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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Have you ever felt hesitant or ashamed to tell people about your man?
Yes, ashamed 39 13.88%
Yes, hesitant 163 58.01%
No 87 30.96%
Other negative feelings 12 4.27%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 281. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 04-20-2014, 01:02 PM
JivR JivR is offline
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Default Have you ever felt hesitant or ashamed to tell people about your man?

Ladies,

Have you been hesitant or ashamed to tell people, friends and family, etc. that your man is in prison?

Here's a little about me: 23 years old, graduated from college last summer with 2 Bachelors, recently withdrew from law school in February to start a career in social work. I met Ry a few months before he was arrested in 2012.

I ask this question because I just realized that I did feel that way. I visited Ry yesterday, that was the first time I touched him in over two years. Last time I seen him was last year when he was in jail. I was ashamed because I lacked confidence in our relationship. Spending those hours with him helped me to solidify my feelings and feel secure. He was wearing a rubber band on his wrist, I asked him why he had it, he said he wasn't even supposed to have it and he put it on my wrist. Now I wear it like a bracelet and have no intention on taking it off.

My insecurity in our relationship stemmed from a lack of trust and not wanting to be embarrassed if his actions didn't correlate with his words. I have a sense of freedom, I'm not ashamed!!!! I'm not concerned with what my family or friends will think, not that it is anyone's business that he is in prison anyways.

He will be paroled in 53 days! We plan to marry on the day we met, February 1st in 2015.

Keep us in your prayers ladies and thanks for reading!
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  #2  
Old 04-20-2014, 02:29 PM
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No, it doesn't bother me. If someone asks where he is, I just tell them he is in prison. If they don't like it, it is their problem, not mine. I haven't really had any issues with anyone about it but I am not ashamed as he is about to get out and he paid his dues and it could have just as easily been them or one of their loved ones and just may be at some point in their life. I am the happiest that I have ever been and I won't let anyone dampen that.

Wow, 53 days!! Congrats and good luck to you both!
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  #3  
Old 04-20-2014, 07:11 PM
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I'm not sure what lacking confidence in your relationship has to do with being hesitant or ashamed to tell others about your incarcerated man but the fact that you felt it necessary to list your accomplishments tells me that you see yourself as being quite different than him and I think the problem is yours, it may or may not be shared by those who you would disclose any information to, only you would know that.
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Old 04-20-2014, 09:39 PM
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Thanks SoulsCollide!
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Old 04-21-2014, 07:44 AM
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Thanks SoulsCollide, I admire your boldness!
Patty, I told those few things about myself to allow people to see my perspective. I looked at things from a worldly view, at a point on time I was law school student dating a convicted felon! What does confidence in my relationship have to do with feeling hesitant or ashamed? It's simple, most people speak on things they know because they're confident that what they learned is true. Have you ever tried to tell someone something that you didn't fully believe yourself and they believed you?
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Old 04-21-2014, 11:55 AM
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I'm not ashamed, but definitely hesitant. I have people I trust that I can discuss my personal life with. Frankly, it's no ones business and our relationship is between us.
I think being unsure can have a huge impact on how much you share with others. I can relate, considering Vinny and I were drifting apart until he finally got transferred close enough to see one another weekly. We feel reconncted, and a new sense of strength in our bond.
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:11 PM
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I am hesitant to tell anyone anything lol so to tell people where he is was really nerve wrecking. I kept wondering what everyone would say...what kind of person they would perceive him to be as well as myself. I started with one acquaintance, it went well, so I told another, and another, etc. It felt good to talk about it actually.
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Old 04-22-2014, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JivR View Post
Ladies,

Have you been hesitant or ashamed to tell people, friends and family, etc. that your man is in prison?

Here's a little about me: 23 years old, graduated from college last summer with 2 Bachelors, recently withdrew from law school in February to start a career in social work. I met Ry a few months before he was arrested in 2012.

