying to learn because it is a 50 consult charge here then the work. For the 5 minutes it took today it saved me at least $100.

Cars I'm not ready for!
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Old 04-11-2019, 05:39 PM
onedayatatime13 onedayatatime13 is online now
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We are still waiting for the medical evaluation. He is hanging in there. Looks like calls for now are every other day. I should get mail soon from him.

Ten minute calls leave now time to talk about anything really.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:30 PM
upsetspouse upsetspouse is offline
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We are still waiting for the medical evaluation. He is hanging in there. Looks like calls for now are every other day. I should get mail soon from him.

Ten minute calls leave now time to talk about anything really.
So true. Mine was on lockdown for a week and still only get 5min a day which totally sucks
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:45 PM
oftheroses oftheroses is offline
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I don't know if this is the right place for this, so if so I apologize. I am JUST starting this journey and feel so alone. I wonder if anyone else has reconnected with someone after they have already been locked up. Basically my LO and I have known each other our entire lives and dated on and off. He's got 8 years left maybe 10, probably 10 from what I've read about parole. Anyways, I am just happy to see this thread and it has brought me comfort.
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