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  #51  
Old 01-26-2019, 10:46 PM
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He is worried more about the crap they say to the inmates. I told him it is all words, but others tell him they would rather stay there full 3 yrs then do it again.
That's understandable. Mine said the most interesting thing the other day, something I never thought I'd hear him say. He comes from a "no one disrespects me" background, but over the last five years or so that's dropped off as he learns more about himself and how he got here. So he was talking about wanting to go home and the integration happening in our state and he said, "You wanna call me a b*tch? OK. Cool. I'm the biggest b*tch there is, I'll even agree with you. Cause this b*tch is going home." LOL

And I think, while often misguided, that's their goal-- to get the inmates to just let it roll off. Because on the outside, people say and do stupid stuff to us all of the time. We can't go around blowing up at every interaction. But to have it intentionally thrown at you every day? That's tough. Very tough.
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  #52  
Old 01-27-2019, 02:45 AM
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That's understandable. Mine said the most interesting thing the other day, something I never thought I'd hear him say. He comes from a "no one disrespects me" background, but over the last five years or so that's dropped off as he learns more about himself and how he got here. So he was talking about wanting to go home and the integration happening in our state and he said, "You wanna call me a b*tch? OK. Cool. I'm the biggest b*tch there is, I'll even agree with you. Cause this b*tch is going home." LOL

And I think, while often misguided, that's their goal-- to get the inmates to just let it roll off. Because on the outside, people say and do stupid stuff to us all of the time. We can't go around blowing up at every interaction. But to have it intentionally thrown at you every day? That's tough. Very tough.
Slightly off topic, but is your man in AZ too?
Sorry if Iíve missed a post explaining this previously
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  #53  
Old 01-27-2019, 03:12 AM
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Slightly off topic, but is your man in AZ too?
Sorry if Iíve missed a post explaining this previously
California. But I'm in AZ.
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  #54  
Old 01-27-2019, 04:58 AM
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California. But I'm in AZ.
Ahhh yes now your location makes sense! Haha. Iím a blonde. My man is in AZ and is on an integrated yard. I agree with everything you said!
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  #55  
Old 01-27-2019, 06:32 AM
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That's understandable. Mine said the most interesting thing the other day, something I never thought I'd hear him say. He comes from a "no one disrespects me" background, but over the last five years or so that's dropped off as he learns more about himself and how he got here. So he was talking about wanting to go home and the integration happening in our state and he said, "You wanna call me a b*tch? OK. Cool. I'm the biggest b*tch there is, I'll even agree with you. Cause this b*tch is going home." LOL

And I think, while often misguided, that's their goal-- to get the inmates to just let it roll off. Because on the outside, people say and do stupid stuff to us all of the time. We can't go around blowing up at every interaction. But to have it intentionally thrown at you every day? That's tough. Very tough.
I told him "sticks and stones".
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  #56  
Old 02-20-2019, 09:46 AM
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Mizzy
I'm sorry to hear so. This must be terrible. I can't imagine going through something like that with David. I wish you all the best and I'm sure everything will be fine
Miamac I love your post I'm really new at this but it's great to see us all united talking about our loving men

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  #57  
Old 02-20-2019, 09:59 AM
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Mizzy
I'm sorry to hear so. This must be terrible. I can't imagine going through something like that with David. I wish you all the best and I'm sure everything will be fine
That is very sweet of you and I appreciate you writing this.
But there's a tiny and positive update and I was actually planning on writing it..

Even though it's still tough and he's still in this state of - I have a hard time describing it - but he basically is coping with his situation by amongst other things by disengaging from me emotionally because it's something he can't handle right now.
I've written him a letter explaining to him what this does to me (hurt, feeling dismissed and abandoned) but I was still very positive and he seems to have gotten the message. He calls more often and is more positive.
I even got a Valentine's card or better envelope - there was no paper available.
But still no I love you's or I miss you's for almost 6 months...

