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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: WOULD YOU STAY IF HE PICK UP A LIFE SENTENCE WHILE HES ALREADY INSIDE?
YES, I WOULD STAY NO QUESTIONS ASKED 30 27.27%
NO, I WOULD LEAVE 39 35.45%
I DONT KNOW IT DEPENDS 31 28.18%
OTHER 10 9.09%
Voters: 110. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old 05-30-2013, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrs.taylor2011 View Post
some ppl need to understand every woman is not like them..whats okay to u may not be okay for me..i feel like ill be selfish to sit be with a man who F'd up and got life .. yeah prison life isnt normal,but its good to know the outcome is he'll be home..not being in there for life..and @aj u said if we leave after he pick up a sentence it speaks volume..no it doesnt if thats the case half of us wouldnt even be on the forum.i cant see myself sitting around 50 years from now unhappy,lonely,miserable wanting to touch a man feel him kiss him go to bed with him basically build a life with him beyond prison u cant do that with a lifer ..sorry.i dont wanna be writing and paying for calls my whole life.to each to own .. ill never down a woman whose with a lifer shes a good strong woman to each to its own
Hm I was ONLY speaking in general I know not every woman is the same I NEVER stated that ... I said it all depends ON the woman and the kind of love she has for her man. Nobody knows what you'll do until it happens to you!! Each to their own and if they wouldn't stay with their man well that's on them I could really careless I was only stating I wouldn't walk away if those were the cards we were dealt wit Of course I'd want a life with him outside those walls but if that wasn't the case I wouldn't just say F you and go on my merry way! I think I couldn't do it!!


Also, when I said it "speaks volumes" I meant you say you'll stay by your man's side through whatever amount of years but yet if something happen and he caught another case you'd say "oh hell no I'm done" I mean I'm just saying its sorta like a double standard. LIke Oh I'd by there for you thru this bid but oh honey I can't be there for you for the rest. I mean I get it, NOT everybody is cut out for this and I'm just saying if you love somebody and you wanted to be with them before but yet something goes wrong and boom your tapping out. I just think it's like if that was your husband you married him for better or worse in good times and bad but yet oops he doing life and you should just walk ..


I think its speaks volumes cause you could handle him doing so many years before but yet he gets hit with life and and its a whole completely different story.. But then again each to their own ...

My man doesn't have life but I'll tell you this much if he didn't take his plea deal he'd be LWOP but since he took that plea he'll be home next year. I'm very much looking forwarded to building another chapter of our lives together outside dem prison walls.


Also, I never once stated about if you don't stay with your man your love isn't strong enough I stated " it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man".

I am me , you are you .. I was only stating how I felt on the situation it's called a opinion .. EVERYBODY has one and I stated mine..

So calm down

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Old 05-30-2013, 03:30 PM
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Telling other women, who said no they wouldn't stay, that their love isn't strong enough really sucks.
Totally agree with you. Like I said I love my man. Love him more than anything. But if he messed up and got life I would have to just be his friend. I don't think he would let me wait for him that long though. He would probably just tell me to move on with my life.

Like I said affection is important to me. Also prison life is expensive! 4 bucks every time I want to talk to him on the phone. Writing and having to wait a week for a response. I can do it now because I know he will be home eventually. I'm just not strong enough to wait for him for my lifetime.
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Old 05-30-2013, 03:31 PM
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Hm I was ONLY speaking in general I know not every woman is the same I NEVER stated that ... I said it all depends ON the woman and the kind of love she has for her man. Nobody knows what you'll do until it happens to you!! Each to their own and if they wouldn't stay with their man well that's on them I could really careless I was only stating I wouldn't walk away if those were the cards we were dealt wit Of course I'd want a life with him outside those walls but if that wasn't the case I wouldn't just say F you and go on my merry way! I think I couldn't do it!!

Also, when I said it "speaks volumes" I meant you say you'll stay by your man's side through whatever amount of years but yet if something happen and he caught another case you'd say "oh hell no I'm done" I mean I'm just saying its sorta like a double standard. LIke Oh I'd by there for you thru this bid but oh honey I can't be there for you for the rest. I mean I get it, NOT everybody is cut out for this and I'm just saying if you love somebody and you wanted to be with them before but yet something goes wrong and boom your tapping out. I just think it's like if that was your husband you married him for better or worse in good times and bad but yet oops he doing life and you should just walk ..

I think its speaks volumes cause you could handle him doing so many years before but yet he gets hit with life and and its a whole completely different story.. But then again each to their own ...

My man doesn't have life but I'll tell you this much if he didn't take his plea deal he'd be LWOP but since he took that plea he'll be home next year. I'm very much looking forwarded to building another chapter of our lives together outside dem prison walls.


