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Old 01-01-2019, 12:57 PM
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Default Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat 2019

Happy New Year to everyone!

Here's our new Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat thread for 2019 Like the title says, this is the place for chatting about nothing specific - just venting or telling us how you day is going....the weather, news, what's on your mind - pretty much anything that doesn't belong to any other, more subject specified threads & forums!
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:09 PM
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Happy New Year to everyone!



Here's our new Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison Chit Chat thread for 2019 Like the title says, this is the place for chatting about nothing specific - just venting or telling us how you day is going....the weather, news, what's on your mind - pretty much anything that doesn't belong to any other, more subject specified threads & forums!
Happy new year to all where ever they are
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:25 PM
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Happy New Year! Was blessed to spend the day with him and his kids. I'm exhausted, but the day was so worth it.
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Old 01-02-2019, 01:01 AM
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Feliz aŮo nuevo! Happy New Year!
Had a nice visit today in spite of a weird and abrasive CO screaming at us.


Feeling very hopeful that 2019 is the year that brings more of our loved ones closer to home and good health and spirit for us all.
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Old 01-02-2019, 07:49 AM
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Feliz aŮo nuevo! Happy New Year!
Had a nice visit today in spite of a weird and abrasive CO screaming at us.


Feeling very hopeful that 2019 is the year that brings more of our loved ones closer to home and good health and spirit for us all.
I hate when they do that. I'm always a nervous wreck going and when one is on a power trip or a newbie trying to prove themselves it drives me crazy. Thankfully yesterday, the good ones were there.

He was all smiles yesterday and it was really needed after the last month. 3 months until we have a better idea of early release programs. I hope they go quickly.
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Old 01-02-2019, 02:18 PM
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Happy New Year to everyone....

We just spent our last New Years Eve together ... for who knows how long. 2019 will be the biggest challenging year in my life.... at least so far. I'm looking forward to getting out of the "not knowing" stage as everyone reminds me this is the worse but not looking forward to seeing him leave. As of now sentencing is set for Feb 12th with an open plea. I'm going in expecting 3.5-5 years and hoping for anything (even a day) less. I thought it would get easier as it gets closer to sentencing, knowing we'll have answers but I find my anxiety is up even more. Sometimes it's up just because I know he's leaving; sometimes it's because I am thinking to the future and things that will change that maybe I won't mind such as having the bed to myself or not having to tiptoe around the house while he sleeps. One second I feel guilty for that and then the next I remind myself that nothing is going to stop it from happening so I need to find "good" things to get me through. I also constantly remind myself that the sooner it starts the sooner it ends.

I've had to go back to work after 10 years to prepare for this and my first choice of jobs has not been good for me and caused even more stressed. So I put a notice in and start a new, hopefully more stable job as soon as this one ends. But besides that and everything going on (or not as justice seems to move at a crawl) I will be having a move coming up within the next few months since I cannot afford to continue living where I am. So 2019 will be full of changes.... I have to hope that at least some of them will be good ones!!
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Old 01-02-2019, 02:28 PM
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One second I feel guilty for that and then the next I remind myself that nothing is going to stop it from happening so I need to find "good" things to get me through. I also constantly remind myself that the sooner it starts the sooner it ends.
These are some really healthy thoughts! I mean, minus the guilt.

I didn't go through sentencing with mine as we met after he was incarcerated and I share fears in the opposite direction-- I'm used to my space, sleeping alone, little compromise around the house. What if I can't stand him once he's all up in my home?! This isn't easy stuff we go through and I'm glad you've decided to share it here. You're not alone.

The one thing I can say about prison that is a bit universal and you are in the thick of it now-- the unknown. Even having had the luxury of skipping his sentencing and early stretch, we have hit that so many times in the last six years. Will they move him, will he get on a good yard with programming, will that CO eventually be moved and things can go back to normal, will I have enough money to cover phone calls and visiting, will he get a parole date soon. The unknown and outside of our control is part of this and probably the most frustrating aspect for me as something of a control-freak. But we do it. We learn, we adjust, we seek support. Some develop new hobbies, go back to school, workout. Mostly I bitch.
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Old 01-02-2019, 02:35 PM
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im so happy this year is here.. he comes home this year!!! new years sucked being surrounded by all my friends and their significant others, I was literally the only one there alone butttttttttt I get to see him this weekend and get my new years kiss! im glad I have yall to help me along this crazy and unexpected journey.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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Old 01-02-2019, 02:45 PM
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These are some really healthy thoughts! I mean, minus the guilt.

I didn't go through sentencing with mine as we met after he was incarcerated and I share fears in the opposite direction-- I'm used to my space, sleeping alone, little compromise around the house. What if I can't stand him once he's all up in my home?! This isn't easy stuff we go through and I'm glad you've decided to share it here. You're not alone.

