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Louisiana General Prison Talk, Introductions & Chit Chat Topics & Discussions relating to Prison & the Criminal Justice System in Louisiana that do not fit into any other Louisiana sub-forum category. Please feel free to also introduce yourself to other members in the state and talk about whatever topics come to mind that may not have anything to do with prison.

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Old 01-06-2017, 02:35 AM
paralegalmom paralegalmom is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Kentwood, Louisiana
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Hi

My name is Nicole and I am here in Prison Talk hoping to get some emotional support from other mothers and fathers like myself. My son was convicted of second degree murder and received a life sentence. He is now at Angola and he's been there for a year.

It's been four years since the murder and crushed does not begin to describe how I feel on the inside. My son comes from a good family; we loved him and reared him right. We taught him to love life, not take it. I still can't wrap my head around what he did or that he was even capable of such a thing as murder. He is very young - only 22 now, but he went to jail only 4 months after he turned 18. My son had braces on his teeth and pimples on his face. He still called me "Mommy." He didn't go to prom or graduate high school. He never had a job or even got his driver's license or learner's permit. He never even cast a vote.

We appealed his sentence with the First Circuit, but it was denied and they ruled against us on EVERY issue. As far as opinions go, it wasn't really very long, only twelve pages, but the court cited FORTY (40) cases. I thought it was a ridiculous amount and just overkill. I researched the legal issues at length, and I haven't been able to come up with anything favorable to help support another appeal.

I've cried every day since the day my son was arrested. That means I've cried 1, 461 days. Sometimes it's just quiet tears that roll down my cheeks, but most of the time, it's heartbreaking, soul-shattering sobs that leave me stuffy with swollen red-rimmed eyes and red, blotchy face. I grieve for the victim, the victim's family, for my son, his future, his youth, his innocence. I grieve for his siblings and for myself. I miss him. I miss him SO much. Sometimes my heartache is so unbearable that it hurts just to breathe. I still do not understand how this happened. This is what happens to others - what I see on the news and read about in the papers. It doesn't happen to us and it doesn't happen to people like us. We aren't mean, we believe in God, we believe in working hard, being honest, getting an education, and in treating others the way you want to be treated.

I feel so foolish now- I monitored almost everything my son did to keep him out of trouble. I didn't let him watch R rated movies, or adult cartoons, I didn't allow him to play violent video games when he was young, I didn't allow him to eat junk food... I'd tell him, "Ryan, eat your mushrooms. They will make you big like Mario." And he believed me. He is a smart boy - could take a computer apart and put it back together. He wrote code to modify his video games. My eight-year old little man ran circles around me with the TV and figured out the remotes and all the household gadgets and when he was 12 he figured out my computer and internet problems. He was too smart for his own good because he could hack my accounts because I couldn't remember the passwords. I can't believe that I poured so much love so much energy and effort into my son to produce a good American citizen only to have it end with him dying in prison. It breaks my heart to think that the military career he dreamed of is gone and that the only life he will ever know will be prison life - not even being able to flip off a light switch or decide when he is going to sleep. My soul is wounded and my spirit weeps and grieves without respite. I am beside myself and I just don't know what to do to try to comfort myself. I just don't have the words or the vocabulary to describe the size, depth, the width, the infinity of the sorrow and emotional pain and anguish I feel.

Nicole
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