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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Have you ever felt hesitant or ashamed to tell people about your man?
Yes, ashamed 39 13.88%
Yes, hesitant 163 58.01%
No 87 30.96%
Other negative feelings 12 4.27%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 281. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 09-05-2014, 12:02 PM
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I dont like to tell people beacuse the questions or they just will think im crazy or weird. I dont need that. Therefor I keep it to myself or I just tell them he lives in Usa and he goes to school, a little lie there then I dont need to answer thousands of nosy questions
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  #52  
Old 09-13-2014, 01:59 AM
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No absolutely not am I ashamed of being with the man I love! I don't like to tell people because I know the next question is, what did he do, and I do not like to talk about his charges unless I can tell they won't judge. It is a very difficult situation, but I love my fiancé and I think he is just one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, therefore if someone else doesn't like him based on a label and mistakes, then they are just uninformed and not worth my time.
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  #53  
Old 09-13-2014, 06:47 PM
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never! I am proud he is my man. Just cuz he made a bad choice don't make him any less of man in my eyes!
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  #54  
Old 09-14-2014, 04:41 AM
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I'm not ashamed, just hesitant. I honestly don't feel like hearing anyone's opinions or lectures. People know that I am committed to the man I'm in love with & that's all they need to know. I'm vague on the details. I think some people at the Dr's office I work at think he is deployed. Lol
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  #55  
Old 11-09-2014, 09:51 PM
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I used to be hesitant, because for whatever reason jail is synonymous to being a loser in my family, until my own cousins got into trouble... Then they finally loosened up.. Suddenly they remembered everyone is human. Nonetheless, if asked I am honest. I love J no matter what.
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  #56  
Old 11-09-2014, 10:07 PM
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I'm never ashamed of the man I'm with. However I don't talk to people about it because I don't trust people, and I don't tell people mostly anything about my life...gives them room to give "advice" or judge and I don't need that if it's coming from a negative place. That's why I come here for really positive support and individuals that really understand where I'm coming from. I love him, and I feel like it's me and him against the world sometimes so no I'm not ashamed or hesitant it's just no one elses business unless I allow it to be
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  #57  
Old 11-27-2014, 06:18 PM
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I usually just sat that I have a boyfriend in California. I live in the middle of nowhere, so everyone knows it much more realistic for me to go down there!
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  #58  
Old 11-28-2014, 07:22 AM
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I'm not ashamed but I am hesitant in certain situations. I don't think it's anyone's business but mine and his really and a lot of people I've discovered seem to think that because he's in jail they have some sort of right to get involved in my relationship. I've had people who've never even met him and who knows nothing about his charges and why he's in there tell me he's a bad person and I should leave him, just because he's in jail. So now if people ask what he does for a living I tell them that he's a welder which is what he does I just leave out that he does it in jail. If people ask where he lives I just say which city. But everyone close to me knows about it and the people who can't seem to accept it I have told that they don't have to like it but if they want to have any part in my life they have to respect it.
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  #59  
Old 11-28-2014, 09:49 AM
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Once we got "officially" engaged, I sort of "came out". Changed my FB relationship status, told my family this is the guy Im with and the guy Im going to be with for the rest of my life... of course people notice the ring, so they want to know who he is. I don't just start going on about how he is in prison, but I don't hide it, either.
He was married before many years ago and she kept it a total secret. My feeling is that "we' don't deserve to be kept a secret because we aren't doing anything "wrong".
For me, it is all about personal power and healthy boundaries. Im learning a lot about both as I was in an abusive marriage before this. I will decide who knows what and if I decide to tell you about it, it's not my responsibility to manage YOUR emotional response. My responsibility is to love you and give you space to feel what you feel.
So, it's out there and it's going to stay out there, come what may.
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  #60  
Old 12-04-2014, 08:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexanianna View Post
I'm not ashamed but I am hesitant in certain situations. I don't think it's anyone's business but mine and his really and a lot of people I've discovered seem to think that because he's in jail they have some sort of right to get involved in my relationship. I've had people who've never even met him and who knows nothing about his charges and why he's in there tell me he's a bad person and I should leave him, just because he's in jail. So now if people ask what he does for a living I tell them that he's a welder which is what he does I just leave out that he does it in jail. If people ask where he lives I just say which city. But everyone close to me knows about it and the people who can't seem to accept it I have told that they don't have to like it but if they want to have any part in my life they have to respect it.
I agree. I am not ashamed. I am a little hesitant to talk about the concerns I have or things of that nature with my family, just because they don't approve of D but, like you said, they don't have to accept it but, if they want me to stay around, they do have to respect it.