I made the decision to not plan a visit just yet. Fortunately my bonus this year is very high so I booked a vacation just for me in the Maldives (together with a girlfriend) for 10 days and then re-visit the "visiting" thing with my guy. He's fine with it because he said that at his current facility they are in the habit of not letting people in and he doesn't want me to come all this way.. (but he only said this after I told him he was not welcoming nor forthcoming about me visiting again). Whatever it is, whatever he feels and thinks, he's trying to survive and I'm thinking about myself right now and keep sending my monthly amount so we can talk on the phone.

I know that there's just one signature missing from his approval to be moved to minimum and this should not be long anymore. Let's hope this transfer will bring some more positive changes to him and also us.
But one day at a time, I'm counting down the days until I'll be on the plane to my barefoot island
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  #58  
Old 02-21-2019, 04:06 PM
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Sending positive thoughts your way 😊😊😊
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  #59  
Old 02-26-2019, 09:56 PM
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Default Just not sure what to say.

I have started dating someone, who has always been such an amazing friend and I didn't realize that somewhere along the way our conversations turned into more, and I have never had someone have this way with me before. I've never ever dated a prisoner, and I just usually thought there's no way I could do it. And I never really thought much about it, but his gf kinda left him when he was sent back this time, he's not exactly a newbie in this prison life, but I am brand new to this. I always would tell his girlfriend to tell him I said hello and stuff like that, but never really like "talked" to him more than that, until he went back this time, because he called and just kind of needed someone to lean on, and I was kinda going thru the same thing, and we just talked and it ended up coming to this being more than friends, and I didn't ever think I would ever be in this position. And my goodness, I know it gets harder, and gets tougher at times, but I never realized just how much I would miss him when they don't get mail or emails and stuff, and he's at Fulton, and just recently like a little over a week ago got sent to the hole, and I haven't heard from him for a week now, and I just hate it, cuz I can't get any kind of answer as to what is going on...other than calling his caseworker, I don't know what to do...
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  #60  
Old 02-27-2019, 05:28 AM
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Communications from the hole are usually limited to writing letters and a very occasional phone call. He may also have a tough time replying to your letters because he doesn't have access to his property, plus limited or no commissary either. He will eventually get your letters though.
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Old 03-05-2019, 05:17 PM
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Default My fiancee is in prison

Hello my fiancee just went into prison in Jan. We filled out the paper's to visit him i had to call and ask question's if we were okay to visit. So or first visit was on valentine's day this year it was a real good visit finally to hold his hand's i didn't want to let go i wanted to bring him home with me. He has moved at least 5 time's sense he has been there. The hardest part was the two day's he couldn't call that was the time to go get help from my doctor. Now i'm on this forum to talk to other women that are going through the same thing I have no one to talk to.
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  #62  
Old 03-05-2019, 05:50 PM
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Hello my fiancee just went into prison in Jan. We filled out the paper's to visit him i had to call and ask question's if we were okay to visit. So or first visit was on valentine's day this year it was a real good visit finally to hold his hand's i didn't want to let go i wanted to bring him home with me. He has moved at least 5 time's sense he has been there. The hardest part was the two day's he couldn't call that was the time to go get help from my doctor. Now i'm on this forum to talk to other women that are going through the same thing I have no one to talk to.
All of those moves are hard. I can't imagine how that is for them. I'm glad you got a visit in for Valentine's Day, that's so sweet.

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Old 03-05-2019, 06:08 PM
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Welcome to Prison Talk. I'm glad you had such a nice visit on Valentines Day.
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Old 03-05-2019, 06:15 PM
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Default My fiancee is in prison

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All of those moves are hard. I can't imagine how that is for them. I'm glad you got a visit in for Valentine's Day, that's so sweet.

