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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: WOULD YOU STAY IF HE PICK UP A LIFE SENTENCE WHILE HES ALREADY INSIDE?
YES, I WOULD STAY NO QUESTIONS ASKED 31 26.50%
NO, I WOULD LEAVE 44 37.61%
I DONT KNOW IT DEPENDS 32 27.35%
OTHER 10 8.55%
Voters: 117. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 05-31-2013, 04:51 AM
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Originally Posted by asusanne80 View Post
yes the next line of my post stated just that...that it is my choice to stay....
Sorry, I didn't mean to make it look like I was "against" you, but I understand it seemed like this because I did quote too little of your answer. What I was trying to do was actually emphasize what you said, and point out that it isn't about what they ask or not, it's about what we decide to do.
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  #52  
Old 05-31-2013, 06:06 AM
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It's not a double standard because if they caught a charge on the inside that gave them LWOP and they had someone on the outside waiting for them then they don't deserve to have that person waiting if they can't stay out of trouble. I could not go from waiting for my guy to get out to never getting out no matter how much I love him. They changed the rules themselves and need to face the consequences of those actions. I would never give up the rest of my life to wait on someone with life so maybe that is why I feel that way.

All Im saying is I wouldn't leave him ... I would still be doing what Ive been doing living my life ... Right now am I waiting? Hm more like I'm living and of course I'm waiting for that chapter of our lives to start but I'm not sitting at home on my butt waiting for him to walk thru the door NO!.

But if he had done SOMETHING meaning self defense and got life - yes, I'd stay by his side no questions ask. I would still have my life out here and do whatever I wanted and he would understand and allow that.

I was just answering the question and stated what I would do but then again I'm not in that position right now so really not sure what I would do but I do know I wouldn't just cut him out of my life....
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  #53  
Old 05-31-2013, 06:25 AM
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Well, if he got life for something like self defense that would be different but then if it really was self defense he wouldn't be charged in a perfect world. Of course prison is less than that so it very well could happen. Unfortunately I still wouldn't wait because even though I am living my life out here I am still waiting for our life to begin. If he was in for life it wouldn't be our life then. I respect those that would wait but even though I've had my kids and have been married twice I still have a lot of life to live and I would want to eventually be able to share that with someone in person.
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  #54  
Old 05-31-2013, 06:43 AM
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My husband is doing anything to come home but if he was to get a life sentence while he is in, it would be only for two reasons: either his life was on the line or someone´s life who is very close to him was on the line. Having said that, whatever happens I´m his wife or his widow.
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  #55  
Old 05-31-2013, 04:51 PM
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I know the prison thing is different but let's say you were married to someone that was out and got paralyzed or had a brain injury or developed a debiliating disease? I'm not saying that anyone should say yes or no, I'm just saying that there are lots of life events that we don't plan for.

I think we can say what we would do, but until faced with the situation I'm not sure we really know.
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  #56  
Old 05-31-2013, 05:03 PM
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i know the prison thing is different but let's say you were married to someone that was out and got paralyzed or had a brain injury or developed a debiliating disease? I'm not saying that anyone should say yes or no, i'm just saying that there are lots of life events that we don't plan for.

I think we can say what we would do, but until faced with the situation i'm not sure we really know.

this is very true but my husband being sick or unable to work is not a decision he make this is outside of is control. Him getting another charge is in his control
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  #57  
Old 05-31-2013, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Babyslittlemama View Post
I know the prison thing is different but let's say you were married to someone that was out and got paralyzed or had a brain injury or developed a debiliating disease? I'm not saying that anyone should say yes or no, I'm just saying that there are lots of life events that we don't plan for.

I think we can say what we would do, but until faced with the situation I'm not sure we really know.
You can become paralyzed, get a brain injury, or develop a debilitating disease while making good choices and obeying the law and living right.

I venture to say it is nearly impossible to pick up a life sentence while obeying the law and living right. The "falsely accused" may argue with me, but if you were in a position to BE falsely accused, you weren't living right.
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  #58  
Old 05-31-2013, 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
You can become paralyzed, get a brain injury, or develop a debilitating disease while making good choices and obeying the law and living right.

I venture to say it is nearly impossible to pick up a life sentence while obeying the law and living right. The "falsely accused" may argue with me, but if you were in a position to BE falsely accused, you weren't living right.
Totally agree with you. It's not like people wake up and say "Oh I think I'm going to go get paralyzed today". Although if that happened to my man of course I would stick by him.