And D's and my "relationship" is still pretty new. I have only known him for a few weeks and he has been in for two and a half of those. We write, he calls, etc. Still trying to figure out where we stand. Pretty much are we an official couple or not? We were discussing it the morning he got arrested and didn't get to finish the conversation. Now when he calls, it's more of catch up. The topic has never been addressed before the 60 second warning.

I should probably just ask next time I write or he calls. Whichever happens first. Lol.
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  #61  
Old 12-09-2014, 12:23 PM
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Ashamed, never but hesitant yes. Not because of what people would say but bc I have ALWAYS been extremely private about my love life. My immediate family knows and is super supportive. A few of my close cousins know and a few of my friends who I am close with. Other than that, when people ask about my relationship I simply tell them "Yes I have a man and yes I am very private." And they stop there.
Its not because of where he is or what he did. Hell half of my family didn't know about my ex until we broke up lol. More people know about my bf now than my ex. Its just something I've always kept close to my heart. People have opinions whether your significant other is a convicted felon doing a bid or whether they're a cardiovascular surgeon.
My man is everything to me and I've always made him feel that way. Even when he felt like he wasn't worth anything, I made him feel like the King that he is to me.
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  #62  
Old 12-10-2014, 12:12 AM
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I've never been ashamed and only recently have been hesitant but only because I just started a new job working for a non-profit agency that pairs foster kids and kids in juvenile detention with positive adult role models/mentors. So the people I work with would probably lay down on the floor and die if they knew. I'm sure with time I'll get over that but for now, it's not their business. A couple of people at work have asked about my husband but I do my best to keep my answers as brief and generic as possible.
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  #63  
Old 12-10-2014, 06:07 AM
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I do find myself being hesitant. Like some of you mentioned, you're not ashamed but not Everyone is entitled to that information. Some people just like to be in your business. I'm more hesitant because of a past relationship with someone that was incarcerated which ended in the same way no one ever thinks their relationship will. My hesitation stems from people comparing this time to last time. Why would I want go through that again? The truth is, I don't. Anyway, i love this man nonetheless and I choose to believe this time is different because it is. And he shows me that everyday. My eyes are just a lot more open than they used to be for sure.
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  #64  
Old 12-10-2014, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrbostonsgrl View Post
I do find myself being hesitant. Like some of you mentioned, you're not ashamed but not Everyone is entitled to that information. Some people just like to be in your business. I'm more hesitant because of a past relationship with someone that was incarcerated which ended in the same way no one ever thinks their relationship will. My hesitation stems from people comparing this time to last time. Why would I want go through that again? The truth is, I don't. Anyway, i love this man nonetheless and I choose to believe this time is different because it is. And he shows me that everyday. My eyes are just a lot more open than they used to be for sure.
Girl, I'm right there with you. In my last relationship, I spent so much time trying to show my friends that the ex was a good person; a real person, he just made a very bad decision. And then he did what he did. And then everything I had said and done was destroyed.

Now here I am in another relationship.....so I haven't been forthcoming about this relationship with my friends or co-workers. It's really none of their business, anyway. And, like you, my eyes are A LOT more open now.
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  #65  
Old 12-10-2014, 05:59 PM
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I feel ashamed and hesitant because we worked in the same county and I have to go in each day and I see his coworkers occasionally. I think it will actually be better now that he is in jail because it's finally over and everybody can move on. We got married after only dating for a few months so everybody already thought we were nuts. In less than a year he was charged, so it's been awkward to say the least.
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  #66  
Old 12-16-2014, 06:19 PM
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@JivR you're definitely in my prayers . .