I ask this question because I just realized that I did feel that way. I visited Ry yesterday, that was the first time I touched him in over two years. Last time I seen him was last year when he was in jail. I was ashamed because I lacked confidence in our relationship. Spending those hours with him helped me to solidify my feelings and feel secure. He was wearing a rubber band on his wrist, I asked him why he had it, he said he wasn't even supposed to have it and he put it on my wrist. Now I wear it like a bracelet and have no intention on taking it off.

My insecurity in our relationship stemmed from a lack of trust and not wanting to be embarrassed if his actions didn't correlate with his words. I have a sense of freedom, I'm not ashamed!!!! I'm not concerned with what my family or friends will think, not that it is anyone's business that he is in prison anyways.

He will be paroled in 53 days! We plan to marry on the day we met, February 1st in 2015.

Keep us in your prayers ladies and thanks for reading!
I'm happy to hear you are feeling more secure about your relationship

Personally I don't give a damn about what people think about what I do. If they don't agree, then tough! I have no need to get anyone's approval - it's my life and I'll live it how I want to live it. As it happens I haven't had any negativity about my relationship with my guy, but everyone who knows me knows that I'm sensible and am no push over, so they trust my judgement

Good luck to you both.
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulsCollide View Post
No, it doesn't bother me. If someone asks where he is, I just tell them he is in prison. If they don't like it, it is their problem, not mine. I haven't really had any issues with anyone about it but I am not ashamed as he is about to get out and he paid his dues and it could have just as easily been them or one of their loved ones and just may be at some point in their life. I am the happiest that I have ever been and I won't let anyone dampen that.

Wow, 53 days!! Congrats and good luck to you both!
To SoulsCollide: So well spoken. I have got to look for you on the 10th when I visit Coleman Medium. I feel the exact same way. It doesn't bother me and if anyone cares enough to know I tell them. If they have a problem with it too bad. I just love the second part of your response. But for the grace and mercy of the master, there goes one of us or one of our loved ones. When you get beyond caring what other people think you really could care less about what people think about your personal life. Everybody deserves to be loved. Where people are has nothing to do with it. Just because someone made a mistake in life doesn't mean they deserve any less love than someone that hasn't. God bless everybody.
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Old 04-22-2014, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxWildcatxx View Post
I'm happy to hear you are feeling more secure about your relationship

Personally I don't give a damn about what people think about what I do. If they don't agree, then tough! I have no need to get anyone's approval - it's my life and I'll live it how I want to live it. As it happens I haven't had any negativity about my relationship with my guy, but everyone who knows me knows that I'm sensible and am no push over, so they trust my judgement

Good luck to you both.
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:11 PM
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Never ashamed of my baby, sometimes a little hesitant because the eye rolls and smirky comments from people who don't know us gets old and we've both been working on our anger so the extra stuff isn't needed.
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Old 04-22-2014, 08:21 PM
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Honestly, I agree with Patty. I don't see what your double major has to do with being ashamed. Trust me, I understand the need to be discreet because you're in a certain profession, but discretion and shame are two different animals. I guess I just think it's better to be honest with yourself and acknowledge if maybe, on some level, you do see yourself as being in a different category than him. Because regardless of whether or not you pick up on it, he most definitely will.
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:24 AM
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Its not that im ashamed of my man, i want 2 shout from roof tops bout how much this man means 2 me & what we have brought 2 each other. Just like some others say its the looks & remarks that get old. There are so many ppl in this world that don't understand the meaning of love & respect in a relationship otherwise i don't think they would judge us for standing by the one we truly love & care for during this. I have ppl who will ask bout him & when they find out where he is alot of the time its when they hear how long he will be gone that they tend to start with all the BS looks r remarks bout how hard that would be waiting 10 yrs. Or my favorite remark " your gonna put your life on hold". No stupid ass, life will go on for both of us & we will get through this TOGHTER the way any couple gets through hard times in their relationship. I also like to reply that the best things in life are worth waiting for in life.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:34 PM
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When it comes to him I am protective and I don't like to discuss his charge which usually comes after why is he in prison? So for the ones that matter they know his charge and I tell them one time and for the ones that don't matter. I am in a long distance relationship.
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Old 04-23-2014, 04:47 PM
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Default Good luck

Quote:
Originally Posted by JivR View Post
Ladies,

Have you been hesitant or ashamed to tell people, friends and family, etc. that your man is in prison?