Also, I never once stated about if you don't stay with your man your love isn't strong enough I stated " it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man".

I am me , you are you .. I was only stating how I felt on the situation it's called a opinion .. EVERYBODY has one and I stated mine..

So calm down
hmmmmm okay... o_O
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  #29  
Old 05-30-2013, 03:37 PM
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Hm I was ONLY speaking in general I know not every woman is the same I NEVER stated that ... I said it all depends ON the woman and the kind of love she has for her man. Nobody knows what you'll do until it happens to you!! Each to their own and if they wouldn't stay with their man well that's on them I could really careless I was only stating I wouldn't walk away if those were the cards we were dealt wit Of course I'd want a life with him outside those walls but if that wasn't the case I wouldn't just say F you and go on my merry way! I think I couldn't do it!!


Also, when I said it "speaks volumes" I meant you say you'll stay by your man's side through whatever amount of years but yet if something happen and he caught another case you'd say "oh hell no I'm done" I mean I'm just saying its sorta like a double standard. LIke Oh I'd by there for you thru this bid but oh honey I can't be there for you for the rest. I mean I get it, NOT everybody is cut out for this and I'm just saying if you love somebody and you wanted to be with them before but yet something goes wrong and boom your tapping out. I just think it's like if that was your husband you married him for better or worse in good times and bad but yet oops he doing life and you should just walk ..


I think its speaks volumes cause you could handle him doing so many years before but yet he gets hit with life and and its a whole completely different story.. But then again each to their own ...

My man doesn't have life but I'll tell you this much if he didn't take his plea deal he'd be LWOP but since he took that plea he'll be home next year. I'm very much looking forwarded to building another chapter of our lives together outside dem prison walls.


Also, I never once stated about if you don't stay with your man your love isn't strong enough I stated " it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man".

I am me , you are you .. I was only stating how I felt on the situation it's called a opinion .. EVERYBODY has one and I stated mine..

So calm down
I most def dont think that we need to go back and forth about people personal opinon. Its okay for us to feel differently about the op. I believe that everyone is calm we are typing and these words dont have emotions lol
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  #30  
Old 05-30-2013, 04:48 PM
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Come on, if we all wanted a "normal" relationship we wouldn't be with our loved ones and I think a sentence shouldn't matter even if its only for months or years or even life!!

I guess really it depends on the woman and the amount of love she has for her man .. If you were okay by sticking by his side thru his original sentence but yet if he caught another you would walk away. Hm, kinda speaks different volumes.

I mean what if he had no other choice and he caught a charge what if it was his life vs somebody elses and he took matters into his own hands .. I mean I think can't speak on what you haven't dealt with ... until it actually happens to you!!

All I know is if today, my man caught another charge and he was gonna not end up coming home and end up having to do life .. of course I'd be angry and mad and hurt but also, I know there was a REASON for him to do what he did and I couldn't knock him for that!!

I'd support him and love him and care for him just like I have been for years now. I rather be with him as we are than to not be with him. I truly believe if we were not supposed to be together I know God wouldn't of placed me in this path.

I respect your opinion here. I am already waiting for the love of my life who has a 25-life sentence so it really isn't about the sentence for me.

What this would be about is whether or not he was really working on building a better future together with me. Obviously I am ok to have that future with him behind bars. I do need to know that we are partners in this relationship though and working on it together.

My man used to really love being right in the mix and the drama. He's gotten in a lot of trouble in there actually. When I agreed to marry him we made a commitment to consider how our decisions affected each other and our family. If he went back to that same old behavior that would show he didn't honor that commitment to me. Just like I wouldn't stay with someone out here that was constantly walking off jobs, picking fights with people, and always involved in violence. If I wouldn't do it out here I'm not doing it in there. I love myself to not put myself through that.