The one thing I can say about prison that is a bit universal and you are in the thick of it now-- the unknown. Even having had the luxury of skipping his sentencing and early stretch, we have hit that so many times in the last six years. Will they move him, will he get on a good yard with programming, will that CO eventually be moved and things can go back to normal, will I have enough money to cover phone calls and visiting, will he get a parole date soon. The unknown and outside of our control is part of this and probably the most frustrating aspect for me as something of a control-freak. But we do it. We learn, we adjust, we seek support. Some develop new hobbies, go back to school, workout. Mostly I bitch.

We have both caught ourselves worrying ahead of time about things such as where, how it will be and even how it will be when he gets out and things have changed but we generally quickly remind ourselves that those worries can wait.

We have talked about things we are going to do to prepare him... and me for his leaving such as certain things of his that he plans to keep when it comes to clothing, games (and systems) and movies... things like that, as well as things he will get rid of like say socks and underwear... it's not like I'm going to hold on to those things all that time as we'll just get new when he gets out...lol.

He spent 10 days in jail after his arrest and the nights were especially tough for me. He recently spent 11 days in the hospital so I used that time to get used to him not being here a bit although it was obviously not the same as it will be. I have already told him that the day he leaves, probably before he leaves I am re-doing the bed. We have two covers on it now since he swears I steal them in the night...lol I'm going to put only mine on there and put my pillows in the center. It will hopefully prevent me from laying on one side of the bed and wallowing in self pity since I'll already likely have enough of that.

I have told my current employer when I was hired and my soon to be new employer that at sentencing and again when he self surrenders I will need 2-3 days simply to wallow and that after that "I will put on my big girl panties" and be back to work and carry on as normal. I simply tell them "my husband is going to prison" and only give more details if they ask. I've been lucky in the fact that they understand that it was him, not I, that committed a crime and express at least some sympathy that his leaving is going to be a huge financial issue for me considering he gets $2,000 a month in disability that will be gone. We will see if that same understand will hold with them, as well as other friends and family that have been supportive so far, when I can't do something because I'm planning a visit or a phone call.....
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:57 AM
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Sooooo glad this year is finally here!!! My love will be home in a little over 4 months 🥰🥰🥰 I seriously canít wait to be allllll up under him lol
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:16 AM
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Happy New Year!!
I wish I could write some details here but I won't but... I've had the most terrible 90+ days and it's because so much happened. I cannot and will not write details but I think I've told you that my boyfriend ended up in protective custody in mid-September and he stayed for around 3 weeks. I have no details whatsoever (I know some things but I don't want to indulge the open board here) but I didn't hear from him until the beginning of October when he was moved to a different facility. His Mom and I had a little chat and she was able to tell me a little bit but bottom line is that I have no real clue. He hints over the phone but does not want to say anything also for obvious reasons.
The thing is though that he must've had a horrible experience and/or suffered some trauma but bottom line is, his behavior changed drastically.
He's distant and giving me tons of bible talk which is really tiresome and has not said I love you in over 3 months or that he's missing me in over 3 months or anything to that effect.
I've cried-yelled at him a few times but I'm at the point that I just shut up. I'm happy when he calls because it means that he's still alive.
His move to Minimum should happen soon and this time for real and I give myself time to see if his behavior will "snap back".
I also believe that his behavior has something to do with his fears and paranoia and he does not have any more capacity for anything or anyone else at this time.
It has gotten a bit better but since he has a job now Monday through Friday we can basically only talk on weekend so I cut the money I'm sending in half.

To be honest I've been through hell and back and I've question everything. You know from my posts that I had almost 4 year an amazing time which was without exception beyond awesome but it has not been like this for the last 90+ days.
I feel he's lost it somehow and he also told me that out of his 25 years in prison those last 90+ days have been the worst. So I get it, it's hell for him.

I promised myself to sit this one out because he's a great guy and I love him very much but lately I've cried almost after every phone call.
The sweet part though is that he calls religiously and no matter how much I cried/yelled the call before he's right back and talks to me. Not that he listens to me, but he just calls.

So trying to take the positive things out of all of it for now and take one day at a time. But it's really hard, it has been hard and I'm pretty much exhausted. He has not giving anything "back" as in supporting me or even listing and that's hurtful.
Hopefully his next move to another facility which will be minimum will bring some relief for all of us but so far I'm sitting across the ocean and there's absolutely nothing I can do from here but listen to his rants and religious preaching (sooooo getting on my nerves but I know it's his crutch right now).

He forbade me to write because someone could snatch the address from a letter. He has not written down my number in case someone snatches that from him... I mean it's a gang-ruled facility and he didn't even want me to come and visit before Christmas. He stays on his bed and reads all day if he's not at work or on the phone... You get my drift...