Here's a little about me: 23 years old, graduated from college last summer with 2 Bachelors, recently withdrew from law school in February to start a career in social work. I met Ry a few months before he was arrested in 2012.

I ask this question because I just realized that I did feel that way. I visited Ry yesterday, that was the first time I touched him in over two years. Last time I seen him was last year when he was in jail. I was ashamed because I lacked confidence in our relationship. Spending those hours with him helped me to solidify my feelings and feel secure. He was wearing a rubber band on his wrist, I asked him why he had it, he said he wasn't even supposed to have it and he put it on my wrist. Now I wear it like a bracelet and have no intention on taking it off.

My insecurity in our relationship stemmed from a lack of trust and not wanting to be embarrassed if his actions didn't correlate with his words. I have a sense of freedom, I'm not ashamed!!!! I'm not concerned with what my family or friends will think, not that it is anyone's business that he is in prison anyways.

He will be paroled in 53 days! We plan to marry on the day we met, February 1st in 2015.

Keep us in your prayers ladies and thanks for reading!
1'st let me say goo luck in your marriage. Next no I've NEVER been ashamed. I am 29 years old with 1 child, I work for myself everyday, and I wouldn't care who knows about my man. Mostly because most of the marriages in my family have failed, But the biggest reason is because I love him with my all an that's all that really matters. I do pray for you all and I wish you the best.
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Old 04-23-2014, 05:03 PM
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I am hesitant and ashamed because right when I expressed my happiness to my family and friends about marrying my inmate 2 weeks ago I got so much negative comments I couldnt even function. After seeing him Sunday it made me so much stronger so I just tell people I married the love of my life and hes in my heart!
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:32 PM
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I def can relate to this. I'm a cosmetologist so a lot of my job involves small talk with clients n more often then not the conversation goes to, do I have any kids then if I'm married, what does my husband do for a living yada yada. I do get hesitant about getting into that subject usually depending on who I'm talking too. A client n I were talking about how expensive daycare was n she asked what my husband did for a living, I kind of froze Bc I wasn't sure how she would react, I ended up telling her he was a landscaper.. Not Bc I'm ashamed of our relationship but more Bc I really didn't want to get into all that with her. I could tell she was the type to want details n more info then I wanted to share.. Also Bc she really liked how I did her hair n I felt like she would hv judged me based on his past n may not have came back to me. If that makes any sense? Anyways I told my hubby about it that nite n he agreed some people it's just better left unsaid. I also have issues with my parents not understanding our relationship or why I chose to "wait" for him.. Well Bc I love him to death.. Is there a better reason? We have a 15 month old son that he had never gotten to hold or even meet besides seeing him in pictures and one visit behind glass! He's been in county 23 months awaiting a federal sentence which FINALLY happened a couple weeks ago, we have 18 months to go THANK GOODNESS! But point is regardless of my family or anyone else's opinion I will wait for him Bc I love him with all my heart! I think the hesitation in some cases is totally normal n understandable. Hopefully one day my parents will see him the way I do and not for mistakes he's made in the past but if not then it their loss! Had anyone dealt with that from your family? If so how did u handle it? I'm at a loss for what to do to help them understand..
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Old 04-24-2014, 08:38 PM
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The only reason i'm hesitant to tell anyone is because it is so insanely annoying to listen to peoples snarky comments. I'm in my early 20's, so everyone I tell always says "this is the time in your life when you're supposed to be having fun, you're young and have needs, do you really think you can wait that long?". Because of that stuff, I'm pretty particular about who I choose to tell about my relationship.
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:32 AM
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Yes I do feel ashamed and I am not ashamed to admit it. But im not ashamed of him. people dont look too kindly at the fact that your man is in prison. It makes you look bad. They may not have a man but they kind of make comments like you are so desperate to go with a jail bird.
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VinnysGirl View Post
I'm not ashamed, but definitely hesitant. I have people I trust that I can discuss my personal life with. Frankly, it's no ones business and our relationship is between us.
I think being unsure can have a huge impact on how much you share with others. I can relate, considering Vinny and I were drifting apart until he finally got transferred close enough to see one another weekly. We feel reconncted, and a new sense of strength in our bond.
It's great to be able to share the joys of your relationship with others. Not knowing whether or not Ry was serious or if we were going to have a repeat made me hesitant. Constant communication and our visit put an end to it. I can relate to your new sense of strength!
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Old 04-25-2014, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalienicolle View Post
I am hesitant to tell anyone anything lol so to tell people where he is was really nerve wrecking. I kept wondering what everyone would say...what kind of person they would perceive him to be as well as myself. I started with one acquaintance, it went well, so I told another, and another, etc. It felt good to talk about it actually.
That's great that the people you told were receptive. It is relieving to be able to talk about your relationship and not have to defend it!
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxWildcatxx View Post
I'm happy to hear you are feeling more secure about your relationship