If it was a circumstance of self defense that's very different and of course I would stay by his side.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:12 PM
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You missing out on having a normal relationship. Having your man there and doing normal everyday things like going on a date or waking up next to each other
Well I'd obviously wouldn't have those things but I wouldn't miss them or I wouldn't be in this kind of relationship. Nobody and nothing would be missed as much as him.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:13 PM
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No I wouldn't stay if he got a life sentence, whether he picked it up after he went in or not. When he first went inside I knew if he got more than five years I wouldn't wait. That doesn't make me love him any less but you only get one life and I wouldn't be living it in a way that made me happy by being with him but not being with him. As much as I would hate to do it I would have to be strong and move on. I would have to do what is right for me.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:19 PM
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no i wouldn't stay if he got a life sentence, whether he picked it up after he went in or not. When he first went inside i knew if he got more than five years i wouldn't wait. That doesn't make me love him any less but you only get one life and i wouldn't be living it in a way that made me happy by being with him but not being with him. As much as i would hate to do it i would have to be strong and move on. I would have to do what is right for me.
i respect your honesty. At that point i believe that i would think about my best intetest also. I feel like i have put my life on hold for 10 years already. I love him but he need to love me enough to make some better decisions.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:22 PM
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Well if ya wanna get pissed at me, go right ahead. Cause I am not the one. I would not wait. And it wouldn't have shit to do with how much or how little I love him. Y'all really kill me sometimes.
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Old 05-30-2013, 06:22 PM
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well if ya wanna get pissed at me, go right ahead. Cause i am not the one. I would not wait. And it wouldn't have shit to do with how much or how little i love him. Y'all really kill me sometimes.
lol im with you
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:08 PM
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My guy has life right now but he's eligible for parole in 8 years. If he got another charge that prevented him from parole or was LWOP I would not wait on that. I need someone out here with me, not to support me but for love. I admire those that would stick with their guy with a life sentence. I could not do it and if he didn't have a chance at parole I would not be sticking by him today. Doesn't mean I don't love him.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:59 PM
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my guy has life right now but he's eligible for parole in 8 years. If he got another charge that prevented him from parole or was lwop i would not wait on that. I need someone out here with me, not to support me but for love. I admire those that would stick with their guy with a life sentence. I could not do it and if he didn't have a chance at parole i would not be sticking by him today. Doesn't mean i don't love him.
wow my hat goes off to you
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:02 PM
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It depends... I could do everything I want and having someone next to me to show affection is huge. I cant leave my man again it killed me when we had a falling out and it was a short period of time. I say depends because I love him to death and id have to evaluate where Im at mentally and financially. Because him being in there not being able to make money for himself is expensive and he needs ALOT my bby is a big boy. I just pray that everyday he's safe, stays out of trouble and is one day closer to being home.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:15 PM
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I would probably stick by him as a friend but, I couldn't just put my LOVELIFE on hold forever! I like doing couple things... I just couldn t see myself giving up my life completely as much as I love & adore everything about this man. It's just soooo much I'm looking forward to.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:37 PM
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Also, when I said it "speaks volumes" I meant you say you'll stay by your man's side through whatever amount of years but yet if something happen and he caught another case you'd say "oh hell no I'm done" I mean I'm just saying its sorta like a double standard.

So calm down
It's not a double standard because if they caught a charge on the inside that gave them LWOP and they had someone on the outside waiting for them then they don't deserve to have that person waiting if they can't stay out of trouble. I could not go from waiting for my guy to get out to never getting out no matter how much I love him. They changed the rules themselves and need to face the consequences of those actions. I would never give up the rest of my life to wait on someone with life so maybe that is why I feel that way.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:10 PM
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It's not a double standard because if they caught a charge on the inside that gave them LWOP and they had someone on the outside waiting for them then they don't deserve to have that person waiting if they can't stay out of trouble. I could not go from waiting for my guy to get out to never getting out no matter how much I love him. They changed the rules themselves and need to face the consequences of those actions. I would never give up the rest of my life to wait on someone with life so maybe that is why I feel that way.
I totally agree with you. If my man caught another case in there and got life then obviously he isn't trying to change his life and do whatever it takes to come home to me. Luckily my man isn't a fighter and he's never even gotten a write up when he was in prison I don't think.

I couldn't give up the rest of my life to wait on him if he got life. Not that the women who do aren't awesome and strong, because they are. That's just not me. I could not go the rest of my life without waking up with someone next to me. Someone to kill the bee that got into the house. Someone that will kiss my forehead and tell me everything is going to be okay when I'm having a bad day.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:14 PM
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We had this talk in the very early on in our relationship, and yes, I would stick with him. I would be very disappointed, I would feel very hurt, but he is the one I wanna share my life with, no one can take his place.

On the other hand I do understand those who couldn't do it. I am fortunate one, I have already had my kids and I have lived that part of my life, so I don't have to think I am missing something when he is in. Well, obviosly I do miss something, but it is my everyday life with him being at home, and if he got life sentence I wouldn't be getting it no matter if we were together or not, so I rather stay with him the way that it is possible while he is in prison than lose what we have now.

But yeah, he better hide under the bed too, if there happens something... I told him I would apply for a very special contact visit if he messed up, to kick his behind.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:37 PM
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We had this talk in the very early on in our relationship, and yes, I would stick with him. I would be very disappointed, I would feel very hurt, but he is the one I wanna share my life with, no one can take his place.