Welcome to PTO.
We just got together last July. We were kinda seeing each other 2 year's ago but i backed away so he could fix thing's. Now i blame myself for not trying harder to keep him i let him go. But now we have each other i keep telling myself and him everything is going to be okay. I just need to talk to other's that have gone through this.
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  #65  
Old 03-10-2019, 11:55 PM
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I started talking to someone in pvsp in beginning of Sept 2018. Was not looking for relationship. By Nov 10th we were in a relationship..as of today we are still together I have visited him at t least once a month. I find it very difficult to not feel stress or emotional being away from him. With the lock downs and everyday things to deal with to no visits..how does everyone do this?
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Old 03-11-2019, 02:22 AM
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I started talking to someone in pvsp in beginning of Sept 2018. Was not looking for relationship. By Nov 10th we were in a relationship..as of today we are still together I have visited him at t least once a month. I find it very difficult to not feel stress or emotional being away from him. With the lock downs and everyday things to deal with to no visits..how does everyone do this?

One day at a time.

Being in a prison relationship is crazy, it can be wonderful but I personally think that all that comes with prison is really hard to deal with.

I wish I'd have more of the fluffy stuff like touching, more intimacy and all thas jazz but it is not possible. I haven't seen my BF in almost one year and it will be a bit longer and I hate it... Seriously, that get's to me.
But... I love him, we'll get through this all.
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  #67  
Old 03-11-2019, 10:14 AM
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Hello my fiancee just went into prison in Jan. We filled out the paper's to visit him i had to call and ask question's if we were okay to visit. So or first visit was on valentine's day this year it was a real good visit finally to hold his hand's i didn't want to let go i wanted to bring him home with me. He has moved at least 5 time's sense he has been there. The hardest part was the two day's he couldn't call that was the time to go get help from my doctor. Now i'm on this forum to talk to other women that are going through the same thing I have no one to talk to.

Hey there!! So happy your first visit went well! It super sucks when they are not able to call. Mine calls for the most part every night at 8:30 PM and when the clock goes past that and there's nothing I can't help but worry. He tells me not to. He's in a safe facility for the most part but I just cant help. Plus I miss him terriblyyyy when I don't end my day with him. So I feel you for sure I wouldn't change it however! He's worth it ! If you ever want to chit chat feel free to message me!
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Old 03-11-2019, 12:17 PM
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I started talking to someone in pvsp in beginning of Sept 2018. Was not looking for relationship. By Nov 10th we were in a relationship..as of today we are still together I have visited him at t least once a month. I find it very difficult to not feel stress or emotional being away from him. With the lock downs and everyday things to deal with to no visits..how does everyone do this?
With this timeline I'd think you'd be having this rush of emotion with a relationship outside of prison, too. It's the honeymoon phase and you want to be surgically attached because the hormone rush is pretty awesome. But unlike an outside relationship, you have rules and restrictions on being together which amplifies an already hyper-feeling of longing. All of that to say...it will never be easy, but time does make it easier. You get into a groove and you know what to expect when things like lockdowns and holidays happen. You find what works for you. Start with allowing yourself to feel those crappy feelings for 5 mins. Set a timer, even. Be all up in it-- cry, write it down, get mad. Whatever you need. Then, when 5 mins are up, it's time to get back to your life. Because it's normal to feel those feelings, but it's dangerous to get stuck there.

Welcome to being MWI!
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Old 03-11-2019, 02:54 PM
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We are still waiting for approval or denial of the program. Gah! He can only take toiletries with him, so I got everything for the next few months just in case. thank goodness none of it will go bad regardless of the outcome. New undies, socks and t shirts.. like sending him off to summer camp!

I know it is soon. I can feel it.

Going to drown myself in some work to take my mind off it! Lol

I'm good. Just a tad bit anxious! Today more than ever
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Old 03-29-2019, 09:48 PM
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He is officially on a draft. Didnt hear from him last night or today. It is so weird. Online is not showing anything different, so not sure if he left, had a stop over, or is even the yet. Distance is about 3 hours.

Im a mix of nerves and then excited back to nerves. I miss his voice. I was going to visit tomorrow, but since ge was packed up he believed he was leaving today. Would suck to drive 4 hours and him not be there. If he didn't leave yet, I could have gone, but have no way of knowing.

Just venting. Im good. Breathing through it and reminding myself these are all good and necessary things. Change takes me a bit.