Personally I don't give a damn about what people think about what I do. If they don't agree, then tough! I have no need to get anyone's approval - it's my life and I'll live it how I want to live it. As it happens I haven't had any negativity about my relationship with my guy, but everyone who knows me knows that I'm sensible and am no push over, so they trust my judgement

Good luck to you both.
LOL Thank you! You are right, it is your life and your choice. My family has not completely accepted that I am an adult. They trust my judgement more and have always been accepting of me. I don't think anyone hears anything else after you share your boyfriend is in prison if they haven't gotten to know them already.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by btwcm View Post
Honestly, I agree with Patty. I don't see what your double major has to do with being ashamed. Trust me, I understand the need to be discreet because you're in a certain profession, but discretion and shame are two different animals. I guess I just think it's better to be honest with yourself and acknowledge if maybe, on some level, you do see yourself as being in a different category than him. Because regardless of whether or not you pick up on it, he most definitely will.
I don't see us as being different. I don't put him in a category because he is not what he has done. He isn't a criminal, inmate, felon, or offender, he is Ry! Having an education doesn't make me better or different than someone that doesn't because I can find myself in their same situation, not only that but my education isn't who I am. I have never been ashamed of him whatsoever but ashamed to tell people about our relationship because of our prior history and because he is in prison. People associate prison with bad people and that isn't always the case.

Last edited by JivR; 04-25-2014 at 11:32 AM..
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hisgurl2012 View Post
Its not that im ashamed of my man, i want 2 shout from roof tops bout how much this man means 2 me & what we have brought 2 each other. Just like some others say its the looks & remarks that get old. There are so many ppl in this world that don't understand the meaning of love & respect in a relationship otherwise i don't think they would judge us for standing by the one we truly love & care for during this. I have ppl who will ask bout him & when they find out where he is alot of the time its when they hear how long he will be gone that they tend to start with all the BS looks r remarks bout how hard that would be waiting 10 yrs. Or my favorite remark " your gonna put your life on hold". No stupid ass, life will go on for both of us & we will get through this TOGHTER the way any couple gets through hard times in their relationship. I also like to reply that the best things in life are worth waiting for in life.
LOL I love your attitude! The best things in life are worth waiting for, 48 more days!
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsRodriquez13 View Post
I am hesitant and ashamed because right when I expressed my happiness to my family and friends about marrying my inmate 2 weeks ago I got so much negative comments I couldnt even function. After seeing him Sunday it made me so much stronger so I just tell people I married the love of my life and hes in my heart!
That's great! The only opinions that matter are those of who are in the relationship! When will he be released? Congratulations on your marriage! I'm excited for you!
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