To answer your question tho, I have found myself a bit hesitant when telling others outside of my circle about my guy. Not because he's locked up now, because we haven't had the BEST of relationships so sometimes I felt guilty for still being with him but that's only based on my own reasons. I wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone about him now tho if it were to come up. I've always been a private person. I keep my business to myself and stay out of others too, that's just how I've always been.
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  #67  
Old 12-19-2014, 07:53 PM
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I never feel ashamed or embarrassed, but I do get a little scared as to how a person might react when I tell them. This is because I get upset when others are judgmental about someone they don't even know and it makes me feel protective of my boyfriend. It is sad how often others make quick character judgments based on someones societal status. People make mistakes and one mistake should not define a person.
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  #68  
Old 12-23-2014, 08:49 PM
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I am not ashamed of my honey , I do get hesitant with whom I do tell. For example employees and what not but everyone I work with knows. I'm am not bragging but I am a very gorgeous woman so a lot of the males at my job say I need to stop messing with a "thug" and grow up and get with them. I laugh it off or get pissed its different everyday. But to be honest I really don't give a fuck what anyone thinks or what their opinion is. It is my life, my heart and my choices. If I choose to be with a "thug" then fuck it that's what it is. You live and fucking learn. Lmfao sorry for cussing ladies but thinking about them picking on my baby pisses me off. Anyways Merry Christmas������
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  #69  
Old 12-27-2014, 04:17 PM
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Hesitant? Yes. Ashamed? No. I love him. He loves me. These are things that we both know. We each know the good, bad, and ugly about each other and can't wait to get married in April. I do get tired of the ignorance and unsolicited opinions of others. When someone becomes newly aware of his situation, it seems they either say nothing about or say wayyyyyyy too much to the point where some felt they needed to save me from making a mistake. It's offensive and tiresome. How dare other people try to make me uncomfortable about the source of my happiness...
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  #70  
Old 12-28-2014, 02:45 PM
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I'm terrified to tell my family. I come from a long line of well-to-do snobs and I cannot even imagine how they're going to respond to me starting a life with a tattooed ex-con who's done a LOT of shady things in his life. I'm kind of dreading it, honestly.

He's so kind, caring, and supportive and in no way the same person who did all those crazy things in the past, so I'm committed to him regardless of what they think. But I hate that they'll judge him the way I know they will. Until he wins them over with that charm I love so much.
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  #71  
Old 01-06-2015, 11:56 PM
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I'm not ashamed of my man. I am hesitant to tell people about where he is. I actually lie to pretty much everyone that I know. He's originally from another state so I just say that he still lives there, but plans to move to Texas soon when really he's already here just in prison. Everyone that I did tell with the exception of one person had a negative reaction.

I got the...what's wrong with you? are you serious? you're beautiful, intelligent and headed somewhere in life so why would you want to be with someone who is in prison? don't worry you'll meet a good man one day and you'll forget all about this convict. you deserve the best and it's not him.

Of course there was a lot more, but those are the main ones that I can remember at the moment. I don't judge people based on their past so I can't stand when other people feel the need to do so.

Like I say, "we've all made mistakes and broken the law a time or two it's just that most of us didn't get caught or our offense was less serious." I'm not perfect. No one is. So what gives anyone the right to judge another human being? Unless you're a judge of course then that's your job! Lol!

I know that my man isn't perfect and that yes he did break the law, but he's learned a lot from his incarceration and he's a changed man. With any relationship there's no guarantee that things will go well so why do people treat this type like it's the only one that could possibly ever end badly?

My ex boyfriend, who has never had more than a traffic ticket or two, lied to me and broke promises that he made. Not everyone is a good person, but a criminal record or being incarcerated doesn't automatically make you a bad person.

I told my man that I'm not telling anyone in my family at all. I want them to get to know him as a human being and not look at him differently because of his past. If I did tell them he'd have to dig himself out of a hole and even if he did so they still wouldn't treat him the same as someone who hasn't been to prison before.

While typing this song popped into my head:

If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight
It's none of your business
And she wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend
It's none of your business
Now you shouldn't even get into who I'm givin' skins to
It's none of your business
So don't try to change my mind, I'll tell you one more time
It's none of your business

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  #72  
Old 01-08-2015, 07:42 AM
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It's not info that I just voluntarily give out and not something I open up to just anyone about. There are people who I have told. I'm in no way ashamed, I would just rather not deal with overly judgemental people. Some people will never understand why I do what I do and that's fine.
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  #73  
Old 01-08-2015, 03:51 PM
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I don't feel ashamed or hesitant about telling anyone that asks. I love my fiancee very much, we plan to marry right after he gets out. He's my everything and we are middle school sweethearts!!
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  #74  
Old 01-18-2015, 03:36 PM
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Default Hesitant, for now

not sure

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Old 01-19-2015, 08:13 AM
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No I have never been ashamed of our relationship or telling people about us. But I am aware of who I tell my business to. The same ones who are telling you to leave him are the same ones who would go behind by your back to see him thats when I have yo become unlady like.
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