How are you ladies?
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:30 PM
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How are you ladies?
We were officially-officially denied an opportunity today after a years-long fight. It's over. Nowhere to go with it now. Ironically, I think being treated like a yo-yo around this was harder than having a final answer. Now we know. I don't need to spend another minute thinking about it for the foreseeable future. There is peace in that. I spent Wednesday, our anniversary, building up to this day, drafting a letter with all of my reasons why this sucks and while it turns out I won't be sending it to anyone, I think it was therapeutic.

The other thing I can find comfort in is that it has absolutely nothing to do with him, the facts of his crime or his conduct. In fact, the staff working with him went out of their way to say it was just pure regulation and that was that. They highlighted all of the reasons they would do it if they could-- namely that he's earned it, but they just can't. I'm incredibly proud of him for going through this process knowing it was an incredible long shot. I'm glad they gave him the accolades he deserves. And even though it didn't go in our favor, I'm glad it's over.

There's an open door or window here. I just have to keep my heart open to it.



Oneday-- I'm sure this must be a jarring time for you both. He's starting something new and you're missing the communication connection. I know this is an overall positive move for you guys so I'm glad it's happening. I'll be praying for you both that it all goes smoothly and gives you the bump up you deserve.
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:38 PM
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We were officially-officially denied an opportunity today after a years-long fight. It's over. Nowhere to go with it now. Ironically, I think being treated like a yo-yo around this was harder than having a final answer. Now we know. I don't need to spend another minute thinking about it for the foreseeable future. There is peace in that. I spent Wednesday, our anniversary, building up to this day, drafting a letter with all of my reasons why this sucks and while it turns out I won't be sending it to anyone, I think it was therapeutic.

The other thing I can find comfort in is that it has absolutely nothing to do with him, the facts of his crime or his conduct. In fact, the staff working with him went out of their way to say it was just pure regulation and that was that. They highlighted all of the reasons they would do it if they could-- namely that he's earned it, but they just can't. I'm incredibly proud of him for going through this process knowing it was an incredible long shot. I'm glad they gave him the accolades he deserves. And even though it didn't go in our favor, I'm glad it's over.

There's an open door or window here. I just have to keep my heart open to it.



Oneday-- I'm sure this must be a jarring time for you both. He's starting something new and you're missing the communication connection. I know this is an overall positive move for you guys so I'm glad it's happening. I'll be praying for you both that it all goes smoothly and gives you the bump up you deserve.
I'm so very sorry. I hope and pray something else comes up that will help you both. I can't imagine what you guys are going through. Im sending lots of love and hugs for way.

Im good. Just keeping my head in check. After reading what you wrote, my perspective switched a lot and we have a lot to be grateful for. I refuse to do a pity party. Yes it's a connection thing, but the sacrifice is worth it.

My kids have a butt ton of stuff going on and work makes the day pass quickly. Just got to keep on keeping on.

Qe have one more evaluation to go once he gets there. If approved, we wait for a start date and possibly another transfer. Most likely another month before we really are sure what's going on fully.
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Old 03-30-2019, 02:05 AM
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Mia, I am so sorry It truly sucks that "pure regulation" can be the only factor in something as big as this! I know to expect nothing less from CDCR but....god I wish they'd be able to consider common sense and the merits of an individual as well. Meh. I sincerely hope something comes up in the near future that will flip the screen somehow and change the situation. Much strength to you and your husband, you are true warriors
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Old 03-30-2019, 10:22 AM
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Heard from him. At another facility for the weekend. He is ok, but hates this part.
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Old 03-30-2019, 01:20 PM
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Mia, I am so sorry It truly sucks that "pure regulation" can be the only factor in something as big as this!
We have list of things that we call 'falling through the cracks'. Good legislation/regulation that just happened to be for, but not exactly for, folks like him. I know we're not the only ones, though it's easy to feel that way when so many around you are moving up and on. But as they say, comparison is the thief of joy. So I try really hard not to.
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