Sorry for the rant but this is my story for the end of 2018 and the new 2019 and hopefully it'll be over soon... one way or the other...

Thanks for listening.

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Old 01-07-2019, 12:01 PM
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Mizzy, your post feels so heavy. I know you are strong but I can only imagine the toll this has taken on the both of you. This is a fine example of what I mean by building a strong foundation so that when rough times happen, you can lean on what you know to be true about them and trust that this is temporary. Of course, no one knows the future, but right now, and until he's moved, that foundation is carrying you through. I'm glad you have that.

Hang in there, lady. And you know we're here for you.
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Old 01-07-2019, 01:17 PM
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Mizzy I am so sorry to read your post , reading it you can feel your frustration and anxiety. I guess the bottom line is we really dont know how things are for them behind those walls. They need to do what they need to do to get through every day.That can make it very hard for us. It sounds like your man has withdrawn into himself to get through the difficult time he is having.
I hope you can ride this wave and come out the other side.
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Old 01-07-2019, 02:06 PM
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I'm sorry too. I hope he bounces back after he moves to the lower security prison. He definitely needs to change his recent behavior, which is way too much about him, and not nearly enough about you.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:57 AM
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Mizzy, I am so sorry to read all this Honestly, my biggest fear in all this would be something similar happening; I've experienced mental breakdown with my younger brother and it's heartbreaking to see someone turn into someone else....you feel so hopeless. And not saying I know for sure that your LO is mentally breaking down, but it does sound like the trauma you mention has him super alert & paranoid. I really, really hope that his transfer to minimum happens sooner rather than later. Cannot imagine what it must be like being in a place like that, it's tough enough without the extra issues. Also, as Mia said, I too see you as someone strong -- but if you need to talk, feel free to PM me. I'm also one of those people that my friends say "oh, you're the strongest person I know" --- and I know that can be a burden sometimes when you really do feel weak and in need of support

Lots of hugs to you
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Old 01-08-2019, 09:08 AM
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Very sweet of all of you and yes, I'm a strong person never asking for help and I'm seriously at a loss but also totally right that he needs to make life less about him and more about others and me included.
I won't weigh all the money I spent on visits, calls, letters, gifts with his behavior now, he is seriously and rightfully afraid for his life and I have no clue how I would react/act/feel.
But there must be a limit to all of this and my hope lies with the transfer.
As you know I'm flying to the Caribbean every spring and on my way down and/or back I usually stopped by to see him.
I still want to go to my island but if I'll stop ... I don't know yet. More about me, right?
Love you ladies, you are awesome!
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Old 01-10-2019, 09:55 PM
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Hello,

Wishing you all a Happy NewYear. Iím grateful for this website because I couldnít handle it at first. Like I was so stressed trying to figure it out in the beginning I was driving myself up a wall. Godís willing my lo will return this June. Iíve been completely faithful and I stuck with him and his family through some trying times. My family didnít meet him yet. He met my daughter beforehand. Iím just trying to remain positive I hope everything works out. Not only for me but for you!! 2019 feels different. Sending back the positive energy that was sent to me. I really would cry and cry and cry because I felt like I was robbed like we were building something. I feel that this was a test in our relationship. Not only am I holding it down I find new and innovative ways to occupy my time books, movies, etc., I feel like this hurdle bought us closer. I just wanted to say Thankyou. I know Iím not here all the time but I will pop in more often. 💋
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:06 AM
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Happy New Year Everyone !

I hope this year is a great one for everyone. I hope your able to overcome every obstacle, I wish for happiness and love for you all.

Here is a quote for you :

You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events.
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Old 01-17-2019, 03:58 PM
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He is supposed to get 1 to 2 feet of snow this wweekend. This sucks
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Old 01-17-2019, 04:22 PM
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He is supposed to get 1 to 2 feet of snow this wweekend. This sucks
And you are/were supposed to visit, right?
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Old 01-17-2019, 04:54 PM
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He is supposed to get 1 to 2 feet of snow this wweekend. This sucks
Doesn't this snow suck, I'm suppose to see my boyfriend this weekend too
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Old 01-17-2019, 05:05 PM
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And you are/were supposed to visit, right?
Yes ma'am!
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:44 PM
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I hate the winter! 14 to 17 inches can kiss my rear!
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:10 PM
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I hate the winter! 14 to 17 inches can kiss my rear!
I saw this on my news feed today. I also saw that parts of Cali are to get 60-80" this weekend from a massive blizzard. WHAT THE HECK??
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:15 PM
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I saw this on my news feed today. I also saw that parts of Cali are to get 60-80" this weekend from a massive blizzard. WHAT THE HECK??
Jesus that is insane. I'm assuming up in the mountains?
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