And you are so right that it's nearly impossible to get a life sentence by living right. Yes my man does have a very long rap sheet but he's sick of the prison life and wouldn't get involved in anything that would cause him to not be able to come home. His freedom means too much to him.
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  #59  
Old 05-31-2013, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Babyslittlemama
I know the prison thing is different but let's say you were married to someone that was out and got paralyzed or had a brain injury or developed a debiliating disease? I'm not saying that anyone should say yes or no, I'm just saying that there are lots of life events that we don't plan for.

I think we can say what we would do, but until faced with the situation I'm not sure we really know.
And this is exactly how I had to view prison. Would I date a guy in prison was the first question, I didn't know but now I can answer yes, and then can I sate a lifer, no idea I hast ever tried and then I found out, yes. It's not something I could ever personally answer until faced with the question.
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  #60  
Old 05-31-2013, 10:56 PM
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Well the rational part of me says that I wouldn't if he was acting like a stupid idiot and caught the charge, especially considering he's only serving a short sentence right now. It's not like we're dealing with 10 or more years at the moment, it's only 5 years he'll serve (at the most). If he were defending someone (or something) and thought what he did was honorable, then maybe I'd stay. However I'm about to be 26, no kids, no marriage, NOTHING! I want to experience some of that stuff, so I don't know if I'd really be able to stay.

It would be different if he had "life" at the beginning of his sentence and I'd chosen to stay with him, because then my mind would've had time to process it from the get-go.

However, as stated before, I really couldn't answer for sure one way or the other, because I didn't think I could be in a prison relationship before. Also, I teased my cousin a few years ago when she was dating someone in prison and said everything that we all hear from those around us i.e. "why are you with him?" "why are you waiting?" etc yet My how the tables have turned on me! Here I am today!! lol, but I DID tell him at the beginning when his release date was originally Jan. 2017 that I'd only wait till that date or earlier. I said that so he'll know that I won't put up with him acting foolish to catch more time. But I hope I never have to make this choice!

BTW, about the dude in the original post who was only serving 5-10 before he caught life sentence...all I gotta say is "OUCH!" I bet he regrets participating in that riot...smh.
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  #61  
Old 05-31-2013, 11:04 PM
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Well the rational part of me says that I wouldn't if he was acting like a stupid idiot and caught the charge, especially considering he's only serving a short sentence right now. It's not like we're dealing with 10 or more years at the moment, it's only 5 years he'll serve (at the most). If he were defending someone (or something) and thought what he did was honorable, then maybe I'd stay. However I'm about to be 26, no kids, no marriage, NOTHING! I want to experience some of that stuff, so I don't know if I'd really be able to stay.

It would be different if he had "life" at the beginning of his sentence and I'd chosen to stay with him, because then my mind would've had time to process it from the get-go.

However, as stated before, I really couldn't answer for sure one way or the other, because I didn't think I could be in a prison relationship before. Also, I teased my cousin a few years ago when she was dating someone in prison and said everything that we all hear from those around us i.e. "why are you with him?" "why are you waiting?" etc yet My how the tables have turned on me! Here I am today!! lol, but I DID tell him at the beginning when his release date was originally Jan. 2017 that I'd only wait till that date or earlier. I said that so he'll know that I won't put up with him acting foolish to catch more time. But I hope I never have to make this choice!