On the other hand I do understand those who couldn't do it. I am fortunate one, I have already had my kids and I have lived that part of my life, so I don't have to think I am missing something when he is in. Well, obviosly I do miss something, but it is my everyday life with him being at home, and if he got life sentence I wouldn't be getting it no matter if we were together or not, so I rather stay with him the way that it is possible while he is in prison than lose what we have now.

But yeah, he better hide under the bed too, if there happens something... I told him I would apply for a very special contact visit if he messed up, to kick his behind.
My Husband better act like he is hurt or someone lol
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:44 PM
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My guy would never ask me to stick out a life sentence. He feels bad enough about being away from me now. He tells me constantly that he hopes to one day be able to make up for all he has put me through. And I remind him that it is my choice to continue to stand by him and not anything that needs repaid. But if he knew that he would never be able to get out and help support me and the kids then there is no way that he would allow me to be drug along through the crap one has to go through in a situation like this.

And he also does all he can to avoid being in situations where he needs to defend him self in that manner.

I would never stop loving him, that really has nothing to do with if I would be able to continue to hold him down. I love this man with all my heart and I know now that I will always love him no matter what. But loving someone and being willing to put your future into an impossible situation is two different things.

I can't say that I definately wouldn't stand by him. But I don't know how I could do it. I handle the time right now as well as I do because I know that eventually there is an end in sight and he will be home to hold me and hug me and kiss me and love me and take out the trash and argue with, to get on my nerves...lol If that end would never come it would be hard to swallow. On the other hand I can't imagine my life with out him. I too feel like he was place into my life because he is the man I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. I just want that life to be on the outside.

Kuddos to any of you ladies who are holding down a lifer, my heart goes out to you.
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:08 PM
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My guy would never ask me to stick out a life sentence.
I know I'm simplifying this, but it really isn't his decisions if I stick by him or not. I am not sticking because he asked me to, and I won't be leaving if he doesn't ask me to stay. It's my decision and my decision only. He only makes decision if he will stick by me.
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:19 PM
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I know I'm simplifying this, but it really isn't his decisions if I stick by him or not. I am not sticking because he asked me to, and I won't be leaving if he doesn't ask me to stay. It's my decision and my decision only. He only makes decision if he will stick by me.

yes the next line of my post stated just that...that it is my choice to stay....
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:54 PM
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I wouldn't stay. My man is in a camp and that's really the most I'm willing to do.

If he did something to get a LIFE SENTENCE from a camp, then he seriously changed our relationship. Part of our agreement is that he keeps his nose clean and comes home on time or early. Catching another charge for ANYTHING violates the terms of our relationship and that's disrespect I am not willing to accept.

I don't buy the lines about "something out of his control". It's all about the people you hang out with and the life you live, even in prison. I'm pretty sure we all make choices every day, and the vast majority of us manage to NOT make choices that put us in prison for life. There is ALWAYS a choice, and I fully expect that my man make the right ones.
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Old 05-30-2013, 11:02 PM
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wow' thats a tough hypothetical for me. i would never totally abandon him. i think its possible id have some companionship out here for myself also though. Ive already had children and been married and divorced. and im not married to him. i dont feel obligated but ive been in enough relationships that i feel i can be happy without being in another relationship if it came down to it. I gotta keep it real!
sex and affection are important to me' and id have to handle my business from time to time. but do i want to do couple things' with someone else? Not really.... i would get a few pug puppies and enjoy them!
ive led half my life being with a man and its bought alot of heartache so im not even trying to find another. we werent looking for each other when we reconnected' it was more like fate....but lwop is tough and i commend any woman that could do it and even more to be faithful which i think is too much too ask of a person. thats just my opinion. at least thats what i think' id do.... hypothetically speaking!
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Old 05-30-2013, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
I wouldn't stay. My man is in a camp and that's really the most I'm willing to do.

If he did something to get a LIFE SENTENCE from a camp, then he seriously changed our relationship. Part of our agreement is that he keeps his nose clean and comes home on time or early. Catching another charge for ANYTHING violates the terms of our relationship and that's disrespect I am not willing to accept.

I don't buy the lines about "something out of his control". It's all about the people you hang out with and the life you live, even in prison. I'm pretty sure we all make choices every day, and the vast majority of us manage to NOT make choices that put us in prison for life. There is ALWAYS a choice, and I fully expect that my man make the right ones.

I agree the terms of our relationship is that he stay out of trouble. And its all about the company you keep
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Old 05-31-2013, 12:12 AM
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nope. I am WAITING for him because we have a future to wait for. If he was in there for life... what exactly would I or he or WE be waiting for? I'd continue to be there for him, but no, I would not continue to wait.
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