BTW, about the dude in the original post who was only serving 5-10 before he caught life sentence...all I gotta say is "OUCH!" I bet he regrets participating in that riot...smh.
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Old 06-01-2013, 12:35 AM
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I don't know . I love him with all my heart & soul but damnn that would be messed up.
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Old 06-01-2013, 12:45 AM
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I don't know . I love him with all my heart & soul but damnn that would be messed up.
i pray everyday that my Husband will stay out of trouble. I cant take any more time
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Old 06-01-2013, 07:00 AM
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this is very true but my husband being sick or unable to work is not a decision he make this is outside of is control. Him getting another charge is in his control
That is the way I look at it and personally I think I've went above and beyond the for better or worse to stand by his side...But I'm a one time one bid lady and he knows this. It isn't just his life his sentence it is effecting. Its mine and most importantly our kids.
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:48 AM
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That is the way I look at it and personally I think I've went above and beyond the for better or worse to stand by his side...But I'm a one time one bid lady and he knows this. It isn't just his life his sentence it is effecting. Its mine and most importantly our kids.
thats true. Ive went over and beyond for better worst. But i tell my husband all the time the time the decisions you make dont just effect you. They effect you, me, and our familes so think before you do stupid sh**
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:13 AM
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I know one hundred percent I could not, I would not abandon him but I would move on I would still visit send money have a phone but I do what I am doing now in the hopes that we can have a good relationship when he gets out honestly I feel as if our relationship is frozen in time right now no way to tell for sure if he means all those pretty little promises he makes me until he gets out but this is a rough road and don't get me wrong i love him with everything I have but sometimes enough is enough ya know? He knows he is on his last leg with me I told him when he went in if he even got as much as a ticket I would hit the pavement not to sound like a bitch but people can only do what you allow them to and I'm tired of allowing so no no no life for me
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:18 AM
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My boyfriend and I have had a conversation about this before and he told me that if he ever got a life sentence, he would break up with me because he knows I would probably try to hold him down for as long as possible, sacrificing my ability to have a family and children.
I personally am not sure what I would do. I love my boyfriend, and we have plans to marry and have kids but that is all based on the fact that he will eventually be home. I'm not sure I could hold him down for a life sentence. I'm 25 years old and I feel as if things are on pause in certain aspects for right now. I wouldn't want to live my life like that. Irregardless my decision would have nothing to do with how strong my love is for him.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:25 AM
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nope. I am WAITING for him because we have a future to wait for. If he was in there for life... what exactly would I or he or WE be waiting for? I'd continue to be there for him, but no, I would not continue to wait.
Exactly how I feel
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Old 06-03-2013, 02:09 PM
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Most definitely not. Honestly, I'm 24, and I'll stick by G the next 2 1/2 years because he is doing time for charges he got over 2 years ago. He grew up, got clean, he isn't that punk ass boy anymore. With that said, I didn't do anything wrong and nobody should expect me to give up my life, spend the next 60 or so years alone raising my kids because I dated a guy for 4 months who decided I wasn't important enough to keep his hands clean. I get self-defense and sometimes in prison you have to protect yourself, but there is no reason to kill a man and think it's ok. My heart and respect go out to those who love a lifer, but again, I knew G for 4 months... I'll stand by you as a friend, visit, write, but I can't live the rest if my life alone.
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Old 06-04-2013, 02:53 PM
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I voted No. I love my man with all my heart and he is my best friend, and always will be. However, I am only 26 with no kids. One of my main goals in life is to have a family (husband and kids), so I could not do it.
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Old 06-09-2013, 08:09 PM
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i said this somewhere on this site when I first joined, but I made a commitment to my wife and this is what life has given to us, or we chose, but we are in this together and I would never leave her side. Yes it is hard sometimes and in that situation I'm sure its even harder, but when the dust clears, there I am...
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Old 06-09-2013, 08:18 PM
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i said this somewhere on this site when I first joined, but I made a commitment to my wife and this is what life has given to us, or we chose, but we are in this together and I would never leave her side. Yes it is hard sometimes and in that situation I'm sure its even harder, but when the dust clears, there I am...
Aww you are a awesome Husband. Your wife is lucky to have you by her side
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:13 PM
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NOPE! Nothing to think about, I know I wouldn't ride for "life" especially in the feds if you have a life sentence then you truely have to serve life, no parole!! I have MAD respect for those that do, b/c i know there are many, its just not for me! straight up! I've told my hubby that too! his ass better not catch no case while he in there. im down till 2017 and after that you on your own lol
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:33 PM
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Default I would stay with him and by his side...

I am one of those who feels that when you make a commitment to someone, you keep your word. I know that if I was in the situation and the man I love picked up a life sentence, I would be by his side through it all and do my best to make sure that he knows that he is not alone and that I will always be there for him no matter what. I would stay true to my word, I would not stray, I would shed a ton of tears, and do my best to stay strong and give him all of the support he needs emotionally and give him what he needs to be as happy as he can be there, I know that if for some reason, I was in the same predicament; I would only hope that he would stand by me and honor his commitment to me. And I believe that my husband would be the same toward me.
I think that everyone is different in the way they think and feel, I also think that everyone loves differently. I only know how I love and how I feel and when you truly have found the one you are meant to be with and you know this in your heart without a doubt, then a second thought would not come into play. When you truly love someone and commit yourself to that person, you never stop standing by that person. Circumstances may change, but you always stay by his/her side, through the good, the bad and everything, you always should have each other to lean on and count on.
A day away from my husband is misery for me, but even if I was facing a life sentence of not being near him, I would still stand by him as if he were right here with me, just as i am now.
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:04 PM
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I love my husband dearly and married him knowing what I was getting into, however also knowing that we have a life after he got out to look forward to. I understand the women's decisions to stick by their bfs/husbands sides, however for me, I don't think I could just because you picking up a life sentence is showing me that you have no regard for coming home to that life we've been planning and you really don't plan on trying to leave the prison life alone. I don't want to do this forever and if I knew that he was never coming home and we'd never spend time together again outside of the visiting room or have children, I would have to walk away.
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